


Dare To Love

by NicoleFrenchie



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Harry, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Dares for points, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, Well actually they kind of share that really, Ziam if you squint, but its mostly bottom Harry, everybody needs a hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-01-05 00:05:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 108,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12179103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicoleFrenchie/pseuds/NicoleFrenchie
Summary: Louis is a drama major starting his sophomore year in college. A bunch of stupid dares from his friends aren't supposed to turn his entire world upside down. Then again, maybe it's not the dares. Maybe it's just Harry, Niall's new Freshman roommate.





	1. Classy Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a slow burn, and I hope you all strap in because it'll be fun! I hope you'll enjoy this story!

The familiar buzzin of talking of the cafeteria at peak hours barely registered in Louis’ ears as he called over one of the cafeteria workers, trying to hold back his laughter as he performed the dare. He threw a glance at the table his friends had claimed in order to get a front row seat for what was about to happen.

“Excuse me,” Louis said as the middle-aged woman came over. “Would it be possible to get some caviar with my chicken, please?”

He heard Niall’s loud laughter carry through the cafeteria, covering his mouth with his drink as he certainly elbowed Liam or Zayn in the sides. Louis bit his bottom lip, keeping himself from laughing in the woman’s face. If he laughed out loud, the dare would be ruined.

The woman stared at Louis with a deadpanned expression, her thick brows furrowing in confusion. She looked around for a moment, blinking in disbelief. “Caviar?” She repeated, staring at Louis as if he’d grown a second head.

To his credit, Louis kept a straight face. “Yes,” he agreed, expectantly holding out his plate like he was waiting for her to scoop some caviar onto his chicken. “I want caviar.”

“We don’t have caviar,” she said, judgement clearly evident in her voice. “I know this is a good university, but caviar? _Really?”_

“What do you mean you _don’t_ have caviar?” Louis demanded, plate lowered and eyebrows furrowed in disgust, his voice becoming higher as he feigned agitation. “The meal plan for a year is 2,000 dollars. I expected to get my money’s worth in food!”

Niall covered another laugh with his hand as Zayn had to duck his head to bury his face in his arms in order not to draw attention to himself. Louis could feel the amusement curl in his stomach as he became more agitated, never once giving a fuck about the other students waiting in line behind him.

“That doesn’t cover caviar,” the woman told him disdainfully, eyebrows furrowing. “Next!”

“This is outrageous!” Louis exclaimed, having caught the attention of a handful of nearby students as he forcefully put his plate down on the metal counter. “I’d like to speak to a manager, this instance.”

“This is a university cafeteria,” the woman informed him, losing patience. “There’s no manager, here. If you’re so keen on getting your caviar, you _could_ try to talk to the dean.”

“That’s exactly what I intend to do,” Louis exclaimed, once more, pointing his finger at the woman and then at his plate of food. “ _This_ is a disgrace.”

With that, Louis turned on his heels and tore through the cafeteria, his footsteps echoing furiously as he went. Various people flitted around the busy dining hall, several ducking out of his way as he lit a fire through the room with his pace. Curious onlookers peeked over their books and some gawked at Louis from behind coffee cups. Some even whispered behind their hands as he passed, likely wondering what had set him off. He muttered under his breath, coming to a stop as students glared. _The finishing touch_.

“I have been denied my caviar!” Louis exclaimed, his light gaze projecting fire bolts at whoever dared to look at him directly in the eyes. “This is outrageous, people! I’ve payed 2,000 fucking dollars for a meal plan, only to be denied my money’s worth of food! My lawyer will hear about this.”

With that, Louis turned on his heels and stalked toward the exit as fast as his legs could carry him, muttering under his breath all the while and leaving the milling students staring after him in shock. Louis paid the cafeteria no further mind as he glanced over to his friends sitting at the table and disappearing outside. As soon as he left the building, his face exploded into a bright smile, a laugh forcing itself from his throat. He walked behind the building, bending in half as he put his hands on his knees, letting the embarrassment flood over him.

It was unseasonably warm for the end of September, but Louis came to appreciate days like these. With the sun shining on his skin and a slight breeze blowing through his light brown hair, the only outerwear that was really needed was a sweater and pants.

It seemed like hours passed before Louis heard the crunching of gravel underneath shoes and he stood up, coming face to face with Liam, Zayn and Niall. Once their eyes met, however, Niall sagged against the brick wall of the building and laughed loudly, Liam and Zayn joining in.

Louis walked towards the other boys, collapsing beside Zayn with a wail, as he tried to shove the taller boy in revenge. “I can’t believe you dicks made me do that,” he complained, embarrassed laughter escaping his mouth even as he tried to shove at each of them.

“That was fucking _amazing!_ ” Niall cried, laughing. “You deserve an Oscar for that performance, Tommo. No wonder you’re in theater.”

“You were so good!” Zayn wheezed, hitting his own knee in his fit of laughter as he collapsed further onto the brick wall. “Even I thought you were actually angry and were going to see the dean!”

“I can never go to the cafeteria again,” Louis whined, shoving at Zayn’s shoulder.

“Sure you can,” Zayn told him, patting him on the back in sympathy. “Don’t want to waste your 2,000 fucking dollars worth of meal plan!”

Liam snickered as Niall exploded in another laughing fit, and Louis made another sound of distress. His fingers pressed to his temples as he groaned and closed his eyes, letting out a chuckle at the reference to his dramatic performance.

“That was one of the best dares, so far!” Liam said, and Louis could hear genuine excitement ringing in Liam’s voice. After all, he was the mastermind who’d come up with Louis’ dare. Liam had every right to be proud of himself.

“I did a good fucking job!” Louis laughed loudly, moving from mortified to self praising seamlessly. “Didn’t break character once. But, you should’ve seen her face! She was ready to punch me in the throat, lads.”

“ _Oh God!_ ” Niall let out in a laugh, whipping the back of his hand against his eyes to wipe the tears of laughter away. “She was fuming!”

“I hope you got it on video, Liam,” Louis chuckled, turning his gaze to the taller boy. “Cus, I’m not doing that again!”

Liam fumbled with his pockets for a bit, eyes becoming wide in realization, cheeks gaining a red tint as all eyes turned to him. Three pairs of eyes turned to watch Liam expectantly, waiting for confirmation, but none came and dread filled Louis’ stomach.

“I, um, I—”

“Liam,” Louis said slowly, his voice quiet and his face lost all blood. “I swear to God, if you forgot to record it, I’m going to actually kill you.”

A smile tugged at Liam’s lips and the three other boys let out a sigh of relief, mumbling a few curse words under their breath as Louis bent in half in relief. He took a deep breath and flipped Liam off, moving the punch his arm, but the stronger boy was quicker and ducked out of the way.

“I got it on video,” Liam shrieked, fishing out his phone from his back pocket as a smile tugged at his lips. “Filmed horizontally, too. Because, unlike _someone_ , I know how to film.”

“Fuck off. That was one time,” Louis chuckled in relief, turning the subject. “How many points do I get for that, anyways? My performance _was_ Oscar worthy! I deserve, at least, a nine for that.”

“A nine seems about right,” Zayn assured him, walking back toward the dorms with the other three following suit.

Liam nodded, taking out his phone and typing down Louis’ new point to his list, adding up the new total. Liam was the one who took care of adding the points, since he was considered the most honest and responsible of the four other boys, and he was also the one who gave the final scores.

Louis nodded proudly to himself as he followed the others back to the dorms, proud of his performance. His performance _had_ been Oscar worthy. It had been one of the best dares since the four of them had started daring each other to do ridiculous things on a regular basis in Freshman year.

This ridiculous game had begun during the second semester of their freshman year, when the four boys had been hanging out in Louis’ dorm room. Amidst drinking their body weight in beer, someone had dared Niall to make a prank call from the dorm’s phone. Obviously, Niall had done it, and the others had ended up in fits of laughter on Louis’ floor.

Every time they’d get together in Louis’ dorm, the dares exponentially got more and more creative and intense. And, little by little, it had become a game within the small group. Each dare, depending on its creativity and intensity was rated and earned points to the dare-taker.

Though the dares were often humiliating and always unpleasant for the ones doing them, they all revelled in it, watching each other suffer through whatever the rest of them could come up with kept things interesting.

Now it was kind of their thing, though they didn’t advertise it. If everyone knew they were constantly fulfilling dares, then doing humiliating things in public wouldn’t be nearly so bad since their classmates would assume it was a joke. By the end of the school year, the person with the most points won a mystery prize.

“Who’s gonna buy me pizza, tonight?” Louis asked, walking a little faster to wedge himself between Liam and Zayn. “Since I obviously can’t go back to the cafeteria for dinner.”

Zayn sighed, trying to conceal a smile. “That’s not part of the deal.”

When he turned his attention to Niall, the boy pretended to listen to his music, and then he turned to Liam, who nodded. Liam didn’t even bother arguing because he figured that Louis would wear them down before they got back to Zayn’s room.

And, he was absolutely right.

. . .

The boys had agreed to meet at Louis’ dorm the next day for Liam’s dare, and now, Louis ran around his dorm room frantically, trying to clean the mess that was littering his room.

He picked up dirty piles of clothes, socks hidden under the bed, and dumped all dirty dishes onto the dishwasher of the dorm’s small kitchen. He collapsed onto his clean bed an hour later, completely exhausted as he stared around his room. He was sure that it had never been this clean in the time he’d lived here.

He didn't know why he was cleaning his room, if he was being completely honest with himself. Louis frowned, he didn’t even clean his room for his dates and occasional hookups — though he hadn't had one of those in a while — and if anything, he supposed he wanted to make a good impression.

For the past two years, it had only been the four of them. Of course they all had other friends, but when it was the end of a long week, it was always the four of them stuffing themselves in one of their rooms so they could unwind, drink their weight in cheap beer and probably dare someone to do something stupid for points.

_“He’s really funny,” Niall had told them as Zayn put the case of beer he’d bought on Liam’s desk. “I’ve met him, he’s cool.”_

_“How do you know this stranger, again?” Louis teased, kicking off his shoes and dropping onto Liam’s bed like it was his own, either not noticing or simply ignoring Liam’s whine when the blanket had come untucked._

_“He’s my roommate,” the blonde had told them, taking a sip of his beer. “I know you guys are gonna like him. He’s a bit awkward at first, but he’s great once you get to know him.”_

_Louis wasn't particularly social, so he wasn’t thrilled with the idea of having to actually put effort into being friends with someone new when all he wanted to do was sit back and laugh at his friends being idiots. But, he trusted Niall’s taste in people. For the most part. It would probably be fine. And if this Harry fellow didn’t connect well with them, then oh well. It was just one night._

_“Also just so you know,” Niall went on, sitting down in Liam’s desk chair only to get right back up again when Liam motioned that he wanted to sit there. “He told me that he likes guys, so don’t be—you know, um, homophobic.”_

_“Are you trying to tell us something?” Louis teased, instinct telling him that humour was better than sitting there sulking about having to associate with new people. “Are we finally going to meet the boyfriend?”_

_“Fuck off,” Niall huffed, aiming a punch at Louis’ shoulder. “I just didn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable if he makes a comment.”_

_“None of us are gonna be uncomfortable because Harry likes guys,” Liam told him seriously, squinting at all of them as though to make sure his statement was accurate. “Right?”_

_The others nodded and mumbled in agreement and Niall let out a sigh of relief, passing a hand through his dyed-blonde hair. “Good, I was just making sure,” Niall defended, holding his hands up in surrender at Liam. “I don’t know your lives.”_

_“Yes, you do,” Zayn said on a laugh, and Louis recalled taking another sip of his beer._

A knock came at his door, and Louis moved to sit onto the edge of his bed. “Come in,” he called, passing a hand through his hair.

A moment later, Zayn and Liam appeared in the doorway with a case of beer, Zayn raising a brow at his friend. “You cleaned your room and cleaned the dishes,” he said slowly, inspecting the room. “I’ve been coming here for over a year, and I’m pretty sure it’s the first time I’ve seen you clean your room, mate. What’s going on?”

“Got someone new coming over, tonight. Remember?” Louis sighed, huffing his fringe out of his face. “Need to make a good impression, right?”

Zayn smirked, raising a brow suggestively. as he leaned onto the door frame. “That’s why you're all clean-shaven. Hoping to get some, Tommo?”

“You know I don’t like boys,” Louis rolled his eyes, slumping his shoulders as he looked around his room proudly. _Not too bad._ “Besides, if we don’t get along, this is the only time you’ll see my room this clean.”

“ _Shit!_ Louis, you classy bitch!” Zayn whistled, putting the beer case down and fishing out his camera out of his bag and brought it to his face to take a picture. “I better take a picture of this iconic moment in history. Before it gets forgotten in time, forever.”

Zayn put his eye to the viewfinder, rotating in a circle and appearing to be studying the room through the lens. After a while, he finally settled on Louis, who sat in his bed with his ankle resting on his knee and phone in his hand.

“Smile!” Zayn instructed.

Louis did as he was told — holding still as the camera focused with a smile, only to move and flip off the camera with his free hand as Zayn hit the button — guaranteeing a funny memory of Louis’ clean room and Louis flipping Zayn off.

“Louis! That was gonna be a good picture!” Zayn complained, moving to smack Louis on the shoulder even as they both laughed. Zayn stopped for a moment, sniffing the air. “Did you use my cologne as an air freshener?”

“Yes,” Louis shrugged unapologetically as Liam entered the room, greeting the two with a smile as he settled at Louis’ desk, watching the ongoing argument.

“That was fucking expensive, mate,” Zayn groaned, running his hands through his hair in frustration as the sweet yet strong scent of vanilla filled the room. “That was _Tom Ford’s Tobacco Vanilla!_ It cost me 300 dollars!”

“How was I supposed to know?” Louis huffed, frowning at the taller boy. “You had so many perfumes on that shelf, so I picked the first one I saw. Plus, I didn't want the first thing to hit the freshman to be the smell of dust, loneliness and masturbation.”

“You used Zayn's perfume,” Liam remarked, smirking as Zayn threw him a glance. “You know, Zayn, you might want to put all of them in a safe so Louis' little hobbit fingers can't reach.” 

“First of all, Liam, it’s cologne, and—” Zayn started to say, but a knock at the door interrupted him. They froze in place, all three boys staring at each other with wide eyes, the newcomer was here.

“Be nice,” Liam whispered, pointing to Louis for a moment before scrambling to get up from the seat to let the two boys in.

“He’s a freshman,” Louis whispered back, leaning back against the bed and holding out his hands when Zayn threw him a can of beer.

At least there was alcohol. Having to interact with a stranger was always easier when there was alcohol present in Louis’ system. He opened his can of beer, drinking from it gingerly as Liam opened the door to his dorm.

“Guys,” Niall said, motioning to the taller boy who stood shyly at his side. “This is my roommate, Harry.”

Louis rose his eyes to watch Harry, taking a look at the young man. Harry looked like the teen heartthrob in some popular TV show with his curly brown hair and his almost delicately handsome facial features. With his large green eyes that darted around at all of them and his overly large grin that had just an edge of discomfort to it, he was not the kind of guy Louis usually found himself being friends with — though Zayn was always very self-praising when it came to his above average looks — but his smile was friendly as he greeted them, so Louis wasn’t going to write him off.

Louis was looking at Harry and had a hard time deciphering what he wanted as he stared at the smaller boy. The young man rose a brow when he noticed Harry’s green eyes on him, a brow raised in a silent question. Then Louis bit the inside of his cheek, realizing that Harry had most likely asked a question.

“Sorry,” Louis stuttered, face flushing in embarrassment. “What?”

The blue-eyed boy had been so lost in his own thoughts that he’d _completely_ missed the young man talking to him. He swallowed, ears turning red. Harry gave him a smile, if somewhat dazzling and apologizing.

“What’s your name?” The boy asked, the bright smile never leaving his face.

“Oh, I’m Louis. Louis Tomlinson.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	2. Coffee and Glass Doors

Niall was right, Harry was very easy to get along with. And though they hadn’t spent alot of time together, Louis felt it was pretty safe to say that they all liked him, just as Niall promised. Currently, they were sharing funny anecdotes from each of their classes, some from back home, and so on.

Harry, who was sitting less than an arm’s length away from Louis, laughed loudly enough that Louis was momentarily startled when Zayn made a funny joke. Not outwardly, but Louis did turn his head on instinct toward the loud sound.

Something Louis noticed, however, in the two hours Harry had been in his room was that the effortless way that Niall carried himself was not shared by his roommate.

It was like Harry was always thinking — trying to figure out if he should say something or do something — Louis could relate to that, especially during his freshman year of University. But while Louis often decided to sit back and watch, Harry’s mental scrambling ended with him standing up to demonstrate the strange way he saw some guy hit a volleyball or a loud exclamation at one of Niall’s stories before he shrunk back again on himself.

There was also an air of anxiousness that Louis had picked up on from Harry, but that didn’t seem to stop him from enjoying himself.

When he didn’t appear to be frantically thinking about what to do next, he was listening intensely to the conversations going on around him with interest and focus, grinning widely or laughing loudly when he was amused, clapping his hands in delight.

All in all, the new addition to their small group was a bit erratic and overwhelming for Louis, but there was also something endearing about the green-eyes boy.

Despite his initial hesitance to bring any new people into their group, Louis wouldn’t mind hanging out with him again. And based on how much fun Liam, Niall and Zayn seemed to be having, Louis had a feeling that it wouldn’t be the last time the curly-haired boy would be invited.

“So, Harry you’re in Zayn’s English class, right?” Liam asked after the laughter had died down, referring to the girl in Zayn’s English class. A girl who Zayn had a major crush on, by the looks of it, his face turning pink.

Not only did he share a room with Niall, but the taller boy also shared a class with Zayn. _Wonderful._

Harry’s wide eyes when everyone turned to him had Louis thinking that he was surprised to be brought into this conversation. Or, maybe that was just how he always looked when his eyes weren’t creased from laughing. Louis shrugged, taking another swig of his drink as Harry nodded slowly.

“Then, you must know the girl that has stolen our little Zayn’s heart,” Liam asked, leaning forward and smiling conspicuously. “Is she everything Zayn says she is?”

Louis felt himself chuckling along, his unease from having to socialize with new people finally starting to drop away.

“Fuck off, Liam,” Zayn mumbled, grabbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, but no one besides Louis heard, all the attention was now on Harry.

“I don’t know her _that_ well,” Harry told to the expectant faces. “But, she’s a great writer.”

“No one here cares about that,” Niall cut in, and Harry cackled next to Louis. “Is she h—”

“Is she one of God’s most beautiful and exquisite creatures?” Louis interrupted, mocking Zayn, even though he’d never used that particular phrasing when talking about the girl. Not that Louis could remember, anyway.

Face red, Harry caught his bottom lip between his teeth, thinking of what to answer. “I’m probably not the best person to ask,” he said, seeming pleased when Louis cackled. “I usually don’t look at the girls, so I wouldn’t know.”

There was a moment as everyone processed the words, with Harry looking torn between looking defiant and like he was second guessing himself about his declaration. It didn’t take Louis long to figure out what the green-eyed boy had meant, and he watched as realization settled over the other three boys’ features.

When he looked back to his beer, he was hit by Harry’s eyes boring into him; blazing, intense green staring at him. Louis held his gaze for a moment, taking a sip of his beer, before averting his eyes to the floor. Louis felt a knot of tension form in his stomach. Not because he had anything against anyone being gay, because he didn’t, people were free to love who they wanted. It was just—

“Well, Harry,” Liam said when he’d registered the words, nodding in understanding and inturrupting Louis’ train of thought. “You have an assignment.”

“Uh, y—yeah, um, okay?” Harry replied, a smile stretching across his face before even knowing what was being asked of him.

“Pay attention to this girl next time and report back!” Liam demanded, a smug smile on his face. “We need to know accurate information! Things that _aren’t_ romanticized by Zayn.”

Harry laughed, sitting back down on the bed next to Louis and accepting the can of beer that Niall handed to him, cradling the cold drink in his hands and fidgeting with the metal lid.

“I’ll do my best,” Harry promised, acknowledging Zayn’s complaints that his crush wasn’t a big of a deal with an amused grin.

That was how their group gained a new and fifth member.

. . .

The next morning, Louis had woken up to the sun’s bright light shinning in his eyes, he groaned as he rose a hand to block the sun from blinding him. Rolling onto his back, he stretched out his limbs, his body tangling in the sheets. He hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, having practically drank the night away with his friends the previous night.

The muscles of his biceps strained and toes curled down as he stretched his body as far as it would go. He groaned and yawned. He popped his knuckles, elbows, and neck, groggily sitting up with a sigh and rubbing at his face, attempting to rub the tiredness out of his eyes.

He took a peek at the clock on his bedside table. It was barely after eleven, which was late for a class day. He jolted out of bed, pulling on the clothes he’d worn the night before in a hurry. He glanced at the black shirt he held for a second, shrugging and pulling it over his head.

There were no discernible stains or smell.

His hands fumbled with the zipper of his jeans, and he pulled his favorite jacket from the back of his closet. As soon as he dressed, he headed for the bathroom.

Ten minutes later, Louis was sprinting out of the dorm building, hair disheveled and his clothes wrinkled. He spat a wad of toothpaste onto the grass as he took off across campus towards his class, he was already thirty minutes late for his second class of the day.

Midway through his sprint across campus, he sighed and glanced at the time on his phone as he slowed down his pace, and finally came to a stop. He was already too late to make it to class. Louis shook his head, disappointed in himself. He rose his arms above his head, catching his breath and with a groan, he forced himself off to head towards the coffee shop near campus.

The headache from the night before was throbbing behind his eyes, threatening to overpower him. He should not have drank that much, it had been a bad idea. But, alcohol helped ease his nerves.

He stalked towards the cafe, the scent of mocha and caffeine filling his nostrils, and he let out a sigh of relief. He pushed the glass door, and smacked his head against the glass with a thud. Glancing down and biting back a curse, he saw in bold letters, _‘PULL’._ Taking a quick, heated glance around to see if anybody had seen him, he hurriedly slipped inside, cursing under his breath.

The decor on the outside was overdone, the interior was horrendous, complete with tacky background music. He let out a sigh, before waiting in line, taking half-steps behind some other students and professors all the way to the counter, and when he did get to the counter, his eyes blew wide.

Behind the counter was standing the tall, lean young man who’d been in his dorm room the previous night, dressed in a spotless green apron that brought the attention to his vibrant green eyes. The barista smiled when he turned his attention to Louis, biting his bottom lip as he tried to conceal an amused half smile, but the dimples that appeared as he smirked gave him away.

Louis found himself blinking again, his brows furrowed.

“Louis,” Harry said, his lips curving upwards and eyes lighting up.

“Harry,” Louis greeted with a nod, his smile mirroring Harry’s. Harry leaned moved closer to him, taking out his notepad and pressing the pencil to it as he waited for the order. “Didn’t know you worked at a coffee shop.”

“My dorm room, text books and meal plan don’t pay themselves, you know?” Harry laughed, green eyes taking on a mischievous glint as his lips stretched into a grin. “So, what can I get you today?”

Louis took a while to answer, looking over the board of specials to Harry’s left, pondering his choices. “What do you recommend?” He asked, crossing his arms onto his chest.

“If I’m honest, I’m not a huge fan of coffee,” Harry confessed, cheeks gaining a pink tint in what Louis thought was embarrassment. The curly-haired boy leaned over the counter, looking over the choices of drinks and looking up at Louis as he suggested. “But, I guess an Americano with a dash of cream is good?”

Louis tilted his head as if considering the option, head bobbing from side to side, before he nodded. “I’ll have a large Americano with a dash of cream,” he ordered, fishing out his wallet from his back pocket. “With a blueberry muffin, please.”

Louis handed over the money, counting out the change into Harry’s large hand from his wallet. Harry rang it through the till, handing him the receipt. The smaller boy stood to the side of the counter and waited as the curly-haired boy finished the other orders before his own. The crowd had died down only slightly by the time he called out Louis’ order.

“Large Americano, dash of cream,” Harry called, biting his bottom lip as he looked through the crowd for Louis and placed the steaming cup on the counter.

Louis nodded gratefully and reached forward for the drink, but stopped when a hand draped over his. Louis pulled back momentarily before meeting Harry’s eyes, watching as a flush spread across his neck. “Louis?”

“Hmm?” Louis asked, relishing in the warmth that the coffee gave his hands.

“Don’t smack into the door on your way out,” Harry explained, a lopsided grin tugging at the corner of his mouth before he let go of Louis’ hand and turned towards the line of customers. “You have to _push_ the door to get out, and _pull_ to get in.”

Louis froze in place, and he had to mentally convince himself that he had just heard Harry make an attempt at a joke at his expense. He nodded, bringing up his coffee to make a cheers to Harry before he turned on his heels and left the quaint café.

Steam emanated through a hole in the lid, and letting curiosity get the best of him, Louis turned the cup in his hand to find something written in a beautiful and neat writing.

_Louis, I hope you enjoy your drink._

He shook his head, dismissing the writing as he quickly brought the coffee cup to his lips, taking a sip from the cup and neglecting the burning sensation against his tongue. A satisfied hum vibrated between his lips at the taste of caffeine and whipped cream mixed on his tongue and the heat of the liquid as it slipped down his throat.

Exactly what he’d needed.

Languid, long steps saw him closing in on the courtyard ten minutes later. There was no rush. Most of the courtyard was entirely empty at this time of the day, with only a few students running around to get their work done before their next class.

There was at least an hour of peace and silence before lunch.

With another sigh and another nervous run of fingers through his fringe, he approached the courtyard. It was empty, and he found a seat in the shade of the old tree. He dropped his bag unceremoniously onto the patch of grass next to him, digging out his book as he took his seat.

The cover of _Romeo and Juliet_ stared at him, the bad shape of it waving at him. It was in bad shape, the pages showing how many times it had been read. It was one of Louis’ homework to memorize the exchange between Romeo and Juliet on the famous balcony scene and perform it in front of his Theater class.

He flipped through the pages, passing his fingers over the writing. Slender fingers moved over writing, neat and compact in its casing. It seemed like hours passed before he tore his gaze away, surprised to see people walking and talking in the courtyard.

Must be lunch.

He shoved the book into his bag and started making his way to find his small group of friends for lunch, he stopped and looked around the courtyard, only to spot bright blonde hair and loud laughter echoing from a table near by. _It was never too hard to find Niall._

Once he found his way to the tale, and took a seat next to Zayn, he chuckled when hearing the conversation and rolled his eyes as if on instinct.

“That’s a good dare,” Niall concluded, clapping his hands together in agreement.

“Who? Wait, what? Who’s gonnna do a dare?” Louis asked, taking place in the conversation to keep from being left out. “What did I miss, lads?”

“Louis!” Zayn exclaimed, sitting up fast enough that he winced and rubbed at his side before he focused his attention on Louis. “You owe me ten bucks.”

“No, I don’t,” Louis countered, reclining in his seat with his legs stretched out in front of him beneath the table. “I paid you back.”

“You didn’t,” Zayn insisted, leaning forward in his seat to point at Louis, his amber eyes never leaving his blue ones. “I got a late fee for that book because it was in _your_ room.”

“For the last time,” Louis argued, frowning as he rolled his eyes. “I kept telling you it was in my room, and asking you to pick it up. It’s not my fault you kept saying _I’ll get it tomorrow._ ”

Zayn sighed theatrically, looking thoughtful for a second before he smiled hopefully. “Five dollars?”

Louis snorted. “No.”

Groaning in defeat, Zayn flopped back onto his seat, complaining further as he reached underneath himself and tossed away an acorn. Louis chuckled, not sympathetic towards him. He _had_ told the other boy to pick up the book so many times.

Liam laughed, nudging Niall’s leg with his shoe. “Why don't you tell Louis about that dare you were talking about?” He suggested.

Niall nodded enthusiastically, a smile taking place on his face as he turned his body towards Louis. “I was thinking of daring someone to drink the most disgusting smoothie I can possibly make,” he exclaimed, clapping his hands. “And it’s gonna be Harry’s dare.”

“You’re so cruel, Niall,” Zayn laughed, slapping his knee at the thought. “So cruel.”

Niall happily received a high five from both Zayn and Liam for his idea, beaming at his own creative idea of a dare. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been for Harry’s first dare, if Louis was being honest. Niall’ first dare had been to strip naked and run around campus. So, he figured that Harry wouldn’t mind it in the slightest. After all, he did seem like the type to love smoothies.

“Classic,” Louis nodded, agreeing with the others.

They spent the rest of lunch talking about what to put into Harry’s smoothie, Louis chuckled, gathering up his things and shoving them in his backpack, standing from the uncomfortable metal bench. He pulled the straps of his bag over his shoulders and stretched, arms went over his head and he yawned. He had a Theater Lecture in thirty minutes, his favorite class of the day.

“I have to go print off the outline before lecture, so text me where we’ll meet after class, yeah?” Louis asked, passing a hand through his light brown hair as he waited for the others to agree.

Three heads nodded, beginning their own conversation about who and where Friday’s party was to be held. The last thing Louis heard as he walked away out of earshot was Liam asking if Harry had said yes to coming with them to the frat party. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	3. Smoothies

“That smells awful,” Louis exclaimed, fanning the air in front of his face dramatically.

“Truly vile,” Zayn agreed, looking at the smoothie in disgust.

“Thank you!” Niall chirped, looking proud of the mixture he was currently preparing.

“Is this some kind of initiation?” Harry asked, some mix between amused and horrified as he stared at the four boys in disbelief.

“Not an initiation, _per say,_ ” Liam shrugged, taking a sip of his beer and draping an arm over Harry’s shoulder comfortingly, pulling him closer. “But, it’s kind of our thing.”

“Plus,” Niall added, the sound of a can opening echoing around the room. “You’ll get points depending on how daring of a dare it is, and by the end of the year, the person who has the most points wins a prize!”

They were in Niall and Harry’s dorm building, sitting in the common room of the building, the only place where they could find a blender. The boys had instructed Harry to face the other direction so the concoction would be a total surprise to him.

“If it makes you feel any better, we’ve all done much worse,” Louis shrugged, lips quirking as he watched disgust settle onto Harry’s features. “Niall had to strip and run—”

“Almost done!” Niall cut in, grinning eagerly and obviously very much hoping that Harry would accept the dare he’d just suggested.

Niall looked back down to the blender, looking proud of the mixture he’d came up with. Then, there was the sound of something dropping into the blender with a plop, prompting some groans from the audience. Louis could see tuna, and possibly hints of pickles. He winced in disgust, watching as Harry’s nose crunched up. _That was a dare he wasn’t going to steal, that was certain._

As Zayn and Liam recounted something that had happened during their classes earlier, Louis found himself watching Harry, who had not moved since being presented with the dare. He was definitely not paying attention the the anecdotes being shared, his green gaze unfocused and he was drumming on the table with his fingers — anxiety radiating from his body like heat.

Louis felt a little bad for Harry, he wanted to tell him that showing his weakness would only make it worse. But as someone who showed his every emotion on his face, Harry was probably incapable of hiding and doing anything about it.

“Ready?” Niall asked a few minutes later, looking over his shoulder at Harry, who looked petrified, fingers drumming against the tabletop like the manifestation of nerves spilling out.

Meeting his eyes and taking a deep breath, the green-eyed boy nodded solemnly. “Ready.”

“That a boy, Harry!” Zayn cheered quietly as he did a little celebratory dance.

“That’s fucking vile!” Niall let out some exaggerated gagging sounds as he poured the thick, brown and chunky liquid onto a cup and placed it in front of the curly-haired boy. “Bon appétit!”

The five boys stared at the smoothie — or rather a chunky and brown liquid that was topped with what looked like a decorative garnish. Sitting atop the drink were two little green and blue umbrellas that the blonde had most likely bought from the Dollar Store. Zayn released a gag, Liam turned away for a moment, Louis’ eyes widened in horror and Niall looked pleased with himself.

“What the fuck is that?” Louis exclaimed in horror, face scrunching up in disgust as he brought his nose closer to the cup, taking a sniff and regretting it instantly.

The smell was now at the back of Louis’ throat, and he fanned a hand in front of his face to get rid of it. He took a big swig of his beer, wincing when he still tasted the smell at the back of his throat. He threw a sharp glance at the drink, before looking towards Harry apologetically. It truly looked like shit, and smelled like the bottom of a dumpster. If it would've been his dare, Louis would  _not_  be looking forward to finding out which it tasted more like.

“It looks like actual shit,” Louis observed as he peered at the glass, looking over to the questionable smoothie.

“Don’t insult my cooking, Tommo,” Niall joked, leaning forwards to remove the tiny blue and green umbrellas and placing them gently onto the wooden table as he laughed. “I made this with my own blood, sweat and tears.”

“And, you want me to drink that?” Harry squeaked, which was kind of funny with his deep voice.

“You said you liked smoothies,” Niall pointed out, grinning like a champion.

“Yeah, but—” Harry started protesting, but stopped for a moment, trying to think of something rhetorical to say. mouth worked for a second before words came out again. “But, I didn’t say I liked smoothies with God knows what you put in them.”

Niall released a laugh and Zayn joined in, giving a high-five to Harry as he laughed.

“You don’t _have_ to do it,” Liam reminded him, patting Harry’s back in empathy. “You can pass the dare, and someone else can do it to steal your points for the dare. No big deal.”

Harry let out some kind of whimper, instantly regretting his decision. “I’ll do it,” he agreed reluctantly. “How many points do I get?”

“You have to drink at least half,” Liam informed, holding up his finger, his expression surprised. “Niall?”

“I’d give you a solid seven,” Niall nodded, placing a hand over his heart in an overly dramatic fashion. “But since it was made with love, you should really drink all of it.”

“Let’s not push it,” Louis snorted as he fished out his phone to record. “Half is good.”

He could feel Harry’s intense eyes on him, following his every movement as he fished out the sleek device. Green eyes went wide in a comical fashion when he noticed Louis taking out his phone, swiping left and positioning the device horizontally to film the dare. He pressed the red circle on the screen, making sure to capture both the smoothie and Harry.

Louis watched through the screen as Harry readied himself, taking a deep breath as he stared at the liquid with disdain. People who were milling around, minding their own business started to pay attention now, and Harry’s forced confidence came through.

The freshman forced a smirk — for entertainment purposes only, holding up his glass and making a cheers motion towards Niall. “Bottoms up,” he said, tipping the glass back and getting his first mouthful.

It looked like shit, smelled like garbage, and probably tasted like vomit. With difficulty, Harry swallowed the horrible smoothie, pulling away from the glass on instinct. He gagged, looking at the glass. Louis held his breath, silently rooting for Harry to finish his dare. _Another mouthful!_ Louis wanted to yell. _Another mouthful, and that should be half._

“Are you gonna puke?” Niall asked, hurriedly bringing a trashcan closer and flashing an apologetic smile. “If you do, please do it in here.”

Harry’s face had become a bright shade of red, a prominent vein becoming visible as he shook his head in determination and tipped the glass and made sure to get a big mouthful so he wouldn’t have to go back for a third swallow.

Forcing the disgusting liquid down his throat, Harry set the glass down on the wooden table in front of him with enough force to make it a statement.

Harry was wincing — cheeks flushed and shoulders hunched as he cradled his stomach and his face lit up when he was showered with the sound of confused applause, laughter, and positive yells of the other people living in his and Niall’s dorm building.

Harry flushed under the attention, cheeks tinting red. “Oh my god,” he whined, burying his face in his arms. “That was absolutely disgusting!”

Louis’ mouth fell agape as he ended the recording and put the device back into his pocket, Harry had really done it.

“That was amazing,” Niall laughed, smacking him on the shoulder in congratulations.

“No _way_ ,” Louis shook his head slowly in disbelief, because that was the only word that came to mind to describe what he’d seen. He couldn’t have done it, even if a gun would be pointing at his head.

“You did it!” Zayn cheered, an arm around Harry’s shoulder. “You got seven points, mate!”

“That was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever drank!” Harry replied with a shake of his head, feeling good about finishing the dare despite the awful taste still on his tongue. “What did you put in it, Niall?”

“Tuna, pickles, chopped tomatoes, brussels sprouts, Salt & Vinegar crisps, a banana, celery,” Niall listed, counting the items on his fingers as Harry’s eyes widened in shock. “Hot sauce, half a bottle of Coke that I was meant to share with someone called Sharon, vanilla yogurt, and some coconut water.”

“Are you trying to kill him?” Louis laughed loudly in surprise, slapping his own knee. “Those foods don’t go together, like at all.”

Harry laughed, averting his eyes from Louis and cheeks tinted pink. Must be embarrassed or the foul taste might have still been in his throat, Louis decided, taking a sip of beer as his attention was drawn to Liam, who snapped his fingers.

“But just think!” Liam cut in with a snap of his fingers, setting his plastic cup down on the table with a bam. “Now, you get to think up dares for the rest of us.”

Louis watched as the words sunk in, Harry’s green eyes taking on a mischievous glint as his full lips stretched into a grin at the prospect.

“Uh oh,” Zayn joked, tipping back in his chair so it was balanced on just the back two legs.

It had Louis wanting to reach over and make him sit properly so he wouldn’t break his skull open on the floor and ruin dinner for everyone, but he fought the urge. He was too far away anyway.

“No, seriously,” Niall said on a laugh. “Uh oh is right.”

Harry beamed proudly, dimples coming into view.

“Liam’s next,” Zayn stage whispered across the table to Harry, raising a brow at the other and more athletic boy.

Liam grinned, his brown eyes crinkling. “Bring it on.”

. . .

Walking back to his dorm building that night, Louis found himself moving quicker than usual. He didn’t run to his dorm, he knew that was a bad idea after one too many beers, but his pace was clipped and his shoulders tense. It was like he could feel something behind him — hiding between buildings, behind trees, in the dark windows of empty classrooms — hoping to catch him off guard and unaware.

But, Louis was aware. He _always_ had been.

He’d felt the shadow following him for as long as he could possibly remember, always surrounding him with whispers and thoughts Louis didn’t want to have. Though, he only understood the whispers and what they meant until he was a little older — ten or eleven, perhaps.

Sometimes, he went months without feeling the shadow, almost like it wasn’t a few steps behind him or waiting around the next corner to ambush him. But no matter how long he was able to avoid it, it _always_ came back to him. _Always_.

When he’d been fifteen at school, the shadow had been so eerily present. It had circled Louis in its impenetrable darkness — filling his lungs until he couldn’t breathe, clouding his vision until he couldn’t see. 

_Louis had been apart of his school’s production of Shakespeare’s play: A Midsummer Night's Dream, playing one of the characters in the school’s auditorium. He supposed he always loved theater and being up on a stage, performing for others._

_Technically, he was supposed to be backstage when he wasn’t performing, but there were so many talented actors that he wanted to watch like everyone else. So, Louis had snuck out into the dark auditorium, falling into an empty seat at the end of the front row just in time to watch a boy, who he’d gotten to know over the past few months, perform the part of Puck._

_Louis had heard bits and pieces of the ending monologue he was performing, but it was different to see him on the bright stage in a dark auditorium, performing for a real audience. The performance was amazing — pulling him in and having him almost breathless as he watched._

_Watching the boy talking with ease, he was slammed with the suddenly realization that his admiration went beyond just appreciation for the boy’s ability to act. Was he in awe of his skill? Yes. But, Louis was in awe of the entire boy. Watching the boy perform had his heart beating frantically, his breath cutting short and sweat dampened his forehead._

_It was a crush._

_It was what Louis had never, ever wanted to acknowledge. But it had sneaked up on him in that particular moment, in that dark auditorium, the dark shadow wrapped around him and squeezed him tight — so tight in fact that it filled his lungs until he couldn’t breathe, clouding his vision until he couldn’t see._

_There was panic simmering under his skin as he sat in the dark amongst strangers and parents, the boy’s sweet voice cutting through him and making him dizzy._

_Somehow, fifteen year old Louis had managed to shake it off and exhaled until the thick blackness had been cleared from his lungs and he could see the world again like he had before. After he returned back stage and left the auditorium, he did what he was best at — lying. It was just the emotional performance. It was only admiration._

_He’d fought the shadow and won. But it wasn’t a lasting victory, because the shadow was back a few days later — following Louis to his classes, to his piano lessons, and home at night. The shadow was never very far._

After so many years of keeping the shadow at bay, Louis thought that he was pretty good at it. Though he knew that he could never truly relax, because he knew it was likely that he wouldn’t be able to fight it if it came too close again.

He didn’t know if he had the power in him to free himself from the shadow’s clutches again.

Ten minutes later, Louis was walking into his dorm building, through the the security and pressed the button to the elevator. He did little waiting as the elevator chimed its arrival on the lobby, and he pressed the thirteenth floor, leaning his back against the elevator wall as soon as the doors of the elevator slid shut and began the long ride up to Louis’ dorm room.

Louis leaned his head against the cold wall as he stared at the slowly changing lights, indicating that they were close to his floor. He fiddled with his disheveled hair in the reflection cast upon the door opposite to him, passing a hand through his mess of light brown hair.

As soon as he arrived on his floor, he practically shot out of the elevator, hurrying to get to his room. He took just a moment to kick off his shoes at the front door, shutting and locking the door behind himself. He wasted no time in divesting himself of his shirt and pants, crawling into bed with a fuzzy mind and heavy limbs from the alcohol.

He fell onto the mattress with a thump, letting his body sink into the mattress as he welcomed sleep with open arms. Louis sighed as he latched onto his pillow, cuddling it as if it were someone.

Louis had lasted another day without the ominous shadow taking over. But in the morning, he knew it would start all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	4. Revelations

Louis slipped on his shoes and took one last glance in the large full-length mirror that hung at the back of his door. He wore a simple white shirt, and dark skinny jeans that clung to his legs and accentuated his toned calves.

He nodded in satisfaction at his reflection, before shrugging on his denim jacket and retrieving his phone and wallet.

He checked the messages again, a grin stamping itself on his face. During lunch time, Harry had came up with dare for Liam and had shared it with the others in hesitation. His voice had been hesitant, but the mischievous glint in his eyes gave him away. It hadn’t taken much time for the others to take Harry up on his suggestion of a dare.

_[13: 05 - Louis] Don’t forget the costume when we go to the party. That’s the key ingredient of your master plan._

Not even a minute later, his phone had chimed, alerting Louis of a new text messages.

 _[13: 06 - Harry] I wont :)_  
_[13: 06 - Harry] I wouldn’t call it a master plan, though, it makes me feel like a villain in a James Bond movie._

When reading it, Louis had laughed softly. It would be hilarious to see Liam dressed up in a Banana Halloween costume they’d bought for ten dollars with some glasses that probably previously belonged to a pimp. He really hoped that Liam would accept the dare and wear the costume at the party, it would be beyond hysterical.

Friday nights were usually big nights on campus, and the small group never missed a chance to go out and enjoy the night life their University offered. They looked forwards to it every week, especially for the free alcohol. Louis liked to drink, and he liked the way it made him feel. It lowered his inhibitions, put him in a really good mood, and made him braver than usual.

However, he wasn’t so sure if that was the case for the new addition to their group.

Since meeting the boy and hanging out with him a few times, he hadn’t seen Harry drink once. He’d seen the taller boy accepting the beer out of politeness and cradled it in his hands. Liam had even started getting extra soda cans when he went out to buy alcohol for all of them, noticing that Harry wasn’t a big drinker and that he should have something to drink.

He shrugged the thought away, heading out towards Niall’s dorm, but frowned and stopped in his steps when his phone buzzed. He fished out the sleek device to check his phone, glad to see that it was from Niall.

 _[20: 21 - Niall] We’re at Zayn’s...but he isn’t coming out anytime soon. Take your time_.

Louis rolled his blue eyes, taking a deep breath before heading the same way and going to the eighth floor instead of the sixth one. He headed into the familiar building, pressing the button to the right floor and instantly noticing the three boys standing outside of Zayn’s room.

Liam was knocking on the door, Niall was typing on his phone and Harry was leaning against the opposite wall, legs crossed at the ankles as he stared at Liam in amusement, a plastic _Target_ bag sitting beside him on the floor. _The costume, no doubt_.

A second passed while Louis stared up at the tall, green-eyed, curly haired man taking up the spot on the wall, the bob of his throat reminding Louis of his deep voice.

Harry wore a navy-blue button down with tiny white dots paired with dark jeans that stretched around his long legs, the three top buttons of his button-up undone. His dark curly hair settled gently atop his head, like usual, but he’d pushed it back away from his forehead. Brown Chelsea boots completed the look, long legs crossed at the ankles.

As if sensing Louis’ eyes on him, Harry turned his head in his direction, smiling shyly as Louis headed towards him to rest on the wall.

“What are we waiting for?” Louis asked, frowning in confusion as he pointed towards Zayn’s dorm room.

“He’s still doing his hair,” Harry chuckled, the sound low and deep.

“Zayn, come on!” Liam’s complained, knocking one last time on the door. “We’ve been waiting here for fifteen minutes!”

“Just a minute!” The boy called from the other side of the door, sounding as annoyed as he could, though considering the same routine repeated itself every week, Louis was more than used to it and knew he wouldn’t budge for another hour.

Louis pushed himself from the wall, moving Liam to the side as he squared himself at the door, his shoes thumping against the door. “Come on!” Louis called, knocking his shoes against the door in a ridiculous fashion that probably resembles a child’s tantrum. “We do this every week, man.”

“I’m not ready,” Zayn insisted. “Can’t you guys wait a minute? Sophie’s gonna be there, and—”

Niall’s face lit up in recognition of the name, and he held up his finger. “Isn’t that the girl Zayn’s obsessed with?” He’d asked to Harry and Louis didn’t need to look at the taller boy to know that it was her.

“And she’ll find your hair beautiful,” Louis rolled his eyes, sighing loudly when he still didn’t open the door. _He’d have to do it the Tommo way, pulling out the big guns._ “I swear to God, Zayn, if you don’t open the door in five seconds, I'm gonna tell the RA that you have weed in there. She’ll open the door if you won’t, probably with campus security by her side.”

“You wouldn’t,” Zayn called from the other side, his voice laced with doubt and cautiousness.

“I bet ten dollars that I will,” Louis said, looking down at his nails and staying silent for a moment, a smile itching itself on his face as he heard hurried footsteps from the other side. Zayn knew Louis wasn’t lying. “You have five second to bring your ass out here. Five, four, three—”

“Fucking hell,” he complained as the door swung open, revealing a nicely groomed Zayn. “Don’t do that shit, Louis!”

The dark-haired boy pulled at the collar of his black jacket, pulling up the collar to look mysterious, and he did. Dressed in black from head to toe, paired with his perfectly coiffed quiff, groomed facial hair, high cheekbones and bright amber eyes, Louis was sure the boy wasn’t going to make it back to his dorm alone. If that didn’t catch his crush’s eyes, the smaller boy didn’t know what would.

Louis stepped back, nodding proudly at himself, starting his walk with the others towards the elevators. The black marks from the soles of Louis’ shoes on the bottom of Zayn’s door was a reminder of the fact that Louis was stronger than he appeared, playing soccer for all these years had payed off.

“What’s in that bag, Harry?” Liam asked, raising a brow in curiosity. “Usually people don’t bring plastic bags to parties.”

Harry’s eyes widened as he stared at Louis, almost on instinct. Louis bit back a smile, watching as Harry clung to the bag. “I brought alcohol,” he lied, nodding his head. “Cost me a pretty penny, too.”

“Hope I won’t have to drink it all as a dare,” Liam laughed, nudging Louis’ side with a wink. “Now, Zayn hurry up!”

“We’re not even late,” Zayn complained, rolling his eyes as he locked the door behind himself and hurried to catch up.

“It took you fifteen minutes!” Liam complained.

Zayn nodded, brown eyes landing on Liam as he pointed at his hair. “And? Look at how good it looks! What d’ya think of it?”

“It’s, uh, it’s quite steep. A bit like a ski jump,” Niall piped in, moving in the general direction of the elevators, throwing an arm around Zayn's shoulders. “Which I guess is what you were looking for?”

The Irishman’s laugh echoed down the hall as he dodged out of Zayn’s way, avoiding playful punches that came his way. Grumbling some more, Zayn followed the boys down the hall and out of the building, though he wasn’t half as annoyed as he was acting. Louis knew that.

. . .

Within the five minute walk it took to get to the party, the sun had disappeared behind the horizon. The night’s air was warm and breezy as they approached the frat house, being greeted with the loud pounding of music coming from the house. The music was so loud that it vibrated through the driveway, the front door hanging wide open. Many intoxicated people lounged against the wall, drinking from red cups and smoking. Either some of them went to their University, or they were total strangers. Either way, Louis shrugged as he followed his friends into the crowded house.

Strobe lights flashed before their eyes, causing their vision to momentarily blur as their eyes adjusted to the blinding lights. As soon as they regained their visions, red cups were handed to each of them, their handlers unknown. Louis tilted his head, sniffing the liquid. He took a swig of the liquid, a warm feeling washing over him immediately.

He felt more than he saw Harry behind him, clinging onto his arm to keep from getting lost in the crowd. He gulped, feeling Harry’s hot and minty breath fanning over the back of his neck and sending shivers up his spine, his hard chest pressing to Louis' back as he followed closely behind him. Louis also noticed the shadow entering the house from the corner of his eye, watching him from a distance.

He shook his head, glancing around the smoky and dark room, frowning as he followed his friends. Drunk bodies crowded around them, the room was packed so tightly that he couldn’t move without bumping into someone’s arm or back. The music pounded around him, a constant beat pounding so loud that it seemed to beat along with the frantic beating of his heart.

They pushed their way to the side, looking over the main floor and the large crowd. A rectangular coffee table stood proudly in the center of the makeshift dance floor, two girls dancing atop of it. They both wore revealing clothes, their skin glowing underneath the strobe lights, their bodies moving to the beat of the music. A man joined, deliberately moving his hips against one of the girl’s behind. He was what looked like a frat boy, and was probably dumb as a fish.

Although, he was a good dancer, Louis would have to give him that.

On the other side of the main room was a raised stage that held a DJ’s platform. A young man with over-sized headphones stood behind the mixing table, spinning discs and twisting the necessary dials with ease. In front of the stage was the massive crowd of sweating bodies.

“What kind of beers did you buy?” Liam asked loudly over the loud music and the four other boys smiled conspiratorially as Liam pointed towards the bag Harry had been carrying.

“Look and see,” Louis offhandedly said, watching as Harry passed over the bag and Liam’s expression changed. The look of joy had melted into shock and surprise as he glanced into the _Target_ bag, mouth falling agape as he stared at Harry.

“This is _not_ beer,” Liam protested, pointedly cocking his eyebrow.

“No,” Harry agreed, a smirk tugging at his lips. “It’s your dare.”

Liam picked up one of the items of the revealing costume, the bright yellow fabric of the costume coming into view. His face scrunched up as he smiled, eyebrows furrowing at the sight.

Liam laughed, putting the yellow fabric back into the bag and bringing it closer to his chest. “What’s my dare?”

“Not too difficult,” Harry laughed, dimples coming into view as a mischievous glare appeared in his green eyes. “You have to wear the costume, and while you’re dressed in that beautiful ensemble I got you, you have to get up on the stage and rap.”

Niall, Zayn and Louis burst into a fit of laughter at the thought, with Louis smacking his thigh with his palm as he laughed. Harry’s cheeks became pink as his idea was met with such positive reactions, only Liam stood with his mouth open in shock.

“Now, get dressed, Payno,” Zayn snorted, prompting for Harry to scoot closer to Louis in order to let Liam go upstairs to change in the bathroom.

“How many points?” He asked, shaking his head.

After a few minutes of discussing how many points the dare was worth, they came to the agreement that a two-and-a-half was good enough. People wouldn’t remember Liam doing the dare and disappearing right afterwards to change, only Louis would have to proof on his phone.

Liam walked towards the stairs, the plastic bag tucked under his strong arm. He disappeared behind the corner and both Zayn and Niall excused themselves to look around for beer or any type of strong alcohol to watch Liam’s performance and get drunk, leaving Louis and Harry alone in silence.

He watched as Harry fiddled with the silver ring on his thumb, twistig it around nervously as he stared into the crowd. His eyes were wide taking in the sight and nose scrunching in disgust when the smell of smoke reached him, and he nervously glanced at Louis, unsure of what to do as a drunk girl stumbled closer to them before elbowing her way back into the sweating crowd. 

“Parties aren’t your thing,” Louis remarked, turning to face the boy who was standing impossibly close to him. “Are they?”

“Not really,” Harry let out in a breathy laugh as Louis moved closer, being pushed closer by a line of drunk women. “But, I guess it’s sort of entertaining to watch people as they gradually get drunker and lose function of their motor skills.”

“It’s pretty hilarious,” Louis agreed, tilting the red cup of unknown alcohol and drinking the remains. He _really_ needed at least three drinks if he wanted to keep the shadow at bay for the night, so he took ahold of Harry’s red cup. “Are you gonna drink this?”

Harry shook his head, motioning for the smaller boy to drink up. “I don’t drink,” he told Louis, green eyes never leaving blue ones as he watched Louis take a swig.

“Why a banana?” Louis asked, breaking the silence that threatened to settle between them. “Out of all the costumes you could’ve gotten: fire-fighter, ballerina, caterpillar, etc. Why did you choose a banana?”

“I’ve always loved bananas,” Harry said, biting his bottom lip before realizing the double meaning of his words. He let out a nervous laugh, his face gained a deep red colour, visible even in the low light of the strobe lights when Louis glanced over. “That didn’t come out right! I meant that, um, that—”

Both their breaths hitched in their throats as someone pushed Louis closer unintentionally, sending him forward and into Harry’s taller body, and accidentally making Louis stumble. Blue eyes blew wide as he desperately tried to regain his balance, only to feel Harry’s strong arms catch him and hold him. _He was stronger than Louis thought_. Green eyes stared into blue ones avidly, eyes darting across his face. His entire body felt like a coiled snake, tense and practically vibrating with energy as he watched Harry’s tongue slip across his bottom lip to capture a bit of escaped moisture.

“Sorry,” Harry hastily apologized, letting out an awkward chuckle as Louis glanced him over.

Shrugging, Louis took a step back and looked back in the direction Niall and Zayn had disappeared. Having Harry’s intense eyes on him for too long had him feeling strange, a tingling sensation would start at the pit of his stomach. He sighed in relief when spotting the three boys heading their way.

“It’s fine,” he said, not knowing if Harry was still watching him since he was determinedly looking towards the other boys. “It’s not your fault. People just lost their motor skills.”

“Yeah, okay,” Harry had said, letting out a laugh at Louis reference.

Louis felt a little bad for the way he’d reacted, but he laughed the thought away as Liam made his way over in his banana costume. He was dressed in the bright yellow suit, wearing grey glasses that were decorated with three long curved lines at the end, white and black stripes making him look funny.

“You want me to rap, right?” Liam asked, looking back at Harry who looked ready to burst with laughter as he nodded.

“Freestyle,” Harry told him, grinning from ear to ear. “Up on the stage.”

Liam drummed his fingers against the banana costume, nerves spilling out. He nodded once, making his way to the front of the room and he leaned over to talk to the DJ. Louis fished out his phone, as did Zayn and Niall, tilting the phone to record horizontally.

They held their breaths as the DJ reluctantly passed the mic over to Liam, the familiar beat of Desiigner’s _Panda_ playing in the background, as they waited for Liam to begin.

“Ayo,” Liam began, and Louis’ face scrunched up in a laugh. “This is DJ Gucci Glasses.”

“Oh god!” Niall exclaimed, letting out a laugh and bending in half as Liam moved to the rhythm in his costume.

People were starting to pay attention to the strange man in the banana costume, and Liam’s confidence was amplified with every word he uttered. By the time he was rapping, Liam was wincing — his face flushed and moving along as he improvised lyrics.

The song came out in shifting rhythms with no set pattern, and none of the lines rhymed. The drunk crowd of bodies didn’t seem to notice, though, bopping along as if the rhythm had never altered and made perfect sense to their drunk minds.

Liam held out the last word for a long time, raising his voice an octave higher and throwing a fist into the air dramatically, and the boys completely lost it. Harry had been biting his lip behind his hand the entire time, trying his best not to ruin the moment, but he couldn't hold it in anymore.

Louis burst into laughter as Liam scampered back to the group to a thunder of drunk applause, laughter, and yells as the DJ put on his other tracks. Niall clapped his hands and cheered for Liam as he approached, Zayn and Harry joining in as Louis ended the recording. Harry positively beamed from where he stood, clapping his hands as well.

Harry's idea had been pure genius.

Another success for Liam, Louis thought as he watched the young man add the two-and-a-half points to his score. Liam seemed to be happy with that, embracing the comments about his performance nonchalantly.

Truth be told, Louis was glad that he wasn’t the one who’d gotten that dare. That definitely _would_ have been embarrassing, but it wasn’t like people would remember in the morning. Even if Liam was embarrassed, he would never show it, he was too much of a good sport.

Zayn scoffed at his nonchalance, annoyed as ever, his arm draping around Liam's shoulder.

Before he could say anything, the boys were swept into a conversation of their own. And Louis felt a smile gather on his face as he watched Harry, who was now immersed in talking with the three other boys, gesturing wildly with his hands as he told a funny anecdote.

“I’m just saying, Liam should’ve done the splits when performing,” Harry said, laughing the more he thought about it. “If he did, I guess it would’ve been a...banana split.”

The other boys groaned as Harry and Niall laughed; finding it absolutely funny because Niall was positively drunk out of his mind. Louis chuckled, not sure if he found it funny because the alcohol had hit him all at once or if he genuinely found it funny.

Either way, Louis excused himself and made his way to the kitchen, elbowing his way to the counter, where he poured himself shots of vodka.

Shot after shot, the drinks kept coming. Drinking made him feel good, and he lied the way it made him funnier. At some point, his vision and senses dulled and the shadow seemed to back away from him, he smirked proudly as he took another beer and made his way over to the small group.

Louis’ lips quirked up as he noticed Harry bobbing his head along to the pounding music, laughing around the mouth of his soda can as Liam regaled them with an anecdote.

“What’s up, lads?” Louis asked as he sat next to Harry, letting himself sink into the couch. “What did I miss?”

“Well,” Harry started, seeming to fidget with the rings on his fingers to distract himself from glancing into Louis’ eyes, almost like a school girl. “We were talking about how Zayn’s obsessed with Sophie.”

“Shut up,” Zayn dismissed, shoving Harry’s shoulder playfully as the topic of his crush came up. “I’m not _obsessed_ with her, I’m just admiring her from afar.”

A knowing look passed between the boys, a smirk making it’s way onto Louis’ lips. “ _Admiring her from afar,_ ” Louis repeated as he smirked, snorting as he dodged the punch Zayn was aiming at his arm. “Just like a school girl with a crush! How cute and romantic, Zayn! It’s not stalker-ish, at all.”

Missing her arm with his left fist, Zayn settled with flipping off the blue-eyed boy. “I’m nothing like a school girl,” he started, sticking out his tongue. “And, I even talked to—”

His face seemed to turn pale as he noticed a figure coming closer. Zayn quickly passed a hand through his fringe and fluffed it, readjusting his jacket before leaning back onto the couch, pulling out his phone and scrolling through. Harry frowned, glancing at Louis quizzically for information. The smaller young man simply shrugged, but it was known soon enough why Zayn's demeanour had changed dramatically.

“Zayn!” A voice called.

Louis turned, watching as the small and curvy figure of a blonde girl came closer to their table. Light blonde hair fell in perfect waves, framing her face. She wore skin tight skirt, a shirt that stopped at the middle of her stomach and a leather jacket, a smile spreading her red lips as she neared the table.

Liam turned, raising an eyebrow in amusement. “ _Whipped_ ,” he mouthed to Zayn, who flipped him off once more.

“I thought I’d seen that familiar hair in the crowd,” Sophie smiled, slender fingers fidgeting with her long hair in a way that was both cute and annoying. “But, I didn’t know if it was you.”

“Yeah,” Zayn agreed, a smile splitting his face, and Louis was worried that he’d break his face. “There’s so many people here, its hard to recognize anyone.”

The pair shared a laugh, an awkward silence draping over the group as Zayn and Sophie stared shyly at each other. Louis bit the inside of his cheek, turning towards the blonde and smiling brightly. Maybe it was the alcohol that ran freely through his veins, or maybe it was his extroverted nature, but he was determined to help Zayn talk to the girl.

“It’s Sophie, right?” He asked, extending a hand towards the young woman. She nodded, shaking it and smiling politely. “I'm Louis, but that's not important. Zayn was telling us about this event coming up Tuesday night next week at eight, some art exposition in town or something. Since the rest of us aren't into art, I was wondering if you'd like to go with him?”

Zayn threw a sharp look, but the smile on Louis’ face didn’t falter as he watched the girl blush. He wouldn’t break character, he would help Zayn in his quest to find love. Sophie’s eyes lit up with surprise, a small smile turning at the corners of her mouth.

“ _Sure_ ,” she agreed after what seemed like an eternity, and Louis released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. “I’d love to go. Will you come pick me up, Zayn?”

All eyes turned to Zayn, who finally looked up from his fake browsing on his phone. He flushed under Sophie’s intense gaze, swallowing his fear and nodding immediately. “Y-yeah,” he stuttered, grabbing the back of his neck.

“Cool,” Sophie smiled shyly, motioning towards his phone and typing in her number. “Here’s my number, so you can text me the details later. I’ll see you Monday. Have a good night, guys.”

When the young woman was out of earshot, the four boys turned to face Zayn, who blushed under the bright lights of the house.

“Congratulations, Zayn!” Louis laughed, throwing his head back as a smirk itched itself onto his lips. “You finally talked to Sophie, and I managed to get you a date with her on Tuesday night. No need to thank me, I know I'm amazing.”

Zayn exhaled deeply before frowning. “I talk to her all the time!” Zayn complained loudly, his head tilting back against the pillows of the couch and passing his clammy hands over his face. “Right, Harry?”

All eyes turned to Harry for confirmation, who shyly smiled at the attention. Harry grabbed the back of his neck, smirking. “Well,” he started, letting out a nervous laugh. “All the time might be stretching it a little bit, but he _does_ talk to her. Just not, you know, um, _all the time_.”

“At least once a class!” Zayn insisted, putting out a hand in question.

“Do you keep a record of every time you talk to her?” Louis teased, letting a smirk appear on his face. “Like, do you mark off a day on your calendar whenever you exchange more than three words with her? If you did, that would be creepier than admiring her from afar.”

“Fick you, Louis!” Zayn complained loudly, his head tilting back against the pillows of the couch and passing his clammy hands over his face.

Louis’ brows quirked up as he avoided Zayn’s body, moving to the side. “I think a simple ‘ _Thank you for setting me up on a date and bringing me out of the absolute hellhole that is the friend zone, Louis_ ’ would have been enough,” he said, lips curving up into a smirk as he looked in Zayn’s direction. “And what was that? Did you say fick, instead of fuck?”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Zayn corrected himself, cheeks turning red with embarrassment as Louis laughed to himself. “What I meant to say was: fuck _you_ , Louis Tomlinson!”

“What’s a fick?” Louis continued, his comedic chaps growing as Harry’s loud laughter filled his ears. “Is fick a word? Is it an emotion? Is it a place? No one knows for sure, Zayn. You need to explain it to us.”

“You’re the fucking worst,” Zayn laughed, raising a middle finger in the smaller boy’s direction. “Fuck you, Lou.”

“Fuck you or _fick_ you?” Louis asked, an amused grin tugging at his lips.

He could hear Harry laughing, smacking his palms together in enthusiasm. At that moment, Louis felt proud of himself. When he was drunk, Louis was what people called the life of the party.

“Louis isn’t _that_ funny,” Liam snorted, putting some effort into stopping his own laughter from Zayn encounter with Sophie.

Louis frowned, smirking as he leaned forwards to flip Liam off, his unsteady steps letting him know that his level of inebriation was pretty spot on. Louis grinned, pleased by the effect alcohol had on his body. He wasn’t truly angry, he was simply playing along.

“I’m fucking funny, Liam,” Louis defended himself, placing a hand proudly on his heart. “When will you accept that?”

Looking to Niall for agreement, he instead watched as a silent and wordless exchange took place between Niall and Harry — Niall’s blue eyes sparkling as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Harry, while Harry bit his bottom lip, blushed and grinned.

“What?” Liam asked, looking back and forth between the two roommates. “What’d I miss?”

“Nothing,” Niall said innocently, shooting a conspiratorial smile at Harry in turn. “Harry just thinks Louis’ funny, that’s all.”

“I _am_ funny,” Louis nodded in agreement, but no one was paying him any mind. “Thank you, Harry for acknowledging it!”

Liam frowned, still appearing confused by the exchange.

“Harry thinks Louis is funny,” Zayn asked, lines appearing at the corner of his eyes as he grinned in amusement. “Or—”

Zayn let the question dangle in the air, waiting for anyone to pick up the the hint. Louis could feel the ball of dread forming in his stomach as his somewhat drunk brain caught up with what Zayn was implying. He licked his lips, taking a sip of his beer to avoid looking at Harry.

“Or _what?”_ Liam repeated, getting agitated that he seemed to be the only one not in on the joke, his drunk mind never wrapping around the fact. “I feel like I’m missin’ out on something.”

“I think our not-so-little Harry has a crush on Louis,” Zayn said with a chuckle, his drunk brain finding it absolutely hilarious.

Louis took a quick glance at Harry, who had his green eyes opened wide as he glared at his roommate and his mouth down turned at the corners in shock.

“Oh! I get it!” Liam exclaimed, happy that he knew what everyone was talking about. He leaned closer to Harry, watching for a reaction from the curly-haired boy. “Is it true, then? Do you have a crush on Louis?”

He looked to Harry for confirmation, who said nothing, but his intense green eyes said enough on the situation. They darted around the room — to everything, except for Louis’ eyes and his cheeks flushed pink.

“It’s not, um, I—” Harry tried, green eyes wide and panicked as he looked over at Louis.

Louis shrugged, looking away. He felt like his stomach had turned upside down as he noticed the shadow coming closer, so he gripped tighter at the beer can and took a swig, relishing in the relief it provided him.

“Louis out of all people,” Zayn teased with a shake of his head, face screwing up comically as he tried to change the subject, watching as Louis’ mood suddenly changed. “When _I’m_ here?”

Liam threw a piece of wadded up paper at Zayn, earning a weak and uncomfortable laugh from Harry. Without even looking over, Louis could sense the discomfort and nervousness pouring off him.

“Hey,” Louis protested because that was pretty much his cue, pointing his empty beer can at Zayn. “Narcissus, calm your tits. Yeah?”

But he wasn’t really focused on arguing, his muscles were tense and so aware of Harry’s proximity to his body despite the fact he was two feet away. He could feel the heat radiating from the other boy's body, the sweet scent of his cologne reaching his nostrils, and the way his green eyes beckoned for Louis not to be angry.

“I _am_ god-like, some would say,” Zayn offered easily with a smirk, diverting the conversation to himself and away from the two boys.

“Who the fuck said that?” Niall teased, and Louis excused himself to get another drink...or a few more shots, whatever would take his consciousness away from the fact that Harry Styles, a freshman, had a crush on him.

As soon as he arrived in the kitchen, Louis placed four shots in front of himself, he poured the liquor and hit the glass cup onto the table before shooting the vodka down, biting onto the lime quickly afterward. The liquid sent warmth through his body, and he eagerly took the next one, and then another, and so on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	5. Large Americano

Light filled the room, waking Louis from his deep sleep. The soft sound of birds chirping mixed with the muffled chatter of students outside waking him.

With a grunt, he tried to sit up. Louis wobbled a little even in only a sitting position, quickly giving up and dropping back down onto his bed. The blankets were all pulled back from where he’d been sleeping, and he took a deep breath through his nose, his back arching as his arms went over his head, earning a groan as he stretched. He extended his arms across the mattress, his back arching underneath the soft covers.

After stretching out his limbs, he registered the throbbing headache, and it almost felt as if someone was squeezing his skull tightly and his brain was screaming at him. His mouth was dry, and he felt nauseous. All he wanted to do was sleep away the haze and never set foot outside.

He’d drank too much.

He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath as he relished in the darkness and silence of his dorm room. He was on the verge on sleep when the beeping of his phone brought him back to reality, cursing as he tugged the sleek device from his bedside table, glancing down and seeing his alarm flashing across the screen. He sighed, falling back onto his pillow and groaning.

He’d completely forgotten about practice on Saturdays, and the worst part, he was hungover.

Louis drowsily rolled out of bed, wobbling as he made his way to his drawers, frantically digging through his drawers to find something to wear to practice. He changed into a pair of sweatpants and a light grey sweater — he felt like shit and probably looked the part.

He walked towards the small bathroom, turning towards the mirror and shaking out his hair a few times to make it seem at least somewhat presentable. With a noncommittal shrug at his tired reflection, he couldn’t help but think that he wouldn’t look as worn out if he could sleep at least six hours a night. He rubbed at his bloodshot eyes, attempting to rub the tiredness out of them. He yawned once more, turning on his heels and gathering his belongings before strolling towards the small coffee shop he’d found.

He wouldn’t survive without caffeine.

Luckily for him, the lineup wasn’t long, and it was probably for the best that he didn’t have much time to think about last night’s situation because he didn’t want to acknowledge the shadow following him this early in the day. He waited behind another student, letting out a breath of relief when the smell of caffeine hit his nostrils.

“Louis,” Harry greeted, a shy smile on his face, green eyes landing everywhere but to Louis’. “Rough night, eh?”

“Pretty rough,” Louis agreed, motioning towards his appearance. “I feel like the actual embodiment of death at the moment, so I’m not having the best day ever.”

At that, Harry’s face split into a smile, dimples appearing on his cheeks. “So, um,” Harry started, leaning onto the counter. “What can I get you today?”

“I’ll have a large Americano with a dash of cream, please,” Louis ordered, fishing out his wallet from the pocket of his sweater.

Green eyes dropped to the cash register as he nodded, passing a hand through his curly hair as he punched in the total. Louis quickly fished out his wallet and paid for his coffee, moving to the side as he waited for the warm drink. A few minutes passed and he watched as Harry nervously bit his bottom lip, his gaze darting rapidly between Louis and the coffee he was making.

Harry handed over the coffee to Louis, their fingers brushing in the exchange as Louis wrapped his cold fingers around the steaming cup. Harry leaned forward on the counter, intense green eyes staring down at the young man across from him.

“Careful, it’s—”

Eager to feel the effects of caffeine, Louis took a swig, yelping and holding a hand over his lips as he winced and swallowed. “Fuck!” Louis cursed when he managed to get the drink down, feeling the coffee burning its way down his throat. “That’s fucking hot!”

“I tried to warn you,” Harry teased, lips curving in a smirk as Louis pulled the plastic lid off his cup to blow gently on the dark liquid. He bit his bottom lip to probably stop laugh that wanted to spill out, but failed. “Are you okay?”

“Does it look like I’m fuckin’ okay?” Louis shook his head, positively affronted that the taller boy could laugh at him at a time like this. “Laugh it up, Styles. It’s not like my tongue got burned off, or anything.”

They shared laugh, with Harry blushing in the aftermath. His eyes had crinkled at the corners, green eyes lighting up as loud laughter spilled out of his mouth and Louis tried to look offended, he really did, but couldn’t help but join in. When the laughter had died down, however, green eyes were staring into Louis’, nervousness and anxiousness dancing behind them.

“So,” Harry said, fingers tapping against the counter of the empty coffee shop in anticipation. Louis’ entire body felt like a coiled snake, tensing up as he watched Harry’s tongue slip across his bottom lip to capture a bit of escaped moisture.

The curly-haired boy averted his gaze for moment, almost ashamed of himself as he stared down at his nails, and Louis frowned in confusion. He was looking at Louis anxiously, a blush appearing on his cheeks at the simple glance. The air was thick with something Louis didn’t want to think about, and he could practically feel the shadow creeping in on him.

“So,” Louis repeated, fiddling with the lid of his cup as he put it back on. “What’s up?”

“It's, uh,” Harry said, his voice strained as nerves took control of him. “I think—I think we should talk.”

The smaller boy’s heart sank into the pit of his stomach, every single cell in his body screaming at him to run because, if Harry’s words meant what he expected them to mean, then they would have to talk about Harry’s crush on Louis. And that, that was something Louis didn’t think he could handle.

“Talk about what?” He asked, taking a sip of his coffee before wincing.

Harry let out a breath, coming out shaky and uneven. “About last night,” he started, green eyes almost staring at the older boy like he wanted the floor to swallow him. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, or anything at the party. I shouldn’t have a crush on you, I know that, since you’re straight and all. I just feel like such an idiot and, um, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Louis assured him, speaking before he’d even considered what to say. “You didn’t do anything wrong, and you have nothing to be sorry about.”

The words had surprised Louis as they left his mouth, letting the shadow creep closer. But, it was true, Harry had nothing to be sorry about. He hadn’t done anything wrong. It was something Harry couldn’t control, something that he couldn’t decide consciously — if Louis had retained anything from his Freshman psychology class, it was that attraction couldn’t be controlled consciously. Harry shouldn’t have to apologize for that. The last thing Louis wanted was for Harry to be feeling bad about any of this, and to make things awkward in the group.

Apparently, his words had surprised Harry as well, since a few moments passed before he spoke again.

“I, um, okay,” Harry nodded, voice too quiet and tentative for the Harry he knew. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Louis insisted, feeling the cold touch of the shadow on his back, shivering involuntarily. He had too many feelings trying to inflate in his chest at once. “It’s fine.”

Harry opened his mouth to talk, but the sudden, surprising blare of Louis’ phone caused both of the young men to jump back in surprise. Louis pulled his phone from his pocket and rolled his eyes as he saw Maia’s face light up the screen.

“Louis? Where the hell are you?!” Maia’s voice called through the line as soon as Louis answered the call, and he winced as it echoed loudly in his ear. “Practice is about to start!”

“No,” he shook his head in confusion, his frown causing the hungover to worsen, and he winced in pain. He really should have packed pain-killers. “That isn’t for another hour.”

“It’s 10:50,” Maia informed, and Louis felt all blood drain from his face in horror. “You have ten minutes to come to the auditorium.”

“Shit!” Louis exclaimed, ending the call and hearing Maia’s faint reply of _Pardon me?_ echoing through his phone before the call disconnected.

The words hit Louis like a punch to the gut. His heart began to pound against his ribcage, and a lump formed in his throat. Suddenly, it was as if he couldn’t breathe. He’d already gotten a warning from his Drama professor, he couldn’t afford to get another one or else the role of Romeo would be given to his understudy.

“Louis?” Harry looked up at him, brows knitting together in confusion. “Are you okay?”

The blue-eyed boy’s throat felt tight and dry and his eyes stung horribly. He could feel the loss of blood in his face and knew he must be as white as a ghost.

“I need to go,” he quickly explained. “I have to go to practice, or else my role’s gonna be given away!”

“Who has class on a Saturday?” Harry asked, looking at Louis who groaned loudly as he slung his bag over his shoulders.

“Anyone who’s crazy enough to be a Drama major,” Louis rolled his eyes jokingly, walking backwards towards the glass door. “It was the only time our professor could get the auditorium empty, we have to practice for a big play coming up.”

“Well, I better leave you to it,” Harry nodded, biting his bottom lip. “Don’t forget, you have to _push_ the door to get out.”

Louis’ face flushed in embarrassment as he flipped Harry off, who in turn laughed at the smaller boy’s reaction. “You’ll never let that moment die, will you?”

“Not a chance.”

Unlike the other times, Louis had nothing to counter with, and with the clock ticking down to practice, he didn’t feel the need to. Harry’s chuckle was the only sound that cut through the air as Louis speed away, his bag hitting against his back with every frantic step.

He rushed to the main auditorium, wincing as the heavy bag slammed repeatedly against his back, wincing as he elbowed his way through crowds of students. He hoped that he’d make it in time for rehearsals. Then again, it was entirely possible that he wouldn’t have a role waiting for him at all.

Louis released a deep breath of relief as he noticed Maia standing by the Auditorium doors, waiting for him no doubt. She stood, glancing down at her phone anxiously before noticing the boy running towards her. Her face held complete and utter shock as Louis slowed down to stand next to the young woman.

Normally, the walk from the coffee shop — which was at one end of campus, and the Auditorium, which was at the other — took fifteen minutes in total if you weren’t in a hurry. But Louis was in a hurry and had made it in less than ten minutes.

When he pulled up by the Auditorium doors, Louis stopped and leaned next to the wall, taking a few deep breaths before the pair dashed inside for rehearsals.

“Holy shit,” Maia gawked in pure admiration as they walked in. “You made it with three minutes to spare.”

This auditorium, unlike the one where they’d be performing the final show, was quite old. There were plastic squeaking chairs, broken light fixtures, and cracked paint on the walls. It wasn’t the best auditorium their University could afford, even for the high price every student paid for tuition.

“You ever doubted me?” Louis asked, trying to catch his breath as they settled into the front row of seats, wincing as the chairs rocked back and squealed at the new weight added onto them. “I’ll let you know that I’ve played soccer for most of my childhood, Maia.”

“It’s not my fault,” Maia defended, though she was still smiling — refusing to match Louis’ mood. “You forgot, and I didn’t know how long it was gonna take you to get here.”

They’d met the previous year in Drama class, and had hit it off immediately when working on a group assignment. Maia was probably used to him by now, and the enjoyment he took from complaining about his daily life.

“So, what was the deal at the party yesterday?” She asked, turning her dark gaze to Louis in confusion.

He only stared at her, furrowing his brows and gesturing for clarifications. Louis hummed as he took another sip of his coffee, relishing in it now that it wasn’t scolding hot.

“Your friend?” She prompted, shaking her head and passing her hand through her dark hair. “Spitting nonsense, and dressed in a banana costume?”

“ _Rapping_ ,” Louis corrected with a smirk, laughing as he recalled Harry’s dare for Liam. “He was rapping in a banana costume.”

Blurry images of Liam jumping around on stage came back to mind, where the athletic young man had tried to do a very poor impersonation of rapping while dressed in a banana costume. There was also flashes of the foursome laughing at the dare, with Niall literally on the ground, laughing until he cried as they drunkenly made their way back to their dorms.

“I don’t understand you and your friends,” Maia told him on a laugh, pushing Louis with her shoulder, and in turn, Louis cradled his shoulder in mock hurt. “You’re always doing weird shit on campus.”

“You don’t have to understand,” he shrugged, acting like their dares were some lofty concept that were difficult to grasp. “Mortals don’t understand, and—”

“Are you calling yourself a god among men or something?” Maia asked, brows furrowing as she judged Louis.

“I wasn’t going to go that far,” he said, squaring his shoulders and smiling deviously. “But, now that you said it—it sounds rather appealing.”

“First you want caviar at the cafeteria, and now you’re calling yourself a god among men,” she listed on her fingers, shoving Louis’ shoulder as she laughed. “What’s next? Are you gonna demand that a statue be built in honour of your ass, or something?”

“Maybe,” Louis shrugged, smiling again as their teacher instructed them to take their place on stage. “I’ve been told that I have an ass like Nicki Minaj.”

“You wish,” the brunette scoffed, letting out a small laugh. “Who—”

“Places everyone!” their teacher called, his voice echoing in the empty room and stopping the girl’s train of thoughts. “Lewis and Maia, please refrain from joking around on stage. This is art, not a playground.”

Louis sighed, digging out his roughened copy of Romeo and Juliet from his bag and pushing himself out of the squeaking chair to head towards the stage with Maia in tow.

“I’ve been in his class for two years, and he still can’t get my name right,” Louis complained, lowering his voice for Maia’s ears only, who bit her bottom lip to stifle a laugh. “He can say _Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious_ without stuttering, but he can’t say my name. What the _fuck_ , dude.”

. . .

Sighing, Louis flopped down onto the grass, putting his backpack under his head to use it as a pillow. He laid back and took a deep breath, letting the fresh breeze travel to his lungs. It was nice to get out of the dorms from time to time. It was a gorgeous Monday afternoon, and Louis was with his friends.

“Hungover?” Liam inquired.

Louis dismissed the comment with a shake of his head. “Spent all night finishing an assignment.”

Niall chuckled, not particularly sympathetic. “Should’ve done it before coming over to play Fifa.”

It was true, Niall truly had told Louis to finish his homework multiple times beforehand.

But, he’d finally turned the damned assignment in and now he was finally relaxed, something he hadn’t been feeling much lately. The shadow had seemed to come closer, ever since Harry had appeared in his dorm when they’d first met. Since the party, there’d been endless teasing about Harry’s silly-little crush on Louis, to the three other guys’ benefit.

They found it completely hilarious.

“Oh!” Niall exclaimed, sitting up fast enough that he winced and rubbed at his side before he focused his attention on Louis. “I got an idea for Louis’ dare.”

Dread poured over him, and he knew it would probably be a Harry related dare judging by the tone he’d used when explaining.

“Technically,” he went on, and even though Louis couldn’t see him from his spot on the grass, he knew Niall was grinning wickedly. “It's a dare for Harry, too.”

Louis tilted his head to the side, watching the curly-haired boy for a moment. Harry had the blank expression that often appeared on his face whenever he was caught off guard, and apparently, he wasn't as enthusiastic as the other three were about the dare.

“I would like,” Niall said, pointing between the pair as a mischievous glint appeared in his eyes. “For Louis to sit on Harry’s lap.”

Louis tried not to visibly react, his mouth feeling dry all of the sudden and his pulse raged in his ears. He slowly sat up into a sitting position, watching as Niall grinned widely, like his dare was worthy of gloating. He could feel intense green eyes practically burning a hole on the side of his head, and the proximity of the boy wasn’t helping at all.

“How many points?” Louis asked, his left arm prickling with the knowledge that Harry was sitting less than a foot away from him. Blue eyes forced themselves not to stare at Harry, keeping his cool-guy facade. _Don’t let them see you sweat._

“Two?” Liam suggested. “One for Harry.”

“Two points if you sit on Harry’s lap for ten minutes,” Niall shrugged, playing with the grass before looking back and forth between the smaller and taller boys of the group. “It’s not that daring of a dare, mate.”

“Ten minutes?” Louis repeated, catching the shadow’s presence from a mile away.

“Yes,” Niall agreed, looking no less eager to see Louis suffer. “Ten minutes. Plus, you’ll get two points and Harry you’ll get a point. There’s no loser in that situation.”

Harry hesitantly stretched his legs out in front of him, looking unsure about whether or not that was what he was supposed to be doing.

“Are you gonna take the dare, or what?” Zayn urged, pointing at Harry’s outstretched legs and smiling widely at them from under the glow of his phone. Of course he’d be recording the fucking dare. “If you pass, then I’ll take it without hesitating. That’s the easiest dare we’ve ever thought of.”

“I’ll do it,” Louis said, flipping off the camera before scooting over. “If you think I’ll give away two points that easily, you’re wrong.”

Harry wiggled around in the grass until he was comfortable, stretching his long legs out and visibly taking in a sharp breath as Louis walked in between his legs and perched himself on his jean-covered thighs, leaning back onto the green-eyed boy’s body.

Sitting on someone else’s lap wasn’t as comfortable as he remembered from climbing to sit on his late grandfather’s lap as a child, but that was probably due to the fact that they were both adults and that he could feel the twitching of Harry’s thighs underneath him as he tried to make himself more comfortable.

Harry’s arms wrapped around the smaller boy as on instinct, one hand curled around his waist and the other wrapping around his hips, one warm hand tentatively resting atop Louis’ thigh and the other on his hip.

“This is beautiful,” Liam exclaimed teasingly, unaware of the shadow that haunted Louis. “So pure.”

Three pairs of eyes looked at them, all smiles and mischievous glints. Louis fished out his phone, watching the blank screen before sighing loudly and turning his gaze to the boys.

“ _What?_ ” He drawled, rolling his eyes and raising an eyebrow. “Take a picture, It’ll last longer.”

At the mention, both Liam and Niall’s face broke out into smiles, earning a groan from Louis. Of course they’d take the suggestion literally. They each fished out their phones, taking a few pictures of the scene. This went on for several minutes before Louis sighed.

“Are you guys just gonna take pictures for the entire ten minutes, or can we move on?” Louis let out, feeling every twitch of Harry’ long fingers through his sweater.

“I’m gonna blame that on your all-nighter,” Liam said, but changed the subject to avoid the two boys feeling more embarrassed than they currently were. “So, when I went to the cinema with my sisters, I might have seen the poster for a horror movie about an evil clown haunting a city.”

“You mean _It_?” Louis laughed, his breath catching in his throat when Harry leaned forward to interact with the rest of the group, his warm and minty breath fanning over the base of Louis’ neck, sending shivers down his spine.

“ _It_ , that’s the name!” Liam responded. “Sounds like a good movie. You guys wanna go watch it?”

“I don’t really like horror movies,” Harry admitted, toned torso pressing against Louis’ back. “Or clowns, so...”

Louis gaped. “Oh no, seriously?”

“Seriously what?” Harry asked, hands shifting so they were underneath the bottom edge of Louis’ sweater, palms providing warmth through the thin cotton of his t-shirt.

“You’re scared of clowns?”

“Yeah!” Harry nodded eagerly, and Louis frowned. He wouldn’t have imagined Harry to be scared of clowns. Louis had always assumed that he was probably a clown’s cousin, since he always told dad-jokes and had large shoes. “They’re scary.”

“Clowns aren’t _that_ scary,” Louis told him, leaning back and watching as Harry’s breath caught in his throat when he leaned backward to talk to him.

Harry frowned, shifting to look at Louis. “ _They’re not scary,_ ” he repeated, almost mockingly. “Don’t you find it creepy that they’re always smiling? No one is _that_ happy all the time. They can pile twenty of their friends into one tiny car, spray you with water from a flower on their shirt, or throw a pie in your face. And, that clown in _It_...he kidnaps kids and eats them!”

“He’s just a dirty old man wearing paint on his face and running around in that town’s sewers,” Louis rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, peering down into Harry’s green eyes. “If you took off his disgusting Ronald McDonald wig, I bet he’s not that scary.”

“Well, in my book he’s scary,” Harry said, playfully shaking his head in disapproval, a shiver rolling down Louis’ spine as he felt Harry’s legs shift. “Point is, I don’t want to watch It and have that clown stuck in my dreams for a month.”

“You can always hold onto Louis’ hand if you’re scared,” Zayn remarked with a suggestive raise of his eyebrows.

Louis kept his eyes in front of him, but he could clearly see the pink tint creeping on Harry’s neck and cheeks. When he shook his head, he felt Harry stiffen underneath him as Zayn’s eyebrows rose. _Don't show them your weakness,_ he wanted to tell him. _Never let them see you sweat_.

“Let’s vote on the movie,” Liam suggested after a couple of very uncomfortable, quiet seconds had passed.

“You know you're gonna win, though!” Harry complained, emerald eyes no longer on Louis.

Liam shrugged, an innocent yet smug smile tugging at his lips. “We’ll just have to vote and see.”

“Who votes in favour of watching _It_?” Zayn asked, already raising his own hand.

Liam’s hand shot up, and Louis could feel the taller boy stiffening but never shifting to raise his. He didn’t really feel like watching a movie, but he’d rather watch some dumb horror film than whatever the alternative was so he raised his hand.

“Four against one,” Liam observed, as though that hadn’t been obvious from the beginning. “Guess we’re watching it.”

“I’ll probably have assignments to do, anyway,” Harry mumbled, fingers fidgeting with the hem of Louis’ sweater.

“Harry, come on,” Zayn argued, rolling his eyes. “You spend all your time doing assignments and readings. It’s gonna be good for you to get out.”

“But, it’s a horror movie,” the young man countered.

“It's a scary movie about a clown,” Louis interjected, crossing his arms as a smile took place on his face. “It's about a clown that lives in America’s sewers, Harry. And, even if it were real, it would live across the pacific ocean.”

The green-eyed boy immediately pursed his lips in thought, tilting his head from side to side before sighing. That’s when Louis knew that the taller boy had been swayed by his comments.

“I mean,” Harry started, his slender fingers tightening slightly on Louis’ hips. “Y—yeah, okay. I’ll watch it.”

“Cool,” Liam exclaimed, a teasing smile on his face. “And good news, the dare’s over guys. You both got points for the dare!”

Louis nodded, sliding off Harry’s thighs to take his seat on the luscious grass. Harry’s warm hands slid off his hips, leaving coldness in their wake. He released a breath he realized he hadn’t known he’d been holding before laying back onto the grass like he’d previously did.

“We’ll meet at my place, then?” Liam inquired, passing a hand through his hair as the heavy breeze blew into his face. “Friday at six.”

The sun was dipping lower in the sky, casting its bright golden rays across the tall buildings of campus and bathed the old buildings in its warmth.

Autumn was approaching, the summer’s heat finally easing up on London and making way for cold air and beautiful colours. Sweaters and jackets were the only outerwear needed for Autumn, and Louis loved it. Crisp winds, hot chocolates and piles of leaves were the things that Louis looked forward to.

It wasn’t too cold, and not too hot. Just the perfect temperature.

But, sitting on the hard ground with the breeze blowing and sweeping the cold breeze beneath his sweater, Louis wasn’t enjoying the weather or the change of seasons like he normally would. He was cold and wanted to go inside.

Even worse, he’d been fine a minute ago. He’d been fine with Harry’s legs and hands projecting heat onto his smaller body, his broad frame blocking the wind and the proximity providing Louis with ample warmth.

However, now he was cold, trying not to shiver as the four boys talked about Zayn’s oncoming date at the Art Museum.

From the corner of his eyes, Louis could notice the shadow stretching closer and closer as the sun gradually lowered itself, the dark edges of it rippling across Louis’ lap so that he could make out the consuming darkness nearly touching his thigh.

The shadow moved, and he shivered, feeling the familiar cold shiver run down his spine as he gulped down his fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	6. Night Out

“What do you mean you can't go?” Louis asked, staring at Zayn with a disbelieving stare.

He was in Zayn’s room along with Liam, waiting for the others to arrive. Now, both Zayn and Liam had bailed on him, and while Louis wouldn’t mind going alone, but it was always more fun to go with someone else who could appreciate and share his enthusiasm on horror movies.

“Sorry,” Zayn said for a second time, dark eyes rising in the mirror’s reflection t meet Louis’. “I have work on Friday nights.”

Louis groaned in frustration, turning to face Liam, a pleading look in his eyes. “Liam?” He tried. “Can’t you just take a two hour break to come watch it?”

It seemed reasonable in his mind, but Liam was already shaking his head, looking up from his laptop. “Can’t,” he replied, jutting out his bottom lip. “My breaks are going to be for sleep and food so I don't die. There’s no way I’ll finish my paper if I don’t work all weekend.”

“Damnit,” Louis swore. Things weren't looking too hopeful for him. Almost everyone had told him no at the last minute to watch _It_.

“What’s up, lads?” Niall announced, walking into the room with Harry on his heels.

Louis looked over at Niall, sighing in defeat. Niall wasn’t that interested in horror movies, but the Irishman was usually up for anything.

“Niall,” he said, turning to the blonde where he was flipping through a magazine that he’d found on Zayn’s desk. “Please tell me you can still come watch _It_ with me on Friday.”

As soon as he’d noticed Niall pursing his lips, he rolled his eyes and flopped down onto Zayn’s desk chair. “I’m going home for the weekend,” Niall reminded him, tone playfully taunting that Louis had forgotten.

“Fuck, right,” he grumbled, tilting his head back before carefully turning his head to see Harry looking at him — lips parting open like he wanted to say something before closing them.

Louis raised an eyebrow in the other boy’s direction, watching as Harry seemed to consider his options carefully. He took a hold of his can of beer, taking a swig as he waited for Harry to say whatever excuse he had to not go watch the movie on Friday like they’d initially planned.  
  
“I can go,” Harry finally said after a while, seeming unsure of himself.

He nervously licked his lips, waiting for Louis to tell him if he would be allowed to join him, which was beyond dumb. Of course Louis wasn’t going to say no, even if them going together to the movies was going to cause endless teasing.

There was a slight moment of hesitation afterward, both young men staring at each other. Harry started fidgeting with the silver pendant of his necklace, almost as if the nervous gesture was going to take back his words from the room.

“Didn’t you have assignments for Monday?” Louis asked, furrowing his brows as he remembered what the curly-haired boy had told them back at the park. “You said—”

Harry tilted his head from side to side. “Sort of. I mean, I—I have some readings to do,” Harry said, biting his bottom lip anxiously. “But, I can still come.”

Louis nodded, a pleased feeling settling in his gut. “Okay, cool,” Louis agreed, releasing a sigh of relief. “It’s at eight on Friday.”

Harry’s lips stretched into a large grin, like Louis had just given him the greatest present he’d ever received. He nodded once, but his green eyes were still on him, warm and calculating at the same time. He said nothing, did nothing, simply sat and watched Louis for a moment.

Louis’ breath caught in his throat, not because he was shy, but because he’d never been stared in that way, so intently before. Harry’s gaze was heavy, warm and calculating, almost as if he could read Louis just from looking at him.

Clearing his throat after returning Harry’s smile, Louis looked away, his first instinct to glance down and to avoid his burning gaze. Harry’s intense gaze wasn’t something he was used to.

As if on cue, Niall and Liam were nudging each other’s sides with their elbows and raising their eyebrows in Harry’s direction suggestively.

“What a lovely first date,” Liam teased, not meaning any harm, but still making Louis’ jaw clench.

“So sweet,” Niall agreed, grinning proudly as he placed a hand over his chest as his light gaze shifted between the two boys. “Louis’ first date.”

“You’re a fucking twat,” Louis replied, stomach lurching even though he knew it was a joke, taking another sip from his beer. “At least I have a _‘date’_ on Friday. Which is more than I can say for the both of you.”

Zayn erupted in laughter, along with Harry and Louis smirked at Niall and Liam’s pouts.

“For the record,” Liam said, smiling triumphantly. “I have a girlfriend.”

“She lives three hours away,” Louis dissmissed, crossing his arms. “So, who knows if she's even real?”

“Louis,” Liam said, furrowing his brows playfully. “You _literally_ met her this summer.”

“Did I?” LOuis asked, widening his eyes and placing his fingers underneath his chin in question.

Liam shot him a pointed look.

“Okay, fine,” Louis Acknowledged. “Danielle was lovely, tell her I said Hi.”

“Niall?” Harry wanted to know, raising a brow in question.

“Not yet,” Niall replied easily. “While I don’t have a girlfriend right now, I have chances.”

“Chances?” Louis repeated, rolling his eyes and smiling teasingly. “With who? Your left hand, maybe?”

Harry smacked the floor as he laughed, tension gone from his frame, as both Liam and Zayn snickered from their respective computer screens.

“Make fun all you want,” Niall exclaimed, rolling his eyes and leaning back onto Zayn’s bed. “You remember how hot that girl was who I hooked up with last year—”

“Yes, we remember,” Zayn interrupted. “Mostly because you bring it up every three to four days.”

Harry snorted, burying his laughter in a fist when Niall pretended to glare at him.

“Well, she was!” Niall argued, fishing out his phone, fingers darting around the screen for a few seconds before handing the phone around to show the girl he’d been crushing on for the last few weeks. “This is my music partner, I think I might have a chance with her.”

Harry took the phone, watching the girl on the screen with Louis looking over his shoulder. “What’s her n—”

“Barbara, right?” Louis asked, frowning as he struggled to remember the girl’s name.

“Wait,” Niall squawked, turning to him with his mouth open. “You know her?”

“Not well,” Louis told him, shrugging noncommittally. “She’s friends with Maia. I met her once or twice.”

“Do you secretly know a bunch of girls?” Niall inquired, squinting his eyes at the blue-eyed boy.

“As if I’d tell you,” he joked, dimples winking as he grinned.

“You’re all terrible friends,” the blonde announced to the snickering bunch. “Harry, from now on you’re my only friend.”

“Oh good,” Harry replied, sounding so enthused that it had all of them cracking up. “I was getting jealous over here.”

. . .

Harry glanced down at his phone, his palms sweaty as he gripped the device tightly in his hands. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. They were just going to the movies after all. Still, though, the moment he received a text message from Louis, his heart began to bet so loudly in his chest that he was surprised people couldn’t hear it.

“Okay, he’s in the lobby.”

Niall looked up from his place in the center of his twin-sized bed, a giant burrito held in his hand with his phone in the other. He smiled at his roommate and nodded firmly. “So go,” Niall laughed from his bed. “And Harry, don’t look so scared. It's just Louis, remember?”

“Right,” he nodded and took a deep breath, mumbling to himself. “It’s just Louis.”

He smoothed his hands down the front of his shirt as he stepped from the mirror at the back of their dorm door, offering Niall a strained smile. He was more nervous than he was willing to admit, even if he knew he was just going to watch a movie with Louis.

Harry’s brain had taken it a step further, though, and kept him spiraling through a constant mental cycle of questions, both hopeful and unhelpful. What if their hangout went splendidly? Would they hang out again? Would this actually develop into a friendship?

What if it went poorly? What if they ran out of things to talk about before and after the movie? What if things got awkward? What if they had to eat theater food? Harry didn’t know if he could eat a hot dog elegantly. What if a clown killed everyone during _It_?

Okay, the last one was a bit of a stretch, but Harry’s anxious mind was a complete mess after a day of what-ifs. They had gotten more ridiculous by the hour.

Niall sighed. “Will you stop? You’re gonna do great.”

“Am I?” Harry asked rhetorically. “I mean, I know we’re going to the movies as friends and I should be relaxed, but I can’t help it.”

“I know you can’t,” the blond agreed, nodding along with a smile. “Now, stop blabbering and just go already.”

“Okay, okay,” Harry groaned, grabbing his phone and sending a quick reply to Louis. “I'm going.”

“Good.”

“Good,” he repeated, sticking his wallet in his back pocket and then headed for the door.

Just as he opened it, Niall called out his name again. “Oh, and Harry?”

The curly-haired boy turned back. “Yeah?”

“Try to relax,” Niall reached over and grabbed something off of his bedside table and tossed it through the air. “And eat that.”

Harry caught the small item midair and cracked up when he noticed the pack of peppermint gum, he pulled the wrapper off and popped the mint in his mouth. “Thanks, have a safe flight to Ireland.”

Harry slipped out of the dorm, closing the door behind himself.

“It's just Louis,” Harry muttered as he passed the elevators and shot straight to the stairs, taking them two at a time and did his best to take Niall’s advice to relax. “You’re going to see a movie about a deadly clown kidnapping children, it’s all good.”

Before exiting the stairs, he took a deep breath. He smoothed his hands over his shirt once more, whispering to himself over and over that everything was going to be fine. He then passed a hand through his mass of curls, pushing them off his forehead and pushed open the door, stepping out into the lobby of his dorm building.

Harry only managed about ten seconds of his walk before he glanced up and stumbled to a stop. Louis was standing a short distance from the elevators and leaned against one of the granite walls. Harry’s breath caught in his throat.

The young man wore dark-wash skinny jeans, a black T-shirt, the white shoes he always wore, and a simple denim jacket that somehow looked like a royal gown.

Louis looked effortlessly hot, and it almost made Harry want to laugh. While he’d spent two hours worrying over what to wear for their casual hangout to the movies, Louis had probably spent no more than five minutes choosing his outfit and he looked incredible. They were so different, and it was apparent in everything — the way they dressed, the way they talked, their body languages, and their demeanors. They were complete opposites, and, yet, they somehow made their way into the same circle of friends.

“Hi,” Harry said when he reached the young man.

“Hey,” Louis greeted, blue eyes meeting Harry’s. They stared at one another for another long moment, until Louis finally just shuffled awkwardly towards the door. “You ready to see some clown running around sewers?”

Harry sucked in a hissing breath and tilted his head hesitantly. “Not really.”

Harry bit his bottom lip and shook her head as Louis let out a laugh, raising a hand to hail a taxi. That man was seriously going to be the death of him, Harry thought. A taxi slowed down at the curb, and Harry took a deep breath as he slipped into the backseat, Louis slipping in beside him.

The young man chuckled. “You don’t really have a choice, now. Do you?”

“There’s no turning back now,” Harry shook his head, a grin making its way onto his face. “Pennywise the Clown, here we come.”

. . .

Stepping out of the taxi, Louis shivered from the chill in the air. Autumn was in full swing, bringing cold temperatures that often dipped nearly to freezing after sundown, and Louis was glad he’d worn his grandfather’s vintage denim jacket over his black t-shirt. He hastily shoved his hands into the pockets, relishing in the warmth it provided.

Harry seemed to have had the same idea, dressing in an over-sized white sweater with a black vintage-looking coat. He’d also opted for dark jeans that clung to his long legs, and on his feet were a pair of black leather boots that had silver buckles wrapped around the ankles. He certainly knew how to dress.

Now though, the sun had only just disappeared from view, so it wasn’t too cold yet. The movie was only meant to start in an hour and a half, so both young men had agreed on getting dinner in town before getting into the movie theater.

When he’d had suggested it, Harry’s eyes had widened like he couldn’t believe Louis wanted to spend more time with him beforehand. When they’d scheduled their original plan, they’d all agreed to eat in town, and Louis had no reason to change that just because the others couldn’t come.

The food in the cafeteria wasn’t bad, but it was definitely nice to eat out sometimes.

“I’ve never been here before,” Harry said as they stepped into the pizza restaurant, the glass door swinging closed behind them and keeping the warmth of the restaurant trapped inside.

“It’s pretty good,” Louis said with a shrug, unzipping his jacket as he made his way up to the counter with Harry in tow.

It wasn’t fancy, at all. But the pizza was good and very cheap, so this was often the restaurant of choice for many students when they’d come into town for outings.

“How many slices are you getting?” Harry asked, green eyes scanning the impossibly long menu behind the counter and vintage coat brushing against Louis’ as they waited in line.

“Only one,” he replied, fishing his wallet out of his pocket and not bothering with the menu since he knew what he wanted. “They’re pretty big.”

Harry sucked in a sharp breath when Louis stepped up to the counter, clearly undecided with his order. He shuffled from feet to feet as he pondered his choices, passing a hand through his curls as he captured his bottom lip between his teeth.

“I’ll have one slice of the meat lover’s with a coke,” he turned his attention to Harry who nearly startled when he realized Louis was waiting for him to give his order, raising a brow in the taller boy’s direction in a silent question.

“Oh, we’re ordering together?” Harry asked, eyes widening and mouth falling agape in shock.

“Yeah.”

“Oh, okay, um,” Harry stuttered, his tone stuck between awe and sheepish as he flushed.

“Are you gonna order?” The cashier asked when Harry was still staring at him.

“Uh, yeah,” Harry chewed on his bottom lip anxiously “I’ll have, um—”

His knees were flexing as he stared at the menu, his brain was whirring and running through every possible thing he could say and what the outcome would be. Louis recognized the signs. Harry acted the same way when they were all hanging out and he saw an opportunity for a joke.

“I’ll take a slice of cheese pizza,” he finally said, forceful even as his face shifted right after like he was worried he had made the wrong choice. “And, um, a bottle of water.”

Louis wanted to tell him that he could get a drink — that another two dollars wasn’t gonna push him into ruin — but ultimately, he decided to just leave it. He didn’t want Harry to over think his choice of food and drink, possibly creating another series of doubt in his mind.

“Alright,” the cashier said, pressing a couple of buttons and seeming relieved that the ordering process was coming to an end. “That’ll be twelve dollars and fifty cents.”

Louis fished out his wallet and passed over several bills to the cashier, waiting for his change and feeling Harry stare at him in disbelief. A moment later, the cashier came back with their food, and they headed for an empty table. Louis took his food and snagged a couple of napkins, picking up his fizzing bottle of coke and shuffling in the direction of the table that seemed the least likely to get a cold blast of air from the door when anyone walked in.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Harry had said, just like Louis had predicted, bottom lip caught between his teeth and green eyes wide with his head tilted down to stare at Louis through his lashes — something Louis didn’t know was possible since Harry was taller than him. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

Louis nodded in answer, placing his wallet back into his back pocket. “No problem,” he dismissed, heading in the direction of an empty booth. “A slice of pizza’s like three dollars, maybe? It’s no big deal.”

He really had no reason to be annoyed that Harry was thanking him, the taller boy just seemed to have a habit to thank people. Any polite person would. But, in Louis’ eyes, it was just a stupid thing that didn’t mean anything. They didn’t need to make it a big deal.

They shuffled into a booth, diverting their attention to the grease-soaked cardboard plates sitting on the table, along with their drinks. As soon as he took his first bite, Harry’s eyes closed shut and a soft moan of satisfaction escaped his lips, and he instantly moved to cover his moth with his hand in shock, cheeks flushing pink.

“Sorry!” He exclaimed after his first bite, and Louis’ lips parted in a teasing smile. “I didn’t mean to, it just—it’s just so good!”

Louis was glad that Harry liked it, nodding in agreement. Not that he’d worried that Harry wouldn’t like it, it was pizza, for fuck’s sake. But being the one in charge of all the plans - plans that had been made beforehand with the others — had him hoping that everything went smoothly and that Harry would at least have a good time, even if he really hated clowns.

“So,” Louis started, wiping at his lips with one of the crumpled napkins he’d dropped next to his plate. “What are you majoring in?”

For all the time they’d spent together, Louis hadn’t heard Harry speaking about his classes or what he was studying very often. Most of the times, Harry had been too busy laughing or intently listening as the others spoke of their classes.

“Biochemistry,” Harry admitted, chuckling nervously as Louis’ full attention was on him.

“Biology and Chemistry were my worst subjects in high school,” he replied, unsure of what else to say. Besides, best get it out early that he knew next to nothing about the subjects. He’d been the one to bring it up, but he didn’t want Harry going on about things that he didn’t understand.

“Really?” Harry asked, brows furrowing slightly and looking genuinely surprised. “I would have thought you’d be good at that kind of stuff.”

Shrugging, Louis took a sip of his coke and scrunched his nose at the thought. “Didn’t click, I guess,” he said, shrugging. “I always had trouble with bio and chemistry. Lines pointing towards various body parts with a space to fill in the words...it requires pure memorization, and I hate memorization.”

“Aren’t you a Drama major?” Harry grinned teasingly, taking another bite o his pizza. “Doesn’t _that_ required memorization, too?”

“Yeah, okay,” Louis shook his head, mouth parting in a smile. “But, that’s completely different.”

“How is that any different?” He inquired. “You literally have to memorize an entire script, and—”

“Shut up,” he playfully jabbed, earning a laugh from him.

“I bet if you had a good teacher, you’d like it,” Harry pondered, hands moving as he spoke, his entire demeanour changing. “I think how it’s taught makes a huge difference. I had a teacher that actually cared about us understanding as bio and chem became more advanced. That’s why I like and understand it, I guess.”

Louis had never thought about it that way, in high-school he’d been too busy with just trying to stay afloat and cursing himself for signing up for those stupid mandatory classes in the first place. But Harry's logic made sense. Not that Louis was tempted to take up Harry’s theory by signing up for a biology or chemistry class, or anything.

“So yeah,” Harry said with a twitchy shrug, looking sheepish — like he was worried that the bit he’d said might have bored Louis. “I’m studying in Biochemistry.”

“Do you know what you’re gonna do with it when you graduate?” Louis asked to show he wasn’t in danger of nodding off on his pile of greasy napkins.

As soon as the words left his mouth, he was cursing himself almost immediately, hating that he’d just asked what his relatives asked him when he saw them on holidays — their brows tilted like surely there was no legitimate job for a Drama major.

“Not sure yet,” Harry admitted, chewing a bite of crust. “But I’ll probably have to get a master’s to get any jobs with that. There’s not that many science related jobs that don’t require a master’s.”

Louis winced in sympathy. Grad school wasn’t something he’d thought about, but it also wasn’t something he had to do if he wanted to find a job.

“Ready?” Louis asked, staring down at their empty table and empty drinks.

Nodding reluctantly, Harry pushed his chair back from the table — the hard metal chair screeching against the sticky faux-marble floor and making both of them cringe at the noise. Though Harry had chuckled in his fist a second later, pulling a smile to Louis’ face.

The cinema was a ten minute walk from the pizza shop, the air even colder than when they’d stepped into the pizza parlor. Louis stuffed his hands in his pockets, trying to keep up with Harry, who was nearly a feet or two ahead of him since his legs were longer than his as they walked along the sidewalk.

“So,” Harry said after a loud silence, slowing down his steps to walk next to the smaller boy. “How’d you guys all meet? I mean, I know that Liam and Zayn were roommates freshman year, but how about you and Niall. How did you all get together?”

Louis nodded, shoulders hunching against a gust of wind. “Yeah, they were roommates,” he confirmed. “My roommate in Freshman year, however—”

“Bad?” Harry guessed, mouth twisting exaggeratedly in anticipation of Louis’ explanation, green eyes lighting in interest.

“Bad doesn’t seem like the right word for it,” Louis shrugged, passing a hand through his hair. “He’d come into the dorm in the middle of the night, completely wasted and wake me up all the time. Sometimes he’d bring girls in to stay the night.”

Harry’s face scrunched up in disgust, lips pursing and brows furrowing at the thought.

“Let’s just say that I _heard_ everything they did,” he went on, squinting when the shine of headlights flashed in his eyes as a car drove past them. “That’s how I met Zayn, actually. When my asshole roommate would bring home random girls for the night, Zayn and Liam would let me crash in their door floor in a sleeping bag they had for some reason for the night. That’s how we became friends, really. We talked shit about my roommate, drank beer and played video games.”

Harry nodded, walking backwards with his feet dragging onto the sidewalk. “I’m guessing they introduced you to Niall?”

“Watch out,” Louis warned when Harry started walking backwards. “Don’t wanna trip, scraped and bleeding palms sucks.”

Smiling sheepishly, Harry fell back into pace, walking alongside him. He shuffled closer, as if on instinct as Luis lead them into the cinema.

“To answer your question, yes,” the smaller boy informed, shaking his head and relishing in the warmth of the inside. “I think Zayn and Niall knew each other from a class, and Liam and Niall were friends from high school. Add me into the mix and things just kinda fell into place. Almost like it was—”

“Meant to be,” Harry said with a grin, wind ruffling his curls and the tip of his nose turning pink from the cold.

Louis opened his mouth to say no, that it hadn’t been meant to be, that it just happened. But Harry looked so gleefully dazzled by the whole story that Louis just shrugged again, feeling his lips starting to curl up into a smirk. “I knew _you_ were the type to believe in faith and all that. I bet you also do yoga and meditation.”

“Hey!” Harry laughed, shoving Louis on the shoulder and making him stumble. He reached forwards, taking a hold of Louis’ shoulders to steady him as he laughed at the sight. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to push you over. You’re lighter than I thought.”

“Somehow I feel like I’m being insulted on top of just being shoved,” Louis rolled his eyes, amusement clear in his voice.

It was nice to joke around and talk with Harry like this — without Harry being so nervous to be around him, and without the others to poke and tease. It was really nice. Harry looked like he was going to apologize again, but then he seemed to notice the way Louis’ eyes were lit up with amusement, and he laughed.

A smile made its way on Louis’ face as Harry kept walking forwards before stopping a few feet later and noticing that Louis had stopped walking. Harry smiled shyly in embarrassment and Louis laughed as he turned around and walked into the building with Louis.

Harry smiled as Louis bought their movie tickets, and they headed towards the screen room. “Thank you,” Harry said. “Now I feel bad. You bought me three things today, and I paid for nothing.”

Nodding, Louis led them over to two benches. They were sat near the middle, being told-off by a middle-aged couple as they passed by them to get to their seats. As Louis remarked, that couple seemed to be angry over the fact that Louis and Harry had had time to purchase popcorn and soft-drinks before the screening, and they hadn't.

“I hope you like horror movies,” Louis teased once they were sat down.

Harry’s lip curled into an uneasy smile. “You already know the answer to that.”

“Pennywise isn’t that scary,” Louis argued, propping a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “He’s literally Ronald McDonald’s crusty cousin. He lives in the sewers for fuck sakes!”

“And clowns are scary!”

“Harry, come on,” he started. “It’s n—”

The lights dimmed and Harry’s stomach clenched in anticipation as the voices of the people around them faded to nothing and the title of the film flickered across the screen in red letters that made his skin scrawl.

 _It_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	7. Friends

Teeth dug into his bottom lip as Louis fought back the urge to laughed at Harry’s visceral reactions to the film. The other young man was coiled back against the plush seat next to Louis, body stiff and nearly rolled into a ball., his lips pursed in horror as his eyes remained fixed on the large screen.

The camera zoomed in on the clown’s face, his painted bright red lips parting into a threatening smile. Pennywise’s voice echoed through the dark room as he stared at the young protagonists, his dark eyes dancing with tease. “Am I not real enough for you, Billy?”

The scene flashed back and forth between those red lips and the terrified young children that crowded around their friend on the dirty kitchen floor of Pennywise’s burned house.

“Am I not real enough for you, Billy?” The clown repeated again pouting and then quickly changing to a smirk. “It was real enough for Georgie.”

“That’s fucked up,” Harry whispered, and Louis completely lost it, letting out a soft laugh and Harry smacked him on the arm.

“Ouch!” Laughter still bubbled in his throat as he rubbed the sore spot on his upper arm. “Why’d you hit me?”

“You laughed at me,” he explained, before flashing an apologetic smile at the same-old couple that had told them off previously when Louis kept making remarks about Pennywise and making Harry laugh. Harry turned his eyes back toward the movie. “Now, hush. I’m trying to watch a movie.”

They fell into silence after that, both of them getting sucked back into the movie as Harry munched onto their shared popcorn, their hands ever-so-slightly brushing together and making Louis’ breath hitch in his throat.

He watched as Harry was horrified at more than a few parts of the movie, and Louis had decided then and there that he really needed to convince the curly-haired boy to watch more horror movies with him, because his reactions were wildly entertaining. It was far too amusing and enjoyable not to repeat.

The main protagonist of the movie had come face to face with his younger brother, shot him and revealed in its place Pennywise. The clown moved to fight each of the children, and Louis bit his bottom lip again to keep from laughing as he realized that Harry had shifted closer and closer to Louis throughout the entire scene. The young man had practically ducked behind Louis’ shoulder, and by the end of the scene, Harry was peeking over the top of Louis’ shoulder. When the children forced a pipe down the clown’s throat, and his face distorted and he laughed, Harry shuddered.

“Oh God,” Harry’s words dissolved against Louis’ neck in a puff of warm air, and it was Louis’ turn to shudder. The shadow could be anywhere. “They’re all gonna die. Aren’t they?”

“Hush, I’m trying to watch a movie,” Louis teased in a whisper. “Besides, you’ll never find out if you keep hiding behind my shoulder. Right?”

Louis moved his head to the side so that he could look back at Harry, blue eyes locking with his in the darkness and his breathing grew fast and shallow as their noses brushed slightly. They were close, so close that Louis could feel the other boy’s hot, minty breath on his neck.

They stared at each other for a beat, Louis’ left eye twitching and heat creeping up his neck as Harry’s slowly darkening eyes slowly slid from Louis’ to his lips before darting back up, his green eyes widening when the smaller boy shuddered and jerked backward onto his seat. The pair paused awkwardly for a moment as they stared at each other through the dark.

“Shit, sorry,” Harry mumbled, grabbing at the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to—”

“I’m—It’s fine.”

Louis turned to watch the movie, noticing Harry’s apologetic expression in his peripheral vision. He blinked a few times, swallowing away his fear as Harry slowly settled back into his seat, knee nervously jumping up and down. There was no doubt in Louis’ mind that Harry was over thinking the situation, running every possible outcome in his mind.

Harry was definitely not paying attention to the movie anymore. His green gaze was unfocused, drumming his slender fingers onto his lap and biting his bottom lip nervously over and over. Louis felt bad. He wanted to tell Harry not to worry about it, to not give a shit about what others thought so much, but because it was Harry, it wasn’t likely to happen.

When the credits appeared on screen and the bright glow of the theater lights flickered back on, Louis stood up with a yawn, his arms cracking as he stretched. The two young men were silent as they shuffled slowly to the exit, and they took baby steps all the way to the lobby of the cinema, where they stood awkwardly for a few moments.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” Louis said, shrugging on his jacket, pointing towards the men’s bathrooms. “I’ll be back.”

Harry nodded, vibrant green eyes wide and concerned. Louis moved quickly and wordlessly away from the taller boy and disappeared into the men’s bathroom, his footsteps echoing around the empty bathroom.

He cursed at himself in the mirror as the scene replayed through his mind over and over again. _That had been too close for comfort_. Louis blamed his stupid curiosity or whatever it had been that had pushed him to glance over. Although, a tiny voice in his mind whispered words and thoughts Louis wouldn’t even dream of. He shook the thought away, pushing himself off the sink and heading back out towards the lobby where Harry was most-likely waiting for him. 

Just as he headed out the open archway of the bathroom, a figure jumped out from the side, and he jumped back in fright. Wide blue eyes made contact with green ones, a large grin appearing on Harry’s face.

“What the fuck?” He yelped, and Harry laughed, eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Film didn’t scare you, eh?” Harry taunted, walking backwards as Louis stalked forward towards the main entrance.

“It didn’t!” Louis argued, joining in with a slight laugh. “You stumbled out of nowhere, and startled me!”

The cold Autumn night air hit both of them as they left the Theater, and Louis shoved his hands deep into his pockets to keep his fingers warm. The sun had long gone and left nothing but the bitter chill of the upcoming winter as they waited for their taxi back to University under the artificial glow of the street lamps outside the Cinema.

It had been Harry’s idea to wait outside, as people piled up and crowded around each other inside the building. Louis had agreed, and now the tips of Louis’ ears were starting to sting due to the cold. Normally he would’ve complained about the situation, but the taller boy was standing beside him, enthusiastically describing the scenes of the movie.

“Looks like you’re not scared of clowns, anymore,” Louis teased, lips curving in a smirk as he watched Harry.

“Oh, I’m still scared of clowns,” Harry insisted, his strong features emphasized by the artificial glow of the streetlights. “I’m just appreciating the acting and special effects of it. You can’t say that Pennywise wasn’t scary when he ran out of the water.”

Louis snorted in agreement, rolling his eyes and grinning at Harry’s pleased smile. “He might have scared me once, but that’s only because he startled me.”

Harry grinned, his eyes crinkling. “Once?”

“Fine,” Louis admitted, rolling his eyes again, his breath coming out as a swirl of mist. “He might have scared me once, or twice, but you can’t go around telling the guys that. I’ve got a reputation to keep.”

Harry laughed, unable to keep the shit-eating grin off his face. “It’s a secret, then?”

“Yeah,” Louis chuckled, nodding in agreement as his eyes scanned the street for their taxi. “It’s gonna be our little secret.”

Even though his eyes weren’t on Harry, he knew that the boy was biting back a large grin, green eyes moving to the floor as the ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. Louis was becoming more and more intrigued by the awkward and tall boy as time went on, and he didn’t like where this was going.

It meant that the shadow would be as present as ever.

It wasn’t the fact that Louis liked Harry’s company that bothered him, it was the fact that ever since the boy had walked into his life, the shadow had returned at full speed. Almost like it had never left and been ignored by Louis.

A few minutes passed and their taxi pulled up next to the curb, the two boys practically jumping into the car as warmth radiated off it. The drive back to campus was quiet, the dim lights of London moving past them in a blur.

“Thanks for bringing me,” Harry said, breaking the silence of the taxi, and Louis turned to face him.

The sight caught him off-guard. It would’ve made a striking picture. Harry was looking at him, the lights of the city illuminating half-his face, sparkling green eyes, his curly hair falling in soft waves around his forehead and temples, with his ears peeking from underneath the gentle curls.

“I’m glad you could come,” Louis admitted, fiddling with the bottom of his sweater as the taxi pulled up next to their University. “Really, I appreciate it.”

Having the three other guys cancelling on their initial plan had felt like the worst thing ever, it had made him feel like he wouldn’t possibly be able to enjoy the movie as much alone, and having Harry with him had made all the difference. Though he would’ve liked to watch _It_ with Niall, Liam, Harry and Zayn, he had a good of a time with Harry. 

Of course, it was a different atmosphere than with with his other friends, but their night out had been enjoyable.

Despite himself, Louis couldn’t help but dwell on the fact that their night out was already over. He couldn’t help but think of the next time when they’d be able to hang out like that, without the constant teasing and dares that would play off of Harry’s crush on him.

He pulled out a few bills and handed them to the driver, dismissing Harry’s offer to pay with a hand. They left the taxi, and watched as it drove off, leaving them standing in the cold way too closely as they walked towards their dorms.

The air was thick and ripe with silence as they walked in silence, and Louis tried not to think of the fact that Harry’s hand brushed against his as they walked.

Harry stopped and turned to face Louis when they had to walk in opposite directions, a shy smile stretching across his face as a blush crawled its way up his neck. The taller boy licked his lips subconsciously, biting his bottom lip.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Harry asked, gripping the back of his neck.

“I’ll see you, tomorrow,” Louis nodded in confirmation, licking his lips.Of course, they’d see each other tomorrow. The group always hung out on Saturday nights - whether it was at Louis’, Zayn’s, Liam’s or Niall and Harry’s.

Harry shot him a shy smile before walking backwards and turning on his heels to walk off towards his dorm building, and Louis tilted his head to the side. Somehow in the time they’d left the Theater and gotten to campus, the taller boy had gotten shy compared to the unapologetic boy from the movie theater.

Louis watched until Harry was long out-of-sight before turning on his heels and hurrying to his room, feeling the shadow standing right behind him threateningly.

It was around every corner, blending in with the darkness around them, breathing down his neck and Louis shivered as he made his way into the building.

. . .

That night, the shadow came into Louis’ dreams.

Sure, he’d always feel it hovering around or over him, but the real battle started when he went to sleep. He’d gotten used to ignoring and fighting the shadow when he was awake, but the dreams were harder to escape. And, the shadow had been getting noticeably closer and stronger every passing day. Even asleep, he wasn’t safe. The dreams had started not long after Harry had been introduced into the group, in fact.

Every boy, once in a while, would wake up uncomfortably aroused with images from dreams that their subconscious had imagined. But, these boys would probably dream about the girl they thought was attractive —  a celebrity, the girls on Magazine covers they’d seen when they bought food at the grocery store, girls from their classes, or the girls from their social medias.

While his friends would all dream about these things, Louis would dream of things that he didn’t want to acknowledge. He refused to acknowledge the existence of the dreams that often made him wake up in cold sweats and uncomfortable arousal in the middle of the night.

He often dreampt of men, and he refused to acknowledge the fact that they were sometimes draped over him, and sometimes laid under him. That was not what he was supposed to be dreaming about at all. He was supposed to be dreaming about beautiful women, the ones he saw on the TV and his social medias.

He didn’t ask to have those dreams, the shadow did that decision for him, and it wasn’t fair. He just wanted to be like his friends. _He wanted to be normal_. He hadn’t asked for these dreams that plagued him. Most mornings, he’d wake up with every cell in his body throbbing with the thoughts of those dreams, and he would ignore them. He would grit his teeth and pretend they’d never happened.

But, the Harry dreams were harder to ignore.

That night, he’d dreampt of being in a house with a group of strangers, the loud music pounding around them as sweaty, half-naked bodies ground against each other. He’d been walking around the crowd, elbowing his way through.

And then he felt it — a tall and lean body looming behind him, warmth and the scent of metallic sweat radiating from behind him — as a strong chest pressed firmly against Louis’ back. He felt the whisper of lips against the shell of his ear, and arousal curled low in his gut as he glanced over his shoulder to see Harry.

Louis couldn’t help the small gasp that escaped his lips as he whispered obscene things into his ear, his sender hands toying with the hem of Louis’ shirt, a smirk stretching on his heart-shaped lips. He didn’t know who moved first, but he did know that they were moving up the stairs of the house and he was led into a dark room.

As soon as the door closed, it was no surprise that Louis was pressed against the door.

Harry had curled one hand around the back of his neck, while he positioned the other around Louis’ hip, their lips locking in a passionate kiss. Louis remembered biting on Harry’s bottom lip, as the taller boy practically melted in his arms, allowing him to deepen the kiss.

He’d never felt more confused and frustrated in his life.

He pulled away and looked at dream-Harry for a moment, watching as his face travelled south, his curls softly tickling his neck as plush lips pressed against his collarbones. Dream Harry was much different than real-life Harry — the one who laughed at all his jokes, the one who was a little awkward while still being himself, the one who over-thought every decision he made — dream-Harry was confident, dark, and sensual.

The taller boy quickly brought him out of his thoughts by taking ahold of Louis’ hand and guiding them to rest under his white shirt. He heard Harry release a low-moan against his lips, as he visibly shivered from the contact of Louis’ cold hands on his toned stomach, his lips falling agape for a moment. He looked beautiful with his green eyes hooded and mouth hanging slightly open, his warm breathing tickling over Louis’ face.

“Kiss me,” Harry had whispered, almost like it were a secret, as his face came closer.

The thought that the shadow was around them disappeared and was quickly replaced with arousal, his lips locking on Harry’s once more as the other boy’s grip tightened on his sides. Louis had felt warm lips press to his neck, and the sloppery trail of kisses had sent shivers down his spine and crept down his legs. Harry’s slender fingers had then found their way to the waistband of Louis’ jeans, and as soon as he slipped his hand out of sight, another moan escaped Louis.

He remembered hearing a raw, throaty chuckle from Harry who locked their lips together, biting at Louis’ bottom lip. That’s when Harry moved downwards, leaving a trail of scorching kisses on Louis’ body before kneeling down on his knees, glancing up at Louis through his long lashes as he unbuckled the button of his pants. And—

That’s when Louis woke up with a gasp, chest heaving up and down frantically as he ran a hand through his damp hair. His sheets were soaked with sweat, his underwear clung to his lower-body tightly, and his breathing came out in heaving breaths.

_It had all been a dream._

After taking a few deep breaths and lowering his heart’s speed to normal, Louis had thrown the soaked sheets into his laundry basket, shivering in the chill of the room as he settled into his newly-made bed and let his head fall lazily onto his pillows.

At that very moment, he could feel the shadow in the hallway, standing outside the door and waiting for him to leave the safety of his dorm room. And even though it wasn’t as strong as it had been in that dream, Louis could feel the sliver of its touch on his skin.

Louis didn’t know why he kept having the Harry dreams, but he did know that his heart was still racing from the dream he’d just woken up from and that he was uncomfortably aroused. He shook the thought away, gritting his teeth and pretended that the Harry dreams never happened.

He was determined to fight the shadow with everything he had. He wouldn’t, couldn’t, think about surrendering to its darkness.

Teeth gritted and muscles tense, Louis rolled onto his side and closed his eyes. He tossed and turned a few times, and it was only when the pale streaks of sunlight illuminated his room that he finally managed to relax, falling into the arms of sleep.

. . .

“Wow,” Maia rose a brow, taking a sip of her coffee. “You look terrible.”

“Thanks,” Louis rolled his eyes, locking his door. “As if I didn’t already know that, Captain Obvious.”

It was early Saturday morning, their normal times for their rehearsal of _Romeo and Juliet_ , and he’d been woken up by a thud against the bottom of his door. _Maia’s shoe_. And the blaring alarm of his phone, screaming at him to get up.

He’d only gotten a few hours of sleep, thanks to the Harry sex-dream, and he hadn’t even showered. _Of course he looked terrible_.

The brunette watched as Louis ran a hand through his messy hair and shoved his hands into the pockets of his denim jacket. “So,” she started. “I’m guessing you went to a wild party last night and woke up hungover, right? Actually, I bet ten-dollars that I’m right.”

Louis bit back a smile, throwing the girl a glance as they made their way towards the auditorium. “You owe me ten dollars, then,” he said, laughing as skepticism settled across Maia’s face for a moment. “I didn’t party yesterday. Pay up.”

A loud laugh erupted from her lips, to the point where the pair had to stop and she bent over to catch a breath, stopping when she realized that Louis hadn’t joined in. She straightened, frowning in confusion as they stopped by the Auditorium. “Oh, you’re being serious?”

“I am,” Louis insisted, leaning against the Auditorium with a pleased look on his face as he extended his hand. “You owe me ten bucks.”

She reached into her back pocket and fug out money from her purse. She handed over the money, watching as Louis gratefully took it and shoved it into the back pocket of his jeans. He could probably buy himself coffee with his newly earned money after class, and he couldn’t help the smile spreading on his face. _Caffeine_.

“So,” Maia said as they walked towards rehearsals, elbowing Louis in the side through her sweater, and letting the question linger in the air between them.

“So?” Louis repeated, swatting her hand away and frowning in confusion.

“Who are you?” Maia half whined, shoving through the large doors of the Auditorium and turning around to stare at him. “The Louis I know always parties on Fridays. Who are you and where did you hide his body?”

“Fuck off.”

“There he is,” Maia laughed. “So, what were you doing, yesterday?”

“I was out later than I thought,” Louis said, stuffing his hands back into his pockets. “And I didn’t get much sleep last night, either.”

“Oh, really?”

Louis ignored Maia’s teasing tone, raising an eyebrow as he settled into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs. “Why the hell are rehearsals this early, anyways?” He complained, throwing his head back with a groan. “I didn’t even get time to buy my coffee.”

The girl hummed in agreement, taking another sip of coffee, and Louis noticed the neat writing on the cup that belonged to none other than Harry Styles. “Let's get back to the 'out late' part. Were you on a date?”

Louis cleared his throat and straightened his shoulders as images of last night flashed before his eyes, and he kept his blue eyes fixed in front of him. Their night out to the movies hadn’t been a date, but the prospect had certainly been present in the air as they’d talked during the movie, especially when Harry’s face had been so close to his.

“You _were_!” She exclaimed excitedly, grabbing at his arm excitedly, tugging on the sleeve of his sweater again. “You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend! You should tell me things like that. We’re friends, after all!”

Louis snorted at her whining even as he felt his stomach twist. “We’re acquaintances,” he teased, earning a punch in the arm. “But, no. I don’t have a girlfriend, and it wasn’t a date. I was just hanging out with Harry.”

“Who’s that?”

“Niall’s roommate,” he explained. “A freshman.”

Maia grinned at him with an unidentifiable look passed through her eyes, eyebrows raising suggestively. Snorting quietly as Louis flipped her of. She pursed her lips, taking a sip of coffee and sighing contently. “So,” she said. “What were you two up to, last night?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh,” the girl laughed, passing a hand through her dark mass of hair. “So, you were out late doing nothing. That makes complete sense, Lou. _Nothing_ is one of my favorite pastimes, too. If I got a dollar for all the times that _nothing_ kept Elisa and I up late, I’d be rich.”

“You guys are so in love, it’s disgusting,” Louis said, bringing his middle finger up to his mouth and mock-gagged himself.

“Jealous,” she teased, sticking out her tongue.

“Me, jealous?” Louis asked with a smile, putting a hand over his heart in fake-hurt. “Never. I don’t like affection.”

“Sure, you don’t,” Maia said sarcastically, smirking and shoving at Louis’ shoulder. “So, what did you do with that Freshman?”

“We watched a movie,” Louis explained. “We were supposed to go watch it as a group, but everyone canceled last minute, except for Harry. He didn’t have plans, so we went out and watched it, even though he’s scared of clowns.”

Maia nearly bit through her tongue to keep from squealing with excitement, and she cleared her throat. “What movie?”

“It’s basically a movie about a dirty old man wearing clown-paint on his face, running around in a town’s sewers, abducting and traumatizing a group of dumb children.”

“You mean _It_?”

“You’ve seen it?”

“It’s this year’s most popular movie, and plus, it’s a classic,” the brunette laughed. “How did you trick him into watching that movie if he’s scared of clowns?”

“I asked, and he said yes,” Louis said with a shrug as he fished out the play from his bag, passing a hand through his short, dark hair. “I didn’t force him to come with me, you know? He came willingly.”

“Uh-huh,” the girl nodded teasingly, and the glare Louis sent her only made Maia laugh harder. The girl reached over and patted his shoulder, smiling apologetically. “I’m joking. Of course, I know you didn’t kidnap him and trap him there like in _The Cask of Amontillado_.”

Louis tilted his head to the side in confusion, and the girl released a sigh, explaining briefly what the Edgar Allan Poe short story was, and Louis’ face contorted in disgust.

From what he’d gathered in her brief explanation, _The Cask of Amontillado_ was a short story about a man named Montresor, who wanted revenge against Fortunato, a man who’d insulted him. The two men had met up at Montresor’s party, and with Fortunato drunk out of his mind, he lured him in the catacombs of his home, where he built a brick wall around him and basically buried Fortunato alive.

“Jesus Christ,” Louis let out, frowning in disgust. “What kind of shit do they make you read in English Lit? That’s fucking twisted.”

“I know,” Miaia shrugged. “But, lets get back to the night out part. How did it go?”

“It was fun,” Louis admitted. “I mean, I can see why my friends like to spend time with him. Niall was right, Harry’s funny and a bit awkward at first, but he’s great once you get to know him.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“So, you like him?” Maia asked, and Louis caught the hint of suggestiveness in her tone, but brushed it off. “As a friend.”

Louis frowned in thought before nodding. “Yeah, I guess I’d like to be friends with him. He’s funny.”

Maia smiled brightly. “Good,” she said, but proceeded to poke her tongue out at Louis. “Look at you go, making new friends and shit. I’m like a proud mother.”

“Like a proud mother? I’m older than you by two months, Maia.”

“I know, but still,” she rolled her eyes. “Despite how _jealous_ I am of your new friendship with Harry, I won't pull a stunt like _The Cask of Amontillado_ on him.”

“You better not,” Louis warned, pointing a finger in her direction. “Niall might start to get worried and you'll get arrested.”

“I’m happy that you’re making friends,” she admitted. “And, who knows? Maybe you two will become good friends.”

“Maybe,” Louis acknowledged, a smile stretching her lips. “Who knows?”

“Places everyone!” Their teacher’s voice was deep and he then clapped his hands together, his loud voice echoing around the almost empty auditorium. “My instructions will not be repeated more than once.”

Louis sighed, digging out his roughened copy of _Romeo and Juliet_ from his bag and pushing himself out of the squeaking chair to head towards the stage with Maia in tow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	8. Rehearsals

“Maia,” Louis called, knocking on the girl’s door. “I swear, if you don’t hurry, we’ll be late for class.”

It was Monday morning, and as usual, Louis was headed to class. Unlike the other times, Maia hadn’t walked to Louis’ dorm to urge him out of bed, she hadn’t even gotten out of her room with ten minutes left before their Drama class. He sighed when no reply was heard, knocking harder onto the door. He knew that the girl hated to miss class, and even the thought of missing her classes made her anxious.

“I’m not going,” a faint voice called from the other side, sounding hoarse and exhausted. “I’m sick.”

“What?” Louis squawked, frowning in concern. “You can’t be sick! It’s rehearsal and everyone’s gonna be stressed out if you’re not there! You need to come, you can’t just miss practice!”

“You sound like my dad,” Maia grumbled, and the sound of shuffling and groaning followed before the door opened.

The door flew open to reveal Maia, dressed in baggy sweatpants and a ratty T-shirt, her eyes rimmed with tears that threatened to spill, her nose was red, her hair stuck out wildly on one side and she held a box of tissues in her spare hand. The pair stared at each other for a moment, before the girl coughed into the crook of her elbow, the sound deep and raw.

“You look great,” Louis insisted, lying through his teeth and offering a strained smile. “You don’t even look that sick! Now, come on. We have to hurry to rehearsal.”

“Louis, I’m sick,” the girl rose her brows. “Go without me.”

“Maia, don’t do this to me!” Louis wailed.

“You’ll be fine, Sarah can play Juliet for today,” she suggested, sniffling and groaning at the feeling. “She’s my understudy, after all.”

“Don’t make me go alone!” He pleaded, pouting. “You know Sarah keeps trying to flirt with me! If you’re not there, there’s nothing to stop her!”

“You’ll be fine,” the girl soothed, looking over at her bed. “Now, go before you’re late, Louis.”

Louis sighed and nodded slowly, looking over the girl’s shoulder and seeing Elisa, the girl’s girlfriend, with her limbs spread like a starfish on Maia’s twin-sized bed in nothing but boy shorts and a tank-top.

“Is Eliza sick, too?”

“I’m not,” the other girl answered, sitting up into a sitting position. “I was looking over Maia, since she could’ve choked on her own vomit during the night. She puked her guts out half the night. I really don’t think she’s feeling good enough to go to rehearsal, Louis.”

He sighed in defeat, grabbing the back of his neck. “I hope you feel better,” he replied, taking a step back and staring at the time on his phone.

“Thanks,” Maia said, the sound hoarse. “I think I’m gonna try to sleep it off now.”

“Okay,” Louis nodded. “I should probably go, too. If I’m late one more time, MacLean’s gonna be up my ass and he might give my role away.”

The brunette nodded, slowly closing the door as Louis hurried down the hall and down the stairs, dashing across campus towards rehearsal. He made it with a minute left, flashing a smile to his teacher as he settled onto one of the squeaking chairs and fished out his play. A few minutes later, he'd felt someone dropping onto the seat next to his, and to his dismay it was Sarah. She flashed him a bright smile and he made his best attempt at a smile, which most likely resembled a wince.

He sighed. This was gonna be a long day, and he would need to practice with someone.

. . .

Four flights of stairs shouldn’t have tired Louis as much as they’d just did, and yet here he was, trying to steady his breathing as he made his way to Harry’s dorm. He was attempting to ignore the peeling wallpaper and the large, if somewhat, suspicious looking stains in the carpet of the hallway.

He slowed down his pace, taking a deep breath before hesitantly making his way closer to Harry’s door, knocking twice and hearing the faint sound of a groan from inside, before knocking again and taking a step back.

The door swung open to reveal damp curly brown hair and green eyes, and to say that Harry was surprised was an understatement. Harry stared at him, green eyes bulging out of their sockets in surprise as he stared at the smaller young man, licking his lips subconsciously, taking his bottom lip between his teeth as his green eyes roamed over Louis’ body avidly.

Harry’s cheeks were flushed pink, his grey t-shirt was drenched with sweat, his shorts clung tightly to his toned thighs, green eyes seemed darker, sweat gushed down from his hairline, every inch of uncovered skin shinning with sweat, and his chest rose and fell quickly as he panted.

 _Must have been working out_ , Louis thought.

“Louis!” Harry exclaimed in surprise, eyebrows shooting up. The complete and utter look of surprise on Harry’s face made Louis smile. “Um, hi!”

“Hi, Harry.”

Silence settled between them, Louis averted his eyes, playing with the hem of his white shirt, avoiding Harry’s gaze purposefully. His entire body felt like a coiled snake, tense and practically vibrating with energy as he watched Harry’s tongue slip across his bottom lip to capture a bit of escaped moisture.

“If you’re looking for Niall, he isn’t here,” Harry panted, green eyes racking once more over Louis’ body before darting back up to his eyes. “I think he had an exam, today.”

“I came here to see you, actually.”

“Oh,” the green-eyed boy let out in surprise, a smile tugging at his lips. “You came here to see me?”

Louis nodded slowly, agreeing with the statement. “I have a favour to ask you.”

A bright smile spread over Harry’s face as the realization that Louis Tomlinson had come to see him sunk in, green eyes raking the length of his body slowly. “What kind of favour?”

“Not the kind of favor you’re thinking about,” Louis chuckled, and Harry joined in with a shy laugh. “But, it’s a pretty big one.”

“Seems important,” Harry remarked. “What’s going on?”

“Right, well,” Louis started, fidgeting with his bracelet and avoiding at all costs Harry’s intense eyes. “I have to practice for a play. And, since you’re the only one besides me that can decently act, I was wondering if I could _maybe_ practice my lines with you.”

Harry shifted on his feet as if considering his options for a moment, his brows furrowing as nerves flooded his body.

“Unless you’re busy with your workout,” Louis said, raising an eyebrow. “Then, I could go ask Zayn.”

As the words reached his ears, Harry’s eyes widened, his mouth falling open for a moment, his face turning fifty different shades of red and his brows scrunching inwards before he nodded quickly and gnawed on his bottom lip.

“Yeah, I was, um, I was working out,” Harry shakily replied, his eyes never rising to meet Louis’, and he passed a hand through his damp hair. “Tony Horton gives one hell of a workout.”

“I bet he does,” Louis nodded, smirking as he noticed the lack of light and sound that would’ve come out of the TV. He was sure that Harry was taking advantage of Niall’s rare absence to do something else than working out. “So, can you rehearse with me? It’s no big deal if you can’t, though.”

“I can,” Harry nodded, shuffling on his feet. “I definitely can rehearse with you. Just give me a minute to change.”

Before Louis could say another word, Harry disappeared into the dorm room, closing the door in the smaller boy’s face. He heard some hurried shuffling from inside the dorm, a heavy thud, and a muffled curse word before the door swung open to reveal Harry, dressed in jeans and a simple white shirt.

Harry’s bright smile and green eyes seemed to entrance him, beckoning him into the room, and he settled his bag onto Niall’s bed. It was rather easy to tell which bed belonged to who. One of the beds had a simple beige bedding, while the other was a soft mint colour that looked unbelievably soft and fluffy to the touch, and Louis was ready to bet that the mint-coloured one was Harry’s.

“So, what play are you doing?” Harry asked, settling onto the mint-coloured one and tucking his feet under himself.

“Romeo and Juliet,” Louis answered, digging around his bag for the play and holding out the roughened copy triumphantly. As if anticipating Harry’s question, he answered. “I got the lead. I play Romeo.”

“Where’s your Juliet? Wouldn’t you rather practice with her?”

“She’s sick, and her girlfriend watched over her the whole night so she wouldn’t choke on her own vomit,” Louis chuckled, dropping onto the spot next to Harry on the bed. “They’re so in love, it’s almost disgusting.”

“Love isn’t disgusting,” Harry protested, frowning in disbelief. “Love is beautiful.”

“Of course you’d say that,” Louis rolled his eyes, flipping through the pages of the play. “Can’t say that I’m surprised, though. You believe in faith and all that.”

Agreeing, Harry nodded and hummed in approval, leaning closer to Louis to watch as he thumbed through the destroyed book and through a sea of colourful tags. “Love isn’t disgusting, and that’s all I’m gonna say about that,” he said, biting back a grin as he changed the subject. “So, what scene are we doing, anyway?”

“Romeo and Juliet’s first meeting,” Louis answered. “It’s a pretty short scene, and I have most of it memorized, but I’d just like to practice a bit for this part.”

“Wait,” Harry said, ears perking up and cheeks flushing red. “If you’re playing Romeo, then am I supposed to be Juliet?”

“If the shoe fits,” Louis teased with a roll of his eyes, scanning over the words and flipping ahead.

“Hey!” Harry protested, shoving Louis’ shoulder as his face turned red.

He noticed Harry tensing next to him, shoulders squaring and lips pulling up a bit, before he seemed to remember himself and he shrunk back with a nervous glance at Louis.

“Here,” Louis said, passing the book over - finger stuck on the correct page. “I’ll start.”

Harry nodded, bracing himself and taking a couple of seconds to let his eyes scan over the pages, fingers nervously tapping against the creased cover of the play. His green eyes scanned over the words and a blush crept up from his neck to his cheeks in a matter of moments.

“If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine the gentle sin is this: my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.”

“Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this,” Harry started, his voice slightly shaky, and face turning about eight shades of red. “For saints have hands that pilgrims’ hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers’ kiss.”

“Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?” Louis went on, glancing at Harry to notice his eyes boring into his and making a tight knot of tension form in the smaller boy’s chest as he forced himself not to look away.

“Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.”

Despite nervously drumming his fingers and his blushing face, Harry was fully invested in the rehearsal - emerald eyes boring into Louis’ blue ones as he did his best to act the famous play to help Louis out. Taking a deep breath, Louis tried his best not to squirm under Harry’s glance.

“O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; they pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.”

“Saints do not move,” Harry continued, shaking his head, passing his hand over the fabric of his jeans nervously. “Though grant for prayer’s sake.”

“Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take,” Louis said, repeating the words from memory, every cell in his body buzzing at the though of what came next.

The air around them suddenly thickened, the atmosphere shifting and Louis began to feel a lot more intimate than just moments before.

They were close, _too_ close.

Louis let out a breath, closing his eyes for a moment, his stomach flipping because of the proximity to Harry’s body. The silence that followed seemed almost loud, and Louis took in shallow breaths as he felt Harry’s minty and warm breath against his face. With being this close to the other boy, Louis found himself studying Harry’s features, his gaze repeatedly darting from the boy’s long eyelashes to his plump lips.

“Louis?” Harry whispered, his tongued peaking out to lick his lips.

The breathy sound of his name sent heat rippling down and pooling at the base of Louis’ stomach, gathering in a painful knot of tension.

He’d never felt that way before, and it scared him.

“Yeah?” He breathed.

“Can I—”

Harry was interrupted as the sound of the door slamming filled the dorm room, and Louis winced as the door slammed. Niall had barely made it inside the dorm before his voice echoed around the room. The door had opened and Niall’s muffled voice was suddenly loud and clear in Louis’ ears.

“Harry, do you—” Niall asked before stopping abruptly. “Holy shit.”

Louis had quickly turned his head toward the door, feeling the shadow touch his back, chilling him to the bone, before darting away as Louis did from Harry.

“Sorry!” Niall exclaimed, his loud voice echoing in the small room. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to interru—”

It took Louis a moment to gather himself, before he moved away from Harry quickly, avoiding Harry’s wide eyes.

“We were practicing Romeo and Juliet!” Louis hurriedly said in a long stream of words, trying to justify their proximity. “I needed help, and since Harry’s the only one who can decently act, I came to him for help.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, definitely unsteady and tense and his voice jumping an octave higher.

Niall’s face erupted into a knowing smirk, his eyes shifting between the two young men sitting on the bed. “I see,” the Irishman hummed, biting back a smile as he pointed towards the door. “I should probably leave you guys to it, then.”

“Stay,” Louis pleaded, standing up and placing the book back into his bag, sitting down onto Niall’s bed. “We were done, anyways.”

“Are you sure?” Niall asked, wiggling his brows suggestively and smirking. He was probably trying to provoke Louis, but the smaller boy was in no mood.

“Yep,” he agreed, watching as Niall moved into the room, turning on the TV.

A glance back at Harry revealed what Louis thought - the boy was blushing, his eyes darting to Louis only to quickly look away when he noticed Louis looking at him. Louis leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as Niall connected his gaming console into the TV.

He ignored the feeling of tension that pooled in his stomach, and he ignored Harry’s gaze as Zayn and Liam piled into the room after what felt like an eternity. He couldn’t let his confusion take over. So, he simply extended his hand and gratefully accepted the beer Liam handed him, taking a greedy sip.

After a while, everything was left a little blurry in his memory.

. . .

Louis burst into his dorm room, slamming the door shut behind himslef.

The shadow had been right behind him, sending cold chills and nauseousness down his spine. Even worse, it had been with him the entire time he’d been in Niall and Harry’s room, hovering over him. The shadow had been tucked between the bed and the wall, skirting the perimeter of the dorm room and reveling in Louis’ fear — it was suffocating.

He remembered how close the shadow had been.

Louis had been on his feet before he’d even processed it, jumping off the bed and his skin prickled with the proximity of the shadow and the instinctive urge to escape it. His stomach had churned uncomfortably as he let out a heavy breath, leaving the room with a tense smile.

He had to get out of there, the shadow was suffocating him.

Even the cold and breezy night air hadn’t provided any relief, he was suffocating as the shadow had kept a steady pace with him, just a step behind. It was always a step behind.

It was sheer force of his determination to get home that kept it from jumping forward and force itself into Louis’ body. And now that he was there — his heart was pounding under his ribs, breathing fast and hands trembling as he paced back and forth over the short length of the room — the shadow was creeping closer.

Louis blinked, trying to remember how to focus his eyes and get his body to work again, but the only thing he could see around him was the darkness and Harry’s face when Louis had abruptly moved away and ended their practice early. He remembered seeing the hurt on Harry’s face, like it had been his fault that Louis was trapped in his worst nightmare.

The sound of a bang on the door came behind the high pitched ringing in Louis’ ears, and then he heard the sound of the doorknob rattling. Because he’d been too eager to create a barrier between himself and the shadow, he’d forgotten to lock the door, and the door flew open to reveal Harry.

“Louis,” Harry said hesitantly. “You forgot your b—”

At some point, Louis had turned his head toward the door, the rest of him frozen in place. He watched as Harry’s face changed from nervousness to complete and utter concern when he noticed the state Louis was in. The smaller boy’s skin flashed hot and then cold, his vision going dark and his lungs emptying themselves of all oxygen as Harry’s green eyes focused on his.

Louis wanted to run.

He wanted to get as far away from the boy as possible, and he wanted to pretend like the shadow had never been there at all. Maybe he would wake up to realize that it was all a dream. As long as he didn’t have to live in this one moment, this one moment where the darkness threatened to consume him, he would be happy.

“Louis,” Harry said, his words barely audible as concern flashed over his features. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he managed to choke out.

“You're not,” the curly-haired boy shook his head, taking a few steps forward cautiously.

Louis shook his head, chest rising and falling erratically as he tried to catch a breath, grasping at his chest as he lowered himself onto his bed to sit. The more he tried to catch a breath, the more he struggled. The clothes felt too tight against his body, obstructing him from breathing.

“I'm fine!” Louis snapped and Harry recoiled at the harshness of his words.

Harry shook his head. “You’re not,” he insisted, green eyes looking directly into blue ones, in a way that had Louis feeling off balance and overwhelmed. “Louis, I think—”

Louis shook his head in defeat, attempting to take a deep breath and on the third shake of his head, he began to heave. “I’m having a panic attack,” he panted, trying to remember how to properly breathe.

“Breathe,” Harry ordered. When Louis made no move to take a gulp of air, Harry made a show of taking in a big drag of air through his nose and exhale through his mouth. “ _Breathe_ , Louis.”

Suddenly, Harry launched himself into Louis’ personal space, eyes interlocking as his hands rose to cup his cheeks. Their eyes met through the darkness of the shadow, and before Louis realized what was happening, Harry’s lips crashed against his, catching him off guard.

As Harry’s lips touched his, it felt like electricity sparked in the darkness surrounding him, fueled by the energy flowing between the pair’s buzzing bodies as noses bumped against each other and fingers clenched tightly together.

Initially, Louis had froze on the spot, too shocked to even grasp what was happening. He could barely wrap his head around it, and then he noticed the shadow loosening its grip on him, falling back and disappearing from the room.

The kiss wasn’t anything too intense — just the warm press of Harry’s soft lips against his — but it had Louis’ head feeling light and his heartbeat roaring behind his ears. Adrenaline shot across his entire body as the sudden realization of Harry’s lips on his made its way into his brain.

It only lasted a couple of seconds, but seemed like an eternity of bliss. When Harry pulled back, he was looking at Louis through half lidded eyes, his lips so close and inviting, it made Louis want to lean back in, but he would never admit that.

Harry stepped back, and that seemed to have Louis snapping back to reality. In his flushed state, he couldn’t think clearly. His mind seemed foggy and overflowed with thoughts.

“Why did you do that?” Louis breathed out, voice coming out barely as a whisper.

“I, um, I—” Harry stuttered, voice sounding lower than usual and sending shivers down the smaller boy’s body. It was like the green-eyed boy was stuck halfway between bliss and uncertainty of whether he’d actually kissed him. Louis could understand. “I read once that holding your breath could stop a panic attack. When I kissed you, you held your breath.”

“I did?”

“Yeah, you did.”

Once his breathing was back to normal he sighed in relief and leaned back, his hands still in Harry’s. There was a moment of stillness, of peace, and Louis could only look at him with gratitude in his eyes. If Harry hadn’t walked in, he would’ve passed out.

Louis had a creeping feeling, however, that the shadow was far from leaving. If anything, the shadow had creeped into the room and caressed his hand just as Harry had done unconsciously as he’d kissed him

The stakes were even higher now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	9. Ready To Run

There was a twist in Louis’ stomach when he’d walked into the cafeteria the following day with his food, his heart erratically beating for just being on his way to lunch. But, he couldn’t help the way his fluttered and breathing hitched in his throat when he walked up to the table where Harry, Niall and Liam were already waiting.

Green eyes looked up as Louis made his way over, and he couldn’t help the way his breath stuck in his throat or how the shadow came closer.

Harry’s face broke out into a shy smile as Louis took a seat next to Liam, returning the smile with a simple quirk of his lips, even if he wanted to laugh at how ridiculous it had been that they’d kissed in his room, and now they were just gonna eat lunch without talking about it. _Good_. He didn’t want to talk or think about how soft and gentle Harry’s lips had been on is either.

He took a bite of his over-priced sandwich, feeling pairs of eyes fixate on him. Louis cautiously chewed his food, furrowing his brows at his friends.

Suddenly, he wondered for a moment if everyone knew him and Harry had kissed. He knew that it was ridiculous. Of course, they couldn’t tell, but that didn’t stop Louis’ hyperactive brain from over-analyzing the situation. His neck prickled with the proximity of Harry’s body, adrenaline flowing through him when they caught eyes briefly from across the table as he chewed. It wasn’t like Niall and Liam could feel it, but he felt like the air was crackling with the heavy weight of that secret.

“Yes?” He asked, drawing out the question, blue eyes rising to meet his friends’.

“You ran out, yesterday,” Liam remarked, frowning in concern and Louis nearly choked on his food. “Everything good?”

Swallowing and clearing his throat, Louis shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. “I was feeling a bit sick,” he answered. “The beer didn’t taste good. It tasted like plastic, or something.”

“What were you drinking?” Zayn asked, taking a seat next to Liam and draping his arm over his shoulder. “There might have been too much yeast in it.”

The small group went on to talk about yeast for a few minutes, and how someone at Niall and Liam’s old school had tried to make their own beer by putting yeast into a carton of apple juice. As Niall vividly explained, the school had smelled like shit for days. Everyone had laughed, and when Harry’s intense eyes connected with Louis’, the smaller boy averted his eyes.

He knew that if he let his eyes linger for too long on Harry’s face, the taller boy’s red face would give them away, and they’d become the endless target of the three boys’ jokes and teasing.

It was a little like being a kid all over again, Louis mused to himself. It was almost like sneaking in an extra piece of desert and eating it at midnight, or that time when he’d stolen his dad’s _Playboy_ magazine. Sure, this time there was a layer of fear and worry surrounding that secret, but there was also something exciting about it, and Louis couldn’t shake off that feeling no matter how hard he tried.

“Did you date with Sophie go well?” Louis teased, smirking. “Or, did it go well? C’mon tell me how good I am.”

Zayn blushed, unsuccessfully trying to conceal a bright smile. “It was fine.”

“With my matchmaking skills, are you joking? It can’t have been just fine!” Louis argued, elbowing Zayn’s side playfully. “Please tell me that you kissed her, or held her hand.”

“Fine, you got me out of the hell that is the friend zone, Lou,” Zayn laughed, smirking to himself. “I did all of those, and I even gave her my expensive coat when she was cold.”

“I never thought I’d see the day when Zayn Malik would lend his coat to someone,” Liam rose a brow, almost letting out a giggle. “You almost broke my arm that one time when I touched it.”

“It’s a really expensive coat,” Zayn defended himself, laughing it off. “And, I even brought her to eat Dinner! Steak and wine, lads.”

“Shit! Zayn, you classy bitch!” Niall whistled. “Did you get some?”

The boy winked, cheeks flushing as he took a sip of his drink. “A gentleman never says.”

“I knew you were going to say that!” Liam pointed his fork at Zayn and then at Louis’ hysterically laughing face. “Why did I know you were going to say that!?”

“Now, I have another date, tonight,” Zayn exclaimed proudly, straightening his jacket and finishing the last of his food. “We’re going to that big game. Are you guys going, too?”

Liam shook his head, pushing the colourful cafeteria tray further away from himself. “I was planning on video-chatting Danielle, and—”

“Sorry to disappoint, Liam, but we’re going too,” Louis offered when most of the food had been eaten. “I have an idea for Niall’s dare, and we have to be there to do it.”

“Hit me,” Niall nodded, tilting his chin up.

“You know how there’s that big game, tonight?” Louis started, a glint of mischief dancing in his eyes. “We’re going and I want you to streak as your dare.”

It would be very embarrassing, but that was the kind of dares Niall would do to win a large amounts of points. Niall never backed away from big and embarrassing dares, and he’d do them without flinching, because he knew it would give him a better chance at winning. And, Louis knew Niall would take it.

“That has to be a ten,” Harry insisted, his eyes widening almost comically. “It’s gotta be super embarrassing to do that.”

“No big deal, it’s not like I haven’t done it before,” Niall laughed, leaning back in his chair confidently and wrapping an arm over his roommate’s broad shoulders. “Ten is good. I’ll even settle for a nine and a half, Lou! I feel like you’ll fuck me over, so I want a nine.”

“I was gonna give you a ten,” Louis teased, sitting back and watching a look of panic settle onto Niall’s face. “But, since you really want that nine-and-a-half, that’s what you’re gonna get.”

. . .

Louis stared at his reflection, passing a hand through his hair, pushing his fringe off his forehead before pulling on his beanie. He had showered, and after many unsuccessful attempts to do his hair,he gave up. If he was going out in the cold, there was no need to do his hair. He wore a white beanie to hie his mess of hair, his usual dark jeans and a white shirt paired with his grandfather’s denim jacket.

He shrugged on his denim jacket, fishing out his phone from his pocket when it buzzed with an oncoming text from Niall.

_[19: 10 - Niall] We’re outside_

Louis rolled his eyes, taking a deep breath before heading towards the elevator, elbowing his way through the crowded elevator and pressing the button to the lobby. Yeah, he’d have to get a better place to live soon. Many freshmen crowded the elevator, most of them already drunk out of their minds and sporting their University’s colours for the big game.

As soon as the doors opened to reveal the lobby, Louis darted out and stepped to the side to allow the freshmen to make their way out. Straightening his jacket, he took a deep breath of air that didn’t smell like fruits and margaritas and headed towards the glass doors.

“Hey, Lou,” Niall called as Louis emerged from his dorm building, a smirk stapled onto his lips. “You’re looking good. Must have dressed for your Juliet, tonight.”

There’d been a little bit of teasing regarding Harry’s crush on him, and a few jokes about their Romeo and Juliet rehearsal thanks to Niall, but there hadn’t been any dares for the two of them in a while, but Louis was sure the boys were planning something.

Niall’s tone and mischievous grin confirmed Louis’ fear, and he tried his best to act natural. _Don’t let them see you sweat. Don’t let them see you sweat_.

“I know I do,” Louis dismissed, flipping Niall off as he walked towards the groups, dragging his eyes upward to see an unfamiliar figure standing next to Zayn.

There was a blonde girl — Sophie, Louis reminded himself. Her name was Sophie — she wore form-fitting jeans that hugged her curves and a sparkly grey shirt, a coat covering her shoulders from the cold, and a mess of fabric that she probably called a purse or a bag.

Then, Louis’ eyes wandered towards Harry. His green eyes instantly lighting up as he noticed Louis. He was dressed in skin tight jeans, and a red University sweater, his boots crossed at the ankles. His curly hair was styled back with a dark blue beanie, and his vibrant green eyes and deep rose lips were more apparent in the soft lighting of the artificial street lighting.

Louis quickly cleared his throat, raising an eyebrow. “Well, are we going or what?”

“Not yet,” Niall informed him with a smile. “I have a dare for you.”

“What?” Louis sighed, watching as Niall smirked and placed his hand on the small of Harry’s back, pushing him forward gently.

“For a total of two points, I’d like,” Niall said, pointing between the pair as a mischievous glint appeared in his eyes. “For you to hold Harry’s hand for the whole walk to the field.”

“Why are all your dares for twelve-year-olds?” Louis complained, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

“Come on, Louis!” Zayn edged on, wiggling his brows suggestively. “It’ll be good! At the very least, do it for Harry. He would appreciate if you to do the dare and hold his hand, he told me that hims—”

Harry’s face turned deep red, visible even in the low light of the street when Louis instinctively glanced over out of the corner of his eye. Unlike the other times, Harry’s weak chuckle was heard and he shoved at Zayn’s shoulder playfully, scratching at the back of his neck.

“What?” Zayn laughed, rubbing exaggeratedly where he’d been hit. “It’s true!”

“Even if he did,” Louis huffed, swallowing down the discomfort and adrenaline shooting through him. “It doesn’t mean that he wants to hold my hand to walk across campus, dumbasses.”

“Two points for you, and two for Harry,” Niall shrugged, looking back and forth between the smaller and taller boys of the group. “What do you think, Harry? Are you in, or out?”

All eyes were on Harry, and Louis was hoping he would refuse — say that he was sick or something, but despite the flush of his cheeks and uneasy eyes as he glanced sideways at Louis, Harry managed to shrug and hesitantly walked forwards, looking unsure about whether or not that was what he was supposed to be doing.

“Okay,” he agreed hesitantly, deep voice making Louis shiver. “I—I need the points.”

“Great!” Liam exclaimed, clapping his hands.

“Louis, are you gonna take the dare, or what?” Zayn asked, pointing at Harry and smiling widely at them from under the glow of his phone. “If you pass, then I’ll take it.”

“I’ll do it,” Louis sighed loudly, flipping off the camera. “From here to the game, right?”

He stepped closer to the taller boy, watching as Harry’s breath hitched in his throat, rubbing his hands against the material of his jeans. Green eyes darted around to avoid Louis’, lips parting in surprise when Louis extended his hand first and intertwining his fingers with Harry’s when their palms hesitantly met.

When Louis glanced up, Niall was smiling proudly and nodded slowly as he admired the result of his dare. Three pairs of eyes looked at them, all smiles and mischievous glints while Sophie fidgeted with her bag, unsure of what was happening. After all, this was only between the five boys.

“Never thought I’d see Louis holding someone’s hand,” Liam remarked, face splitting with an amused smile. “So pure.”

“You know, I shouldn’t be enjoying this, but I really am,” Niall chuckled, and Louis furrowed his brow. “I feel like a proud parent.”

“This is so stupid,” Louis let out, feeling every twitch of Harry’s long fingers against the back of his palm. “Can we go?”

Walking while holding hands was very impractical in Louis’ opinion. He had to make the effort to walk twice as fast to keep up with Harry’s long legs, not to mention the fact that they had to move as one large unit to avoid walking into people heading the opposite direction. Which, often led Louis’ back to be pressed against Harry’s toned front and he could feel the warmth radiating onto him as the shadow followed closely behind. This led to images of the Harry dreams to pop back into his mind momentarily, but he quickly shook them off.

The field where the game was going to be was a ten minute walk, the gravel beneath the two boys’ feet nearly sufficing for conversation while the others were engaged into an interesting conversation relating to Zayn and Sophie’s date.

“God, your hand is so sweaty,” Louis said when they about halfway to the field, the lighting becoming scarcer and scarcer, the field’s lighting shining like a beacon on the bay.

Harry tilted his head to the side, intense gaze focusing on Louis. Green eyes racked the length of Louis’ body involuntarily before panic settled firmly into them as Louis did the same.

Harry’s hand felt clammy against his, but granted, it did provide warmth to their intertwined hands. His hand had slowly but surely relaxed into the hold, barely noticing that they swayed gently together unconsciously as they walked.

“Sorry,” Harry had hastily apologized, letting out an awkward chuckle, but somehow Louis felt bad for bringing it up.

Shrugging, Louis looked back in the direction they were walking. Having Harry’s green eyes on him for too long had him feeling strange, giddy, almost. “It’s fine,” he shrugged off, determinedly facing forward.

“Okay,” Harry said quietly, his hand tightened around Louis’ gently, his fingers flexing and Louis swallowed.

“Almost there!” Niall informed, beaming as he turned around to watch the pair before turning to the others.

“So,” Harry said, breaking the silence between them, lowering his voice to keep from being heard by the others. “How are you feeling? After the whole, you know, panic attack. I know you didn’t want me to bring it up, but I’m—”

“I’m feeling fine,” Louis interrupted, shoulders hunching against a gust of wind. “Thanks.”

He looked like he was going to apologize again, but then he seemed to notice the bright lights of the outdoor stadium and his mouth fell agape in wonder, completely forgetting

“Oh my god! That’s huge!” He exclaimed, staring at the large crowd and many lights raging in the distance.

Even when it was time for Harry to let go of his hand and they went to find a seat, the unease in Louis’ stomach was still there. It gripped him like a threat.

One wrong move, and he shadow would take over.

. . .

“Are you sure there’s no one coming?” Harry anxiously asked, repeatedly glancing over his shoulder as Niall pulled his t-shirt over his head and threw the fabric into Harry’s arms before looking over to the lit fields of grass and many people sitting and cheering. “I don’t want to get arrested.”

“There’s no one coming,” Niall brushed off. “Now, am I allowed to cover my junk or not?”

The crisp night air of Autumn brushed through Louis’ denim jacket, making him shiver, so he imagined that Niall must have been freezing as he kicked off his jeans. They were hiding behind the dark side of the bleachers, out of the bright light that lit the luscious green field where the football game raged on.

“Well, I don’t want to see it,” Louis cringed. “How about one hand covering, the other waving around like a crazy person?”

“It’s cold,” Niall complained, looking at each of the boys imploringly. “Isn’t my dick gonna freeze off?”

“It’s not gonna freeze off,” Liam assured him, grinning. “I love how we’re gonna ruin Zayn’s date.”

“We’re not _ruining_ it,” Louis corrected with a grin, blue eyes twinkling with mischief. “Let’s just say that we’re...making it memorable.”

Arms crossed in front of him, probably more due to the chill in the air than modesty, the Irishman stood awkwardly in his underwear, shifting from foot to foot as he stepped on the cold grass, waiting for the go ahead.

“Whenever you're ready,” Liam told him with a laugh, taking out his phone and pressing the red button.

The boys held their breath as Naill stepped out of his underwear, the only sound was of Harry’s muffling laughter and Niall cursing.

“It’s fucking cold!” The blond yelped, though no one was really listening.

_He’d been whining for the past half-hour._

“If you guys aren’t here with my clothes when I get back,” Niall threatened, pointing to each of the boys menacingly with his spare hand, the other covering his dignity. “I will personally kill each and every one of you slowly and painfully in your sleep. And Harry, you’re gonna be sleeping outside.”

“What?” Louis teased. “You’re gonna shove Lucky Charm cereal down my throat and Irish dance on my dead corpse?”

He grinned proudly when Harry let out a laugh, dodging Niall’s fist. “We’ll be here,” Harry nodded, trying to conceal his laughter.

After giving them all one last look, the blond took a few deep breaths and ran out from behind the shining, silver bleachers — one arm waving frantically, the other covering his dignity, and his bare back seeming to glow under the lights as he ran out into the field.

The visual was immediately funny, having the three boys hunched over and trying to keep from making too much of a ruckus with their laughter as Liam filmed the dare. This was one of those dares that would actually get them in legal trouble if they were caught.

“Should we leave?” Louis joked, earning a smack on the arm from Harry and a loud cackle.

“And make me sleep outside?” Harry asked, gesturing to Niall running and the loud sound of hoots and jeers. “I don’t think so.”

“This is too good,” Liam snickered, watching as some football players started clapping and laughing as Niall whizzed by. “It would go viral on YouTube!”

“It would,” Louis agreed, watching as Niall finally finished making a lap around the field and whizzed off the opposite end of it, making his way back to them from the other side of the bleachers. “But we’re not that cruel.”

“Fuck!” Niall yelled, speeding towards them. “Clothes!”

Harry dutifully held them out before Louis placed a hand between the two boys. “I didn’t hear a please,” he taunted, smirking at how very impatient Niall looked. Though it was cold and Niall was completely naked, so it was understandable.

“Louis, for fuck’s sake!” He exclaimed, one hand shielding himself and the other reaching out. “We need to get out before security gets here!”

Cackling, Louis handed the pile over and snorted as the boy muttered a string of nonsense as he hurriedly got dressed and the dim light of flashlights and sound of booming voices neared them.

“I second,” Liam added quickly, moving in the general direction of the dorms when Niall was finally fully dressed and men dressed in dark uniforms rounded the corner of the bleachers. “Get ready to run, boys!”

“ _Shit!_ ” Harry yelped, instinctively reaching out for Louis as he froze in place. “What do we do?”

“Run, Harry,” Louis instructed, watching as the other boys hurriedly ran away. He let out a frustrated sigh, quickly grabbing at Harry’s hand and dragging him along. “Come on!”

Louis’ grip on his hand seemed to bring the boy back to reality, and Harry’s eyes widened as the blinding light of a flashlight shone a few feet away. The two boys took off, speeding past the bleachers and hearing sounds of yelling from the security. Louis was breathing quickly, legs burning as adrenaline coursed through his body. Harry’s long legs were quicker than Louis’, but with Louis hurrying up, their intertwined hands and Harry glancing over his shoulder to make sure the smaller boy was next to him, he never got too far ahead.

The moon hung high above them, casting their silhouettes onto the sidewalks of campus as they ran. Louis’ attention shifted from the main street ahead and to the subtle alleyway between the Arts building and Social Sciences building. That’s when Louis tightened his grip on Harry’s hand and pulled him into the dark alley, pushing Harry’s back into the brick wall and placing a hand over his mouth as Harry yelped, motioning to be silent.

Harry stood four inches taller than him and yet, he felt minuscule in comparison. Louis crowded into Harry’s space, his gaze intently shifting between Harry’s eyes and the dimly lit street. They were hiding in the darkness the two buildings provided, panting and adrenaline coursing through their veins as they watched the two security guards run past.

The air was thick and ripe with silence as hot breath fanned over flushed faces. They stood inside the alley for a few moment, holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes, chest pressing together as they breathed. Green eyes peered into blue ones, repeatedly shifting between lips and eyes.

“I think they’re gone,” Louis whispered, hot breath fanning over Harry’s face.

Weakly nodding, Harry deeply inhaled in relief. “Yeah, I think so.”

Louis’ fingers gripped at Harry’s before letting go and moving to the opposing side of the wall. He bent in two, hands on his knees as he panted and tried to catch his breathing.

“Fuck,” Louis panted, rising himself upright. “That was close.”

It had been too close for comfort. _Way_ too close.

The funny thing about running in the cold was that Louis had no idea if he was hot or cold. There was sweat gathering beneath his jacket from running half a mile, but at the same time, his face was entirely numb — ears and face stinging from the cold winds of a chilly Autumn night. He didn’t know if he wanted to rip his coat off or if he wanted to curl up and try to get warm.

“Remind me to _never_ do that again,” Harry said, letting out a laugh.

“It’s not usually like this,” Louis piped in. “Usually, we don’t usually come this close to trouble. We just got unlucky.”

“Story of my life,” Harry laughed, ruffling his curly hair.

A smirk came onto Louis’ face and he pushed himself off the brick wall, a few bricks digging into his back. He shoved his hands into his pockets as they slowly walked out into the empty campus and quickly walked towards Louis’ dorm building where the four of them had agreed to meet.

The night finally ended in Louis’ room, three of them drinking beer and Harry drinking a can of soda. Their eyes had met over their bottles and it reminded Louis of the kiss from last night, and he quickly averted his eyes, swallowing a large gulp of beer.

The moment seemed to last forever, green eyes boring into blue ones intensely. But as soon as it started, it was over. The moment was over and no one had probably caught it. If only he had as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	10. Dancing in the Rain

“This is so stupid,” Louis complained, dragging a hand over his face before shoving it back into the pocket of his coat. “Wake me up when you guys are done.”

It felt like fall was being chased out by an impatient winter who would stop at nothing to suck the life out of any plant that dared to try to thrive, and it seemed too early for it to feel like winter. It hadn’t been so cold at this time last year, Louis was sure of it.

He pressed his nose into his scarf, hands in his pockets, and toes curling inside his shoes from the cold. Despite the weather, the five boys were huddled on a table outside the cafeteria during lunch, watching for a girl to accomplish Zayn’s dare. Liam had dared Zayn to find a random girl on campus and propose to her, so here they were — sitting outside in the cold while Louis leaned back into the metal seat.

“Don’t be a party pooper,” Niall complained, shoving Louis’ arm as eyes followed a group of girls cutting across the grass. “We’re looking at girls, it’s fun.”

“We’ve also been sitting in the cold for an hour,” Louis pointed out, grunting. “And looking for a girl is taking _way_ longer than the actual dare. Just pick someone, and wake me up when he’s doing the dare.”

“You’re being so dramatic,” Zayn rolled his eyes, draping an arm over Liam’s shoulder as he smirked. “Besides, this isn’t even your dare. It’s mine.”

“I know,” Louis groaned, closing his eyes and feigning sleep. “Being dramatic is my specialty. Plus, you literally flirt with everything that has a pulse.”

It was true, Zayn was the type to who flirting came naturally — every smile looking like he was sharing a secret, his dark eyes lingering for a moment too long, and his touches warm and inviting. Zayn certainly acted that way towards Liam to some extent, and much more towards Sophie.

It didn’t mean anything except that Zayn was a flirt and a perfect fit for the dare.

“Flirting is just like a sport,” Zayn turned to flash a wicked grin to his best friend. “And, I just happen to be _really_ good at it.”

“Oh, yeah,” Louis’ soft laugh grew louder as he watched Zayn. “You’re such a good flirt, Zayn. That’s why I had to ask Sophie out on a date for you. Right?”

Zayn’s cheeks blushed and he ducked his head, clearing his throat roughly as he glared at Louis. “Shut the fuck up,” he muttered playfully, shoving at Louis’ shoulder. “I’m a great flirt. Did you forget about Freshman year?”

“Freshman Zayn was wild!” Liam laughed, draping an arm over Zayn’s shoulders. “Every night we’d go party, he’d never come home alone, or he’d come back the next morning!”

“I remember about one in particular, but I can’t remember the name,” Louis threw a quizzical look to his friends, a playful smile on his lips. “You know, the one who somehow convinced you that dying a blond streak in your hair was a good idea?”

“Alex,” Zayn’s voice lowered to a near whisper.

“That’s the one!” Liam laughing. “He was literally crazy.”

Bright green eyes widened in surprise, and before he could stop himself, he opened his big mouth. “Whoa wait,” he blurted. “ _He_?”

Zayn shuffled a bit under Harry’s questioning gaze, but his voice was clear and confident. “Yeah, Alex was a guy.”

“You were dating a _guy_?” Harry stressed the word again as if he simply could not digest the shocking memory. “I thought that you were straight.”

“You thought _I_ was straight?” Zayn smiled, pointing to himself. “ _Me_?”

“Well, I assumed that you definitely slept with a guy at some point to experiment, but yeah. I thought you were straight. ”

The four boys erupted into laughter, watching as a confused Harry furrowed his eyebrows. “I’m definitely not straight,” Zayn laughed. “I thought everyone knew that I’m bisexual.”

“I think the whole University does,” Niall teased, draping an arm over Harry. “Except for the freshmen that haven’t slept with you, yet.”

“Okay, now that that’s out of the way,” Louis changed the subject, raising a brow. “Alex was fucking crazy. He wanted to jump off the pier and into the lake...without even being dared!”

Zayn cleared his throat. “He wasn’t crazy, he was just a little weird.”

“ _A little weird_?” Louis exclaimed, eyes widening. “Zayn, he stalked you for a month after you stopped hooking up with him! Oh my God, remember when he sent you that teddy bear?”

“That’s so cute,” Harry nodded, biting his bottom lip. “He sent you a teddy bear.”

The boys erupted into a fit of laughter, watching between a confused Harry and an embarrassed Zayn. “Not a normal teddy bear, he—”

Zayn’s blush of embarrassment crept up his neck to turn parts of his face red. “Please don’t.”

“When you pressed its ear, it played that recording of Alex—” Niall started but stopped to laugh loudly to himself, tears appearing into his eyes as he doubled with laughter. “Singing _I Will Always Love You_ by Whitney Houston, sobbing and crying through the whole song!”

“I felt so bad,” Zayn sighed and pressed his forehead into his palm.

“It was _hilarious_!” Niall laughed, before being pushed by Harry on the shoulder. “Sure, it was funny but it was a rough way to break up.”

“Why am I friends with you guys?” He practically hissed, eager to be done with this ridiculous affair.

“Because we’re amazing,” Liam teased, turning back towards the courtyard.

Louis had started to doze off when someone nudged at his shoulder, and he sleepily brought his eyes up to look at his friends. They were all drooling over girls walking past, with the exception of Harry, who’s attention was kept to his phone. Louis’ brows furrowed, and he sighed, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Did you guys pick someone, yet?” Louis asked. “I’m fucking freezing.”

“Her!” Niall exclaimed, yanking onto Louis’ arm so he could see the girl he was focused on.

“Which one?” Liam asked, zeroing in on two girls walking toward them — one with a knit cap on top of her red hair, and the other with fluffy earmuffs and bangs that brushed her lashes.

They did look young, probably freshmen.

“Isn’t his girlfriend gonna be mad?” Harry asked, brows furrowing pinched even though he’d been on board ten minutes ago when Liam had proposed his dare. “Isn’t she gonna be mad that he’s flirting with someone else?”

“First of all, Sophie’s not my girlfriend,” Zayn laughed, shaking his head and patting Harry on the arm. “She’ll probably just be mad that she wasn’t here to see me making a fool of myself.”

“They’re walking away!” Louis complained, voice muffled by his scarf. “Just go before I freeze to death.”

“Are they even old enough to be in University?” Zayn asked, tipping his head back in annoyance. “They look twelve! I don’t want to get arrested.”

“One of them is in my Chemistry class,” Harry piped in, hat pulled down over his ears and his nose red from the cold.

“See?” Liam nodded, pushing him forward. “You won’t be arrested. Now, go.”

“Okay,” Zayn nodded in agreement. “Four points, right?”

“That a boy, Zayn!” Liam cheered, tapping the boy on the shoulder and Louis took out his phone to film.

Zayn passed a hand through his hair, pushing himself off the bench with a grumble. With one last grimace in their direction, he made his way between the tables of students enjoying their lunches or free periods and towards the two girls walking.

Louis cringed from behind his camera, watching in horror as Zayn slowly slid to a stop in front of the two girls with a charming smile.

The four boys watched in wonder as Zayn’s lips curved and the girls’ heads tilted to laugh at something he’d said, he deliberately leaned closer to them and bit his bottom lip as he listened. The girls seemed completely oblivious to Zayn’s advances, simply laughing along to whatever Zayn had said, but it was obvious that it was flirting.

The boy threw a gaze in their direction, before winking at the camera and turning back to the girls, his palm trailing down one of the girls’ arm as he slowly dropped down onto one knee. That had the two girls taken aback, who instantly stopped laughing and frowned in confusion, realizing that this was not an innocent conversation without ulterior motives.

Zayn pulled out a ring pop out of the pocket of his expensive Gucci jacket, holding it in front of him and never dropping the girl’s hand from his hold.

Louis watched Zayn from behind his phone, catching Harry in his peripheral vision. Harry’s long legs hit the upside-down of the table as he hunched over and giggled, with Niall smacking at his arm with his hand, blue eyes shining with amusement as he watched the girls exchange confused looks at the stranger’s proposal.

The girls giggled awkwardly, with Zayn still kneeling with a ring pop extended towards one of them. One of the girls started at Zayn with a confused frown and started talking, while the other eyed the ring pop with interest. The smallest of the two pointed towards the ring pop, giggling as her friend nudged her side and shot her a look as Zayn stood upright and dropped the candy into her palms.

The young man slowly made his way back to their table, laughing silently through his embarrassment, scratching the back of his head. Zayn took a bow as he shamelessly grinned and laughed. “The things I do for points.”

“That was amazing!” Liam exclaimed as soon as the boy was close enough and joined them at their table. “The bradford bad boy strikes again!”

“Smooth!” Niall complimented, shivering once because of the cold.

“I’m disappointed,” Harry said with a pout, and four pairs of eyes turned to watch him in confusion. “I was hoping I could have the ring pop after, but that’s okay.”

“Next time I have a ring pop, I’ll give it to you,” Zayn released in a laugh, rolling his eyes and patting Harry on the shoulder. Green eyes lit up, and Louis couldn’t help but chuckle fondly at the scene. “Now, let’s get out of here. I’m fucking freezing.”

The small group walked into the cafeteria, unzipping their coats and fishing out their meal-plan cards as they waited in line to order.

“ _Finally_!” Louis hissed, unzipping his coat and relishing in the warmth of the cafeteria. “Zayn, you took forever. My dick almost froze off.”

“I’ll be sure to take longer next time,” Zayn teased, throwing a teasing wink and a grin at Louis. “Just for you, Lou.”

Louis replied with the fakest smile he could muster and flipped him off.

“Watch out,” Liam said, leaning in to stage whisper into Louis’ ear. “It’s your turn next.”

“What’s he gonna dare me to do?” Louis challenged with a roll of his eyes. “Eat the brown part of a banana? Put ice cubes down my pants? I know how you think.”

“Sure you do,” Zayn dismissed, picking up an over-priced bottle of water. “I have lots of ideas. Just you wait.”

Zayn’s eyes were twinkling with mischief and Louis felt his stomach drop. With any luck, his dare would be something as stupid as dancing to classical music in the train with a tutu. But the fact that the boys all moved in the cafeteria table so that Louis would have to sit next to Harry wasn’t promising.

“Oh man, Zayn,” Harry laughed, smacking his knee under the table as he reminisced about Zayn’s dare. “That was great. You’ll have to teach me how to flirt like that sometime.”

“You already know how to flirt,” Zayn teased. “You’ve got the whole awkward-yet-confident thing going for you. Right, Lou?”

“I guess,” he replied, the words sounding robotic and practiced in his ears.

Louis focused on his food and tried to pretend he couldn’t feel the shadow behind him watching his every move, and waiting for Louis to slip. _It was only a matter of time_ , the shadow whispered in Louis’ ear. _Only a matter of time_.

. . .

Louis ran his lines, effortlessly reciting them from memory. With endless rehearsals and sleepless nights, he couldn’t remember a time where he hadn’t been practicing his lines, they were practically itched into his memory by now. He’d given up so many of his free periods and lunchtimes for the sake of putting finishing touches on his performance.

Their professor watched them critically, stepping in every once in a while to point out where they’d messed up their blocking or dropped a line. Their professor would make them run the scene from the beginning every time someone would mess up, pushing the actors to the point of exhaustion. It seemed like only a few minutes had passed, but suddenly he heard the sound of hands clapping together once to call the attention and he released a frustrated sigh and closed his eyes. It was the familiar sound of their professor wanting to interject and it made Louis want to cry.

The bright lights hit his eyes and Louis squinted, raising a hand to minimize the damage as everyone stared at his professor expectantly. Louis and Maia turned to look at the audience, lines halfway out of their mouths, as their old professor stood and walked towards the stage.

“You have all put in good work, today,” the old man announced. “I know that I’m driving you hard, and I know you’ve got other classes to deal with, but you’ll have to consider this class as your main priority! Some of you have done a below mediocre job. If I have to come back on Sunday to any of you not knowing your lines, I will not be pleased and will have to eliminate the weakest links from the production. Understood?”

Louis nodded, jaw tightening and annoyance curling in his chest. They’d been practicing the same scene for over an hour, their professor looking for any signs of weakness or hesitation and picking at them. He looked down at Maia for a second, and anger settled firmly in his chest. She looked like she wanted to cry; her ears tinged red, she bit her trembling bottom lip, and she didn’t glance up. She simply nodded, head bobbing up and down.

_It wasn’t her fault she'd been sick._

“In any case,” The old man paused, making sure everyone had grasped his words and Louis had to stop himself from yelling and cursing at the man. “Class dismissed. I hope to see you all on Sunday’s class. In the meanwhile, please wrap up tightly! It’s cold and rainy out there. We cannot afford any more illnesses! Have a lovely Friday afternoon!”

Throwing a glance out the window past the large crowd of students exiting the auditorium, Louis sighed. Sure enough, it was pouring like the skies opened up and hell let loose. And of course he hadn’t brought an umbrella because it had been sunny out all day.

_Of course_.

He glanced next to himself, but Maia was gone. He let out a sigh, squeezing himself through tight spaces of people, taking impatient half steps all the way from the stage to the front door of the auditorium. There were also high winds pushing through the cracks of the closed door, making a hollow tunnel sound as it flew into the class and made chills run down Louis’ spine, and he pursed his lips when he saw the absolute shit storm waiting outside for him to step into.

A flash of a dark purple dress, and dark hair zoomed past him. He quickly grabbed them by the arm, and the figure turned around to face him. “I’ll see you on Sunday, yeah?” Louis asked, raising his brows in concern.

The sides of her hair were starting to get damp from standing by the door next to the rain, and he felt pity for her. She hadn’t brought an umbrella, either. Most students had left, and the smile on Maia’s face dropped like a brick, she bit her bottom lip and eyes started glazing over. He heard her take a shaky inhale and her cheeks flushed with emotion.

“Hey,” Louis murmured, and he gently placed his hands onto her shoulders, rubbing the length of her upper arms to provide comfort. He’d done this often when his sisters had been sad. “Don’t doubt yourself. You were great.”

“He was talking about me,” Maia murmured, tears sliding down her cheeks. “I’m the one he was talking about.”

Louis pulled her aside from prying eyes and ears, tugging her into a hug instinctively and wrapping his arms around her, holding her tightly like an overprotective parent. She buried her face in his chest, the tears seeping through his t-shirt hot against his skin. Louis tightened his hold on her while her arms hung limply at her sides.

“I’m the weakest link,” she sobbed and Louis’ heart broke.

She wasn’t the weakest link, and it took everything within him not to march down to the stage and give their professor a piece of his mind. _No one was allowed to hurt his friends like that_. He swallowed down his anger, resting his chin on her head and letting her cry. Her body swayed slightly, tugging him closer and crying even harder, looking for anything to anchor herself to.

He felt helpless, there was nothing he could do.

He could do nothing but wait. Nothing but watch as she cried, his heart breaking in the process. Louis slowly started patting her hair and rubbing her back, gently shushing her, a few moments passing. He held her for as long as she needed, never letting go until she would. They stopped swaying as he realized that Maia wasn’t sniffling anymore, and loosened her hold and let her hands drop. Louis pulled back, and Maia looked up.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, whipping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “I usually don’t cry.”

“MacLean’s a fucking asshole,” Louis said, trying and failing to keep the bitter edge out of his voice. “Ignore what he said. He’s just miserable that his kids don’t visit him anymore, so he takes it out on other people. You’re far from being the weakest link. You've been working harder than any of us, okay? ”

Maia’s small smile and the soft chuckle she let out told him that he’d said the right thing, and he felt somewhat better. But, the anger towards their professor kept boiling.

“That’s probably true,” Maia chuckled, wiping at her eyes and then turning to face the storm, standing side by side with Louis again.

“I should go back there and give him a piece of my mind,” Louis grumbled, jaw clenching and unclenching. “That old fuck has no right to s—”

“Louis,” the girl said, placing a hand on his upper arm. “It’s fine. _I’m_ fine.”

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting the anger simmer down. His chest rose up and down for a few moments before he turned to her, brows furrowing before shaking the thought away. He was about ready to have a go at the old man, but the imploring look in Maia’s eyes told him that he shouldn’t.

“Are you walking in the rain, too?” Louis asked, looking for any way to distract her, and trying to avoid the inevitable of walking out into the storm.  
  
“I would,” she shook her head, before pointing towards her phone. “But Elisa just finished Anatomy class and she brought her umbrella. So, she’s gonna come pick me up. My smart little goofball.”

“ _Smart little Goofball_?” He repeated, raising his brows teasingly. “Wow, you guys have the horrible nicknames already. When’s the happy announcement?”

“Oh, hush,” another voice replied and they both glanced up to see Elisa standing under her umbrella, clad in rain boots and her lab coat. “I think you’re just jealous.”

“Nah,” Louis dismissed, dismissing the comment with a wave of his hand. “I’m perfectly happy with being single, and I’m not jealous.”

He watched as Maia stared fondly at her girlfriend, warmth and affection radiating from her as she stared at the girl in the rain. “If you tell anyone that I cried,” she said, walking backwards towards the door. “I’ll shave off your eyebrows while you sleep, Tomlinson.”

“Shit!” Louis laughed, placing a hand over his chest dramatically. “Not my eyebrows!”

The girl smiled, sticking out her tongue as she walked before turning around and running to Elisa, running to keep from getting caught in the rain.

Louis couldn’t lie that it made his heart scream out. In no means was it jealousy. In fact, if he was deeply honest with himself, he knew that it was only his loneliness screaming at him to find someone to call his “Home”. He was so lonely that he could practically feel it in his bones.

He shook the thought away, turning up the collar of his jacket up against the wind and rain before stepping outside into the storm. It took him exactly thirty seconds to get drenched. He quickly ran to the coffee shop, a place where he would both get coffee and warmth in a short amount of time.

He dashed inside a few minutes later, passing a hand to push back his dripping hair from his eyes, trying to catch a breath. His jacket had caught most of the rain, and his t-shirt was practically plastered to his chest. He pried the fabric away from his skin and gave it a shake, water droplets flying to the ground, then took off his jacket and did the same. Thankfully, the jacket kept the rest of his torso warm.

Luckily for him, the shop was left emptied thanks to the rain. He shamelessly went there almost every day, or whenever his classes were dismissed earlier. Partially for the fact that he really liked their coffee, but mostly because this shop had free and faster wifi than the one in his dorm building. _It made his life a little easier_.

“Just a moment,” a familiar deep voice called, and Louis immediately looked up and smiled at the green-eyed boy who stood behind the counter wit his back to the door. Harry struggled for a few moments, trying to clean the machinery. ‘How’s the weather, out there?”

“It’s pouring,” Louis sighed, glancing around the empty shop. “It’s always raining in the fall, and I forgot my umbrella.”

Harry chuckled, turning around and coming face to face with blue eyes. “Should’ve texted me, Lou,” he said, raising a brow. “The shop is always empty, and I was bored.”

“ _You_?” Louis gasped sarcastically, pressing a hand to his heart in false shock. “Being bored? Impossible.”

“Shut up,” Harry laughed breathlessly, scratching the back of his head.

Louis shivered as the ventilation hit his wet clothes from all sides, and he rubbed his hands up and down his arms, running his hands over the goosebumps forming on his arms. Harry smiled, before emerald eyes raked the length of his body, taking in every detail quickly before darting back up to lock onto blue ones, his brows furrowing in concern.

“You’re soaked,” he remarked, concern taking place on his face.

“I got stuck in the rain, that’s all,” Louis replied, smiling apologetically.

“I have spare clothes in the Emploees’ Lounge,” Harry offered, pointing behind himself and an inexplicable jolt of excitement rippled through Louis’ body. “Do you—”

Before he could finish his sentence, Louis shook his head roughly at the same time that he sort of shrugged. “I’m okay,” he said quickly. “They’re yours, and—”

“You’re cold,” Harry remarked again, shaking his head in disbelief.

“It’s not that bad. It’ll dry by itself.”

“Louis.”

“I mean, I’m not that cold,” Louis lied. “Sure, it’s a little chilly, but a little air conditioning never killed anyone. Plus, they’re your clothes, and I wouldn’t feel right taking them. So, I’ll just go sit over there with my laptop, and wait until the rain stops. It’s very nice of you, though. But, I’m not cold. So, you really don’t need to give me your—”

“Louis,” Harry chuckled, shaking his head. “I can tell you’re cold. Now, come on and take the damn clothes.”

The smaller boy opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it again. He couldn’t say anything to counter that. He wasn’t sure who moved first, only that they had somehow gone from standing and staring at each other over the counter to walking slowly and silently down the hallway toward what he assumed was the Employees’ Lounge.

The Employees’ Lounge was a dark, windowless room where Louis found one of Harry’s coworkers, going through what Louis thought was homework in the vivid glow of the soda machine. The girl nodded at the pair, a smile appearing on her lips before going back to her homework.

Harry smiled shyly, ducking his head as he entered the lock combination of his locker and pulled out his bag, handing it to Louis. Louis opened the bag with shaky fingers and grabbed the first few things that are on top, a hand wrapping under a white shirt and sweatpants. He slowly collected it all, and zipping Harry’s bag closed again.

“Bathroom?” Louis looked over his shoulder and arched an eyebrow, watching as Harry cleared his throat and pointed towards the closed door.

“Right, um,” Harry flushed in embarrassment. “First door to your left.”

Louis nodded, immediately backtracking and opening the small door to the exit of the Employees’ Lounge. He walked in the dimly lit hall, opening the door to the bathroom. The small bathroom was all white — white sink, white toilet and white tiled-floor. It felt like walking into a reverse void.

The mirror in the bathroom showed Louis’ wide-eyed reflection, Harry’s clothes still bundled in his arms. He pried the drenched fabric from his skin, slipping on the white T-shirt over his head, and releasing a sigh of relief at how comfortable it was. It was a rather thick material, which helped with the chill his wet clothes had given; not by much, but it was better than nothing. He then pulled on the sweatpants that Harry had given him, moving his hips from side to side as he yanked the stretchy material up his thighs and tying up the strings of it.

Grabbing his discarded clothes, Louis bundled them up and let them fall into the plastic bag Harry had given him.

He stared at himself in the mirror, taking in the large shirt and sweatpants that somehow managed to make his legs look amazing despite their height differences. The bottom of the shirt reached his mid-thigh, the collar scooping low, and exposing his collarbones.

He let out a breath as he left the bathroom and went to the front where Harry was sitting, his back turned to the bathroom while he looked down at his phone, turning when noticing the sound of Louis shuffling around behind him. Green eyes instantly shot down the length of Louis’ body in his clothes and then back up, cheeks flushing.

Heart-shaped lips parted, and he shook his head quickly to himself. “They fit, yeah?”

“They do,” Louis ran a hand self-consciously over the clothes. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” Harry nodded, watching as Louis ventured to one of the tables to start working.

Reluctantly, Louis dug out his book and flipped through his roughened copy, opening up his laptop. He was supposed to write an essay detailing the major themes and how roman theater had affected art, and even though he’d read it a million times, he couldn’t think of a single thing. He stared at the blank document opened on his laptop, the cursor was blinking, almost mockingly at him.

He fished out his phone, shoving his headphones against his eardrums and as soon as the music played, he rested his head into his hand, blankly staring at the unwritten essay.

And it was perfect, it was literally all perfect, and he was finally starting to write hours later when a hand tapped his shoulder. He frowned in confusion, staring up at Harry. He’d gotten out of his uniform, wearing a long-sleeved blue sweater, jeans and his usual pair of leather boots. With a wide mouth, Harry offered him a shy smile, and held two large coffees in his hands.

Louis pulled out his headphones, watching as Harry took a seat opposite to him and sliding one of the coffees over. “I didn’t order a coffee,” he shook his head.

“I know,” Harry shrugged, laughing and Louis bit his bottom lip in amusement. “You would’ve ordered it sooner or later. Figured you’d want one.”

He rose an amused brow at Harry, fishing out his wallet from his back pocket to repay him, but the taller boy instantly shook his head, refusing the money.

“It’s on me,” he said. “I have to repay you somehow for when you paid for my pizza and that horrible movie you made me watch.”

Louis nodded, cheeks flushing as he remembered their outing to the movies. _They would have to do it again sometime_ , he thought. _Harry’s reactions had been too funny_. He nodded gratefully, taking a sip of the coffee and relishing in the instant warmth it brought him. A satisfied hum vibrated between his lips as the heat of the coffee slipped down his throat. _Exactly what he’d needed_. 

“Still scared of clowns, then?” He teased, snorting into his coffee, which made Harry laugh in agreement.

“Absolutely,” Harry nodded, a dimple appearing on his cheek. “Did you see Pennywise dislocating his jaw to eat Eddie? That’s scary!”

“It wasn’t _that_ scary,” Louis rose a brow.

“I had nightmares for a week,” Harry said, passing a hand through his hair, making it fall in gentle waves around his face.

“That bad, huh?”

“I told you I hated clowns,” Harry chuckled, biting his bottom lip. “Don’t tell me you weren’t scared.”

“Fine,” Louis rolled his eyes, a grin appearing on his lips. “It was a little scary.”

Harry smiled triumphantly, taking a sip of his hot chocolate and letting out a yelp, hand flying automatically over his lips as he winced. For a second, Louis thought he might spew out the hot chocolate all over the table, but instead he winced and managed to get the drink down.

“ _Hot_!” Harry whined.

“You don’t say,” Louis teased, lips curving in a smirk as he pulled the plastic lid off his coffee to watch as heat radiated from it.

Harry had his tongue hanging out of his mouth, brows furrowed and green eyes shining with pain as he fanned it with his hands. He looked absolutely ridiculous, and the fact that he was a Biochemistry major made the whole scene even funnier, and Louis couldn’t help it as he hunched over the tabletop and snickered. It was six at night, and Louis was watching a fully grown, intelligent young man that worked as a Barista at said coffee shop fan his tongue that he’d burnt on hot chocolate.

“Hey,” the taller boy complained, shoving Louis’ shoulder playfully. “It hurts.”

“No shit,” Louis teased, biting his bottom lip to stop another laugh that wanted to spill out. “You’re a Barista, shouldn’t you know not to drink it too fast?”

Harry pursed his lips, trying to stop a smile from taking place onto his face. He was trying to look wounded by Louis’ amusement, but it was obvious that he was having a lot of trouble not joining in. Finally, he had to stop fanning his tongue when a laugh bubbled out of him and a grin tugged onto his heart-shaped despite his best efforts.

“Shut up,” Harry laughed, green eyes bright and still smiling even though he was trying to complain.

“I’ve finally got something on you, now,” Louis laughed, pointing towards the clear door. “You got the ‘ _PULL_ ’ incident, and I got this. Karma’s a bitch.”

“It still hurts,” Harry insisted, trowing his best rendition of puppy dog eyes that ended up with both of them laughing as he reached across the table to smack Louis on the arm for continuing to laugh.

It was nice. Just the two of them, not being constantly watched and teased by their small group of friends. He could tell Harry was more comfortable, over-thinking less and being less awkward as time went on. Of course, he’d blush occasionally at the things Louis would say, but it was a start.

“It’s still raining out,” Harry remarked, probably trying to be helpful, though it does little to comfort Louis. _He still didn’t have an umbrella_. “Looks like the storm won’t stop for a few days.”

Louis threw a glance at the large windows, letting out a sigh. It was still raining hard. He could hear thunder in the distance. Sheets of rain beating against the windows. The storm had picked up speed again. Louis cursed under his breath.

“I guess I’ll have to make a run for it,” Louis said, trying to smile as he closed his laptop and shoved it into his bag.

“I could take you home,” Harry offered. “I mean, I have an umbrella.”

Louis finally looked up at him, and momentarily stopped breathing. Intense green eyes were on him, waiting for a response. He almost forgot what Harry had asked, before he shook himself out of it.

“I guess so,” he nodded. “I don’t want to incon—”

Harry smiled, and Louis took that as a yes. He must be learning how to read him, then Louis snorted to himself and looked away. Of course it wouldn’t bother him. If it would’ve, why did he offer in the first place? Harry took a few gulps of his hot chocolate, ignoring the burn on his bruised tongue.

They stood, exiting the shop as Harry opened his large umbrella, covering both their heads as the rain beat around them.

The sound of rain drowned out anything but Louis breathing. The open umbrella doesn’t do much as they walked. The taller boy angled it to where it would take most of the beating rain, but it was raining hard enough that they were getting wet anyway.

The were standing under an umbrella, the street lamp’s dim light dancing around them, in the middle of what felt like the strongest rainstorm in the history of humanity. Louis almost laughed, and images of his mother singing along to _Dancing in the Rain_ flashed through his mind.

Eight year old Louis didn’t understand a single thing about the movie, but it made his mum happy and so his dad suffered through it next to her on the couch. And if his dad could suffer through it, so could he. He remembered his dad laughing as his mum smacked his shoulder for cursing, and perhaps he only remembered the song because it was one of the few times he saw his parents truly get along, teasing instead of fighting for once before their inevitable divorce a year later.

He knew he’d been the main reason for it.

He’d been an accident, even if his mum always reassured him that he wasn’t. His mum had been eighteen, and his dad had been twenty-two when Louis was born. His dad had always been distant when he was young, not knowing what to do with this child that kept him back and craved constant affection, not knowing that all Louis wanted was to have his father’s constant approval.

“Do you want my jacket?” Harry finally asked, looking at Louis.

“Uhm,” Louis’ voice broke through his train of thought, snapping him back to the present. Louis looked down at his drenched clothes then back at him and bit his bottom lip. “I’m fine, thanks. I’m already wearing your clothes. I can’t—”

Harry handed him the umbrella’s handle and slipped his jacket off. They exchanged, him taking back the umbrella and Louis wrapping the jacket over his shoulders, clinging to it at the front. The small sigh of relief he lets out was bordering a moan and Louis instantly blushed in embarrassment. He saw Harry bite his bottom lip _hard_ to keep his body from reacting.

“Good?” Harry asked, brows furrowing in concern.

Louis offered him a small smile and they continued walking to Louis’ dorm building.

They walked in silence, however, huddling under the surprisingly sturdy umbrella. The entrance to the dorm building was empty, but they both give a sigh of relief to see that it was open. From where they stood, Louis can see a handful of people in the lobby, patiently waiting for the elevators. Once they get up to the door, they stood, simply staring at one another.

“Thank you,” Louis nodded, taking off the jacket and passing it over to Harry. “I really appreciate it.”

“No problem,” he nodded after a moment.

Louis almost smiled. Harry’s hair was a shock of wavy frizz atop his head, and he looked exhausted from his shift at the coffee shop.

“So, um,” Louis began. “I should probably go. Got an essay to write.”

“Essays suck,” Harry smiled, a shy smile stretching across his face as a blush crawled its way up his neck, licking his lips subconsciously and biting his bottom lip.

“How I’m gonna write an essay about Roman influence on modern Theater is beyond me,” Louis exclaimed, avoiding his gaze at all costs. “But, I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe?”

“I’ll see you, tomorrow,” Harry nodded enthusiastically, licking his lips.

Louis shot him a smile before walking backwards and turning on his heels to walk off towards his dorm building, hurrying to avoid getting drenched. He released a hiss of relief when the warm air hit his wet skin, hurrying to the elevator and keeping his gaze fixated on the metal door, watching as the buttons lit up as they moved up floors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	11. Polaroids

Theory class was beyond boring, and Louis did everything in his might to keep from falling asleep. He sat in one of the uncomfortable desk, tapping his pen rhythmically against the hard surface of his desk. His professor had been rambling for nearly thirty minutes about Dramature theory, and staying awake was proving to be a harder task than he’d anticipated.

Staying awake was hard for two reasons; the first being that theory classes were always Louis’ least favorite aspect of his endless lectures, and the second being that he hadn’t gotten mush sleep the night before.

Theory classes were boring enough to bore him to tears; sitting in a crammed desk for an hour and a half was incredibly painful. Letting out a staggered breath, he glanced to the space beside him, watching as Maia rapidly scribbled down notes as their professor spoke, nodding to herself in understanding. He supposed that Elisa was right — with Maia being the smartest of the two and the most organized, and with Louis being the mess — they already acted like siblings so he supposed Elisa’s theory that he and Maia could in fact be long-lost twins held some truth to it.

He started blankly at the board, watching as their professor scribbled words onto the board in the smallest font he’d ever seen. He let out a breath, closing his eyes for a moment.

He hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. As always, no matter how hard he’d tried to fight off the shadow, it only came back stronger in his dreams.

The dream still haunted him, tugging inside him.

After his walk in the rain, sharing an umbrella and wearing Harry’s clothes, he’d made his way to his room. As usual, he’d walked into his room and thrown himself onto the bed and fishing out his computer to stare at the blank page of his essay. Without realizing it, he’d fallen asleep, letting way for the shadow to enter his subconscious.

It had been a while since the Harry dreams had returned, and his mouth fell agape as the memory rushed to the front of his mind without a warning.

That night, he’d dreampt of being alone in his room, and he could barely make out Harry’s features as his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room, small slivers of moonlight peeking through the windows.

The air was thick and ripe with their silence as they simply stared at one another, taking each other in. The pull between them was almost magnetic, and neither said a word. Both young men shot off of their respective sides of the room to collide in the middle.

Hands landed anywhere they could, everywhere they could. Louis’ fingers dug into Harry’s curls as Harry gripped tightly at the smaller man’s hips. The kiss was hot and rough, desperate and hungry, tongues slipping together.

Harry pulled Louis onto his body, backing himself up until they slammed into the bed, both young men releasing groans of pleasure. Hands braced against the mattress above Harry’s shoulders, Louis sucked Harry’s lower lip into his mouth and gasped when Harry gripped his waist and rocked his hips upwards.

Louis remembered hissed and cursing when Harry would do it again, and he couldn’t help angling his hips to meet Harry’s — needing the friction even through sleep, and loving the way it had Harry groaning into his mouth.

Lips hovering above Harry’s, Louis shivered as Harry’s hand moved lower, his large palm pressed against him, gently kneading. Putting a hand between them, Louis pressed his palm against the bulge in Harry’s jeans, not knowing which he liked more — feeling just how turned on Harry had been against his hand or the choked moan he let out into Louis’ mouth.

Harry’s eyes were dark with pleasure, lips swollen and parted on a moan as he stared up at him, and Louis dipped down and kissed him. Their tongues slid together, muffling their sounds of pleasure between them. He wanted to get his hand against Harry without any fabric in the way, he wanted to feel the heat of his skin on his fingertips.

Green eyes had stared into Louis’ intently, watching his every move as lips moved lower and lower, leaving a trail of scorching kisses down Harry’s body as he moved and—

“Louis?”

Snapping fingers jolted Louis out of his train of thought, instantly looking over to Maia. She was standing, bag hoisted over her shoulder as she stared at him quizzically.

“What?” He blurted out, and Maia furrowed her brows. Louis cleared his throat, shaking his head as he stood. “Sorry, must have zoned out. What did you say?”

Maia smiled at him, watching as he stood awkwardly from the desk and pulled on his jacket and bag. “It’s okay,” she smiled. “Just said class is over.”

The pair began their walk to the courtyard, instantly shivering in the cold air. Other lecture must have ended, because when they finally reached the dorms, all they could see was a crowd of people. Most students were eating their lunches, but for a few who were sitting down, staring down at their phones.

“I just don’t understand why we have such a short time limit,” Maia complained, her red scarf flowing in the wind and brushing against Louis. “I’m pretty sure I can’t even read that quickly.”

He nodded, digging his hands into his pockets to maintain some warmth as they made their way to the dorms, dodging students. They’d been in a similar situation when he’d met Maia for the first time, or rather, noticed for the first time.

He’d first met Maia on the first day of Uni, amidst all the chaos of moving students. There’d been swarms of students, some crying as they said goodbye to their parents and some ecstatic to be left without any parents for the first time in their lives. Louis had been walking along the sidewalk, a box of belonging in his arms as his mum and step-dad followed behind him. That’s when he’d first seen her — a leggy brunette with a valedictorian medal hanging from her bag, a large and boxy smile on her face.

She’d instantly, without a single word or glance in Louis’ direction, irritated him.

Maybe it was the way she walked, a bounce to her step and constantly perfect smile. Maybe it was the way she always smiled brightly, but Louis hadn’t liked her. Not one bit. In fact he’d wished that he wouldn’t have to come across that unknown girl ever again. But as the Universe would have it, he would see more of her.

Immediately, the two got paired up for everything. He would find Maia in every single one of his classes, a girl with dark hair and bright clothes sitting in the front row, raising her hand for everything which Louis absolutely hated, constantly trying to resist the urge of rolling his eyes at her.

He felt compelled to justify why he hated her since no one else seemed to hate her: she was a goody two-shoes, she was annoying, and she was a show-off. And he’d never imagined in a thousand years that an art student with a penchant for cheesy pick-up lines and a smile so bright it might as well be the sun would become one of his closest friends.

A year ago after a rather dull theory class, they bonded over their common hatred for their professor Mrs. Makaryk. Louis had been shocked when Maia had started swearing and agreed on his take on their professor’s out-dated teaching methods — no electronics aloud, no food or drinks, and writing notes on the chalkboard in the smallest font possible. And that was that, his hatred for her melted completely.

 _There was no stronger bond than two students hating the same professor_.

And now, here they were, talking and walking to their dorm. Well, they were walking, and Louis realized that he’d frozen when Maia mentioned the Pizza Place.

“Is it any good?” Maia asked, wonder dancing in her chestnut eyes as she tapped her chin. “You’ve been, right?”

Louis loved that place, and he had yet to come across a slice of pizza superior to that shop’s. The pizza was good and cheap, and he’d kill for a slice right now. His stomach clenched, remembering Harry’s laughter as they sat in the restaurant, and with the memory came the butterflies.

“I did,” he nodded, and only for a moment his stomach clenched with the memory, before he shook the thought away. “No.”

“Really?” Maia tilted her head, furrowing her eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Louis lied, trying to think of ways to explain his lie. “The sauce...It’s too thick.”

He diverted his eyes to his shoes, avoiding the girl’s burning eyes. The sauce was perfect. It was creamy, not clumpy and it wasn’t too thick, it was perfect. But the memories of that place? They suffocated him, stirring awake the shadow who constantly followed him along with the feelings he’d buried deep that threatened to spill.

. . .

“Zayn, do you always have to take this long to get ready?”

Louis scrolled through his phone, throwing a glance at Zayn’s reflection in the mirror as he styled his hair meticulously in the mirror. Zayn narrowed his eyes at the young man sitting on his bed, before going back to his hair.

“Do you always have to be so impatient?” Zayn huffed, face twisting in concentration. “It’s only been twenty minutes. Stop being so dramatic, Lou. For the record, I’m already dressed so all I have to do now is my hair.”

“I reckon your hair is the culmination of all your secrets and insecurities,” Louis replied, pointing toward the dark mass of hair. “Am I right, or am I right?”

“Well, you’re not wrong,” Zayn laughed, a few strands of hair flying away from his face.

Louis ducked back to stare at his phone as Zayn went back to styling his hair, chuckling deeply. Louis threw a glance at his reflection in the mirror, rubbing at his eyes. _Like Sapphire_ , his mum told him. But now, they seemed dull and a little empty. He hadn’t gotten much sleep lately, ever since he’d been haunted for days without end by the Harry dreams.

He blinked the thought away, diverting his eyes to Zayn’s reflection. “You look fine,” Louis rolled his eyes, even before Zayn had opened his mouth to ask the very same question.

Zayn threw Louis a glance through the mirror’s reflection, giving him a teasing smile. “And you need to shave.”

“I thought I might grow it out,” Louis shrugged, scratching at the stubble.

Both boys knew Louis wouldn’t go through with letting it grow. It was always patchy — thin in some places and thick in others. He’d attempted to grow it out during Freshman year, and it resulted in the most ridiculous beard he’ ever seen.

Zayn nodded to himself, staring at his reflection as Louis did to his phone screen. “Are you okay, mate?”

“Yeah,” Louis blinked, clearing his throat. “Why?”

Zayn turned around, facing the other boy for the first time and focusing his dark brown eyes on Louis. The pair stood, staring into each other’s eyes. Zayn eyes were still on him, and he said nothing, did nothing, simply stood and watched him for a moment.

It went on for so long that Louis started fidgeting, his fingers tightening around his phone involuntarily. Not because he was shy — because after all, they’d passed the point of being shy around each other — but because he felt as though Zayn could read him like a book and guess his worry. _The worry that he might be catching feelings for Harry_. His first instinct was to glance down, avoiding Zayn’s burning gaze.

Zayn licked his lips, tilting his head. “You—”

A knock came at the door, and when Zayn moved towards it, Louis released a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. However, it caught in his throat when Zayn put his hand of the handle and turned to Louis. “We’ll talk about this later, Tomlinson,” he whispered, before opening the door.

In a blink, the worry and concern melted from his face. His eyes brightened again as he smiled and swung the door open, letting the three other boys into the room.

Liam’s eyes widened, his smile turning teasingly. “He’s actually dressed and ready to go on time?! I was ready to wait an hour!”

The small hairbrush Zayn sent soaring in his direction pulled a shriek from his lips, and Liam laughed triumphantly when he successfully dodged it.

“You’re lucky, I could’ve taken way longer,” Zayn pointed out, shrugging on his jacket.

While the guys laughed among themselves, Louis couldn’t help but glance in Harry’s direction. His eyes moved to Harry’s black boots crossed at the ankles, traveling up long legs covered in tight black jeans and then moved to his light blue button up. Green eyes were drawn away from their friends, intense eyes staring directly at Louis' as his fingers trailing up his torso until he reached the buttons of his light blue button up, undoing the first three, his gaze never leaving Louis’ as a blush settled cross his cheeks.

Louis’ breath stuck in his throat as patches of creamy flesh were revealed, and his body began to throb, his heart beating increasingly faster than it had a moment before. He averted his eyes to the floor, clearing his throat and following the boys as they made their way to the party, grateful for the cold night air.

. . .

“No!” Liam yelped, quickly pointing to Niall. “Someone take the Guinness away from Nail!”

“It’s Niall!” The Irishmaan corrected, pointing to himself. “Not Nail, Neil, or Nigel!”

“Why can’t Niall have Guinness?” Harry asked over the loud music, frowning in concern as Liam wrestled the bottle out of Niall’s hands and passing it to Zayn who drank it with a wince.

“Projectile vomit,” Louis explained, taking a swig of his third beer of the evening. _Yeah, the beer had certainly kept the shadow at bay_ , he thought proudly. “Puked everywhere.”

“Still owes me a new rug,” Liam complained.

“Well, that explains it,” Harry winced through a chuckle, taking a swallow of his soda. “Don’t want him puking everywhere in our dorm.”

“I wasn’t gonna drink enough to get sick,” Niall insisted, pouting at the lack of alcohol before grabbing a red cup.

“That’s what you said last time, too,” Liam laughed as he slid his moist hand from his sweating beer bottle and flicked the cold water droplets at his best friend.

“Fuck off,” Niall laughed, flipping him off.

Louis chuckled as he listened to the conversation, while watching the crowd. The beat of the music had Louis tapping his fingers against his nearly empty beer bottle, watching as the half-naked crowd danced and drank, and Harry bobbed his head along to the music and to Zayn’s barely audible ramblings about his new camera. He pulled the boxy camera out of his bag, something his mum might have used in the 90’s, and brought it to his face, pressing the button to capture Louis leaning against the wall — the camera spiting out the Polaroid photo on the slot at the front in a few moments.

“Can I see it?” Niall asked, getting up to take the old camera from Zayn’s outstretched hand.

The Irishman put his eye to the viewfinder, appearing to be studying his friends through the lens. He finally settled on Zayn, sitting on the sofa with Sophie sitting on his thigh and a beer in his hand. There was a flash and then the undeveloped picture was set on the coffee table, Niall quickly going back to peering through the viewfinder.

The blond pointed it at Liam who was posing, only to move it away as he hit the button, guaranteeing a blurred photo when the image appeared. Getting up to smack Niall on the shoulder, both laughed at Zayn’s reactions. Louis had to stop from laughing as Zayn whined, reaching out with both hands as though that might convince Niall to unhand his new toy.

“Haz, scoot over!” Niall instructed, moving to camera in Harry’s direction, a large smile on his face.

Before Louis knew what was happening, Harry was leaning into him, draping an arm over his shoulder and holding up a peace sign as the flash went off and left spots dancing in Louis’ vision. His entire body felt like it was on fire just from being touched by him, and he could feel himself getting light-headed with the alcohol as Harry’s arm left his shoulders and scooted back.

Zayn was complaining loudly, snatching back his camera and quickly shoving it and the photos back into his bag as the others laughed at his expense. Louis sipped on his beer as he watched Niall descend into drunkenness, drapping an arm over Harry and complementing him.

It was completely ridiculous, and would’ve been absolutely hilarious if Louis wouldn’t have had an idea of where it was going. Because while it wasn’t going to be anything that involved him, he could already feel the heaviness in the pit of his stomach.

“Hey guys!” Niall had laughed, waggling his eyebrows. “Should we play something else?”

That had been just what Louis had known was going to happen, but his stomach still dropped to hear it. Laughter met Louis’ ears, and Louis sipped on his beer.

“Let’s play Never Have I Ever!,” Niall was saying as Louis unscrewed his next beer, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest.

Louis eyed the bottle of vodka on the table, grabbing for the bottle and pouring himself a cup. He could feel Harry’s eyes burning into the side of his face, but he tipped his head back and winced at the vodka burning its way down his esophagus. Still, he made sure his beer didn’t go far. He had a feeling he was going to need a few more shots to squash down the unease in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	12. Be A Sinner

Louis could see various filthy smirks appearing around him, everyone ready to play this stupid game. Even Liam was excited, nodding along with a cheeky and bold grin. Louis knew exactly where this was going, this would escalate quickly and he knew what kind of drunken questions they’d end up answering.

“Come on, mate,” Louis argued, trying to hide his uncomfortableness. “How come all your games are for kids in middle school?”

Harry laughed at that, and Zayn poked more fun at Niall’s benefit, agreeing with Louis’ statement. Could everyone tell that his insides were flipped upside down? Could they all hear how hard his heart was pounding? Probably not, but the prospect of having to answer all types of questions had Louis feeling dizzy because he knew some would have to do with Harry.

“You didn’t mind playing it last year, though,” Zayn chuckled, taking a swig of his beer, his arm snaking around Sophie’s waist.

Everyone nodded in agreement and Louis laughed it off, taking a swig of his beer and almost everyone followed suit, but his stomach still dropped to hear it. A year ago, hell, a few months ago, he would’ve loved to play. But with the shadow sitting right beside him, it was terrifying. The game started, and Louis drank reluctantly whenever something applied to him.

“Never have I ever been hit on in the last month,” a girl had said, and apart from Louis, Harry was the only one not to drink and was of course bombarded with probing questions.

“Harry!” Niall’s drunk voice had called. “You need get your ass out there and share it with the world!”

Harry quirked a brow, a blush creeping up his neck. “The world?”

Running a hand through his mess of blond hair, Niall leaned back into the couch. “Fine, maybe not the _world_.”

“I’m not _sleeping_ with anyone,” Harry said, grabbing the back on his neck and licking his lips nervously. “I don’t have time to date, let alone jump into bed with nameless one-night stands.”

“But, you should!” Niall argued, nodding frantically, completely surprising Harry when he lifted up the front of his shirt to expose a rigid set of perfectly toned abs. “No one can resist abs!”

Heat surged through Louis’ body, mouth falling agape as he stared at the toned stomach on display. Louis’ didn’t think he’d ever been that turned on in his life, except that one time when he was talked into taking Ecstasy at a party. When he finally sucked in a breath and ran his hands through his hair, Harry cleared his throat and bit back a smile as he lowered his shirt, blue eyes making contact with mirthful green eyes. Louis quickly brought his drink to his lips, distracting himself by taking a swig and avoiding eye contact with the young man.

“He really does have good abs!” Liam marveled. “What workouts do you do? P-90X, CrossFit, weight lifting?”

“I do yoga,” he answered and Louis had to stop himself from smirking and rolling his eyes as Harry shot him a knowing look. _Of course, he’d do yoga_. “It’s good for muscles, stress and flexibility. If you want, you can come with me on Sunday for yoga class.”

Liam scrunched up his face and Harry let out a laugh, slapping at Liam’s knee.

“I guess not,” Harry chuckled, fully abandoning whatever anxiousness his body had tried to force him into. “Don’t knock it till you try it!”

When the conversation about Harry’s ab routine had calmed down, the questions picked up dramatically. Everyone seemed comfortable and having the time of their lives asking the most personal and intimate questions imaginable in their drunken minds. The questions included: _“Never have I ever watched porn with someone else”_ , _“Never have I ever taken someone’s virginity”_ , _“Never have I ever been caught having sex”_ , _“Never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex”_ , and _“Never have I ever ridden someone’s thighs”_.

Louis let his gaze wander around, gaze involuntarily focusing on Harry. The boy was fiddling with his half-filled bottle of soda, his knuckles white from gripping onto his beer bottle tightly. He’d drank at somethings, and at one point, Louis was sure he’d been tempted to join them, simply to give the illusion that he actually fit in with the group.

Every so often, harry would blush and turn crimson with the prospect of the question, and duck his head. Maybe he imagined the stares he was getting with every other sip he didn’t take, or with every statement he didn’t confirm. He wasn’t as experienced as everyone else, and so what? He didn't need to be ashamed of that.

“Never have I ever fantasized about someone in this room,“ Niall asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively, smirk playing on his lips.

Louis could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, gripping the neck of his bottle tightly. He glanced around nervously, biting onto his bottom lip, breath catching in his throat when his eyes met green ones. Harry seemed to tense up, dark green eyes focusing on Louis, and edge to his expression. Louis blinked back, his heart beating rapidly against his ribcage.

He swallowed down his nerves, lifting the bottle to his lips. _Surely he wasn’t the only one_ , he thought. _Zayn must have fantasized about Sophie_. He noticed someone else moving in his peripheral vision, and he didn’t need to look to know that Harry and a few others were taking sips of their drinks.

The liquid burned its way down his throat, filling his entire body with heat. Slowly, he raised his eyes, and that was probably the stupidest thing he could have done. His eyes met Harry’s, and he wondered for a moment if anyone had noticed. Louis knew, however, that Harry knew. _He must_. Intense green eyes fell to the floor, face turning red and seemingly breathless.

“Who did you dream about, Louis?”

His heart began to pound frantically against ribcage, and a lump formed in his throat. His head swam with thoughts of the Harry dreams — broad shoulders, strong hands roaming over toned stomachs, long body laying under him and sometimes over him — and suddenly Louis couldn’t breathe.

The boys were grilling him on who of them he’d fantasised about, but Louis’ ears felt like they were filled with cotton. They were doing it in a playful manner, nothing too serious about it but Louis couldn’t help the flashes of his dreams to resurface in his mind. He didn't say a word though, only smiled secretively and flipped off Zayn.

“As if I’d tell you that,” Louis stuck out his tongue, flipping Zayn off.

“Well,” Zayn finally countered, nudging Louis’ side and setting up for a jibe at Harry. “At the very least, I think our little Harry would’ve appreciated it if were about him. Right, Harry?”

Harry’s face flushed a deep red, visible in the low lights of the dark room when Louis instinctively glanced over. Harry’s tongue darted out to wet his lips — almost like a nervous tic, not like he was trying to be seductive or anything — and all air left Louis’ lungs in a harsh exhale. Someone said something behind the high pitched ringing in Louis’ ears, and when Harry’s green eyes flickered down to Louis’ lips for a split second, Louis’ skin flashed hot and then cold.

It was weird, the moment had passed in slow-motion for Louis. Everything went quiet for a moment before the volume of the small group came back and left everything a little blurry in Louis’ eyes, ears ringing and heart pumping fast. He blinked back his fear, trying to remember how to focus his eyes and get his body to work again, but the only thing he was seeing was Harry, right in front of him with wide, nervous eyes that kept darting around like he didn’t know where to look.

It wasn’t hard to imagine what Harry’s response was.

There were hoots around them, but Louis’ ears felt like they were filled with cotton. He held his empty beer, its contents seeming to have disappeared by itself, rising to his feet before he’d even processed it. He was dizzy and shuffled drunkenly from foot to foot, feeling everyone’s eyes on him.

“I-um, beer’s empty,” he said, hand clamping around the empty glass bottle. “Gonna get another.”

There were some questioning looks directed Louis’ way, especially from the other boys, but he ignored them, and hurriedly made his way toward the kitchen.

He should have never taken that sip.

. . .

He was attracted to him. _That_ realization had slammed into Louis like a train, making his heart sink in his chest at 1AM on a Friday night. He passed a hand through his hair, releasing a deep breath and taking a swig of beer before deciding to make his way back.

Music pounded through the house, the throbbing music making Louis’ head feel lighter as more drinks filled his body. Unsurprisingly, Louis had pushed his way through the slick crowd of people, occasionally bumping into people’s backs and elbows as he passed.

He’d always been good at dancing — or moving his large behind as the other boys liked to say.

Louis’ lips quirked up when a girl came closer, his hand snaking around her waist to bring her closer. “Dance with me,” she smiled, grabbing his hips to inch it closer to hers.

His smile dropped by the sudden movement, but it returned when she turned to look up to him, her eyes beckoning him closer. Taking the girl’s signal, Louis started dancing to the beat, his body gradually starting to move in time with the girl’s.

There was little-to-no space to do much of anything else when the floor’s packed, and their twirling and hilarious drunk attempt at dancing had soon turned into her body pressed up against his as people crowded around them from all sides.

So, Louis placed his hands on her hips and guided her, closing his eyes and dipping his head into the crook of her neck as she ground against him. He heard her breath hitch, felt her trying to draw closer before feeling him attempting to move away, and he held her in place and nuzzled her hair.

“Sorry,” she slurred into his jaw.

“We’re fine,” he replied into her ear, shaking the thought of Harry away. “Just dance.”

She nodded and he brought her closer, their bodies moving in sync with the pounding music. Then, he made the mistake of sending a glance in Harry’s direction. _What a mistake_.

Harry was leaning against the wall, his mouth agape, green eyes blown wide and his tongue darted onto his lips as his eyes scanned the crowd. Although Louis was sure Harry was only looking for one of the boys, it seemed as though he’d caught sight of Louis across the dance floor.

The Never have I ever circle had spread out before Louis returned, even if he’d only been gone for an hour to walk outside. However, his breath hitched in his throat, and he closed his eyes when green eyes made contact with his. He couldn’t open them, he couldn’t look at him, he didn’t want to see the expression on Harry’s face as he girated his hips against the girl’s behind, only the fabric of their clothes between them.

He was trying to forget the fact that he was attracted to him, and the last thing he wanted to do was see him.

He shuddered when he felt a hand graze the skin of his jaw, his heart dropping once more when she spoke. “You could pretend he’s me, you know?” She whispered, letting her red lips brush against Louis’ jaw. “Or, it could be the three of us. Would you like that?”

“We’re not—”

A look of disappointment settled onto the girl’s eyes, a half-hearted smile appeared on her lips as she shimmied away from his grip. “Sorry!” She exclaimed over the loud music, smiling softly and tilting her head upwards to meet Louis’ eyes as she distanced herself. “I didn’t mean to steal you from your boyfriend, I just—I thought that you two were—”

“But—”

“I’m so sorry,” she said once more. “Enjoy your night!”

Before he could say anything, the girl was gone, merging back into the crowd of half-naked bodies. Louis felt sick to his stomach as he stared back to Harry, who was now dancing — hips moving fluidly from side to side in a way that had Louis’ mouth go dry at the sight, and the gentle bopping of his head now seemed more provocative than anything else as he moved to the music.

Louis’ grip had unconsciously tightened around the neck of his beer bottle that his knuckles were turning white just to keep his hands from trembling as he made his way to the kitchen, trying to run away from the creeping shadow. He elbowed his way to the counter, where he poured himself shots of vodka.

Shot after shot, the drinks kept coming. He had to do everything in his power to avoid getting engulfed by the shadow that weaved through the crowd of bodies. Drinking often helped him to gather courage to fight the darkness that always loomed around him. At some point, his vision and senses dulled and the shadow seemed to back away from him, he smirked proudly as he took another beer and made his way over to the small group.

. . .

“Harryyyy!” Louis slurred as he approached, struggling to keep his balance as he walked. “Howwwwww are yaaaa?”

Harry smiled shyly, watching as the smaller young man stopped a few feet away and placed his hand beside Harry’s head, leaning closer as he took a swig of his beer. His hair laid messily over his forehead, normally sparkling blue orbs looking dull and lifeless, and the unmistakable smell of alcohol lingered strongly on his breath. Louis licked his dry lips, watching Harry closely.

“Howwww d’ya like the party?” Louis slurred, jabbing a finger into Harry’s chest, and feeling the warmth that radiated from the taller man. “Finnnd anyyyyy hot lads that strikee your fancy? I bet youuu did, you’re fuckin’ fittt.”

The shadow had crept closer, making its way over, but Louis couldn’t care less. Alcohol made him braver and he’d have enough courage to keep the shadow away. He rose an expectant brow at Harry, watching as his cheeks flushed pink. _Why was Harry blushing? Was it something he’d said?_

“You’re drunk,” Harry stated, dismissing Louis’ comment as he hurriedly took away the beer bottle from his grasp, lifting his arm up as Louis desperately tried to grab back at it. “That’s enough of that. You’ve had enough to drink, Louis.”

“Right, well, I’m sick of yeeeeer shit,” Louis said, his words slurring from his mouth in a rush of barely distinguishable syllables as he stumbled forward and grabbed at Harry’s shoulders for support. He clung there, slack-jawed and slumped over, his chest touching Harry’s. “Yeeeeer not the boss of me, Haroldd! I’m the soberest boy in this room! Now, gimme the fuckin’ beer.”

“Tell you what,” Harry sighed, raising an eyebrow at the smaller boy. “I’ll let you have the beer back if you can walk in a straight line outside.”

Like he’d predicted, Louis’ ears seemed to perk up at the challenge.

When Louis was drunk, as Harry had observed, he would become unnecessarily competitive. So, it was no surprise that Louis agreed, wrapping his fingers around Harry’s wrist as he led them towards the exit of the frat house and outside. He’d also found out that drunk Louis was unnecessarily competitive when he’d tried to out-drink another boy, saying: _“I bet on my neft lostril that I can take more shots than you!”_.

Louis let go of Harry’s wrist once outside, dropping his hand by his side as he watched Harry expectantly. “Well? What doeess a boyy gotta do to get a drink ‘round heree?”

“You have to walk in a straight line,” Harry gestured towards the ground, pointing a slender finger to the white line marking the cyclist side of the empty road. “Can you do that?”

“I can,” Louis drunkenly answered, placing himself on the white line. “W—watch me.”

The green-eyed boy huffed, passing a hand through his curls, pushing them off his forehead. This was going nowhere, at all. Louis’s blue gaze was focused on the white line, one foot following after the other. When he reached a fair distance away from Harry, he turned and smiled triumphantly. _He’d done it, and the beer was his!_

“I did it!” He yelled, a smirk on his face, louder than was required. “I walked in a straight line, gimmme my beer, Haroldd!”

Harry released a snort, pinching the bridge of his nose. The blue-eyed boy was far away from walking on the white line — Louis had walked in a half crescent shape, nowhere near the white line. “You call that straight?” Harry rose his brows as he approached the smaller young man, stifling a laugh. “That’s almost as straight as me! Let’s get you home, c’mon.”

“Yeeeeer not the boss of me,” Louis frowned, crossing his arms over his chest in protest. “I’m going back to the pance darty!”

“A pance darty?” Harry repeated, raising a brow. “You mean the dance party?”

“Yeah,” Louis nodded, but Harry shook his head, coming closer and grabbing his hand to pull him back towards the dorms. “The pance darty, that’s what I fuckin’ said!”

“No, you’re not going back there,” Harry said, catching a hold of the smaller boy’s arm and placing it over his shoulder to steady him, despite Louis’ initial dismissal and their height differences. Louis pouted, but instantly smiled when he was handed the bottle over. “You’re gonna go to your room, and sleep it off.”

 _He had to keep drinking_ , Louis reminded himself through the haze of alcohol. _The shadow kept gaining speed on him_.

The gravel echoed underneath the soles of their shoes, echoing against the brick walls of buildings as they began the walk back to Louis’ dorm. The walk was quiet, with Louis occasionally stumbling over his own feet and Harry with his arm draped under his arm to steady him.

“Where we going?” Louis slurred after a while, looking around. He’d asked the same question multiple times, though the answer couldn’t get through his drunken brain.

“We’re going back to yours,” Harry replied, changing direction to head towards Louis’ room with Louis.

“I bet you say that to all the boyss,” Louis remarked, and Harry shook his head, cheeks tinting red. When refusing, Louis frowned and before he could stop himself, he asked as much. _Harry was fit, so why didn’t he get guys jumping for the opportunity?_

“I really don’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t have time,” Harry admitted, green eyes never rising to meet his blue ones and Louis rose a brow. “Plus, guys don’t look at me like that, Lou.”

“Yeeeer sure about that, Haroldd?” Louis smirked. “Maybe I’m interesteddd, and you’d never knoww.”

Harry was absolutely aware that Louis was drunk out of his mind and that he was joking, but his entire body couldn’t help but flush at the thought. He sucked in a sharp breath and shook his head as he laughed, a deep breathy laugh as his entire face flushed. “Always making jokes.”

“Keeps things interestinggg,” Louis remarked, stumbling on his feet as Harry led him through the glass doors of his dorm and towards the elevator.

Harry leaned his back against the elevator wall, pushing the button to Louis’ floor. Louis stood next to him, their shoulders brushing, as the doors of the elevator slid shut and they began the ride up to the eight floor.

“Harry?” Louis asked, watching as green orbs turned to focus on him.

“Yeah?” Harry breathed, eyes shifting between Louis’ lips and eyes.

“Did you fantasize about me?”

Harry let out a staggered breath, warm breath stuttering over his lips. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his stomach stirring and flipping. His eyes slowly fluttered open, tongue darting out to wet his lips before his teeth gnawed on his bottom lip.

“I—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Louis smirked, watching Harry’s reflection next to his on the door opposite to them. Harry was fidgeting with his fringe nervously, their shoulders brushing gently, and his fingers twitching at his side. He continued to watch as the young man blatantly and desperately tried to lie to his face, but Louis knew he was lying.

“Liar,” Louis teased, smirking as green eyes darkened, his chest raising and falling heavily. “Don’t you want to kiss me?”

“You’re drunk.”

“D’you know what, Harry?” Louis murmured, hot breath fanning over his face. “You make me want to be a sinner. I wanna f—”

Before he could finish his sentence, however, Louis’ back slammed into the side wall as Harry’s body pressed into his, the smaller boy’s hands snaking at the base of his neck and the curve of his hip. A guttural moan escaped Harry as Louis sucked and bit at his bottom lip teasingly.

Harry let out a soft yelp that quickly turned into a soft moan as Louis spun them so that now Harry’s back was the one thudding against the wall with a bang. The taller boy latched onto Louis’ sides and pulled him even closer, wanting to feel more.

Slender fingers slipped down from Louis’ sides to press at his behind, cupping his hands over the most prominent part of his body. Louis moaned into Harry’s mouth, a deep groan bubbling from the back of his throat as he ground his hips onto Harry’s.

Their kisses were passionate and scorching as they panted into each other’s mouths and quickly enough, Louis’ hips began a rocking motion against Harry’s hips that had him almost whining. The taller boy moaned against his mouth, sucking roughly at Louis’ bottom lip.

However, Louis sprang quickly away from Harry as the elevator chimed its arrival on the eighth floor, both caught off guard given that neither had felt the machine come to a stop. Louis caught his reflection in the elevator door, both their faces were heavily flushed as their chests heaved up and down frantically. The elevator doors slid open to reveal a single girl waiting with a towel next to her, mouth falling agape. As soon as Louis took notice, he straightened his spine and cleared his throat. The young woman stared at them for a moment, dark eyes tracking over the slight wrinkles in their clothes, especially on Harry’s flustered face and tousled hair.

“Thanks for walking me up,” Louis slurred, walking backwards to exit the elevator. “M’ gonna go sleep, now.”

The girl’s lips pursed as she stepped onto the elevator hesitantly, avoiding all eye contact.

“Drink water,” Harry said, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt in what seemed to be nerves. “You’ll thank me, later.”

“I will,” Louis replied with a nod, practically shooting out of the elevator.

He heard Harry choke out a raw and awkward “Hello” before the elevator doors darted shut.

When he got to the front of his dorm room, Louis struggled to jam the key into the door for a few minutes, alcohol clouding his vision. After a few moments, Louis stumbled inside, not even bothering to turn on the lights as he shut the door with his foot. He kicked off his shoes, walking towards the bed and instantly collapsing into the mattress.

Louis closed his eyes, waiting for his eyes to grow heavy and fall into the arms of sleep. That was before the buzzing of his phone was heard, and his face flushed.

 _[02: 10 - Harry] Don’t forget to drink water when you wake up._  
_[02: 10 - Harry] And an Advil for the hangover._

Louis let his gaze roam over the message for a moment, before he stood and moved to place a glass of water and pills on the bedside table next to his bed. He tucked in his limbs so that the shadow couldn’t touch him, and simply laid there, staring at Harry’s texts for way too long as the weight of alcohol pressed on his eyelids.

 _[02: 21 - Louis] Yoiu have a big heartl, harrfy_  
_[02: 22 - Louis] Thynak youu_

He heard the chime of his phone, turning around and picking up the device. The smaller boy reluctantly opened his eyes, a vast amount of pink appearing on his face as he took notice of Harry’s message.

 _[02: 23 - Harry] You’re right_  
_[02: 23 - Harry] I do have a “heartl” of gold_

Louis closed his phone, the room once again filled with the darkness of the night as he settled the device onto his bedside table. He didn’t close his eyes, but continued to stare at the ceiling. He laid awake for a long time, long enough that it felt as if hours had passed, though he wasn’t sure. He could’ve easily rolled onto his side and checked the time on his clock or phone, but Louis couldn’t bring himself to move.

Louis brought his fingers to his lips, remembering the feeling of Harry’s lips on his, electricity coursing between them as they’d desperately tried to feel more of each other during the elevator ride. His entire body was throbbing with excitement — thrilling and embarrassing. Rolling over and stuffing his face into his pillow, he sighed before groaning and rolling his eyes. Flipping restlessly onto his side and bunching up his pillow, he draped an arm over his eyes.

“M’ gonna fuckin’ regret this,” he grumbled, his heart clenching. “Aren’t I?”

Still, the smile on his face never faded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	13. Not a Big Deal

Hazy eyes fluttered slowly open and began to focus. Louis yawned, covering his eyes from the harsh light of day, the sound muffled and raw from sleep. Sitting into a sitting position, and blinking through the lingering haze of sleep, he registered a throbbing in his temples. He could tell his hair stuck out wildly on one side, and his lips were swollen and sore.

He glanced over at his phone, grabbing the device and frowning to see that it was barely eight a.m. Typically, it would be another hour or two before he would be up on weekends.

Slipping out of bed, Louis checked himself in the mirror and scoffed at his predictably wild hair. It was incredibly frizzy on the top. He grabbed his hairbrush and ran several fast strokes through it, taming it as best he could before shrugging on his jacket. He ran his hands down the front of his shirt before letting out a staggering breath.

As his sense of awareness slowly kicked in, Louis frowned in confusion. Blue eyes widened as the events of last night came rushing back in flashes. He gasped as his body flooded with heat, fingers slowly inching and touching gently at his lips.

They were puffy and a bit chapped. His cheeks flushed a deep crimson as he shook his head, last night’s events coming back into his mind in flashes.

The memory hit Louis like a hard punch to the gut. His heart began to pound against his ribcage, and a lump formed in his throat. His head swam with thoughts of Harry, with looks and laughter and their heated kiss in the elevator, and, suddenly, it was as if something clicked firmly into place and he couldn’t breathe.

“Fuck,” he muttered, passing a hand over his face. “What did I do?”

His throat felt tight and dry, and his eyes stung horribly. He’d kissed Harry...what a mistake. His head spun with the memory, and the heat of the moment. Harry’s lips had been on his, kissing him. It was the sort of kiss Louis had only ever seen in movies. Harry had pressed himself into Louis, suckling on his bottom lip, the softness of his mouth bringing about a whole series of physical reactions Louis had never felt from kissing girls. He shook his head, pacing around the small perimeter of his dorm room.

He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be.

_He was seven years old, sitting on the school bus next to the girl who lived next door, when he first heard the word gay._

_“It’s when two boys kiss,” Eleanor had said, nodding to herself. “Instead of a girl and a boy.”_

_“That’s a real thing?” Louis had asked, eyes widening in horrified fascination. He’d never heard or seen two boys kissing, it had always been a boy and a girl._

_“Yeah!” The brunette assured him, her pigtails bouncing along. “My brother told me it yesterday. There’s a gay on his soccer team, so they don’t wanna change in front of him cause he might look.”_

_Louis frowned in confusion, tilting his small head to the side. He was still having trouble wrapping his head around the whole concept. He’d never seen or heard of it, so how did he know if what Eleanor told him was real. Maybe it was fake? If it was real, then why was it always boys kissing girls in movies and TV shows his mum watched on Friday nights? Why had he never seen two boys kissing in the movies and TV shows?_

_If it was real, then why didn’t he know any boys who married boys? It sounded way better than marrying a girl in his opinion, if he married a boy, then they could share all their stuff and have twice the toys. It seemed like a genius idea when he thought about it, and when he’d proposed the idea to his friends, their faces scrunched up in immediate disgust. He didn’t know why it was bad, but he guessed it had to be to have that type of effect on his friends._

_So, Louis had simply laughed and dismissed the idea, saying he’d been joking and everything seemed right again._

_When he’d been nine, Louis had seen two men kiss. His parents had convinced him to go buy some new clothes for the new school year along with his two-year-old sister Lottie, they’d been sitting on a bench when he’d first seen two men kissing._

_The kiss was nowhere as heated as the ones he’d seen in James Bond movies between a man and a woman, of course. It had only been a peck on the lips, but that didn’t explain why his head felt light. His chest had started feeling funny, and his stomach too. He didn’t know what too feel, but he felt like the universe was watching and judging his reaction._

_“Come on!” His dad had called to the men, his expression darkening and hand clutching tighter against his water bottle as he motioned towards the small family. “I’m here with my family. We didn’t need to see that.”_

_“Austin!” His mum had hissed through gritted teeth, settling Lottie atop her hip._

_“Did you really have to kiss here?” He asked, gesturing between the two men with a hand. “There’s children around.”_

_“Seriously?” One of the men had asked in disbelief, his grip tightening on his boyfriend’s hand. “Would you say that if a man and a woman did that?”_

_His dad wasn’t against gay people, at least Louis didn’t think he was. The intimidating and tall figure of his father went silent for a moment, and Louis found himself holding his breath — gaze stuck somewhere above the men’s intertwined hands and how they trembled in fear of being judged._

_“I don’t want to see anyone kissing like that,” his dad finally muttered._

_“Is it the fact that we’re gay?” The other man continued, raising a brow and laughing in disbelief. “Is that what’s bothering you about us kissing?”_

_“You know what?” His dad had asked, his voice laced with anger as he stood. “Yeah, yeah it is. Go kiss your boyfriend somewhere else, or I’ll call the cops.”_

_“Come on, mate,” the taller man had pleaded in a desperate tone. “It’s 1999, grow up.”_

_“I’m serious,” he challenged, pulling out his phone. “I’ll call the cops.”_

_One of the men made some sort of sound that resembled a snort, before he flipped him off, picking up their belongings and disappeared into the parking lot. He remembered his mum and dad fighting about it as they drove back home, his mum challenging how open-minded her husband really was and he’d somehow convinced her not to fixate on it._

_At fifteen, Louis had heard rumours about a boy in his class being gay. That boy — Will, if he remembered — was quiet, seemed nice, and had many friends who were girls. The girls treated him like another one of their friends, and somehow that convinced everyone that he was gay. In any case, Louis didn’t have a clue if the rumours were true. Will had never said anything about it._

_He did remember hearing his friends snicker and whisper among themselves as they watched Will audition for the role of Puck in their Drama class’ mandatory production of Shakespear’s play: A Midsummer Night’s Dream, to the best of his ability._

_“He’s such a faggot,” one of his friends had muttered, and the other boys laughed. “Look at him.”_

_Louis had winced, keeping his eyes rimmed to the stage. As Louis had recently learned, faggot was another word for gay, but meaner._

_He didn’t like how everyone was bullying Will. He wanted to speak up against his friends’ accusations but he knew that if he said anything, they were gonna think he was gay and then everyone would think it too. And he didn’t want to be known as a faggot and be bullied, too._

_Instead, he just sat with his face void of emotion and a lump in his throat, while the other boys refused to let the boy be spared from their insults._

_At some point, there’d been a fight at lunch. A large crowd had gathered, and Louis had elbowed his way through to get a better view of the fight. He’d expected it to be two girls fighting over a boy, but there was too much blood for that._

_A boy straddled a badly injured Will, repeatedly delivering punches to his face. The boy was almost inhuman, raging and projecting pure anger at the fact that Will might have been gay. Cuts and bruises marked Will’s face and looked incredibly painful, his right eye seemingly much darker than the left._

_Luckily, the fight had been broken up by a teacher, who’d escorted the duo to the Principle’s office. He remembered hearing how Will had begged for them not to report it, and their whole grade got a talking about how gay people were just people, and that it wasn’t something to tease or beat someone for._

_That was basically what his mum had said when it had come up once._

He couldn’t be gay. He just couldn’t.

. . .

Louis sat in the cafeteria, tapping his finger against the table as he glanced around the bustling crowd of students, looking for his friends. He groaned, seeing no familiar faces, crossing his arms over his chest and stretching his legs out under the table. One of his shoes was untied, but he was too lazy to stretch down and tie it. He simply watched as students passed by, bopping his head along to the music playing in his headphones. He passed a hand through his fringe, pulling out his phone and typing a text to their group chat.

 _[11: 25 - Louis] You guys done class yet?_  
_[11: 25 - Louis] I’ve been waiting for a billion years in the caf_

_[11: 25 - Zayn] You’re being so dramatic._

_[11: 26 - Harry] Just left my lecture_  
_[11: 26 - Harry] Might be there in a couple minutes_

_[11: 26 - Liam] LOOK AT HIM BEING WHIPPED_

_[11: 26 - Niall] so whipped_

Louis rolled his eyes, turning off his phone pushing the food on his tray as he waited. A tap on his shoulder startled him, and he looked up to see Zayn, Liam, Niall, and Harry sitting down at the table, trays in hand. Harry sat in front of Louis, blue eyes desperately avoiding the other boy’s intense gaze as he pulled out his headphones from his ears and turned his attention to the conversation.

Anything to distract himself from Harry's intense green eyes. For a few minutes, it seemed to work, but then it turned to him and heat surged through his body.

“Where’d you go yesterday?” Zayn asked, taking a bite of his salad and pointing his fork in his direction. “You disappeared after the game.”

Louis exhaled shakily, picking at the loose string of his shirt again. “I wasn’t feeling so good.”

Zayn stared at him with a slight frown and a confused smile, head tilting to the side as he watched him fidget. Louis pretended to ignore it.

“Something must’ve been off with the beer,” Louis explained, licking his lips and feeling green eyes burning into him. “Tasted weird.”

“Right,” Zayn nodded, pretending that Louis wasn’t acting as off as he was at the moment. “What about you, Harry? I heard you left with a guy, last night.”

The table exploded into hoots and Louis threw a glance at Harry through his lashes, watching as he blushed and scratched at the back of his neck as Niall elbowed his in the side and wiggled his eyebrows.

“I—I did,” Harry nodded, licking his lips as nerves visibly tensed his body.

“Did you have sex?” Liam asked, catching everyone off guard.

Niall burst into laughter again, while Harry’s face turned crimson and Zayn smirked deviously. Louis simply kept chewing his food, reminding his body to cooperate and avoid Harry’s eyes.

Harry’s cheeks tinted red and he cleared his throat as he passed a hand through his hair again, falling in gentle waves around his face. “I—”

“Oh my God,” Niall gasped. “You did.”

“No, he didn’t,” Zayn answered.

“How can you even know that?” Louis scoffed, taking another mouthful of food and Zayn simply smirked at him. “You’ve been spying on him?”

“Did you forget I have a sixth sense when it comes to things like this?” He said, raising a brow. “He still had that doe-eyed innocence about him.”

It sent chills down Louis’ spine, and he tried not to shiver. _What if Zayn could tell?_ He thought. _Could he tell they’d kissed in the elevator?_

That’s when he felt it, Harry’s foot casually brushing against his. The toe of his boot suddenly bumped into Louis’ shoe, seeking his gaze but Louis simply looked over his fingernails and took a sip of his water. That was Harry’s way of indicating that he wanted to talk about their kiss, telling him that it would stay strictly between them and that Zayn would never know. Louis quickly moved his own at a safe distance from his. The curl of Harry’s lips made his amusement obvious, so Louis passed a hand through his hair and took another sip of his water.

“Doe-eyed innocence?” Harry asked, smile curving his lips.

“Yeah,” Zayn nodded, pointing a fork in Harry’s direction. “And that innocence dies quickly after having seeing someone naked and exchanging fluids.”

“Really, Zayn?” Liam gagged and shook his head, pointing to his food. “That’s not an image I needed in my head. Especially when I’m eating.”

“Bet you regret taking Ranch dressing,” Niall snickered, earning a chuckle from Louis.

“Seriously,” Liam chuckled, pointing to his salad and to the white-dressing covering it. “Right in front of my salad.”

“Sorry, mate,” Zayn laughed, winking towards Liam in a teasing manner. “I’ll make it up to you, later. Am I right, or am I right, Harry?”

“You’re right, Zayn. I didn’t have sex,” Harry nodded, and Louis could feel intense green eyes pinning him down for a moment. “But I did get a kiss.”

He could still feel the pressure of Harry’s lips on his, the way he needed him and the way their bodies had been pressed together in the elevator, wanting to feel more. Louis focused on his food and tried to pretend that he couldn’t feel the shadow behind him watching and waiting for him.

 _It’s only a matter of time_ , the shadow whispered. _Only a matter of time_.

. . .

Louis took a puff, the smoke finding its way down his throat and he exhaled. He wouldn’t consider himself high yet, but he was starting to feel a nice buzz throughout his body, making his limbs loose and his mind easy. He’d went to Zayn’s room after his last class of the day, leaning back into Zayn’s desk chair, smoking the last week away.

It had been exactly a week. A week since he’d kissed Harry in that elevator, and neither boys had acknowledged it. That was a lie. Harry had tried to bring it up when they’d end up alone, but Louis would always make up excuses to avoid the unavoidable. He knew they would never talk again after the kiss, and the thing was, Louis was fine with it. If it kept the shadow at bay, then he was perfectly fine never talking to Harry again. If he didn’t acknowledge it, then he would be free to resume his normal life. _Whatever that was_.

Zayn locked eyes with him, taking the joint and taking a deep drag and letting out smoke from his lips as music played around them. Louis was slightly entranced by the smoke furling around Zayn’s face, making him appear to be even more mysterious than he already was.

Truth was, Zayn wasn’t a bad boy. Sure, he liked to call himself the Bradford Bad boy but that wasn’t him at all. In the year Louis had known him, he noticed that the boy took pictures and kept them in a scrapbook of sorts, to remember the “good days” when University would come to an end.

“So like,” Zayn started, gaze unfocused by the weed. “Do you think clouds have feelings?”

“I don’t know, mate,” Louis frowned in thought. “Maybe?”

“They must,” the other boy insisted, nodding to himself. “They cry, raining is their tears. They get dark and make loud noises, which means they’re angry. And they hurt people with lightning! They must have feelings, right?”

Louis laughed at the absurdity of it all, pinching his nose as he laughed. “Fuck the clouds with feelings,” he chuckled. “They need to do their jobs and water our yards correctly.”

“How can you say that?” Zayn chuckled. “Clouds are very advanced creatures, they’re more advanced than us!”

“I think you’ve been smoking too much,” Louis snorted, taking the joint and taking a drag.

“But how can I stop smoking if I don’t know if they have feeling or not? Like, do you think they’re sad up there, Lou?”

“Maybe? I don’t know.”

Silence settled between them, and they both dissolved into giggles, the weed they were smoking clearly affecting their heads. Louis took a long drag, letting the smoke leave his mouth, settling it between his index and middle finger as Zayn rambled about finding out his sexuality.

“It’s perfectly natural, bro,” he explained, nodding as he reminisced. “I thought I was straight, too.”

Louis froze on the spot, eyes narrowing and brows furrowing. “What?”

Zayn clamped a hand over his mouth, his entire body shook with the laughter he fought to contain as he repeated himself. “I thought I was straight, too.”

“What do you mean you _thought_?”

“Everyone was telling me that I should like girls,” Zayn said, waving his hand dismissively. “That I shouldn’t like guys, too. That I should make a choice. But the thing is, I like both. And I only figured it out when experimenting in high school. So I’m just saying—”

“What are you saying?” One shoe tapped impatiently on the ground, his expression severe as his mouth pressed into a thin line.

His heart was racing, pulse thundering in his ears and fingertips throbbing with it as he clenched his fist. He blinked, trying to remember how to focus his eyes and get his body to work again.

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” Zayn shrugged, the smoke making his voice raspier than normal.

Louis’ skin flashed hot and then cold, vision going fuzzy again as the room spun. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Zayn leaned forward, smiling apologetically. “It’s not a big deal if you like dick, Lou,” he said, raising an eyebrow but Louis couldn’t hear anything. “The more you ignore it, the more—”

Louis was on his feet before he’d even processed that he’d managed to move. He felt dizzy and his legs felt unsteady and he still couldn’t fucking hear. He had to get out of there.

“This is fucking stupid,” he muttered as a weak excuse, making it the door and hurrying into the hallway.

It was a little easier to breathe out there, but there was a tickle along his spine that had Louis taking off at a run to get away. He took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator — not wanting Zayn to follow him and try to get him to open up.

His feet thundered on the concrete steps, running out the entrance and into the afternoon light. The bite in the air almost felt good after feeling like he was suffocating and cornered, but it was really too cold to be out without a coat, so it was good that his building was only a few minutes walk from Zayn’s.

But with the shadow right on his heels and breathing against the back of his neck, he made it in a minute and a half.

Hands trembling and chest tight, breathing shallow and nearly painful, Louis shut his door behind himself. The solid oak was supposed to be a barrier between himself and the outside world. And it was. But lately it hadn’t been keeping out the shadow.

Palms braced against the door as though that could keep the darkness at bay, Louis looked at his hands — pale skin, pronounced knuckles, flat nails. They looked as they always had, though they were shaking as they pressed futilely against the wood. But, the shadow was filtering in and surrounding him, and he couldn’t let it catch him.

It knew he was weak. It was just waiting to strike.

Pushing off the solid surface unsteadily, Louis swiftly turned and walked to the other end of his room before stuffing a bag with clothes from the back of his closet and the bottom of his wardrobe, and his toothbrush and an extra pair of shoes. He shrugged on his coat, grabbing his wallet and bringing up his phone to his ear. His legs were still shaking and all he wanted to do why lay down and pull his blankets over his eyes like when he was afraid of monsters as a kid, but he knew that if he stopped moving, the shadow would get him. It was closing in on him. There was no where left to run, and that only meant one thing.

He had to get the fuck out of London.

“Hey mum!” He exclaimed, hoping his voice didn’t sound as panicked as he felt. “Can I come home for the weekend?”

“Of course you can,” she said, clearly confused as to why Louis wanted to come back home. “I’ll prepare your bed! Oh, it’s been a while since you haven’t come home!”

“It’s been too long,” he agreed, his breathing was rapid and he only barely realized that he was silently crying as he felt wetness slide down the length of his jaw.

“What’s happened, dear?” Johannah said, almost immediately. Goddamn mother’s intuition. “Are you alright?”  
  
“Nothing,” he lied, felling something in him break. “I just missed you. I’ll call you when I’m home, yeah?”

Before she could answer, Louis ended the call and took a deep breath. Even now, walking briskly back and forth, the darkness was creeping in, surrounding him from all sides and pressing in like it was going to consume him.

It had gotten him, caught up to him and taken him. Somehow, he’d been able to shake it off and escape. But this time, Louis had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to fight it off. It was too strong, too persistent. And he was weak — worn down from running away all these years. And every year, the shadow only grew stronger.

Ten minutes later, Louis was sat at the back of a taxi, watching as the old man weaved through the busy streets of London and off towards the Train Station. The drive was quiet, painfully so as Louis kept his gaze to the window. The taxi pulled up to drop-off along the curb and he unbuckled his seatbelt, fishing out the required amount before disappearing into the station with his bag.

Louis reached into his duffel bag, digging out his wallet and hurrying to buy a ticket.

“Can I get a ticket for Doncaster, please?” He asked, smiling as best he could, and the lady at the counter gave him a strange look but typed into her computer anyways.

Louis let out a sigh of releif, opening his wallet and whipping out his credit card. Passing over his card, the counter lady gave him a soft smile as she passed Louis his train ticket. “Gate E3, off to your left.”

Louis looked at the lady and bit back on the anxiety crawling up his chest. He nodded and gave a quick thank you, before going through security. He wasn’t wearing much. Sweatpants and a t-shirt, because he’d intended go to bed and not an impromptu trip back home. They ushered him through and soon enough, he was at Gate E3. He sighed, looking out the windows at the train tracks.

This was stupid. He was such a coward.

He plopped down on an empty chair, watching as a few people walked about, staff and a few civilians wandering around. He curled up on a chair, knees to chest, arms wrapped around, and dropped his head onto his knees in frustration.

It was so stupid.

The train ride to Doncaster seemed endless, even though he’d made it a hundred times before. He couldn’t bear to sit in silence because then he’d be left alone with his thoughts, so he jammed in his headphones and listened to some music, letting it bore his brain into static.

The train arrived at the station an hour later, and Louis sat on a moldy wooden bench outside the train station, staring at his phone before turning it off. He’d called up his mum, who’d offered to pick him up from the station, voice beyond excited.

Fifteen minutes later, a car pulled up to the curb before him. He grabbed his bag, taking a seat in the passenger side and shutting the door behind himself.

“You’re here!” Johannah said, pulling the young man into a hug, her body melting into his as he hand caressed the back of his head. “I missed you!”

“Hi, mum,” he said, squeezing her once. “I missed you, too.”

The moment she pulled back, and her light eyes landed on him, her smile dropped slowly. She saw it in his face, whatever it was he couldn’t hide from and Louis bit the inside of his cheek. “Oh, Lou,” she whispered, and just like that, his eyes welled up again. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Louis lied, hating his voice for breaking in the middle of the word. “Can I stay home for a bit?”

“As long as you want, love,” she nodded.

Johannah began the drive home with the radio low and a hand on his knee, without asking him any questions he couldn’t answer right now. They climbed up the wooden porch steps, feeling the old wood creak under his step. He stood at the front door for a moment, feeling the old wooden flooring under his feet, before his mum opened the door.

The moment the door swung open, he heard the excited giggles of his sisters, who smiled brightly at him as they ran down the stairs.

It was like nothing had changed, almost like Louis hadn’t moved out to London for Uni. He still couldn’t cook a proper meal, he still cleaned up the clutter his siblings created, he took part in suppertime bickering, and he still teased his sisters.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	14. Pancake Sunday

It was late, the room was quiet, and enveloped in complete darkness. Harry had found it hard too sleep, and was now silently scrolling through Louis’ _Instagram_ in the early hours of the morning. For the last few hours, he’d cycled through a number of random activities, none of which were very sleep-inducing. He’d watched videos for a bit, washed the bathroom, tried to read himself to sleep, and even tried to count sheep, but sleep simply wouldn’t come.

The glow of the phone illuminated his face, as he chuckled silently at the smaller boy’s older posts before stopping short, breath hitching in his throat and heat flooded his body.

Louis was standing in the middle of a party, oblivious to the picture being taken of him, smiling brightly at someone off-camera. He wore a white t-shirt that clung to muscles Harry hadn’t noticed before, the shirt practically pasted to his torso. Nothing of his upper body was left unseen, some dark shapes becoming visible as his damp white shirt pasted to his skin. His hair was slightly damp, falling in soft waves around his forehead and temples, his earlobes peeking from underneath.

Harry chewed the inside of his cheek, looking around his dorm room reluctantly, before shimming out of his pants. He hesitated for a moment, staring at the bed on the opposite side of the room before shoving his hand underneath the blankets, his head falling back on his pillow with a relieved, extended sigh.

 _He could be quiet_.

He wrapped his hand around himself, eyes focused on the screen. He moaned softly and opened his mouth, biting on his bottom lip as he pumped, his toes curling against the fluffy duvet.

“Fuck,” he muttered, biting his bottom lip.

It wouldn’t be his finest or longest wank, but with literally nothing separating him from his roommate, speed was important. He would’ve normally waited until no one was home, but after seeing Louis in that picture, he couldn’t take it.

 _Fucking Louis_ , he thought, his hand speeding up.

Thick thighs that would pin him down, strong arms would hold him close, and that devil mouth of his would be moaning in his ear and kissing him. His mind flashed to their time when they’d hidden in between the buildings while running from Campus Security, his back pressed to the brick wall with Louis’ heaving chest pressed to his, his voice fluctuating from his natural rasp to panting as he tried to regain his breath, warm breath fanning over Harry’s face in a way that made him shudder. Louis’ panting paired with his natural raspy voice had been hotter than anything Harry had heard.

Harry’s breathing became ragged, chest heaving up and down as his hand pumped faster, sweat prickling his temples and hips bucked uselessly upwards. He arched his lower back and moaned a touch louder, quickly biting his bottom lip to stop himself.

“Fuck,” he hissed again and sucked in a breath.

The tightness in his belly coiled and unfurled, his arm starting to tremble as he stroked and stroked and—

The sleek device fell from his hand, falling to the hard-wooden floor in slow motion, and Harry’s eyes flew open, his hand stopping all movements. He quickly reached forward to catch it with his free hand, releasing a sigh of relief when the phone didn’t come crashing down on the floor. _He couldn’t afford a new one_.

He turned the phone over to see the screen, his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach.

Harry swallowed, eyes widening and hand flying up to cover his mouth in realization. His mouth felt instantly dry, and his heartbeat could be heard through his ears. _He’d liked his picture_. He jumped onto his feet, pulling on his sweatpants and pacing the length of his dorm room in panic, cursing under his breath.

“Nonononono,” Harry said in a rush of air, his mouth falling agape in a perfect circle. “Fuck, did I just li—Fuck!”

He clamped a hand over his mouth, immediately glancing at the bed opposite to his, waiting for any sign that his roommate might have heard him, but there was only instead. He sighed in relief, remembering that Niall had gone to Ireland for the weekend.

He clamped a hand over his mouth, immediately glancing at the bed opposite to his, waiting for any sign that his roommate might have heard him, but there was only instead. He sighed in relief, remembering that Niall had gone to Ireland for the weekend.

There was a long, breathless moment where Harry simply stared into the darkness of the room, eyes tearing up and hands shaking. He bit into his bottom lip, quickly typing a message to the group chat the boys had formed without Louis. Maybe the boys knew what to do.

 _At least_ , he thought. _He hoped they did._

 _[Harry - 01:30] Fuck_  
_[Harry - 01:30] I’m so fucking stupid omg_  
_[Harry - 01:30] pLease throw me in the pits of hell_

_[Liam - 01:31] What happened?_

_[Niall - 01:31] Please tell me you didn’t like one of Louis’ old pictures_

Harry didn’t respond, fingers hovering over the keypad as he thought of a response. He was hoping it was all a nightmare, that somehow this was all in his imagination, but he knew it wasn’t.

 _[Niall - 01:33] I just got the notification..._  
_[Niall - 01:33] You totally did!_  
_[Niall - 01:33] You owe me 10$ Zayn!_

 _[Zayn - 01:33] I can’t believe I’m witnessing your fall with my own eyes._  
_[Zayn - 01:33] Fuck fine. I’ll give it to you when you come back from potatoland._

 _[Niall - 01:33] Potatoland???_  
_[Niall - 01:33] You’re just jealous that Ireland is superior_

 _[Harry - 01:34] GUYSSSSS HELP ME_  
_[Harry - 01:34] THE FUC K DO IDO NWO??_  
_[Harry - 01:34] WHAT DO I DO?_

 _[Liam - 01:34] don’t panic_  
_[Liam - 01:34] how old is the picture?_

_[Harry - 01:34] 62 weeks old_

_Maybe it wasn’t that bad_ , he thought but was soon corrected. He cringed behind his screen, watching a bubbles appeared and disappeared as the boys typed and deleted their messages. This went on for a couple of minutes, and harry gnawed on his bottom lip anxiously, running a hand through his hair. _Please, please, plea—_

_[Zayn - 01:40] What colour do you want your coffin?_

_[Niall - 01:40] I’ll take care of the flowers_  
_[Niall - 01:40] Roses or just a random bouquet of flowers?_

Harry released a groan, his heart beating frantically behind his ribcage and pounding loudly in his ears. He felt lightheaded, and he was 100% sure his knees would give up beneath him. His fingers typed rapidly over the keypad, sending multiple messages in a row.

 _[Harry - 01:40] FUCK_  
_[Harry - 01:40] HELP ME_  
_[Harry - 01:40] I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING OMG_

 _[Niall - 01:40] The only time I leave you alone, you manage to get yourself in trouble_  
_[Niall - 01:40] How did it even happen?_

He bit his bottom lip, trying to think up of an excuse to mask the real reason. He knew he’d been masturbating, but they didn’t need to know that. That detail would stay between him and his empty dorm room only. He typed a reply, furrowing his brows before sending. It wasn’t technically lying.

 _[Harry - 01:43] I was holding my phone and then it fell, I managed to get it at the last second before it would fall and shatter on the floor, and SOMEHOW I accidentally liked the pic_  
_[Harry - 01:43] I might as well just have texted him “Hey, I’ve been stalking you on Instagram at 1am”_  
_[Harry - 01:43] Louis won’t ever speak to me again_  
_[Harry - 01:43] bYe it’s been a wild ride!_

_[Liam - 01:44] Why were you even on his Instagram at 1am? That’s the real question_

_[Zayn - 01:44] I think I know why ;)_  
_[Zayn - 01:45] He’s human after all._

 _[Niall - 01:45] OMG_  
_[Niall - 01:45] THAT’S FUCKING HILARIOUS_  
_[Niall - 01:45] GET IT BRO!_

Harry felt a flush of embarrassment creep up his cheeks, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back to take a deep breath through his nose. Damn Zayn and his ability to read between the lines! His grip tightened on the duvet, dropping his head back with a sigh.

 _[Harry - 01:47] Where even is Louis?_  
_[Harry - 01:47] Haven’t seen him after lunch._

 _[Zayn - 01:47] LOOK AT HIM_  
_[Zayn - 01:47] YOURE QUICK AS FUCK WHEN IT COMES TO CHANGING THE SUBJECT_  
_[Zayn - 01:48] THE USAIN BOLT OF CHANGING THE SUBJECT_

 _[Niall - 01:48] He’s probably working on the play_  
_[Niall - 01:48] You know how he is_

_[Zayn - 01:49] Yeah, maybe._

He closed his phone, throwing himself onto his bed with a sigh. He shifted and turned for a few moments before grabbing his phone and opening his social media, and going to Louis’ page. He had to do something. He quickly unliked the picture, releasing a sigh of content. _Everything was fine. Everything was fi—_

_[Liam - 01:49] whatever you do, don’t dislike the pic_

_[Harry - 01:50] WHAT THE FUCK DO OYU MEAN DONT DISLIKE IT??_  
_[Harry - 01:50] I PANICKED!_

 _[Niall - 01:50] OMG_  
_[Niall - 01:50] YOU FUCKING UNLIKED IT_

_[Harry - 01:51] I’M GONNA THROW MYSELF IN THE RIVER_

_[Liam - 01:51] okay, let’s calm down_  
_[Liam - 01:51] he probably won’t notice_

_[Harry - 01:51] What do you mean?_

_[Niall - 01:52] When you nod your head yes_  
_[Niall - 01:52] But you wanna say no_  
_[Niall - 01:53] What do you mean! Hey-ey_

_[Zayn - 01:53] Not the time Niall_

_[Niall - 01:54] I saw an opportunity, and I took it_  
_[Niall - 01:54] Fight me Zayn_

 _[Liam - 01:54] Louis’ got like 10000 followers, right?_  
_[Liam - 01:55] and he posted a selfie on Friday so he’s probably flooded with notifications_  
_[Liam - 01:55] you’ll probably be mixed in with those and he won’t notice_

_[Harry - 01:55] REALLY??????_

_[Liam - 01:56] probably…_

_[Zayn - 01:56] I’d start walking to the river_  
_[Zayn - 01:56] Sorry, mate_

With an exhausted sigh, Harry threw himself onto the bed, draping an arm over his eyes and taking in deep breaths through his nose and exhaling through his mouth. He grabbed his phone one last time, typing in a response and closing his phone for the night, feeling his eyes close themselves.

 _[Harry - 02:00 I thought about it and I want a white coffin_  
_[Harry - 02:00] Make that roses, Niall_

. . .

Sitting on the couch with a steaming tea mug in his hands, Louis stared at the roaring and crackling fire in the fireplace, watching as flames twisted and merged together. He buried himself under the cozy blanket, passing a hand through his hair as he stared around the dark room.

It was such a sleepy place. Basked in the golden light of the fireplace, Louis thought that maybe he could just stay here forever. It was quiet and beautiful, and removed from the crazy atmosphere of the city that never slept and the things that would encourage the shadow. A nice daydream for when reality would set back in in a few days and he would have to return to University, where the shadow lived.

He remembered escaping the shadow once, throughout the entirety of high school. He’d dated the girl who lived next door, and he was going to marry her once, when he was just a kid. They’d made that promise to each other, giggling on the playground at school. He was going to make Eleanor his wife one day and she was going to be the best wife anyone could’ve ever wished for.

She was definitely beautiful, more of the conventional sense. Thick, softly curling brown hair, large brown eyes, unblemished skin and a slender yet shapely figure that had every boy crazy for her. His friends had urged him to ask her out, and he couldn’t think of any reason why he shouldn’t, so he did.

Their relationship was fine. It was like dating his best friend...it was _fun_ not exciting like any of his friends had described their relationships. They watched bad movies together, and kissed when his parents would go to bed, hands touching each other tentatively in the darkness. During their relationship that lasted through the four years of high school and ended at graduation, they got each other off three times, quickly and hastily while they listened intently to be sure no one was coming up to their room to check in on them while they “studied”.

She’d gotten him off with her hand on him, fumbling clumsily under the covers and he’d closed his eyes the entire time, but he’d came and that gave him reassurance. With that reassurance, Louis didn’t bother to date anyone after they broke up, but he did hookup with a few during his Freshman year of Uni.

 _He liked women,_ he’d told himself. _Just didn’t have the time._

His move to University had him hopeful that all his old worries could stay at home, stuck in the walls and the sheets of his bedroom at his childhood home. And for a while, the shadow seemed to have disappeared. Louis would go out every night, and hookup with many different women. It was still a whisper in the distance, but it wasn’t threatening to overtake him with every step like it had been before.

However, everything started creeping back in. Old worries, betraying thoughts, and a reality that was trying to make itself known. All that because of those stupid dares. A bunch of stupid dares from his friends weren’t supposed to turn his entire world upside down. Then again, maybe it wasn’t the dares. Maybe it was just Harry.

“Sure you don’t want something to eat, love?” Johannah called from the kitchen, bringing him out of his train of thoughts..

He looked down into his tea, wiping the tears away. “No thanks,” he managed. “Not hungry.”

She hadn’t yet asked him what happened specifically. And he hoped that maybe she’d guess it without having to be told and he wouldn’t have to say it aloud. He didn’t think he could say it, not right now at least, not without breaking down completely.

“I made cookies,” she announced, coming into the living-room with a tray of cookies. “Chocolate chip cookies, your favo—”

She took one glance at him — he didn’t see it, didn’t lift his eyes from the flames, but he could feel her eyes on him and the untouched surface of his tea.

“Fuck the cookies,” she said, placing them on the coffee-table and plopping down next to him on the couch. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Louis said, forcing himself to look up into her eyes. She looked so worried that he wanted to scream. “I don’t—”

“Louis,” she placed a hand on his knee, afraid to touch him and break him into a thousand pieces, maybe he looked as fragile as he felt inside right now. “I know when you’re lying.”

“It’s nothing,” Louis repeated, hating that his voice broke in the middle of the word. “I just—I’m tired.”

“Tired? What are you tired about?”

He moved, trying to place the mug onto the coffee table, spilling hot tea over the edges of the mug and cursed as it splashed onto his pants. She took it from his shaking hands, placing it onto the table and watching him with a devastated look on her face.

“I don’t know,” he chocked out, tears clouding his vision as frustration settled firmly into his mind. “I’m just so tired, mum. I don’t want to feel like this, I can’t—”

Without having to finish his sentence, she opened her arms and engulfed him into her arms. Louis burried his face in the crook of her neck, closing his eyes and letting himself cry in his mother's arms. Like always, his mum smelled like lavender and the fruit shampoo she’d always bought. He took a deep breath, feeling incredibly stupid and small even though he was speaking to his mum, the one person in the world that made him feel safe to let his guard down. He buried his face into her neck and fell apart, and she didn’t move, just held him for as long as he’d need.

After a while, he’d gone up to sleep, his eyes felt heavy and exhausted. He couldn’t stop thinking about the phone he hasn’t checked, about what Harry might be doing, about how stupid he was for caring what Harry might be doing, about how lonely and pathetic he felt.

Louis jolted awake with a yelp, registering loud music blasting through his room. Jerking himself into a sitting position, he blinked rapidly through the haze of sleep and glanced around the living room. As his senses slowly kicked in, Louis frowned in confusion. Lyrics spilled through the air and assaulted his ears. Why was Wannabe by the Spice Girls echoing through his room like there was a live concert?

His blurry eyes widened as everything came rushing back, and he smiled softly. He was back home in Doncaster for a few days. It was Sunday morning, and he was contemplating letting his weekend trip extend to Monday morning.

_He was a coward, pure and simple._

He glanced over to his bedside table, glancing at the clock and was shocked to see that it was barely eight in the morning. Typically, it would be another few hours before he would be up on weekends. He rubbed at his eyes, stretching and groaning before glancing down at his turned-off phone. _He’d turned it off on the way home_.

Slipping out of his childhood bed, Louis crept down the narrow hall. There was no way he would’ve been able to sleep through the blaring music spilling through the house.

He slipped down the stairs, a smile stretching across his face at the scene playing out in the kitchen. His mum, clad in her jeans and tank top, danced all around the kitchen with a spatula held to her lips like a microphone. Doris and Ernest were sat in their highchairs, giggling and clapping as their mum danced around and sang into her spatula.

Johannah held the spatula out toward Ernest and let him babble senselessly before turning back toward the stove and grabbing the pan and flipping over a few pancakes. The small twins clapped happily as their mother resumed her dancing. Louis pulled out his phone, recording the precious moment, and wanting to capture every second of it.

It was in that moment that Doris glanced over and noticed her older brother, throwing up her hands into the air and forgetting all about the dinosaur toys on her highchair. “Achoo!” She squealed happily.

“Good morning,” Louis whispered quietly, smiling at his mother.

“Hi,” Johannah smiled, the smile not quite reaching her eyes.

“Hi!” Ernest screamed at his brother, waving his arms dramatically.

“There he is!” His step-dad called, pinching Louis’ cheek as he came into the kitchen, a teasing smile on his face. “Look at that grumpy little face! Didn’t change a bit since I saw you!”

Louis slapped Daniel’s hands away, scrunching his face up even more in annoyance. “Fuck off.”

“I missed you too,” Dan laughed, crossing the kitchen and pecking his wife on the lips.

Louis rolled his eyes, turning to look at his siblings. “Good morning!” Louis exclaimed with a bright smile. “You guys are up bright and early!”

“Can’t hear you!” Ernest shouted, giggling.

“Oh!” Johannah exclaimed, shooting past them. “I got it.”

She ran into the living room, and the volume of the music went down. She then shot back to the kitchen to finish cooking the pancakes.

“Sorry, love,” she said when she returned, an apologetic smile on her face. “We figured that 8 a.m. was enough sleep, and music would be a good alarm.”

“Well, I didn’t stay asleep,” Louis laughed. “Where are the girls?”

“Out with friends,” Daniel chuckled. “You know how they are.”

Louis snorted, ruffling Doris’ soft and wild red-hair as the small toddler beamed up at him. “What you say, Achoo?”

“I said you’re up bright and early.”

Doris nodded. “We’re gonna go on a walk!”

Moving to grab a glass from the cabinet to the left of the sink, Louis filled it up with water. “Really?” Louis asked, biting his bottom lip nervously as he leaned against the counter and diverted his attention to his mother. “We’re going on a walk?”

“Yeah,” Doris nodded eagerly before going back to playing.

“Sometime this morning, it’s not everyday that I can spe—”

“Achoo, m’ gonna have a clown pancake!” Ernest exclaimed excitedly, interrupting her as he noticed his mother taking out whipped cream.

Johannah turned a playful glare to his youngest son before returning to the stove so that she could transfer the finished pancakes onto a plate. “Ernest, love,” she said. “What did Mummy tell you about interrupting people when they’re talking?”

“Not to,” Ernest replied in a guilty murmur as he popped the straw of his juice box into his mouth.

Johannah’s smile stayed warm, finishing up the clown pancakes for the toddlers. “That’s right,” she smiled. “You’re such a smart boy.”

Ernest grinned proudly, earning a bright smile from both as Louis set a pancake filled with whipped cream and fruit in front of them before taking a seat at the kitchen counter.

“As I was saying,” Johannah laughed, handing over a stack of pancakes to Louis. “It’s not everyday that you come back home. I never have time to talk to you, so today we’re going out on a walk. All of us.”

Louis nodded, sitting at the dinner table and watching as Doris played, completely immersed in her own little world, making loud screeching and roaring sounds as she played with her dinosaurs.

“Achoo, that’s a Tricertops,” Doris explained, nodding to herself and holding out her toy for Louis to hold.

“Triceratops,” Louis corrected with a soft smile, observing the brown-horned figurine.

Doris pulled the dinosaur from his hand. “That’s what I said,” she muttered, holding out another figurine. “And the rex eats him.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, the rex is a carnival,” Doris nodded confidently. “The rex eats meats.”

Louis laughed, his head snapping up and he smiled when he saw his mum putting a plate of pancakes in front of him.

“Mum, did you know that Rex is a carnival?” Louis teased, smiling brightly.

“I did,” she chuckled, nodding as she took the seat adjacent to Louis’. “It only eats meat.”

“Achoo, you need to say thank you,” Ernet said, a sticky finger pointing to Louis.

Louis tilted his head, frowning and smiling in confusion. “Why?”

“Because Doris teached you something.”

“Taught,” Daniel corrected, smiling at her son.

Huffing out a breath, Ernest tried to roll his big blue eyes but only ended up crossing them. Both toddlers giggled and went back to eating their pancakes, faces full of whipped cream and syrup. Louis smiled gently at his siblings, taking a bite of his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	15. Tearful Calls

“Hold on, buddy,” Louis grunted. “Let me just get my feet right.”

Ernest giggled as Louis finally got his feet positioned gently against his belly. Ernest squealed and squeezed Louis’ hands as tightly as he could when Louis easily lifted his body into the air. He held his arms out and kept Ernest up with his feet so that he looked like he was flying just a few feet above him.

“M’ an airplane!” Ernest screamed at the top of his lungs.

“You are!” Louis laughed, separating his feet so that Ernest fell from his position in the air and Louis caught him in a fast embrace, tickling him as he squealed and wriggled around, rolling off Louis’ chest to the floor.

Ernest laughed so hard that little sound escaped, but then his eyes went wide and he clapped a hand over his mouth.

“You okay, buddy?” Louis asked, his smile fading. “Are you gonna be sick?"

Maybe it was a little too soon after breakfast and the clown pancakes to be swinging his brother around on his feet. He didn’t want to end up covered in vomit, he’d had enough of that from Niall’s encounter with Guinness.

Cheeks flushing a bright red, Ernest popped up on his feet and cupped his hands around Louis’ ears. “I peed.”

Louis had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing, because it was obvious that he was very embarrassed about his accident, but his pink cheeks and quiet admission were incredibly cute.

“That’s okay, everybody has accidents.”

“Even you?” Ernest whispered.

“Even me,” Louis lied. He was pretty sure he hadn’t peed himself since he was in diapers, but his brother didn’t need to know that. “It was my fault, yeah?”

“Okay,” Ernest nodded, voice barely above a whisper as he held his hands over the wet spot on the front of his pants.

“Oh no,” a voice exclaimed and both Ernest and Louis’ heads turned to see their mother, leaning against the archway of the living room. “Did you have an accident?”

“Uh-huh,” Ernest nodded, gaze rimmed to the floor.

“Okay, let’s get you cleaned up then,” Johannah announced, Ernest threw his arms out for his mother to pick him up, she propped him on her right hip. “It’s bath time before going out. We’ll be right back.”

Louis nodded and watched as his mum make her way up the stairs. She didn’t get very far, though. “Mummy wait!” Ernest shouted.

Johannah stopped and patted his thigh. “What is it, love?”

“Achoo!”

“Yes,” she nodded, and Louis waved from the livingroom. “Louis’ waiting downstairs for you.”

“No,” Ernest told her, shaking his head. He started waving his arm wildly, motioning for Louis to join them. “I want to show him my toys!”

She sighed and freed her left arm to mimic her youngest son’s beckoning motion. Louis stood, making his way up the stairs where his mum and little brother waited.

“Apparently, your presence is required for bath time,” Johannah chuckled as Ernest dove toward Louis. Louis caught him mid-dive and transferred the small boy from his mum’s hip to his own. “I’ll get Doris.”

“It’s all good,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and bouncing Ernest atop his hip.

“I want to show you my toys!” Ernest announced.

Johannah disappeared into the toddlers’ room and emerged with Doris, walking hand-in-hand down the hallway and toward the small bathroom across from his childhood bedroom. Once Johannah got the water to a decent temperature and the tub filled about halfway, she shut the water off and turned to the toddlers.

They had already stripped down to nothing and stood shyly in front of them with their hands over their privates and Ernest had his lip tucked between his teeth. His round belly poked out over his hands and Louis noticed that he was an outie. As weird as other people sometimes found it, Louis thought it was adorable.

He held up his arms so that she could pick him up. She lifted both toddlers over the high edge of the tub and settled them slowly down into the warm water.

He was short, even for his age. The water rose to his chest, his hair was blond and Doris’ was red, unlike either of their parents, and that made Louis wonder if they’d gotten it from their father’s side of the family or a grandparent. Ernest’s eyes were blue too, though they were lighter than Louis’, the twins had the same nose and full, pouty lips. His chin, however, was entirely his own.

They played with floating rubber boats and dinosaurs, showing them off to Louis as they did so, and by the time Johannah carefully tilted Doris’ head back to rinse away the shampoo, she was rambling about all of her favorite things.

“No way,” Louis said, splashing a little water at the boy. “Green is my favorite color, too!”

“Dinosaurs are green!” Ernest shouted.

“That’s right!” Louis gave him a high five before pulling the plug out of the drain.

The small children stood up and shivered as Johannah grabbed a towel to pick him up with. Once she got both of them out of the tub, she dried them off and helped them into their clothes. Sitting on the closed lid of the toilet seat, Louis watched as the boy stood in front of a small mirror as he carefully combed his damp hair while his mother fussed over Doris. Afterward, he brushed his teeth with expert precision, rinsing his mouth with a plastic cup and then flashing a gummy smile at Louis.

“Whoa!” Louis gasped dramatically. “Great job, buddy! They’re super white and clean.”

Turning, Ernest ran out of the room and into his bedroom. He cannon-balled into his bed, pulled his blanket up onto his head like a hood, and laughed hysterically when Louis came in after him.

 _Seriously_ , he thought as he picked him up and brought him downstairs. _Could this kid get any cuter?_

. . .

 “See that?” Ernest exclaimed, pointing out the window of the moving vehicle.

Louis looked over so he could look out Ernest’s window. He tilted his head in confusion, but still gasped and pretended to be thrilled. He didn’t have a damn clue what his brother was pointing at. “Whoa! That’s so cool!”

“And that!” Ernest shouted again, still pointing.

“Yeah,” Louis nodded, a smile stretching his lips. “What was that, buddy?”

“I don’t know!” The toddler shrugged, and grinned. He seemed even more pleased with himself as his siblings laughed loudly.

“Is he always like that in the car?” Louis asked, raising his eyebrows in amusement.

Daniel shook his head, keeping his eyes fixed on the road. “Not typically. He has occasional days when he is more energetic, but he usually sleeps or repetitively sings the Dinosaur song.”

“The Dinosaur song?” Louis asked, his grin widening. “There’s a Dinosaur song?”

“Yeah,” Daisy nodded, a look of disgust settling on her face. “And, it’s _very_ annoying.”

“It’s from a TV show or something?”

“No,” Lottie rolled her eyes. “It’s _his_ song.”

“ _His?_ ” Louis glanced back at Ernest again. “As in he made it up?”

Johannah nodded proudly. “He is rather creative, that son of mine.”

“Hey Ernest!” Louis turned in his seat again, and flashed a teasing smile to his sisters.

“Hey!” Ernest’s gaze snapped away from the window and back to Louis.

“Can you sing the Dinosaur song?” Louis asked, immediately hearing the collective sighs from his sisters at the back. “Please?”

Ernest nodded, kicking his legs in an absentminded way and bopping his head along as he began to sing loudly, and Louis had to bite his bottom lip in order to keep from laughing. The song came out in shifting rhythms with no set pattern, and none of the lines rhymed. Ernest didn’t seem to notice, though, bopping his head as if the rhythm never altered and made perfect sense. He held out the last word for a long time, raising his voice an octave higher and throwing a small fist into the air dramatically, and Louis just completely lost it.

He’d been biting his bottom lip the entire time, trying his best not to ruin the moment, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. He burst into laughter as he clapped his hands and cheered for Ernest. Johannah joined in the cheering and Ernest beamed from his car seat, clapping his hands as well.

“That was a great song!” Louis cheered, patting his knee. “You should be a singer!”

“Want me teach you?” Ernest offered excitedly, giggling.

Louis nodded enthusiastically. “Of course!”

“Maybe next time,” Dan said before Ernest could begin another loud round of the Dinosaur song. “We’re here.”

A collective of relieved sighs left the girls sitting in the back seat, and Louis rolled his eyes. It had been quite the hassle to get them out of their rooms. Johannah opened the back door and went to work unbuckling Ernest while Dan tried to unbuckle Doris from their car seats. A few moments later, everyone had finally exited the car and started their walk.

He palmed the phone in his pocket, turning it around over and over in his hands and stalling, then making up his mind. His options were turning the thing on and facing the notifications in order to get to his music, or walking with nothing to do.

He turned on his phone and was immediately hit with the beeps of missed phone calls, voicemails, and text messages. He cringed, scrolling through.

_Missed voicemail : Liam._

_Missed voicemail : Zayn._

_Missed voicemail: Zayn._

_Missed phonecall : Zayn._

_Missed phonecall: Niall._

_Text message from Liam: Hello??? Dude where are you?_

_Text message from Liam: I swear if you’re dead in a ditch somewhere I’m go..._

_Text message from Harry: Are you okay? I’m sorry for kis..._

_Missed phone call._

_Instagram: harrystyles liked your photo._

_Missed phone call._

_Missed voicemail._

The list went on for a while.

Louis closed his eyes and let the pings and noises finish their incessant drilling into his temple until they exhausted themselves, then finally unlocked his screen and ignored the bright red bubbles screaming for his attention, going instead to his music app.

He shoved his headphones into his ears, drowning out the bullshit going on through his mind with angrier music, because it was easier than going around breaking things. As soon as the music started, he let his mind lulling him to a quiet place as he walked slowly behind his family.

And it was perfect, it was literally all perfect, and he was finally starting to distract himself when a hand tapped his shoulder. He startled, pulling out one headphone out and staring down at his mother.

“Hi, mum,” he smiled softly.

“No phones,” Johannah reprimanded, throwing a stern glance at her oldest son. “This is a _fun_ and _exciting_ family event.”

“Mum,” Louis sighed, rolling his eyes. “I ca—”

“No, you can’t listen to music,” The older woman shook her head, pursing her lips. “Enjoy the fresh air, the view, the little animals. No phones.”

Louis reluctantly agreed, shoving the phone into his back pocket. With a content smile, Johannah followed next to him and Louis looked down at his shoes as they started walking. He’d certainly been putting miles on them; the white shoes no longer looked white. He made a mental note to buy some new ones, proper ones to walk in. _Maybe Adidas?_

They made their way out of the town and towards the sunlight of open fields. It was still early enough for a chill to remain in the air, the air slightly colder than in London. He tilted his head up to the sky and took in a deep breath of air.

“So clean,” he murmured.

His mum had slowed down her pace to walk beside him, humming softly as they continued walking. It was cute, the way she tried to match his step, considering he’d once again slowed himself down to almost nothing to keep up with her.

“London air doesn’t exactly scream _clean_ ,” she agreed, searching the road ahead.

Louis laughed, and he was thankful for at least this small distraction. It kept him from focusing on other things, like Harry. It had been such a cowardly thing to do; to run back home the moment his world shifted, but he didn’t know what else to do.

He also laughed because, well… it’s true. It didn’t matter where you lived in London, the air was noticeably more polluted. Louis chuckled at his mum’s comment and continued the rest of their walk. By the time they arrive at their location, the sun was up higher and they were both breathing a little hard. _It was quite far, after all._

“Anything new in London?” Johannah asked, slowing down to a stop to regain her breathing. “It’s not everyday you come back home for the weekend.”

Louis’ mouth parted in shock, gulping down his fear. That was the one question he’d been trying to avoid all weekend. “Nothing new,” he lied, smiling softly and averting his eyes. Shit, he could feel his eyes burning and the shadow returning. “Just missed you, that’s all.”

The woman tilted her head, stopping and placing a hand against his cheek and tilting his head upwards to stare into her face. A frown was creasing her brows, and Louis chewed on the inside of his cheek to try to reel himself back in.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She asked, concern clouding her vision. Goddamn mother’s intuition. It was downright terrifying. “I know when something’s wrong.”

“Nothin’ to talk about,” Louis muttered, stepping out of her grasp.

His mum didn’t look like she bought it for a second, furrowing her brows in concern and lips parting to probe further but before she had a chance to call him on it, she noticed the imploring look in Louis’ eyes and decided to drop it.

“You cried last night,” Johannah pointed out. “What was that about?”

“It’s nothing,” Louis insisted, not liking just how sharply that came out, but not wanting to backpedal either. “I just—I’m fine.”

It took them no time to get to the top, and Louis smiled to himself as he watched his family walking ahead, fingers grazing the weather-worn stones, hopping over small cracks and generally trying to take in all of their surroundings at once.

“I might not know what you’re going through,” Johannah said, and the tight knot of tension in Louis’ throat came back. “And I know that maybe you don’t want to talk about whatever it is with me yet, but just know that whatever it is, you’ll be okay.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Louis chuckled nervously. “It feels like I’m never okay.”

“I know,” she nodded sympathetically, squeezing his shoulder. “I don’t think you know how strong you are.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Louis said.

There didn’t seem to be anything else to say. After a moment, his mum nodded once more and they settled back into comfortable silence. Maybe she was right. No, she was always right. He’d get through this and he’d be okay.

A picnic and loud laughter later, they began their walk down hill. They walked side by side and listened to the birds flying overhead, taking their sweet time and enjoying each other’s company. By the time they made it back to the car, the sun was starting its slow descent into the evening.

. . .

The toddlers began the movie, sitting in complete awe as Louis watched them from the dining room, laughing every time he caught his mum trying not to laugh at the little yellow minions as she put away the left-overs. They were speaking complete gibberish. The kids were entirely unfazed by all things happening around them — mouth hanging wide open, their eyes remained glued to the screen, and it had always amused Louis that no matter how many times kids had seen the same movie, they could still be so enraptured by it.

Louis stacked the plates on top of each other, walking towards the kitchen. All stacked together, the dishes were easy to carry to the kitchen, and he placed them next to the sink.

“Do you need help with the washing up?” Louis asked, placing the plates into the sink.

His mum only gave him a gentle pat on the cheek and shook her head softly. “No thanks, love,” she prompted, grabbing the dishes and busied herself cleaning them, dark hair over one shoulder as she stacked the clean plates and cups in the other sink to dry. “You can go ahead and go up.”

Louis looked at her out of the corner of his eye, frowning at the way she kept babying him after their talk before shrugging, exhaustion finally sinking in both physically as well as mentally. The thought of laying around in his bed for a while suddenly sounded very appealing. He nodded, making his way up the stairs and throwing himself into bed.

He laid on top of his patterned comforter, counting each slow rotation of the ceiling fan, the cotton material soft and cool beneath his bare legs. Stray strands of dark hair tickled his ears and the sides of his face as they followed the rotation of the wind. His head sank further into the space between his pillows as he pulled out his phone and stared at the screen, frustration settling firmly in his mind and into his chest. _He was a coward, a fucking coward_. He huffed in annoyance, smacking the comforter with his left hand and the mattress squeaked in response to the sudden violence.

He turned on the device for the second time in a day, listening to the endless pings and messages that filled across the screen. He jammed his headphones into his ears, and listening to the music blasting against his eardrums. He frowned, looking over at his phone as pings of incoming messages appeared. Harry was texting him, and he ignoring the sad Emojis and promises to make him feel better because he couldn’t fucking deal with that right now. Instead, he replied that he was okay and wasn’t mad before turning to music so that he didn’t have time to think about anything, because if he thought about going back to London and facing reality and the shadow, then it somehow made it seem real. Maybe if he avoided it, it wasn’t real and wouldn’t happen.

He closed his eyes, bobbing his head along when it stopped, and Liam’s face flashed across the screen. The phone rang three times, and on the fourth he reluctantly took in a shaky breath before answering and bringing the phone up to his ear, heart beating loudly in his ears.

“Liam?” Louis asked, voice sounding small and weak. “What a—”

“I thought you were dead, you fuckwad!” Liam screamed into the phone, voice echoing through the line and Louis winced as it echoed loudly in his ear. “Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”

“I’m sick,” Louis grunted, flopping back on his messy childhood bed that he’d barely left for the past three and a half days.

“Bullshit,” Liam hissed, and the tone he’d used definitely said that he wasn’t buying it at all.

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” Louis tried. “Felt like shit.”

“You should,” Liam sneered into the phone, and Louis let out a frustrated sigh. “Where are you?”

“Back home.”

He listened as Liam let out a frustrated sigh, and silence followed for a moment. “You really freaked us out. You just disappeared without a word, Louis!”

“I know,” Louis nodded, passing a hand through his hair. “I just—I wasn’t feeling well. I needed to go home.”

“You could’ve left a note, maybe a—What?” Midway through Liam’s response, Louis heard another voice echo from the other end of the line. He couldn’t be sure, but it sounded like a crowded room, which meant that Liam had gone in to work today. “Amanda, I don’t give a fuck about the winter equipment right now. My best friend has been missing for four days, okay? Four days and I’m on the phone with him, right now. Do you see the importance of this conversation now? The winter sports can wait.”

Louis’ entire body felt like it caught fire in that moment as he felt anger build up in his stomach. “Liam! I wasn’t missing!”

“You were!” Liam argued. “It’s been four days, which is almost a week! We thought you were dead. Fuck you, for that!”

Louis rolled his eyes as he pressed her fingertips to his temples. “Are you done?”

“Oh, you think I’m done, you fucking piece of shit?” Liam laughed, almost like he’d gone out of his mind. Liam almost never swore, but he unleashed it. “That’s funny. You just stormed out of Zayn’s room, fucking disappeared without telling any of us, didn’t answer any of our calls and texts. And you think I’m fucking done?!”

The silence that followed seemed almost loud, and Louis was sure that if he dropped a pen, it would sound liken orchestra through the phone. He heard Liam take a couple of shaky breaths, and then Louis’ heart dropped.

“What’s going on?” Liam asked. “Why did you just leave?”

One of the things Louis had learned about Liam during their Freshman year was that Liam was the biggest softie and had a responsible streak that was put into action whenever any of his friends were sick or upset, the human equivalent of a Golden Retriever puppy.

There was a reason why Niall had been staying in Zayn and Liam’s room when he’d horribly ill from drinking Guinness, both boys were responsible for their friends. Louis appreciated Liam’s concern — he knew he was lucky to have friends who actually gave a shit and would make sure he wasn’t dead in a ditch. But he also wanted to have a few more days of pretending the outside world didn’t exist.

A messy, half-hearted shrug was all Louis could muster. He wasn’t ready for to have that conversation. With any luck, Liam wouldn’t press into the subject. “I want to tell you, but I can’t,” Louis sighed, passing a hand through his hair. “At least, not right now.”

“Louis,” Liam said, a frustrated sigh coming into the line. “You’re gonna have to talk to me about it one day. You know I’m here for you, right?”

“I know,” Louis mumbled.

“Do you want to talk ab—”

“No,” Louis said, voice rougher than before. “Everyone’s been asking if I wanna talk about it, and I don’t. I just—I can’t.”

“Yeah, okay,” Liam agreed. “You’ve got to come back, you need to go to class. Maia and Harry have been worried sick. Well, we’ve all been worried sick.”

Louis chuckled despite himself, shaking his head even though he knew Liam was right. He’d seen Maia’s multiple texts, and missed phonecalls.

“Zayn thinks you’re mad at him, though he didn’t say it out loud. At least not to me.”

“I’m not mad,” Louis said, brows furrowed. He didn’t want his breakdown to be causing other people distress. God, was it so hard to just become a hermit in peace?

“You told disappeared without telling anyone,” Liam pointed out. “Not the most convincing.”

“Fine, I _was_ mad but now I’m sick!” Louis defended, coughing to clear the lump forming in his throat. “I needed to get away for a little while.”

He heard a sigh from the other side of the line, closing his eyes. “Anyway,” Liam sighed. “Will you come back, now?”

“Maybe,” Louis shrugged, trying to hold himself together and not sob on the line. “I don’t know.”

They were quiet for a minute that felt like the most painful eternity — every second making Louis’ grip on his phone and on the edge of his mattress tighten. Louis appreciated the sentiment more than Liam would ever know, and it formed a lump in his throat. It was only after another thirty seconds or so that Louis trusted himself to talk.

“Okay,” Liam agreed. Liam chuckled, and Louis counting each rotation of the ceiling fan above him.

Louis managed a nod of acknowledgment, but his throat was tight again, and he didn’t think he could manage a simple thanks. He heard shuffling, voices and the bell of a new customer arriving to the store echoing from the other end of the line.

“I’ll have to call you back, alright?” Liam said, voice cautious and careful.

It was like he was trying to talk to Lassie. Which would have been funny except nothing was funny, and he was talking to Louis like he was going to break at any moment.

“Come back soon, okay?” Liam asked, and Louis was relieved to hear the sound of Liam getting up from his squeaky desk chair. “Everybody misses you.”

Louis inhaled sharply through his nose, biting down on his bottom lip as his right hand clutched the comforter. While coming back sounded absolutely terrifying, it probably wasn’t going to get any less terrifying until he did it. And he needed to go back, staying cooked up in his childhood room forever wasn’t an option that would help him face his shadow. He had to confront it head on.

“Okay,” Louis said after a moment, the fan’s spinning blades blurring as tears of frustration filled his eyes.

“Oh, and Lou?” Liam said, letting out a chuckle. “Brush your teeth, shave and take a shower. I can smell your bad B.O. through the phone.”

Louis managed a strangled half laugh, which Liam answered with a chuckle before he ended the call, leaving Louis in complete silence.

His phone came back up from his face to rest by his side with his fingers spread wide, his pinky finger brushing the bottom of his ratty shirt. His laugh died down, catching in his throat and he bit his bottom lip to stop the sob threatening to force its way out along with the tears in his eyes. Despite his best efforts, a sob forced its way out of his throat, and Louis couldn’t help the tears from falling anymore. His heart was beating in his ears, and he couldn’t hear anything besides the sound of his breathing, choked and heaving.

A hand flew to cover his mouth to muffle the sobs that racked his body, but all he did was cry some more. The tears fell quickly, dripping onto his pillows as he stared up at the blurry spinning blades above himself.

Letting his lungs fill with oxygen as tears continued to fall, he let out all the pent up anger and frustration that had built up through the years. It felt like a small part of the weight he’d been carrying around all these years had been lifted from his shoulders. And it felt good to let himself cry and silently sob into his pillows.

He pressed his left hand firmly to his side as the back of his right hand wiped away the tears falling down his cheeks, and the fan gradually came back into focus; he counted each rotation of its blades as his breathing steadied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	16. Asshole Disease

The thought of facing the world with his new self awareness was no less terrifying on Tuesday, but it was time for Louis to face the music. Seeing his friends would be good. Doing anything other than stewing in his own fear would be good. Plus, he couldn’t miss his theater class another time, he’d already missed Saturday’s class, and missing two in a row was not an option. He’d received a warning Email from his professor, saying that if he’d show up late again, he would lose his role as Romeo.

That morning, he’d woken up with determination and dread both settling at the pit of his stomach. He’d showered, shaved, brushed his teeth and put on real clothes for the first time in days. His heart pounding and hands trembling as he stared at his reflection.

Going back to London meant facing Harry, facing his fears and facing the shadow.

“I mean, I just assumed that I would never be into men, you know?” Louis said as he folded his clothes. “I never imagined myself dating a man, I was only ever thought that I should like girls. And when Zayn said that, I freaked out. Obviously, running away was a dumb thing to do, because obviously, I was completely and utterly wrong, right?”

Doris and Ernest looked up from their place in the center of Louis’ small childhood bed, a giant coloring pad in front of them and crayons pinched between their fingers. Doris smiled at her brother and nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right. It was a stupid idea,” he agreed, folding a few items of clothing and placing them into his suitcase. “I’m scared shitless, I’m still unsure about everything, but maybe kind of a little bit okay. The only thing I’m sure about is that I like him, I like Harry. Do I make sense?”

“Nope!” Ernest exclaimed into the empty house, drawing a pink dolphin, and Louis chuckled.

“Do you guys even know what I’m talking about?”

Ernest shook his head and reached for his juice cup. “Nope!” Doris repeated, and Louis laughed even harder.

“I just,” he started again. “I like him as a person. Just because I’m attracted to him, he’s extremely fit and makes me laugh, doesn’t mean I fancy him.”   
  
Doris tilted her head slightly to one side, wide blue eyes staring at him in confusion.

“Okay, fine,” he sighed. “Maybe I fancy him. Just a little.”   
  
He fancied Harry, and he knew it deep down in his bones. There was a warmth in his chest and butterflies would spark in his stomach every time Harry was close to touching him. Sometimes when he thought about Harry, he would catch himself smiling for no reason.

Doris stared up at him, squinting up at him and head tilted to the side in confusion. They’d gotten that from their mum.

“Okay, I fancy him a lot,” he nods to himself. “I have a big fat crush on Harry Styles.”

“Achoo has a crush!” Doris and Ernest sing-songed.

“I do,” Louis reached back to pat her exposed knee. “But you can’t tell anyone. It’ll be our own little secret, yeah?”

The twins didn’t hesitate to nod. “Okay!” They said in unison, going back to drawing.

“You guys are such a good listeners,” he chuckled, moving back to pack the now clean clothes he’d brought from London into his suitcase.

Louis offered her a strained smile. He was more nervous than he was willing to admit aloud, but it showed in his body. His expressions were tight, and his movements lacked their usual finesse as he flitted around his bedroom packing his things, readying himself for the way back to London which he’d been both looking forward to and dreading. The past three days had been utter torture, the stress over his feelings had been overwhelming.

“I just,” he pondered. “All I know was that when I was four and Jacob let me play with his toys, I totally worshiped the ground that toddler walked on.”

“I’m a toddler!” Ernest exclaimed.

“You totally are,” Louis said, smiling at his siblings.

He sighed as he carried his clothes and placed them neatly in his suitcase, watching over his siblings. _They wouldn’t remember anything of what he’d said in a few minutes_.

After checking his reflection once more in the mirror behind his door, he crossed over to his bed and started folding some clothes to put into his suitcase. He smiled as he looked down at Doris and Ernest, their little face hidden behind the colouring book, and he passed a hand through her wild red hair sticking out in kinky curls.

“Achoo is leaving?” She asked, tossing aside her coloring pad to Ernest and looked up to Louis.

“Yeah,” Louis nodded, smiling sadly. “I’m leaving.”

“Why?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I have to go back to school,” he explained, closing the suitcase.

“Why?” Ernest questioned.

“Because school is important,” he acknowledged, nodding to himself.

“No,” Ernest giggled, leaping onto Louis. Louis chuckled as he caught him, letting out a soft grunt. “You can be a cat!”

The topic of Louis leaving and his big fat crush on Harry were completely forgotten as they teased each other. Time seemed to move faster, seemingly only about a second, until his family came back from the supermarket way too soon, and Louis took baby steps all the way to his mum’s car with his skin crawling. He could hear Ernest and Doris crying for him to com back, their little chubby fists hitting against the window. He took a deep breath, sliding into the car and watching as the house could no longer be see in the distance.

The car ride to the train station was quiet, the silence filled by the soft hum of the radio. He would catch his mum looking at him every once in a while through the rear view mirror, a worried look on her face, but he kept his light eyes to the raindrops on the window. His skin crawled as they arrived closer and closer to their destination. Once she pulled up to drop-off, found a place to park at the entrance along the curb, Louis reluctantly unbuckled his seat belt.

“Thanks, mum,” he said, smiling softly and feeling a ball of emotion rise in his throat. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” she nodded softly, unbuckling and stepping around and opening the door. “Do you need help carrying your bag inside, love?”

At this, his heart shattered a little, she was saying goodbye for the second time. Before she could stop it, a lone tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly whipped it away, taking a breath and he shook her head.

“I can do it,” Louis said, gathering his bag and the cold breeze washed over them and he breathed it in. “I’ll miss you.”

At this, Johannah pulled him into the warmest embrace and Louis clung to her, as if making up for his move to University, holding him there until he needed air.

“I’ll miss you,” she whispered again into his neck, and Louis hugged her tighter.

 _Air could wait_.

It was like Freshman year all over again, his mum was in tears and so was he. Truth was, Louis didn’t have much time to visit his family during his year at University. He was too busy being consumed by deadlines, readings, projects and lectures to take a moment to breathe.

“I know, mum,” Louis nodded into the crook of her neck, squeezing her tightly. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Neither actually made any attempt to move or leave the embrace, and the silence between them dragged on for quite some time. He wouldn’t have his mother to protect him from the shadow at University, let alone hug him and reassure him that he was stronger than he appeared. The speakers announced his train boarding in 30 minutes and Louis pulled away, whipping at the tears threatening to fall.

“My train is boarding,” he said, taking a few steps away as his eyes teared up.

“Right,” she smiled and gave an awkward little wave of her hand. “Come back soon, alright?”

“I will,” Louis placed a hand on her arm as he grabbed his suitcase. “I’ll send you the tickets to the show, yeah? You’ll come to my performance and see the not-so-clean London air.”

Louis could do little more than smile and watch as she turned and lowered herself into the car. When the engine started, Louis let out a long sigh and turned to walk into the train station. It felt like the first time he’d left for University, his mum waiting for him and crying as soon as he’d crossed the doors of the station.

. . .

Everyone was already gathered when he got there, Niall was smacking the table as he laughed at something Harry had said. Louis took a deep breath, and made his way over to the empty chair they’d saved for him between Zayn and Liam — not next to Harry like it normally would have been. He didn’t know how to feel about that.

“Hey,” he said, sinking down in the seat with his burger and fries.

Niall greeted him happily, almost like he’d never left and a soft smile took place on his face. But the others were cautious, almost like they didn’t know how to interact with him, and it had Louis’ stomach in knots. All eyes were on him, watching his every move and it had him feeling uneasy. Louis raised his eyebrows as he picked up his burger, purposely avoiding Zayn’s eyes.

“So,” Liam croaked, unable to take the silence any longer. “Are you feeling any better?”

Louis frowned a he chewed his food, nodding slowly to buy himself some time. He wondered how many of them bought that he’d been sick. “A little,” he said with a disinterested shrug as he bit into his food.

After a while, an awkward silence developed between the group. All unsure of how to begin and ignore that Louis had left and Louis completely wary of whatever was coming. He glanced up, meeting four pairs of eyes watching him cautiously.

“Yes?” Louis asked, when no one made a move to speak.

Everyone fidgeted, pretending to look else where. Louis let out a frustrated sigh, they were tip-toeing around the subject.

“Where the hell were you?” Liam asked, brows furrowed. “We were worried.”

“I told you,” Louis sighed, rubbing his upper arm as he did a halfhearted sniff to prove he was sick. “I was sick.”

“With what, asshole disease?” Zayn snorted, rolling his eyes. “Come on, I know something’s wrong. You ran out when we were smoking. Are you mad because of what I said?”

Louis took a sharp inhale through his nostrils, pinching the bridge of his nose. _Why couldn’t he let it go? Couldn’t they give up?_ The faster everyone would let go, the better. Fewer conversations he’d have to grit his teeth through.

A tense silence settled between the group and Louis clutched his water bottle, his knuckles turning white. He knew Zayn wanted to get to the bottom of it, but Louis didn’t. He looked up, nodding roughly at the same time that he sort of shrugged and even inched away from Zayn a bit. This was going to get ugly, Louis could tell.

“Harry was telling us about how he saw a mouse in the coffee shop yesterday,” Niall said, trying to lessen the tension. “Right, Harry?”

“Yeah,” Harry nodded eagerly, trying to lessen the tension with a smile. “There was a sound coming from the Coffee beans, and then when I came closer to check it out, a mouse with black and wh—”

“You’re a dick,” Zayn interrupted, reaching out to smack Louis across the head and mostly hitting air. “At least admit you were ignoring my texts.”

“Fine, Zayn,” Louis sighed in frustration, tipping his head back. “I was ignoring _your_ texts. I was ignoring _everyone’s_ texts. I was sick, and I wanted some time alone with my family, yeah? It’s not that big of a deal. Why can’t you let it go?”

Zayn squinted his eyes, tilting his head in disbelief. “Because you scared us, you dumbass!” He said. “We thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere.”

“I was sick!” Louis said through gritted teeth, anger boiling up. “Just like Elsa said: Let it go! It’s none of your business, Zayn. I’ll deal with my own shit my own way, yeah? Just let it go. Actually, all of you should let it go!”

He was clearly full of shit, and he was determined not to talk about it and there was nothing Zayn could say that wouldn’t end in a fight. He took another bite of his food, feeling like an absolute asshole for snapping like that but it was what had to happen.

“I _was_ sick,” Louis said after a moment.

“Right,” Zayn said, looking hurt and rolling his eyes. “Well, come talk to me when you’re done being a fucking asshole.”

Before Louis could utter another word, Zayn jumped off his seat and walked out of the cafeteria. Louis let out a heavy breath, his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach. His stomach churned uncomfortably as he watched Zayn leave.

“ _What?_ ” Louis asked, and everyone winced at the bite in his voice, and he quickly shook his head. “Shit, sorry. Instead of staring at me like I have two heads and a fucking horn on my forehead, can someone tell me if Harry screamed when he saw the mouse?”

“N—No,” Harry shook his head, turning his gaze to his food. “I didn’t.”

Louis felt beyond hysteric, he shook his head and chuckled, and a little bit of the tension eased. “Liar,” Louis teased, taking a sip of his water. “You definitely screamed.”

That startled a laugh out of Harry, and it was like a breathy exhale. The weird atmosphere dissolving as Harry insisted that he didn’t scream while the rest of them questioned the truth of that bold claim. Except Louis couldn’t bring himself to meet Harry’s eyes again, the sound of his voice had too many feelings welling up in his chest, and he didn’t know how to deal with them. Just the small glances he took of Harry when he’d teased him earlier had his heart beating too fast and his lungs feeling blocked up.  
  
Harry made him feel out of control, and he hated that feeling.

He was almost certain he hated it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	17. Control

Louis walked, the sound of his footsteps echoing against the concrete sidewalk as he pressed the second number on his speed dial. His heart was thudding into his ribcage in painful tremors as he waited through the three agonizingly long rings before his best friend’s voice finally drifted through the line.

“Louis?” Zayn asked. “Are you finally done being an ass—”

“Are you busy, right now?” Louis blurted, passing a hand through his hair. “Like are you in your room?”

“Really, Lou? You’ve known me for basically two years, and you don’t know what I do on Tuesday nights?” Zayn snorted into the phone. “I just smoked, which might explain why I’m not _that_ mad at you right now. I’m watching _Finding Nemo_. It’s really twisted when you think about it. Merlin’s wife and kids are brutally murdered by a serial killer, and his only living kid is left physically disabled because of it. Nemo gets kidnapped and the dad has to chase the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally disabled woman, and when—”

“I don’t give a fuck about Nemo,” Louis let out a trembling, frustrated sigh. “Are you home, or not?”

“Chill,” Zayn said, his tone shifting to concerned. The knock of a door echoed through Louis’ phone, followed quickly by shuffling. “There’s someone at my door.”

“I know.”

“What do you mean you—”

The boy opened his door to reveal a frazzled Louis, his phone pressed to his ear and eyes watery. Zayn started to laugh, but the look in his friend’s eyes caused the sound to die immediately in his throat. Zayn nearly dropped his phone as he quickly reached out for his best friend and tugged him into the small room.

As soon as the door slammed shut behind them, Louis began to pace over the short length of the room, passing his hands frantically into his hair.

“Uh,” Zayn muttered as he watched Louis pace around his room. “Are you okay?”

“I’m sorry that I was an absolute asshole,” Louis blurted, passing a hand frantically through his hair. “I’m sorry that I ran out. I’m sorry that I ran away without telling anyone. And I’m sorry for getting asshole disease.”

Both boys chuckled at that. “I never thought I’d see Louis Tomlinson apologizing.”

“Fuck off,” Louis chuckled.

“Did you only come here to swear at me?”

“I’m gonna tell you why I left,” Louis blurted. “You better sit down cus it’s a long story.”

Zayn reached towards the remote, muting the rerun of _Finding Nemo_ playing on the TV, taking a seat on his bed and keeping quiet, waiting for Louis to say whatever it was he needed to get off his chest. Zayn leaned a little toward his friend, locking eyes and raising an eyebrow.

“We kissed,” Louis blurted, shaking his head and alternating between planting his hands on his hips and tugging at the bottom of his white shirt. “Harry and I, we kissed twice. Well, more than twice, but basically twice.”

“You _what_?” Zayn squawked, eyes widening in surprise.

“After the party, I kissed Harry,” Louis mumbled to himself in panic. “And I realized that I’m—”

Louis’ lips parted as if he were about to answer an unspoken question, but then he reached for Zayn’s beer bottle and tipped it back. Zayn’s eyes widened as Louis drained the entire glass in one massive gulp.

Louis had to look away, jaw tight and eyes starting to tear up. He didn’t want to see Zayn’s expression change as he realized who he’d been best friends with for the past year, the friend he’d let sleep on his floor, the one he’d drunkenly regaled with his deepest fears. Louis couldn’t watch Zayn’s face when he started seeing him for who he really was.

The silence was deafening.

As soon as Louis choked his way through a swallow, he took a deep breath. “My entire life I’ve been told that I can’t like guys,” Louis said in a rush of breath, his gaze moving to his fidgeting fingers. “I’ve always been told that I _have_ to like girls. I dated girls, I slept with girls and I thought I would marry a girl one day. It just seemed like it had to happen! But then Harry showed up, and he fucked everything up.”

He looked up at the ceiling to stop the tears from coming, biting his bottom lip as a sob forced its way up his throat, feeling Zayn’s eyes on him. The silence that followed seemed almost loud, and Louis’ stomach rolled at the thought that he might have just ruined everything, but then Zayn tightened his grip on his side, and Louis felt a tug on his arm and followed the motion, shifting closer to Zayn until they were a mere inch or two from one another and leaned his head on Zayn’s shoulder.

“I had a plan, you know?” Louis sobbed. “I was gonna graduate, meet a nice girl, buy a 4-bedroom home in the suburbs and start a family together. And he fucking walked in, and ruined it. I realized that I didn’t want it anymore. I don’t even know what I want anymore!”

They were quiet for a minute that felt like the most painful eternity, every second making Louis’ grip on the edge of the mattress tighten. Zayn however, stayed calm, gently stroking Louis’ hair as hot tears trickled onto his shoulder.

“He makes me feel things I’ve never felt,” he explained, his hand wiping to dry his tears. “I’m not supposed to feel like this, but I do. I was so confused, and then the Harry dreams started, and the shadow kept growing stronger and stronger. I just—I had to get away for a while.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Zayn muttered, staring at him with sloped brows and concern. “And we were daring you guys to do all that stuff. I’m—Fuck. I’m so sorry, Louis.”

Louis couldn’t help the sharp look he shot Zayn. _Why didn’t he tell them?_ Why _would_ he tell them? How could he if he couldn’t even managed to admit it to himself without having to run away?

“You could’ve said something,” Zayn told him quietly, and Louis’ throat ached at how gentle his voice was. He still couldn’t look at him, so he simply stared at the rerun of _Finding Nemo_. “I know that coming out is scary. Trust me, I’ve been there. The guys don’t have a problem with it. I mean, Harry’s gay and I’m bisexual and they still hangout with us everyday. No one’s gonna care that you’re gay or whatever you are, Louis.”

Louis flinched at the word, and hated himself for doing it. “Really?”

“Really, no one’s gonna care,” Zayn comforted. “They’re just gonna feel like assholes for all the dares. But it’ll be fine, I promise.”

Louis didn’t know how Zayn could make a promise that big, but he appreciated the sentiment more than Zayn would ever know. He guessed that if the boys could handle Zayn and Harry being something other than straight, they could handle Louis not being straight. It was only after another thirty seconds or so that Louis trusted himself to talk.

“Is it stupid that I don’t know what I am?” He asked, voice rougher than before, moving to sit up straight.

“It’s completely normal,” Zayn chuckled softly, nodding along. “You could be bisexual, pansexual, hot-sexual, or something else.”

“Hot-sexual?” Louis managed in a strangled half laugh, which Zayn answered with a chuckle. “What’s that?”

“Someone who only dates hot people,” Zayn explained in a laugh, lessening the tension in the room.

Only a brief silence passed between them before Louis decided to test the waters. “You can’t tell anymore,” he said, voice even rougher than before.

“Of course,” Zayn agreed. “I wouldn’t, it’s not my place. I would’ve hated if people outed me before I was ready. I won’t out you.”

Louis managed a nod of acknowledgment, but his throat was tight again, and he didn’t think he could manage a thanks. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead gasped out a sob that had been waiting to escape, and Louis let his head drop into his hands as Zayn’s hand drew soothing circles onto his back as he cried.

He was still cautious that Zayn might change his mind or that the others wouldn’t react well, but just hearing someone say that he didn’t have a problem with it — it felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Taking in a deep breath as the tears continued to fall, Louis felt okay. He was still scared shitless, still unsure of almost everything. But for the first time in forever, he felt okay.

A tiny bit of the weight he’d been carrying around all these years had been lifted.

And it felt good to just let himself cry.

. . .

“His face!” Maia said for the twelfth time as they exited their theater class, a laugh leaving her mouth in a whirl of fog as they stepped into the cold. “That was fucking _amazing_. Holy _shit_ , Lou!”

When entering their Theater class that day, he’d pinched the bottom of his winter jacket and tugged once, surveying the crowd of students staring up at him. Their expressions ranged from concerned to amazed, perhaps they’d thought Louis wouldn’t come back. The class was filled with a steely silence, save for the quiet hiss of hot air being circulated into the auditorium. The corners of Louis’ mouth quirked as his eyes met his professor’s.

The old man had ran his fingers over the knot of his black tie, his left hand flat on the silky material before his lips thinned into a line and eyes simply watching Louis as an insect that he would have to exterminate as quickly as possible.

Louis stifled a smile and so did Maia, taking another sip of their coffees. He could practically smell the blood boiling in the old man’s veins, he could feel the stress sweat seeping into his itchy, over starched collars.

Their professor had expected Louis to fail and stutter during his parts, Louis could tell. The man was sitting, bushy white eyebrows twitching with anger as he clutched his pen between his bony fingers and surely waited to strike Louis’ name from the list of cast members.

However, his performance had been good — excellent even. The best he’d done all semester, and as he walked off the stage after rehearsals with a raised eyebrow and a bow, his professor turned red as a tomato and was simply fuming.

“I know,” Louis laughed, wincing at a strong gust of wind that sent shivers rippling down his spine. “He was fuming!”

“I thought he was literally gonna explode!” Maia giggled, jostling him by the forearm.

Louis chuckled, watching the girl for a moment. Her red scarf covered her mouth and nose against the snowflakes and the cold winter air, her mass of dark hair was sprinkled by snowflakes, winter boots and a thick winter jacket kept her feet warm and fog emitted from the scarf as they walked.

Head down and hands shoved in his pockets, Louis grimaced as he walked into the wind having to fight the resistance of the strong gusts. _He should’ve prepared like Maia did for the cold, Maia was always ready for everything_. He’d found a winter jacket in the bottom of his closet, paired with a beanie and sneakers that would surely be wet by the time Louis would get back to his dorm. 

“Maia, can I ask you a question?”

“If it’s about clouds having feelings, I don’t want to hear it,” she warned, pointing a gloved finger in Louis’ direction. “You texted me until 3 in the morning last time.”

Louis shook his head, tone turning serious. “It’s an actual question this time.”

“I’m listening.”

“Let’s say, theoretically, that someone likes one of your pics on _Instagram_ ,” he started, grabbing the back of his neck. “Like an old one, but when you go on the pic, it doesn’t show that they liked the pic. What would that mean?”

“That’s strangely specific, Lou,” Maia teased, eyes crinkling at the corners and Louis knew she must be smiling. “You sure it didn’t happen to you?”

“What? No!” He lied, gnawing on his bottom lip. “I’m just asking for a friend.”

“What friend?” Maia gasped, placing a hand on her chest. “I’m your only friend!”

Louis laughed at that, moving to elbow the young woman on the side, which she expertly avoided. “Fuck off,’ Louis laughed. “Could you please tell me what it means?”

“It means someone was stalking your _Instagram_ ,” she shrugged. “Liked the pic and tried to fix it by disliking it.”

So Harry _had_ liked the pic, and then unliked it. Louis could’ve shrugged it off if it would’ve been his newest post, but this one had been 62 weeks old. Either it had randomly popped up on his feed, or he’d been looking through his profile. 

“How old was the pic?”

“It was old. Really old,” Louis acknowledged. “62 weeks old.”

Maia stopped in her tracks momentarily as the words hit her, eyes widening. “Damn, that means someone was _really_ into your Instagram,” she exclaimed before hurrying up to join Louis. “Any clue on who she is?”

There was a twist in Louis’ stomach at his lie being revisited. Not that it was going to do Maia any harm to think he’d been sick, but he had a panic inducing moment where he wanted to just come clean. The thought of correcting Maia was somehow less intimidating than telling _any_ of his friends. 

Maybe it was because she was a girl. Maybe it was because she identified as being apart of the LGBT. Maybe it was because she was one of the most understanding people he knew. Maybe it was because she wasn’t aware that Harry had a crush on him and that they’d been doing awkward, couple-y dares for the past few months.

Regardless of why, the thought of just telling her the truth flickered in his mind for a moment. He hesitated for a moment before deciding that it wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t ready yet. He had control on when he'd decide to tell his secret. 

But just the fact that he’d been tempted, that was a huge step.

“No idea,” Louis lied, shoulders curling in when the wind permeated through his coat. He rose an eyebrow at the girl, who lowered her scarf to reveal an apologetic smile. “Why did we stop? We’re almost at the dorms.”

“Whoever she is, you should ask her out.”

“No, what the fuck?” Louis frowned in shock, mouth falling agape. “Why?”

“Why the fuck not?” She teased. “She was literally stalking your _Instagram_.”

“B—because,” Louis stuttered, flustered at the idea of even asking Harry out. “It was one pic from my _Instagram_. It’s not a big deal, and it doesn't mean anything. I was just curious.”

“I could help—”

Louis shot her a look that had her laughing and shoving at his arm

“Okay, okay, I won’t play cupid,” she acquiesced. “But seriously, Lou. You should ask her out! What do you have to lose?”

 _What did he have to lose?_ He wondered for a moment. The fear of rejection, although everyone in their friend groups knew that Harry had a crush on him, but that had been said months ago. Maybe the curly-haired boy didn’t feel the same way anymore.

“Well, I have to meet up with some people at the library to study for a final,” she announced, stopping outside the bookstore instead of walking back to the dorms with Louis like she usually did. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me!”

With that, Louis shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched his shoulders against the rough winter wind, glancing down at his wet sneakers before heading down to the dorms. He could probably squeeze in a nap before he had to meet the guys for dinner.

. . .

There was a twist in his stomach when he walked into the cafeteria a few hours later, heart too active for just being on his way to dinner. But Louis couldn’t help the way his pulse spiked when he walked up to the table with his filled tray where most of his friends were already waiting, and Zayn looked up to meet his eyes.

There was a reassuring smile on Zayn’s lips that Louis returned with a simple quirk of his lips even though he kind of wanted to laugh because he’d revealed his biggest secret _ever_ to Zayn only a day earlier, and now they were just gonna eat dinner and pretend like none of it had happened. 

Hanging out with all of them and pretending that nothing was different — technically, nothing was but the acknowledgment of reality made it feel that way — was still nerve wracking. What if they could tell he’d told Zayn? What if Louis would just blurt it out? What if they’d known all along and he was the only idiot who hadn’t figured it out?

So far, everything had been okay. And Louis had no reason to believe it would stop being okay. He just had to take it one day at a time and get comfortable in his own skin.

It was tempting for him to think that he had to learn to be comfortable in his own skin again, but that wasn’t the case. He’d never been, was the problem. He’d pretended, sure. But now was the time for him to really and truly embrace who he was. Finally, he could fully be who he was and own it, scary as it was.

It would get easier, he knew it would be. He’d told Zayn and almost told Maia earlier. Sure, he’d chickened out, but he’d thought about telling her. He knew he had a long way to go, but he would get there one day.

“She blamed our exam grades on her accent,” Liam huffed, taking a bite of his food. “I mean, I get how a couple words can get muffled here and there, but come on. It doesn’t explain my average dropping from an A plus to an A.”

Chuckling, Louis walked towards the table and took a seat next to Zayn. “God forbid you don’t have a 4.0 GPA this year.”

“I’ve had a perfect GPA since I was out of the womb, and I—”

“Guys!” A voice called and all four pairs of eyes turned to watch Niall running towards their table, clad in a heavy coat and coming to a stop at the table and sitting down unceremoniously.

Niall ran towards the foursome, coming to a stop at the table and sitting on the seat next to Harry’s with a huff. He dropped his head on his arms for a moment, chest heaving dramatically as he struggled to take a breath, and then he glanced back up.

“I have very important news,” he panted, wiping the sweat off his forehead as he struggled to peal off his coat from his sweaty arms. “Fuck, I’m so out of shape. I feel like I’m dying.”

“Don’t die before you graduate, mate,” Zayn said, and Niall snorted. “We’re all in this together.”

“To be fair,” Niall snorted, and grinned. “Dying would make my life easier. No exams, no work, no lack of sleep.”

“Dying would also stop you from playing guitar until 1am every night,” Harry interjected playfully, laughing at his own joke.

Harry was snickering, and Louis found himself smiling.

“Admit you love my singing,” the Irishman rolled his blue eyes, sticking out his tongue.

“Fine, it’s not _that_ bad,” Harry clarified unnecessarily, shrugging his shoulders as he took a bite of his food.

“ _Not that bad?_ ” Niall repeated, eyes bugging out of his head. “I’m enrolled in Composition!”

“But playing it at 1am is—”

Liam cleared his throat, smiling politely, tilting his head in confusion. It was almost like he was managing a group of rowdy kids, and it made Louis laugh. “Instead of arguing about your guitar skills, what were you gonna say, Niall?”

“Oh, right!” The blond exclaimed, blue eyes lighting up. “I ran here from the parking lot, but that’s beside the point. I left class because my boss called about an idea he had for the bar tomorrow night! He said he wanted to let me choose a theme night this weekend, so I went there and—”

“You left class and drove all the way to the bar, because your boss needed help picking a theme?” Zayn questioned, raising his eyebrows. “Couldn’t you do that over the phone? Maybe after class?”

“Zayn, don’t be so over-dramatic. Let me finish!” Niall quipped. “He gave me the chance to perform a few songs.”

Louis’ neck prickled with Harry’s proximity, sparks igniting in his blood when they caught eyes briefly throughout dinner. If he let his gaze linger too long, Louis suspected that he might get pinned by Harry’s intense green eyes. And if that happened, his red face would give him away for sure.

He knew he had to be careful not to let on that there was something, his crush on Harry Styles, floating in the air. He definitely wasn’t ready for anyone other than Zayn and himself to know.

Even as Louis took care not to let his focus get stuck on Harry’s smile through dinner, he was equally as careful not to avoid looking at him at all. Because the last time he’d done that, Harry had tried to apologize for his general existence through texts, and Louis didn't want him to think he’d done anything wrong. Harry had done nothing wrong.

“So, I have a dare for Louis,” Zayn announced casually when most of the food that had been on their colorful cafeteria plates had been eaten.

Everyone froze at the mention, but Louis knew that Zayn wasn’t going to hit him with anything he was uncomfortable with, so he tipped his chin to show he was listening.

“For five points,” Zayn instructed, dark eyes dancing with amusement. “Go to the library, and narrate yourself doing things for ten minutes.”

Liam snorted. “That’s a good one.”

Zayn passed his hand through his hair and did a bow to his friends. It would be embarrassing, but this was the kind of dare Louis could do without even flinching and Zayn knew it.

He appreciated that Zayn was setting him up for success, stopped the Harry dares and helping him to earn back his reputation.

“Do you want me to do it in first person or third person?” Louis asked, sitting back in his chair and stretching leisurely.

“Oh,” Zayn’s eyes widened. “I was thinking first person, but third could be really funny.”

“You have to do third!” Harry insisted. “That would be hilarious!”

“Yeah,” Liam agreed, smiling at the idea. “Narrating his life and speaking about himself in third person. It’s genius, Zayn.”

“I know,” Zayn nodded proudly, holding his head high. “I am a genius. Thanks for finally noticing, Liam.”

“Just kiss already!” Niall joked, laughing as he dodged a punch to the arm by Zayn.

The two boys cackled and Liam smacked him on the arm, Zayn was smiling before he could stop himself. “So,” Louis said, forcing his gaze away from Harry’s happily laughing face. “Shall we? I’m done eating.”

There was agreement all around followed by the scraping of chairs and rattling of silverware. It was time to remind everyone that he was the master of completing dares, however embarrassing they were. Harry grinned at him when he glanced over, and Louis’ lips were curving as he shoved his hands in his coat pockets.

“Ready?” Zayn asked, throwing an arm around Louis’ shoulders and steering him out of the cafeteria.

Louis smiled, quirking a brow. “Of course.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	18. Painted Nails

Louis stepped out of the Faculty of Arts building on Monday, immediately gritting his teeth against the strong gusts of wind that blew his hair back from his forehead and entered his winter coat. He could hear his mum’s voice reprimanding him for not wearing a hat and a scarf, but he hadn’t taken the wind chill into account when he’d gotten dressed that morning and he’d been quite tired.

At least, he was on his way to his room. A few more minutes and he’d be able to curl up under his warm blankets and hopefully start Liam’s suggestion of _Stranger Things_.

He put his hood over his head and shoved his hands into his pockets, grimacing as the strong gusts of wind blew in his face.

When he felt a hand on his shoulder, his first instinct was to shake it off and throw a frown at who ever was trying to slow down his pace and keep him in the cold longer. But, when he turned his head, lips already twisting down, he was met with green eyes and a bright smile — his cheeks and the end of his nose tinged pink from the cold.

“Hey,” Harry puffed, sounding like he’d been running.

“Hey.”

They hadn’t said a word to each other since their drunken kiss in the elevator, mostly on Louis’ behalf since he’d practically avoided the topic like the plague every time he was left alone with Harry. He took another look at Harry, and it almost knocked the breath out of him. The sunlight hit him just right, touching the ends of his lashes and the dip of his lower lip and the place where his hair falls across his temple and curls against his cheekbone, casting a halo around his curls in bright yellow.

“Are you done with classes for the day?” He asked, wincing when the cold wind blew across his face.

“Yeah, I’m done for the day,” Louis answered, nodding. “Are you?”

“Yep.”

A long silence fell between them as they stood together in the cold, nothing but the sounds of traffic and wind echoing around them. The moment dragged until it was almost awkward, both of them shuffling in place, until Harry looked up at the exact same time that Louis did, their eyes locking together.

Stomach flipping, Louis quickly cleared his throat. “So, what’s up?”

Harry’s eyes widened slightly. “Oh, yeah!” He exclaimed. “Are you going home, right now? Like going back to your dorm?”

Louis tried not to think too hard about Harry going out of his way to catch up with him. “Yeah,” Louis told him, shoulders curling in when the wind permeated through his scarf. “Why?”

“Can I maybe come with you?” Harry asked, flashing him the cutest rendition of puppy dog eyes that Louis had ever seen. “I was wondering if I could come hang at your place for a while until Niall comes back. I forgot my keys this morning, Niall isn’t answering his phone, and I’m locked out of the building.”

Louis thought for a moment, biting his bottom lip. He’d wanted to be alone for the rest of the day, but he couldn’t leave Harry alone in the cold.

“Unless you have other plans,” he rushed to say, grabbing the back of his neck. “If you do, then it’s no big deal. I’ll go ask Li—”

“No, no. I don’t have plans. Of course, you can come home with me.”

Harry’s face lit up in seconds, his curls plastered against his forehead with the way his beanie was pulled down low to cover his ears and the wind, and for a brief second, Louis forgot about the fact that he was standing in the freezing cold. But then the wind swept in again, and he remembered.

Louis swung his backpack over his shoulder and began walking backwards toward the large building that was his dormitory hall.

“Come on,” he said, motioning for Harry to follow him.

Harry didn’t hesitate, his boots crunching against the mixture of ice and snow as he hurried to catch up to the smaller boy.

The walk to his dorm was mostly quiet, with the exceptions of a few curse words from Louis when exceptionally cold gusts of wind had him shivering. The slowed down walk gave him time to wonder what that was. _Was it a date?_ After all, it was just the two of them alone in his room, but neither of them had said anything about it being a date. They’d hung out just the two of them before at the movies, he told himself. That hadn’t been a date.

He shrugged the thought away. They were just two friends hanging out, and that was okay.

“So, this is it,” Louis said as he opened the door to his dorm room and waited for Harry to pass. “Sorry about the mess, wasn’t expecting anyone to come here.”

Harry smiled shyly and slowly walked into the room, as if he wasn’t sure what to do. Sure, Harry had been to Louis’ dorm before, but never alone. He kicked off his boots, leaving them at the mat Louis had placed at the front door and stopped to stare at everything. Another awkward silence ensued. Louis smacked his lips, while Harry continued to observe his surroundings.

“You can move more than three feet from the door, you know?” Louis teased, unzipping his coat and placing it onto his desk chair. “Sit, make yourself comfortable.”

“Oh,” Harry let out a laugh. “Right.”

Harry stood stiffly as he looked at Louis, unsure of what exactly he was expecting of him. Green eyes glanced around, shifting to Louis’ bed before darting around once more. There was obviously nowhere else to sit except the bed.

“On your bed?” Harry asked, eyes widening.

Louis nodded, shrugging off the warmth in his stomach. “Yeah.”

It only took five steps to cross the room with Harry’s long legs, and he sat gingerly on the edge of Louis’ bed, his posture rigid. Louis chuckled, moving to dig around the mini-fridge for a can of beer and soda, tossing it to Harry.

“So, where’s Niall?” Louis asked, opening his can and taking a sip.

“I don’t know,” Harry replied, shrugging and motioning to his phone. “I tried to call and text, but he didn’t answer. I think he’s spending the day with Barbara.”

“Good call coming here, then,” Louis’ said, face scrunching up in disgust as he stepped around Harry’s knees and dropped onto the mattress beside him. “Didn’t want to take the chance?”

“There’s that. Plus, I couldn’t even get into the dorm.”

“Shit, sorry,” Louis chuckled, his hand landing on his forehead. “I’m a shit listener.”

The boys laughed at that, the tension between them dissolving for a few moments before another awkward silence followed, and Louis passed a hand through his hair, while Harry continued to observe his surroundings. Louis rose from the bed to grab the laptop sitting on his desk.

The bed bounced a bit as he plopped back down. “So, I don’t have any work to do, and I was about to start watching _Stranger Things_. Do you wanna join me?”

Harry glanced to the computer screen and then back to Louis. “Yeah, okay. Let’s Netflix and chill, then.”

Louis’ eyes widened as his gaze locked onto Harry’s, nearly choking on his beer and blinking a few times. “What?”

“What?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow. “Netflix is a very convenient app and you said I could chill here for a few hours until Nia—”

“I know it is,” Louis chuckled, raising a brow. “But, that’s not what Netflix and chill means.”

“What does it mean?”

“Seriously?” Louis asked, eye widening. “You don’t know what it means?”

“No.”

“Damn, you really are a science major,” Louis teased, receiving a playful punch to the arm.

“Hey,” Harry laughed, grabbing the back of his head as a blush crept up his cheeks.

Louis laughed, flashing a teasing grin at Harry. “Its when you go to someone’s house to _watch_ Netflix, but really you do _things_ while Netflix plays in the background.”

“What do you mean thin—Oh,” the words came out in a rush of breath before Harry smacked a hand against his forehead. “I just meant that, um—that we were gonna watch Netflix and hangout. Not, um—”

“No Netflix and chill,” Louis laughed, eyes crinkling at the corners. “How about we call it: Netflix and friendly social gathering involving no sexual relationship?”

“Sounds good,” Harry laughed, face tingling red at the implication before nodding. “I’ll be back, I just need to go to the bathroom.”

“It’s just through that door over there,” Louis replied, pointing towards the only other room in the small dorm. “I'll set up Netflix.”

Harry rose from the bed, and crossed to the bathroom. Before he could fully close the bathroom door behind himself, Louis heard him let out a groan. “ _Let’s Netflix and chill, then_ ,” Harry repeated softly, mocking himself before the door softly closed. “Way to sound like a pervert, Haz.”

Louis smiled and clicked onto his computer, setting up for their eventual marathon.

The lights were off when Harry returned from the bathroom, except for the glow of the computer screen. Louis turned at the sound of Harry shuffling around behind him, shuffling to the side to allow the other boy to take a seat or lounge across the bed.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Louis said, scooting over. “If you want a snack, there’s sour gummy-bears and Salt and Vinegar crisps on top of the fridge.”

Harry wandered over, taking ahold of the Salt and Vinegar crisps and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, Louis took one look at him and rolled his eyes.

“You look _really_ comfortable at the edge,” Louis remarked, scooting all the way back until his back touched the wall, which he’d cushioned with a few pillows. “But, if you wanna Netflix and friendly social gathering involving no sexual relationship, you gotta come here. I’m not gonna bite, I promise.”

Harry inched slowly back until he was settled against the pillows next to Louis, green eyes glinted in the glow of the computer. Louis reached over to the bedside table to grab their drinks, handing the soda to Harry and taking a sip of his beer.

“Never watched _Stranger Things_ before,” Harry said, shrugging. “Apparently you can’t have a normal conversation with someone if you haven’t seen _Game of Thrones_ or _Stranger Things_. I hope it’s not scary.”

Louis’ lips curled into a smile. “Not too much.”

“Wait, what do you mean by _not too much_?”

. . .

Much like their other movie outing, Louis moved his head to the side so that he could look back at Harry, who was hugging a pillow and hid behind Louis’s shoulder when he was too scared. He could could feel the other boy’s hot, minty breath on his neck.

“You good?” Louis laughed as the episode ended, watching as the taller boy’s gaze met his.

They stared at each other for a beat, Louis’ left eye twitching and heat creeping up his neck as Harry’s slowly darkening eyes slowly slid from Louis’ to his lips before darting back up, staring at each other through the darkness of Louis’ room.

“Shit, sorry,” Harry mumbled, grabbing at the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to—”

The nerves were practically radiating off of him, and that was doing nothing to calm the mixed feelings bubbling inside of Louis’ chest. “What’s wrong?” Louis rose a brow in confusion. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Harry shook his head, biting his bottom lip. “I’m sorry for, um, staring and making you feel uncomfortable. You probably think I’m fucking weird and shit, sorry.”

Harry’s words came out as breathy and rushed, his gaze moving to stare at the floor and his cheeks flushed. If adrenaline hadn’t shoot through Louis to hear him say it so plainly, his own face wouldn’t feel too warm. He was shocked with the fact that Harry was apologizing for just staring at his lips.

“You really don't have to apologize,” Louis answered, turning on the lamp on his bedside table, furrowing his brows. “What are you even apologizing for?”

“I know you’re straight and that it’ll never happen,” Harry admitted, grabbing the back of his neck.

Flares of hope burned brightly as his thoughts went into overdrive. Did that mean that Harry was interested? Did it mean that Harry reciprocated his feelings? Should he just ask and get it over with, put himself out of his own misery?

 _Of course not_ , Louis reprimanded himself. There had to be cleverer, subtler ways to bring it up than to have to put everything on the line and possibly embarrass the hell out of himself.

Harry was apologizing for his sexuality and feelings, thinking that those had made Louis uncomfortable. Which, they had in the beginning, but not in the way Harry thought. Louis wasn’t certain about lots of things, but one thing he was certain about was that Harry shouldn’t bee apologizing for something he couldn’t control. 

Louis understood, more than Harry knew. “It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize, yeah?”

Harry nodded slowly, processing the words. “I know,” Harry paused. “I just—I know you said you weren’t mad at me the other day but you seem, um, uncomfortable around me. So, I just wanted to say sorry. For, um, kissing you in the elevator and—”

“Harry,” Louis interrupted, startling both of them with the force of his tone. “I’m not uncomfortable.”

“But you’re straight, and—”

Before Harry could say anything else, Louis hooked a hand around the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. Harry melted into him with a hard shudder, their bodies molding together as waves of adrenaline rippled through Louis at that first heated press of lips.

A soft whimper echoed from Harry as he pressed further into Louis’ body, the smaller boy’s touch sliding over his body, slipping his hand down into the dip of Louis’ side and around to his back to pull him even closer.

They touched each other tentatively, their touch being nothing but fleshy whispers over the thin material that separated them. In a lot of ways, it was pretty much the same as kissing a girl. From a practical standpoint, it was exactly the same. Except, unlike when Louis had first kissed a girl, he felt tingles at the bottom of his spine.

“Whoa,” Harry exhaled, once they move to take a breath, gazing at him through half-lidded eyes and mouth agape.

That small voice between the space between them seemed to jolt both young men out of their haze, and they broke apart, just enough to look into one each other’s eyes. Slender fingers ghosted over Louis’ side, up the exposed flesh of his arm and neck, and then grazed across his flushed cheek earning a shiver.

“Please tell me this isn’t a dream,” Harry whispered, voice hoarse and deeper than it had been before.

“It’s not,” Louis chuckled, chest heaving up and down as he panted. “I’m— _shit_. I think I’m gay.”

It was the first time he’d said the words, and those simple three words seemed foreign, the revelation sending a large jolt of adrenaline shooting through him — sending ripples of adrenaline in every direction of his body. But, he would have to get used to it. Because, that was who he was.

When the boy finally glanced over, Harry looked shocked — maybe not as much from the statement but that this hadn’t been a dream and that Louis had just kissed him — his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide in what looked like amazement.

“Wow,” Harry said after what seemed like an eternity, licking his lips. “I—thanks for telling me.”

Louis nodded, passing a hand through his hair and suddenly feeling self-conscious as silence settled between them.

“I, um,” Harry glanced down at his rings. “Do you want to talk about it? Because I’ve been there, you know? And, I know it’s not easy and a little scary.”

Louis nodded in agreement, remembering the long battle he had with accepting the term. “Did you always know?” Louis asked, finding himself leaning forward on his elbows. He’d never heard another person talking about struggling to find their sexuality like he had in person, it had always been through a screen.

“Yeah,” Harry nodded. “I kind of always knew that I was different, but in freshman year, I tried to fit in with my friends and gave girls a try. Because, liking girls seemed like the thing to do. It wasn’t like I didn’t like girls, they were nice and pretty. So, I dated a couple of my sister’s friends, and it was just awkward. By the time Sophomore year rolled around, I realized I wasn’t really interested in girls. Not in the way my friends were. They would always brag about what they’d done with girls, and that just didn’t feel right to me It didn’t feel like things I’d want to do with girls. _Ever._ ”

Louis nodded in understanding, biting his bottom lips in concentration. Some times in high school, he’d felt that way, but that hadn’t stopped him from repressing it and dating girls.

“So, yeah, I definitely knew,” Harry said, taking another sip of his soda. “But I didn’t want to be the talk of my school, so I didn’t tell anyone. It sucked, honestly. I went to all the school dances with girls, my friends dated girls, and I absolutely hated everyone always pestering me to ask a girl out.”

“When did you do it?” He asked, motioning with his hands when he realized he was being unclear. “I mean, when did you come out?”

“A year-and-a-half ago, unofficially. And five months, officially,” Harry scooted to sit up straighter, tilting his head in thought. “I won’t bore you with the details of my coming out, it’s really not _that_ interesting.”

“What do you mean unofficially, and officially?” Louis asked, frowning in confusion.

“I guess you could say I came out in two parts,” Harry shrugged. “A year-and-a-half ago to my family, and then five months ago to my friends.”

Louis nudged at Harry with his elbow, and Harry shrugged as Louis urged him on.

“It’s really not that interesting,” Harry said, clearing his throat. “The first, was a little after my seventeenth birthday and my parents were out of town—”

“If they were out of town,” Louis pondered, raising a brow. “How did you come out?”

“You’ll never find out if you keep interrupting,” Harry teased, smirking. “To keep it short: This boy I liked came over to play Fifa, and somehow we ended up kissing, then there was some touching, and then—”

“And then?” Louis asked, chewing his lip.

Louis watched insistently as Harry’s lips quirked up slightly at the sides. He knew it was stupid, but the thought of Harry being with that faceless and nameless guy had him feeling unsettled, even though he knew he shouldn’t be. Besides, he had absolutely no claim over Harry whatsoever. _This wasn’t even a date_.

Harry cleared his throat, scratching at the back of his neck. “And then, my mum walked in and we got caught.”

“You got caught?” Louis squawked, cheeks flushing from second-hand embarrassment and mouth falling agape. “What did you do?”

“Yeah, about that,” Harry slowly said, a blush creeping up his cheeks. “When you’re naked with a guy on top of you and a hand between you, there’s not much you _can_ do.”

Louis grimaced at the image of his mother walking in on such an intimate moment, he didn’t want to imagine it. He hoped that it would never happen to him.

“How did your parents react?” Louis asked anxiously, chewing onto his bottom lip, wanting to make sure he hadn’t been hurt. “About you coming out, I mean. Not the whole, you know, naked guy incident.”

“They’re okay with it,” Harry nodded, concealing a smile. “Sure, it caught my mum off-guard. I mean, no mum _ever_ wants to walk in on that. But, when I officially told my family a few weeks later, my mum told me that she’d known since I was 2. But, when I officially told my family a few weeks later, my mum told me that she’d known since I was 2. But, I think deep-down my step-dad still thinks that I’ll somehow end up with a girl. That I just need to meet the right one, or something like that. But, he doesn’t force me to date girls and is open to me dating boys, so there’s that.”

Louis released a breath of relief, feeling the anxiety leave his body.

“My sister,” he explained, chuckling silently. “Was actually excited about it. She was the one person who I knew would 100% react positively to it.”

“Why was she excited?” Louis asked, frowning in confusion. “Not that she shouldn’t be, but—”

“She’s very open-minded,” Harry explained, his lips parting fondly into a smile. “She likes nothing more than calling people out for being less accepting. She supported me when I came out, and owned a gay pride flag within a week of me coming out to her to show her support.”

“Wow, that’s really supportive,” Louis marveled, eyes blowing wide.

“She really is,” Harry nodded with a chuckle. “It was really nice to not have to worry about her reaction.”

“And your friends?” Louis asked, eyes nervous.

“The town I lived in, it’s not super small or anything, but nothing ever happens. People are always gossiping and news travels fast. I didn’t like the thought of having everyone at school whispering about me so I waited until graduation. Luckily, I got good friends.”

“How did they react?”

“Oh, they were fine,” Harry replied with a shrug. “They were surprised at first and then they were just like oh, now it all makes sense. One of my friends introduced me to one of her friends who had a cousin who liked guys. So, that was nice, I guess.”

“So, you’ve dated a guy before?”

“It wasn’t _really_ dating,” Harry confessed, giggling to himself as he scrunched his nose at the memory, his cheeks turning red at that. “He wasn’t my boyfriend, or anything. We basically just fooled around and hung out over the summer leading up to Uni. Then, when the summer was over, we went our separate ways. He went to study abroad, and I came here. Haven’t talked to him since I got here, actually.”

“Good,” Louis nodded before laughing it off and passing a hand through his hair. “I just meant, um, you know. I’m happy you had fun over the summer.”

“I’m guessing you didn’t know you were gay until now,” Harry rose a brow, green eyes moving over every inch of Louis’ face as if anticipating his reaction, passing a hand through his curls.

“I didn’t _want_ to know,” Louis acknowledged, watching Harry’s brows furrow and face contort in concern. “I thought that the worst thing in the world would be to acknowledge it, that somehow that would make it realer. I was scared.”

Harry was nodding, a worried look on his face. “What were you scared of?” He asked, chewing on his bottom lip like it might have been the wrong question to ask.

“You know,” he answered, watching the dark screen in front of him. “I was afraid that if I admitted it to myself, I would become _like that._ ”

“What do you mean _like that_?” Harry asked, brows furrowing in confusion before a look of realization settle into his eyes, cheeks tinting red and lips pressing in a thin line. “There’s no _gay-thing_ , Lou. We’re just trying to be ourselves.”

“I get that, it’s just,” Louis sighed. “It just seems like everyone associates being gay with being _like that_ and like you, and it sucks for the ones who aren’t like that. You know?”

Harry didn’t reply, only hummed and took a sip of his soda, knuckles clenching against the can. Louis sucked in a breath, biting his bottom lip. “And am I—Am I _like that_?”

“You’re—You know,” Louis said, gesturing wildly with his hands to verbalize his words, but Harry didn’t fill in the gap. The green-eyed boy simply looked at Louis, lips apart, green eyes blown wide and grip tightening on his soda can. Louis sighed, licking his dry lips. “You paint your nails, hang a Pride flag in your room, know about fashion and love Lady Gaga and Freddie Mercury.”

“Oh,” Harry whispered, raising a hand and pressed it to his chest, rubbing a small circle over the spot as if it hurt.

Louis tried not to put too much thought into the action. He didn’t want to over-think everything he said in his drunken haze. “I completely respect that you take the whole _gay-thing_ all the way,” he said, taking a swig of beer. “But it’s not like I’m gonna paint my nails, hang a Pride flag in my room, and suddenly like Lady Gaga just because I came out. I still love sports, I like drinking beer, and I like wearing sweatpants. And, it sucks that people are gonna think that I’m _like that_ because I’m gay.”

When he finally looked up, the completely devastated expression on Harry’s face caused Louis’ heart to rise into his throat and his mouth suddenly felt dry. Harry’s face draining of blood, his normally sparkling green eyes were cold and teary, lips pressed in a firm line as his fingers clenched around his soda.

Harry nodded roughly, shrugging and even inching away from Louis a bit. “I, um, let me tell you something, _Louis_ ,” Harry practically spat the man’s name.

Louis reeled back a bit in shock at the sudden change in Harry’s tone. Only a brief silence passed between them before Harry continued speaking.

“Let me tell you something about all those people you don’t want to be associated with,” Harry said slowly, averting his green eyes for a moment, biting his bottom lip and voice quivering. “These people who take the whole _gay-thing the whole way_ went out and fought for the right to be themselves. Some of those people decided to stand up instead of enduring more harassment and hatred for being who they are. Some of those people _died_ because they would rather do that than pretend to be someone they’re not.”

Louis bit his bottom lip, nodding in understanding.

“These people are so fucking proud of being who they are,” Harry continued, looking upwards and blinking to keep the tears at bay. “And I think that you should be really fucking careful about putting yourself above Gay Pride, Louis.”

“I didn’t mean to put myself above it, I—”

“Yeah,” Harry interrupted, they both winced at the bite in Harry’s voice, and the curly-haired boy quickly shook his head as he stood and shrugged on his coat and boots. “You did. And, now I just—I need to go. Homework to do. Thanks for letting me stay for a few hours.”

Before Louis could utter another word, Harry quickly opened the door and ran out of the small dorm room. Louis let out a heavy breath, his chin sinking to his chest as he watched the empty contents of his beer. His stomach churned uncomfortably as the alcohol flowed freely through his body.

“What the hell just happened?” He whispered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	19. Not About Me

Louis finally woke up at around twelve in the afternoon, having slept his Thursday away. Rolling onto his back, he stretched out his limbs, body tangling in the sheets. He hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, mostly due to the large amount of alcohol he’d drank during his hilarious night with Harry and he’d stayed up most of the night watching movies.

The muscles of his biceps strained and his toes curled down as he stretched his body as far as it would go. He groaned and yawned as he did so, the throbbing in his temples intensifying. Sufficiently stretched, Louis cracked his knuckles and his neck, crawling out of bed to finally start his day with a grunt.

After a shower, he slipped into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. He searched around the dorm and poured himself a bowl of Salt and Vinegar crisps and then crawled back into bed.

The rest of the afternoon was filled with cycling through a number of random activities, none of which were entertaining. He watched some Youtube, cleaned his room, got some laundry done and played games on his phone. He even tried to read for a while, but simply could not get into it.

Louis munched on some Salt and Vinegar crisps as he clicked on the next episode of _Grey’s Anatomy_ , which he only paid partial attention to as he ate and reached for his phone on the bedside table. His eyes were locked on the computer screen as his thumb ran across his messages several times to refresh them, but none came. Giving into exhaustion, Louis eventually took a nap. When he woke up two hours later, his mobile was perched on the pillow next to him.

He decided that if the boys weren’t going to text him, for whatever reason, he should meet them for lunch. He crawled out of bed and shrugged on his jacket, heading out for the cafeteria. He’d bought his food and looked over the cafeteria for his friends. He gazed around for a moment, before hearing Niall’s loud laughter echoing in the cafeteria.

Only Harry and Niall were present and he grinned, heading their way.

As soon as he’d arrived and the boys noticed his presence, both Niall and Harry’s smiling faces turned serious. Harry clearly avoided Louis’ eyes, watching the remaining food in his plate and tossing them around with his fork. Louis frowned in confusion, sitting down at the table next to Harry. He took a bite of his food, feeling Niall’s eyes burning into him.

Louis looked up, raising an eyebrow and smiled but the other boy remained serious. “So,” he said, his entire body feeling like a coiled snake. “You’re coming over tonight, yeah? So that I can beat your ass at Fifa, Niall?”

Niall simply shrugged noncommittally, blue eyes burning into Louis’ with an intensity he’d never seen before. If Louis didn’t know any better, he’d say that the Irishman’s eyes were practically boiling with what seemed like anger and rage.

There was a tense silence for a moment and Louis rose a brow. “Niall?”

“No.”

“What?”

“Something came up,” Niall told him blandly pushing his plate to the middle of the table. “I have homework to do.”

Nearly choking on his Fettuccine Alfredo, Louis coughed and stared up at the boy in surprise. Swallowing and managing not to get anything lodged in his throat, Louis rose a brow. “What?” Louis exclaimed, flopping halfway onto the table. “Since when do you have homework?”

“I’m going to Uni, too. I have shit to do,” Niall offered, giving a disinterested shrug.

“Alright, stop being so pissy,” Louis frowned and chuckled. He recalled the Irishman telling him he’d got nothing to do for the week except for readings, and that puzzled him. “Since when do you skip playing Fifa?”

“Since I have homework,” Niall let out, chewing on his food.

“Whatever you say, mate,” Louis said, moving back to his food as Liam and Zayn joined the group.

By the time they were throwing away their trash and dumping their trays, it was almost like Niall dismissed Louis’ existence, pretending he didn’t exist and that made Louis’ skin crawl. His stomach shifted uncomfortably, but he smiled through it, nodding his goodbyes to Niall and Harry as they headed to their dorm.

Except Harry didn’t bring his eyes to meet Louis’ and Louis took notice that the sparkly black nail polish had been scraped off from his fingers, leaving behind simple and bare nails. That had feelings of distress welling up in Louis’ chest, and he didn’t know how to deal with them.

It wasn't until Louis was about to watch another episode of Stranger Things that he frowned as the website flashed the words: _Incorrect email or password._ He huffed, passing a hand through his hair, Niall’s Netflix had always worked without a fail. He opened up the list of messages in his phone, scrolling down to Niall and clicked, his fingers hovering over the keyboard.

_[20: 25 - Louis] I can’t watch Netflix anymore...I think its broken?_

Louis hit send before he could think too much into it, placing his mobile on the counter. He laid in bed, typing away on his computer, the sultry cooing of Matthew Healy’s voice hummed throughout the small room. Louis bopped his head along to the rhythm, swaying his shoulders before reaching over to his phone which remained void of text messages from Niall.

_[22: 24 - Louis] Niall, you’ve been ignoring my texts..._   
_[22: 25 - Louis] I know you’re reading my messages_   
_[22: 30 - Louis] If you’re gonna ignore me, at least turn off the read notifications_

When no reply came, Louis let out a frustrated sigh, fingers drumming over his thighs as he contemplated leaving the messages, but instead, fingers quickly darted across the screen.

_[22: 50 - Louis] Alright,are you mad at me or something?_   
_[22: 54 - Louis] Actually don’t answer that. I know you are_   
_[22: 55 - Louis] What the hell did I do to make you so angry?_

Passing a hand through his hair and plopping down on his bed, Louis sighed. Hopefully, Niall would answer. Not even ten seconds later, the phone beeped with a response and Louis frowned in confusion.

_[22: 55 - Niall] You didn’t do anything._

_[22: 55 - Louis] Then why the fuck are you ignoring me???_   
_[22: 55 - Louis] First, you give me attitude_   
_[22: 55 - Louis] Then, you cancel our plans to play Fifa_   
_[22: 55 - Louis] What the fuck?_

_[22: 56 - Niall] Guess_

_[22: 56 - Louis] I ate your food?_   
_[22: 56 - Louis] I stole your shirt?_

_[22: 56 - Niall] Seriously?_   
_[22: 56 - Niall] Wow_   
_[22: 56 - Niall] You’re really a clueless piece of shit._

A quiet gasp slipped from Louis’ lips as he read the message, biting the inside of his cheek. To say he was insulted was an understatement.

_[22: 56 - Louis] Fuck you_   
_[22: 56 - Louis] What the fuck did I ever do to you?_

_[22: 57 - Niall] It’s not about me_   
_[22: 57 - Niall] It’s about Harry._

_[22: 57 - Louis] Okay..._   
_[22: 57 - Louis] What about him?_

_[22: 57 - Niall] What did you say to him last night?_

_[22: 57 - Louis] I don’t remember_   
_[22: 57 - Louis] He came over to watch Stranger Things yesterday and left around nine? Said he had homework to finish_

_[22: 59 - Niall] Really?_   
_[22: 59 - Niall] You said something along the lines of Harry taking the whole “gay thing” the whole way, and it making you uncomfortable?_   
_[23: 00 - Niall] Basically insulting him in his face_   
_[23: 00 - Niall] Insulting him for painting his nails_   
_[23: 01 - Niall] Insulting the way he decides to live his life_   
_[23: 01 - Niall] Rings a bell?_

As soon as he read the words, Louis knew he’d fucked up and in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die. If he hadn’t _completely_ freaked out, and snapped at Harry last night, he wouldn’t be in this position at all. That wasn’t cool. Why did he even freak out in the first place? He took a deep breath and let it out in a long rush of air before turning back to the device.

_[23: 11 - Louis] I fucked up_

_[23: 11 - Niall] Yeah, you did_   
_[23: 12 - Niall] And let me tell you something, Louis_   
_[23: 12 - Niall] I understand where you come from, I totally get it_   
_[23: 12 - Niall] Kids can be fucking mean and I get that being called a fag since you’re twelve fucking sucks and it does shit to your brain_   
_[23: 12 - Niall] But you don’t get to hurt Harry because of it_

_[23: 12 - Louis] I didn’t mean to hurt him_   
_[23: 12 - Louis] I was drunk_

_[23: 12 - Niall] Not a good fucking excuse_   
_[23: 12 - Niall] What you did was really fucked up, even for you_

_[23: 13 - Louis] I know_

_[23: 13 - Niall] I fucking told you not to be homophobic before you met him and you do that shit_   
_[23: 13 - Niall] Fuck you Louis_   
_[23: 12 - Niall] He cried_

_[23: 13 - Louis] Wait what_   
_[23: 13 - Louis] Why was he crying?_   
_[23: 13 - Louis] He cried because of what I said?_

_[23: 13 - Niall] Take a wild fucking guess_   
_[23: 13 - Niall] Louis, you know I love ya mate_   
_[23: 13 - Niall] But next time I have to come home to Harry crying, I swear to God I’ll beat the shit out of you._

_[23: 14 - Louis] Well, now I feel like shit_

_[23: 14 - Niall] You should_   
_[23: 14 - Niall] Just so you know, I came home to a crying Harry and had to comfort him for half the night. He cried himself to sleep. He didn’t even go to yoga and stared out the window for most of the day._   
_[23: 14 - Niall] I hope it helps you sleep better, tonight._   
_[23: 14 - Niall] Actually no, I hope it keeps you up._

_[23: 14 - Louis] What am I supposed to do?_   
_[23: 14 - Louis] I feel like an absolute asshole_

_[23: 15 - Niall] Figure it out._

Louis let out a frustrated sigh, throwing his phone onto his bed and slumping down onto it. He stared up at the ceiling, simply watching as light filtered in from the blinds and shifted on the surface. He inhaled through his nose, feeling the tears prickling his eyes. He’d fucked everything up and didn’t know how to fix it.

. . .

Louis had woken up with his stomach completely in knots...again. He had expected the feeling to disappear after a day or two, but it hadn’t. Nearly a week passed by without Louis and Harry seeing each other, and Niall had kept up ignoring and avoiding all eye contact with him. Then, Harry would refuse coming to meet up for the evening with them, claiming that he was neck-deep in classes and papers.

All of Louis’ texts had gone unanswered, and the curly-haired boy had even screened his calls once he’d summoned the courage to apologize and reach him. His stomach was unsettled by their fight, he felt guilty for not having apologizing faster. It ate at him, keeping him up at night and leaving him staring at his typed message to Harry before deleting it and turning off his phone. Maybe it was because he knew that he was emotionally fucked up.

Before he even realized what he was doing, he turned around and took off towards Harry’s dorm. He needed to say all the things swirling around inside of him. He needed too, and he wanted to. He wanted Harry to know that he hadn’t meant to hurt him, that it had been an accident. _His History class could wait._

Four flights of stairs and a takeout restaurant later, Louis made his way down the hall to Harry’s dorm. He slowed down his pace, steadying his breathing as he knocked two times on the door. He winced as his cheeks burned due to the warm air of the dorms, passing a hand through his snow covered hair.

“Harry?” Louis called, but he received no answer. “I know you’re in here.”

He waited for a few moments, hearing no movement or sound from the other side of the door. Louis frowned, knocking again before taking a step back and lifting his chin up. He knew Harry was inside, it was his day-off.

“Harry, c’mon,” he begged, ignoring the two girls eying him suspiciously as they walked past. “I just want to talk about—about what I said.”

The wooden door slid open just a crack, and Harry’s face came into view. Green eyes peered into blue ones, and Louis felt a whole new wave of guilt flood over him. He looked beyond exhausted, to the point where Louis was stunned to see him still standing on his feet.

The bags underneath his eyes had hues of blue and purple, almost resembling bruises, and his green eyes — normally so bright and joyful — looked lifeless.

“When’s the last time you slept, Harry?”

“I’m fine,” Harry dismissed under his breath, voice raw and deep. “Don’t worry.”

“Yeah, well, that’s not gonna happen,” Louis rose a brow, shaking his head. “I obviously worry about you. That’s why I’m here, actually.”

Silence settled between the boys, green eyes inspecting Louis before reluctantly opening the door further and exposing the dark inside of his apartment and crossing his arms over his chest, legs crossed at the ankles as he leaned against the door frame.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Louis blurted out, biting his bottom lip. “I know what I said was fucked up, and I know I should’ve came sooner. But I just—”

“What you said really hurt me, Louis,” Harry interrupted, voice cold and face stoic.

“I know, and I’m really sorry,” Louis pleaded, motioning to the bag of food he’d picked up before heading over. “I—”

“Don’t you _ever_ say that shit to me again,” Harry said, and Louis shivered. It hadn’t been request, it was an order. “Got it?”

“Yeah, fuck. I’m so sorry. Just so you know, I’d never intentionally hurt you, Harry. I—sometimes I just forget to think before I talk, and then I end up saying the wrong thing and then shit like that happens.”

Harry nodded, gaze moving down to stare at his feet, and pursing his lips in thought. Hours seemed to pass before anyone spoke, just the two of them standing in the hallway in complete silence. Louis cleared his throat, green eyes landing instantly on him as he lifted and motioned towards his bag of takeout.

“I know that you probably want nothing to do with me, right now,” Louis acknowledged, watching as the corners of Harry’s mouth lifted. “But, I brought food so that maybe we could share it—if you want. Consider it part of my apology.”

“I could eat,” Harry hesitantly said, stepping to the side and gesturing for Louis to come inside the dimly lit room.

The duo walked into the small room, with Louis shrugging off his coat and boots at the entrance before plopping down onto Harry’s bed, and settling the bag onto Harry’s desk, taking out multiple containers of Styrofoam.

“So, what’s this food I was promised?” Harry asked, biting his bottom lip.

“Well, I didn’t know what you liked,” Louis informed, passing over a container and a fork. “But I ordered Chow Mein, rice, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Spring Rolls, and Ribs.”

Harry released a gruntal moan that made him cringe in embarrassment, but Louis smirked, the thought of food could do that to anyone. Knowing that the food sat in their glory right in front of them—Harry couldn’t contain his enthusiasm.

Louis opened the boxes, and the smell of food had the two of them practically drooling. Louis took two of the containers, handing Chow Mein to Harry, and pointing towards it, watching as a pleased smile appeared on Harry’s face.

“So, I’m sorry that—”

“Shut up,” Harry quietly muttered between a forkful of food. “First, we eat. Then, we’ll talk.”

Louis nodded, taking a bite of chicken and closing his eyes in satisfaction. Nothing could go wrong with takeout comfort food. And, Harry seemed to think the same, swallowing his food twice as fast as Louis.

The pair sat in silence, the only focus being the food, and when he finally opened the box of Spring Rolls, Harry almost hugged him in pure joy. They ate the rolls faster than the Chow Mein, finishing the entirety of the food in half an hour. Harry fell back into his bed, happy with the large amount of food he’d eaten, head thrown back onto the pillows placed against the wall.

If Louis wasn’t already planning on hitting the gym tomorrow, he definitely was now. He fell back against the pillows, perfectly content with succumbing to a food coma at that moment.

The pair sat, simply staring to the wall, before Louis took in a deep breath. He was still annoyed with himself for not having thought of his words before speaking them, and hurting Harry in the process. His stomach was unsettled by it, he felt extremely stupid and ignorant for not having put a filter on his drunken self. It ate at him. Then again, maybe he should feel bad, it was entirely his fault that they were in that situation.

“Thanks for eating with me,” Louis started, an apologetic smile appearing on his face. “I guess we should talk about what happened, yeah?”

“I guess,” Harry shrugged, the word hardly more than a breath as it floated from his lips and faded in the air between them.

“What I said wasn’t right, and I didn’t mean it. I should’ve never said that, and I absolutely hate that I did. I feel horrible. I’m sorry.”

“You should,” Harry agreed. “They really hurt me.”

“I know,” Louis whispered. “And I didn’t mean any word of it. I didn’t mean to judge you, I guess I was just being—”

“Rude.”

“Yes,” Louis nodded. “And—”

“Rude, and a prick,” Harry said, giving each word a pop of diction, staring at his bare nails.

“I was going to say being stupid and ignorant,” Louis said, lips curving upwards. “But yeah, you’re right. I was being rude and a prick, and I’m sorry.”

Harry simply nodded beside him, staring at his bare nails.

“I didn’t mean what I said,” Louis sighed. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, or anything. You should be allowed to paint your nails, talk about whatever the hell you want, and hang a pride flag over your bed without caring what other people think because there’s no _gay-thing_.”

Harry nodded, leaning his right shoulder against the wall. Under the artificial light, Harry’s eyes looked grey, a white glow illuminating the left side of his face.

“It was stupid for me to even assume there was a _gay-thing_ that people took the whole way because they’re just being themselves,” Louis took a breath, finally glancing over to see the boy wide-eyed and pink-cheeked. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. ”

Harry’s eyes landed on Louis’ face, his attention was so focused on Louis that it felt like heat waves were being radiated into his skull. “Apology accepted.”

Louis couldn’t help the soft smile that stretched his lips, noticing the heat simmering behind Harry’s eyes as he stared at Louis, the toes of Harry’s sock-clad foot brushing against Louis’ shin. Louis nodded to himself, shoving his hands in his pockets and suddenly feeling a little self conscious of the silence settling between them.

“It’s getting late,” Harry said after a while, voice tinged with disappointment. “Do you have to get going home or something?”

“Maia is probably wondering where I am, but my food baby is telling me to stay right here,” Louis rubbed a hand over his stomach and chuckled — nervous still, but less burdened than when he’d shown up at Harry’s door. He glanced up at Harry, embarrassment settling onto his features. It was stupid of him to assume the boy wanted him to stay. “Unless you want me to go? I can definitely leave, if that’s what you want.”

“No,” Harry whispered before a blush crept up his cheeks. “I mean, not if you don’t want to.”

“Isn’t Niall gonna break my arm if he sees me here?”

Harry’s brows knit together for a moment before realization seemed to kick in and he shook his head. “Niall’s work goes on for hours. He’s never home before midnight.”

"Okay," Louis whispered, fingers drumming onto his thighs to fill in the silence. “What do you say that we start where we left off? Without any ignorant comments this time?”

Harry chuckled, grabbing the back of his neck. “Sounds good.”

“Perfect!” Louis exclaimed, fishing out his phone and cheeks tinting red when he couldn’t connect. “Do you maybe know the new _Netflix_ password? Niall locked me out after we fought.”

Harry grinned, grabbing a hold of the remote control, turning on the small TV in the middle of their room. With the push of a button on the TV remote, the series popped up, and Louis’ stomach clenched in anticipation as he saw the title flickering across the screen.

The two young men curled up on Harry’s bed, watching the episode of _Stranger Things_ where they’d left off last time. Harry left halfway through the episode to grab a clean fluffy blanket to drape over them to gather some warmth in the cold room. Even if Louis liked the feeling of Harry sitting next to him, he didn’t say anything. Even if he liked the way his bare leg brushed against his sometimes, Louis didn’t say anything either.

And he definitely didn’t say anything when he felt Harry falling asleep, lying his head on his shoulder and soft curls tickling his exposed neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	20. A Nose Nudge

“Why the fuck are all these dares outside?” Louis complained, the words muffled from his mouth being buried in his scarf.

Louis winced at the chill of the air against his cheeks. He reached up and tugged his beanie down further over his ears before stuffing his bare hands back in his pockets. A glance over at Harry revealed that he’d been watching him, but Harry was quick to look away when he’d been caught — cheeks pink from the cold or from embarrassment, Louis couldn’t say for sure. A light blanket of snow laid on the ground and the rapidly setting sun was doing nothing to make it feel any warmer. Or maybe it was, and the minute it would dip below the horizon, Louis’ fingers were going to start dropping off one by one.

No one answered him, too used to his complaints and simply ignored him.

“What about that one?” Liam suggested, pointing a few feet in front of them at a large tree.

“Could be good," Zayn nodded, surveying all the trees in the middle of campus — devoid of leaves but perfect for whatever Niall had in mind. "Unless Niall was imagining it as more of a stripper pole alternative. Niall?”

Niall hummed thoughtfully, smiling as he took in their options. “What do you think Harry? Were you thinking more stripper pole or grinding up against a tree is fine?”

Despite the fact that Harry was about to do a sexy dance against a tree in the middle of campus in the middle of a lazy Saturday afternoon, he didn’t look nervous like he had when they’d dared him to drink the foul smoothie. Instead, he was just casually looking over the trees with his had tilted to the side.

“Maybe that one?” He suggested, moving toward a tree with a trunk he’d probably be able to wrap his arms around.

“Alright, give me your coat when you’re gonna do it,” Niall said before turning to Liam. “Is the music ready?”

Liam held up his portable speaker with a grin that Niall returned while Zayn dug out his phone and started to record. “Ready?” Zayn asked Harry, who nodded like the dare he’d been tasked with was of utmost importance.

Unzipping his coat and shimmying it off his shoulders, Harry yelped at the cold — his mouth hanging open before he whimpered, the cold air penetrating his clothes and making him shiver. Louis pressed his nose a little more firmly into his scarf in sympathy, face scrunching up as he watched Harry hug himself. _Louis was glad he wasn’t the one doing that dare._ With all the noises Harry was making, he was going to draw more attention from being cold than from actually dancing.

“It’s so cold!” Harry whined, bouncing in place and rubbing his arms through his sweater. “Start it, Niall!”

Louis was hiding a smile in his scarf at Harry’s whining, but as soon as the music started, Harry’s entire demeanor changed. When Niall had suggested the dare, Louis had pictured a ridiculous performance like one he would give when drunk. But even though Harry was playing it up and trying to be funny with way he was making eyes at the tree, it was nothing like what Louis had been expecting.

As someone who knew very little about dance, Louis guessed that what he was seeing wasn’t enough to say Harry was skillful, but he could certainly move like a dancer. With his bottom lip caught between his teeth and his eyes lidded, Harry started to gyrate his hips against the tree trunk as the music played.

Harry’s hips pressed against the front of the tree as he tipped his head back, his throat bobbing as he slowly grinded against the tree. Hooking a long leg against the side of the trunk, he moved his body while the boys hooted from where they stood to watch. He and Harry exchanged a look, the boy smirking at him before directing his attention back at the tree.

It was midday, so there were hoards of students milling around — some on their way to the library, some to class and wherever they needed. A small crowd had gathered, trying to figure out what was going on and why some guy was grinding against a tree with sexy music playing in the background. Louis couldn’t focus on anything but Harry as he turned and pressed his back to the tree, hips swinging again and making Louis’ mouth drop.

He could see the flex of his thighs through his jeans, and Louis was mostly just focused on the swipe of Harry’s tongue across his lower lip and the way his eyelids drooped seductively when he tilted his head back.

Louis was familiar with goofy Harry. The one who would laugh with his whole being when he found something funny, the one who wore his emotions on his sleeve, and the one who laughed at his own jokes. He had watched him over-think, put his foot in his mouth and worry that he’d said the wrong thing multiple times. But he wasn’t familiar with this version of Harry. That was the self assured, oozing sex appeal version of him Louis hadn’t been prepared to see, but liked the way it clicked into place with all the other sides of Harry that he’d gotten to see.

When the song finished, Harry’s sultry expression broke into a large smile that turned into a grimace as he noticed the crowd hooting at him and he made a beeline for his coat. Louis chuckled underneath his scarf, fondness shoving in next to the little zips of arousal that he couldn’t help but feel after watching that performance. Harry was giggling as he attempted to shrug on his coat, a couple of people cheering him and his performance on.

“You were pretty good at that,” Niall laughed. “You got 7 points, Haz!”

“Yeah, excellent form,” Zayn said, smirking at Louis’ flushed, smiling face.

“If Biochemistry doesn’t work out,” Liam laughed, patting Harry’s shoulder. “You could definitely make it as a stripper or something.”

Harry giggled as he fished his gloves out of his pockets to wiggle his fingers back into. “Seems like a last resort job, but I guess it could happen.”

During all the commotion and teasing and congratulations, Louis caught Harry’s eyes, and he couldn’t help but feel like Harry was waiting for him to weigh in on the performance. The other guys had basically said it all, while saying none of the things that Louis was thinking. Instead of speaking, he raised his eyebrows, hoping that Harry would get the message. Something along the lines of _“_ t _hat was unexpected”._

Harry’s lips quirked up before he looked away, laughing when Niall and Liam were trying to copy one of the moves that he did, and Louis was sure Harry knew what he’d meant.

In other news, Louis would never be able to look at a tree the same way again.

. . .

_[19: 25 - Harry] You busy tonight?_

Louis’ body erupted in tingles as he read Harry’s text. It amazed him how easily Harry Styles seemed to do that to him. He contemplated her mysterious offer as he stared at her phone, his thumbs stilled over the keypad. He had already done all his readings, and it would be easy for Louis to simply use that to take Harry up on his offer.

_[19: 27 - Louis] I’m not busy_  
_[19: 27 - Louis] Why?_

_[19: 28 - Harry] Just reminding you that Niall’s performing tonight at the bar tonight_  
_[19: 28 - Harry] We’ll meet there at 9 :)_

The next text sent an address and told Louis to meet him there at nine that night. Louis couldn’t help the shot of disappointment running through him as he read the end the message. He’d completely forgotten Niall’s performance and he took a deep breath. _Thank God Harry had reminded him._ He sighed, but found that he hardly cared. He just wanted to be there, wherever Harry was.

The night air was cold and chilly as Louis stepped out of the cab and onto the curb. The address Harry had given him was of a small bar; it was small, but from the looks of it, lively. A large poster plastered across the window right next to the door read _OPEN MIC-NIGHT!_ Intrigued, Louis made his way inside to find his friends and shelter himself from the snowfall outside.

Patrons packed the place, filling tables in front of a large stage at the far end of the building as well as standing around the bar waiting for drinks. He took a moment to glance around for a flash of curly brown hair, but it was useless. There was no way Louis would find Harry in this crowd, so he made his way to the bar instead.

Weaving through the bodies, he found a thankfully empty stool at the bar, he plopped down and waited for the bartender to take notice of him. Louis had a few moments of peace before he noticed strikingly green eyes making their way toward him.

A moment later, those striking eyes were right in front of him, taking in every detail. “Louis,” the young man said, his smile bordering on a smirk. “You came!”

He smiled at the man and nodded. “I wouldn’t miss my best mate’s show.”

Harry nodded. “Fair enough,” he said and a moment later, Louis felt Harry tugging on his arm. “Come on.”

“Where are we going?” Louis asked, raising a brow and jumping down to his feet.

“Niall reserved a table for us,” Harry called over his shoulder.

He led Louis around the bar to a table tucked into a corner with a great view of the stage. Louis smiled at Liam and Zayn as he slid into the small booth, and Harry took the seat next to his. When the waitress came around, Louis ordered three beers and Harry requested sparkling water with exactly three slices of lime.

“Sparkling water with lemon slices,” Louis teased, smirking. “You’re fancy, tonight.”

Harry blushed under Louis’ attention, smirking. “It’s a special occasion,” he laughed. “I knew you’d say that if I ordered anything other than a beer.”

“True,” Louis tapped his fingers against the table top.

It was just Harry and Louis, the other two boys and Barbara were gone in their own little world. Louis opened his mouth to ask a question when the lights in the bar dimmed considerably and the static sounds of a man tapping on a microphone distracted him.

“How’s everyone doing tonight?” The man at the microphone asked, and the patrons of the bar erupted into an echoing chorus of hoots and hollers.

“Where’s Niall?” Liam asked, looking everywhere and taking out his phone to record.

Harry grinned and pointed to a very familiar blond walking onto the stage behind the man at the microphone and sitting down with an acoustic guitar. Blonde hair was pulled back in a perfectly coiffed quiff, which Zayn took credit for. A radiant smile stretched over Niall’s lips as he glanced out on the bar crowd, blue eyes twinkling as he spotted his friends.

“All right! That’s what we like to hear. We’re gonna go ahead and get this open-mic night kicked off with one of our regular performers,” the man exclaimed, a large smile on his face. “You all know him. You all love him. You all can’t wait to buy his album when he finally decides to get his ass into a recording studio!”

Louis laughed as he watched Niall chuckle and shake his head as several in the bar cheered once more. His heart was racing, and Louis’ entire body swelled up with pride. He’d heard Niall play and sing a bit once before, but he’d never imagined that he’d sing in front of a crowd. He was beyond proud of him.

The man at the microphone had taken a moment to remind everyone of half-priced pitchers at the bar before he clapped his hands together. “All right, everyone! Give it up for the one and only Niall Horan!”

The man then turned and pat Niall on the shoulder before walking off the stage.

Once he was gone, Niall stood and reached for the microphone stand. He wore a white button-up shirt, mostly open to reveal a bit of his chest, adorned with a silver chain necklace. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up above his elbows, and his dark jeans were practically pasted to his flesh and tucked into black motorcycle boots.

Niall pulled the microphone stand over to his chair and lowered it so that the microphone hung right in front of him when he sat back down. Once he was settled, he offered the crowd a wave.

“Is everyone having a good time?” Niall asked rhetorically, and the bar erupted in another round of hoots and hollers, including a particularly loud one from Harry, who even fist-pumped into the air. Niall smiled at the response, tapping his guitar. “I know I usually do a few songs, but I’m only going to do one tonight, because I’ve got a hot date waiting for me at a table.”

There was another round of hoots and hollers, and Barbara hid herself behind her hair as she blushed under the attention. Liam simply laughed and stuck to Zayn’s side as he clapped in delight.

“Yeah,” Niall said, grinning. “So, I’m gonna take you guys back to 1977 with this one. I hope you guys like it.”

Niall began plucking at his guitar, a melody that sounded familiar to Louis but a bit different on acoustic. He completely forgot the guitar, though, when Niall actually began to sing. His voice was soft and a bit raspy, and it blasted right through Louis’ flesh and straight to his soul.

There was a natural effortlessness about Niall’s singing that only added to the beauty of it, and it blew Louis away.

Louis nudged Barbara’s side with his elbow, grinning as her mouth hung open. “He’s great, right?”

“He’s amazing!” She gasped.

Niall put his own little spin on Thin Lizzy’s “ _Dancing In the Moonlight_ ”, which only made it better in Louis’ opinion. It was somehow more romantic than anything, which surprised him, given that the lyrics weren't terribly deep. That raspy tone in Niall’s voice made it sound like a lullaby.

As Niall went into the chorus a final time, Louis watched him close his eyes and sing the final bits of the song, plucking his fingers expertly over the strings of his guitar until the music faded into silence. The bar erupted in cheers as Niall’s eyes fluttered open again. He smiled and nodded before rising from his chair and making his way off the stage.

He disappeared behind a door just off from the stage and Louis turned to Barbara. “So, when’s the wedding?”

The table exploded into laughter as Barbara widened her eyes and nearly choked on her martini. “Sorry?”

At the words, her face turned crimson, eyes closing and chest heaving up and down. “Relax,” Louis laughed, nudging her with his elbow. “I’m just messing with you.”

Before Barbara could respond to the teasing, Niall’s shadow clouded over their table.She stood up quickly, knees knocking together as she tried to wiggle past Louis, then met his knees and was forced to turn until her back is to him. A flush crept up her face when she realized that her rear was right in front of his face, wiggling in a really, really uncomfortable way as she squeezed her knees past his. It only takes two long pushes before she was standing outside of the booth.

Niall grinned at her. “Hey.”

They stood a few inches apart, just staring at one another for a moment, before Liam sighed. “Just kiss already,” he said.

Leaning in, Niall planted a soft whisper of a kiss to the corner of Barbara’s mouth before pulling the woman into an unexpected embrace. She went willingly, wrapping her arms around Niall’s shoulders and sighing into the embrace.

“What did you guys think?” Niall asked once he pulled away from the hug, a bright smile on his face.

“You were incredible,” Harry said, placing a hand on his heart and batting his eyelashes dramatically. “Thanks for singing to me.”

The group laughed as the couple slid into the booth, Louis’ hand landing onto Harry’s accidentally under the table. Their fingers met hesitantly, Harry’s pinky grazing his knuckle and touching his hand tentatively when Louis didn’t recoil from his touch. He wanted to touch to hold his hand and give gentle caresses that would only stay between them.

The waitress arrived with their drinks, and Louis removed his hand from Harry’s to grab one of the beers for himself and the sparkling water for Harry. There wasn’t an awkward moment the entire night, and Louis found himself liking the exchange.

As the night dragged on, the group started to leave to their respective rooms. Laughing at something Louis had said, Harry smacked his hand on the tabled, before noticing Niall leaning closer and whispering in his ear and Louis strained his ear to eavesdrop onto the conversation.

“Hey, mate,” Niall said, low enough for only Harry to hear, but Louis strained his ear. “You don't mind leaving the dorm tonight, right?”

Harry was quite understanding of Niall’s situation, he knew Niall would do that same for him if he’d ever bring a guy home to spend the night. Every time Niall would bring Barbara over, he would send a text to Harry in advance, who always left the dorm empty without any complaint.

Harry’s eyes widened, eyebrows frowning in confusion. “What, now? You didn’t tell me in advance, I don’t have anywhere to sleep, Niall.”

Niall winced and placed his palm on his forehead, flashing Harry an apologetic smile. “I completely forgot to tell you Barb was gonna stay the night, didn’t I?”

“You forgot,” Harry whined, tilting his head back as he sighed. “It’s fine, I’ll figure something out.”

“Thank you,” Niall mouthed, patting Harry on the shoulder. “You know, if you ever wanna bring a guy home one night, you can tell me and I’ll go.That’s the least I can do to repay you for all those times I brought Barbara home.”

Heat crept up Harry’s cheeks and he grabbed the back of his neck as he chuckled. “It’s fine, I’m fine,” he said, a smile on his lips as he blushed. “I don’t really, um, do that but thanks.”

Louis’ face flushed at the thought and he peered through the bar to the dance floor. Liam, Zayn, Niall and Barbara shuffled away from the booth, making their way to the makeshift dance floor with drinks in hand. Louis sat back on the seat, running his fingers through his hair as he stared at them from his vantage point.

Zayn was dancing with his back to Liam’s front as they both laughed, Zayn’s face was flushed, his lips wet and his perfectly coiffed hair falling down to tangle in his long eyelashes. Liam was laughing as Zayn’s hips continued to grind backwards against his groin. Zayn lifted his arm to place his hand behind Liam’s head, Liam’s palm sliding up the front of his shirt and Zayn giggled, letting his head fall to the side.

Louis looked away, watching as Harry’s mouth fell agape. “They’re just dancing,” Louis said, amusement curling in his gut.

Harry blinked at him. “What?”

“Zayn and Liam,” he explained, pointing to the two guys. “They’re just dancing, don’t worry.”

Harry snorted and sipped his water. “Zayn looks pretty into it. Isn’t he dating Sophie?”

“He _is_ dating Sophie,” Louis shrugged. “Zayn and Liam kissed once, with and without points.”

Harry’s eyes widened. “What? They kissed before?”

“Mmhmm. They made out last year for a dare. It was _gold_.”

“I _missed_ that?” Harry squawked, mouth falling agape.

Louis laughed at Harry’s expression, taking a sip of his drink before nodding. “Liam’s a Chaotic Good straight boy. Well, _supposedly_ straight. Anyways, they’re both very happy with their girlfriends. They’ll dance together for shits and giggles, but that’s it. They’ve never gone any further.”

Harry quirked a brow and nodded. “Right.”

Harry settled in closely beside Louis as they waited for their friends, and Louis took his time to watch the place carefully. There were a couple of currently unoccupied cages in the center of the room, no doubt where dancers would dance, and he tried to mentally calculate how many shots of tequila and how many points it would take to dare the boys to get into one of those.

He heard Harry yawn and shift beside him. He looked to Harry to see him rubbing his eyes, expression sheepish and feet shuffling in place. “Tired?” Louis asked, raising an eyebrow in concern.

“Yeah, just a little,” Harry visibly swallowed. “I should probably get going, I have to go to the library to sleep tonight since Niall didn’t tell me he was having Barbara over.”

“You _could_ stay at mine,” Louis cut in and nearly bit through his tongue the second the words escaped his lips. Did he _really_ just say that?

“Like overnight?” Harry blurted.

Realizing it was too late to take it back, Louis choked down the quivering lump in his throat and nodded. “It’s no problem,” Louis lied, passing a hand through his hair. “It’s late and sleeping at mine is much more comfortable than the library. It’s not a big deal.”

“You’d do that?”

“Yeah,” Louis nodded, shrugging and taking a sip of his drink. “So, are you coming over?”

“Uh, I mean, I guess that’d be okay. Your bed _is_ pretty huge anyway,” Harry scratched at the back of his head “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

Louis shook his head. “It’s fine.”

“Okay.”

Many hours and drinks later, the group had somehow gone from dancing to walking slowly down campus toward their dorms with the group. Harry and Louis walked, their shoulders brushed occasionally as they walked. They bundled up in their hats and scarves, the crisp winter air added to the rosiness of their cheeks and noses. To say that rest of the boys were drunk was an understatement.

“Jesus Christ, Niall,” Louis cackled, watching as Niall attempted to mimic the dance move Liam had just demonstrated.

“It was the same!” Niall insisted, stomping his foot and laughing despite his proclamation.

Louis had only had three beer and a few shots but Niall, Zayn and Liam were all a few drinks in. They were pink cheeked and giggling at everything, almost like little school boys.

“It was the same, right Harry?” Niall asked, linking arms with Barbara’s to stabilize himself.

“Not even close,” Harry laughed, and Niall scowled, gearing up to defend his dance attempts.

“Fine, I’ll go take my amazing dance skills elsewhere,” Niall announced, pocking out his tongue. “Harry, make sure I drink water when we get back!”

“Uh,” Harry started, wide eyes darting over to meet Louis’.

Before they’d left, Louis had suggested that Harry come back with him and sleep at his dorm for the night since Niall hadn’t warned Harry in advance. The anticipation simmering under both their skins and had been hard to ignore, especially since they couldn’t just get up and leave. This wasn’t a one night stand, it was...a friend helping a friend.

“I’m going to Louis’ for the night,” Harry admitted, cheeks and ears turning red. “He was nice enough to invite me over instead of letting me sleep in the library.”

The reaction was immediate from the others, hooting and attempting at wolf whistle that only Liam truly succeeded at. Louis’ lips pursed and he furrowed his brows, unimpressed with his friend’s behaviour, and hoped that his face wasn’t crimson or flushed. If it was, he’d blame it on the cold.

Niall smirked. “You sure he’s not just trying to get you into his bed?”

Louis was absolutely aware that Niall was teasing, but his entire body exploded at the thought. He sucked in a sharp breath and before he could stop himself, he summoned his courage. “I’m just helping a friend,” he explained, internally smacking the hell out of himself. _So much for courage,_ he thought.

“ _Helping a friend_ ,” Liam turned a wicked grin on his best friend. “Last time you _helped_ a friend, you ended up kissing every part of that chick’s body.”

The pink tint painting Louis’ cheeks deepened into a deep crimson. He cleared his throat roughly as he glanced around the courtyard, cringing at his old fuckboy ways. “Okay, this conversation is over. This is your dorm.”

“Oh, come on!”

“Have fun you guys,” Zayn teased as he poked Louis’ ribs, making some gesture that might have been intended to be jacking off, but resembled more of an Indian burn rather than jacking off. “Don't do anything I wouldn't do.”

“So, basically _everything_ is on the table?” Louis said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

“Exactly,” Zayn winked, and Louis snorted.

They parted ways with Liam and Zayn, who made kissy faces like they were all in third grade, and then Niall bid them goodnight with a wink after humming what Louis thought was an attempt at a porn soundtrack for the entire way to his dorm building.

Harry’s face was flushed red when he looked over to Louis, eyes worried like Louis might have changed his mind of inviting him over after all the teasing they’d gotten. And while it had been embarrassing, their friends teasing them was normal. If they would’ve made no comments when Harry announced that he was going to Louis’s dorm for the night, that would’ve been weird.

“They’re such children,” Louis chuckled, opening the door of his dorm building and relishing in the warmth. Harry chuckled, sticking close as they walked to the elevator and waiting the way up.

The air was thick and ripe with their silence as they moved up to Louis’ floor and up the last thirty feet to his door. They walked silently toward the door, Louis’ pulse raced and his skin pricked with the tense anticipation that seemed to circle around them.

The air felt electric as Louis opened the door to his dorm room, turning the light on, and letting Harry wander inside. They stood inside the doorway for a moment, staring at the bed before them, which now seemed terribly daunting. Louis was the first to move.

“Do you want something to sleep in?” He asked, moving across the room to his closet.

“I usually just sleep in my underwear,” Harry said, blushing at his words. “Is that okay?”

Heat sparked in Louis’ body again, curling low in his stomach, and he did his best to appear casual and unaffected by simply nodding and moving to the closet to change. He pointed toward the bathroom. “There’s an extra toothbrush in the second drawer of the sink if you wanna brush your teeth.”

Without a word, Harry crossed to the bathroom, and Louis heard him open a drawer and rip open the package of a new toothbrush.

When he heard the faucet running, he quickly changed into a pair of sweatpants and a white shirt. He was was pulling down his shirt when he glanced up to find Harry peeking around the corner, watching him.

Their eyes locked and Louis felt a wave of heat roll through his lower abdomen. Seeing Harry immediately jerk back into the bathroom almost made him laugh out loud and gave him a flare of confidence. He took a deep breath before walking into the bathroom.

Preparing his own toothbrush and popping it into his mouth, Louis stood opposite to Harry. Their hips leaned against the counter, and they awkwardly stared at each other while they brushed.

Louis chuckled low in his throat when a long stream of toothpaste dribbled out of Harry's mouth and down his chin. He smiled around her toothbrush at him, a stream dripped down his own chin, and that caused Harry to erupt into laughter as well. They cackled at each other as they each tried to catch their own minty spit, swiping at their chins and spitting their excess toothpaste into the sink.

The laughter helped to calm Louis’ nerves—that is, until they re-entered the bedroom and faced the bed once more.

“Are you sure you don't want something to sleep in?” Louis asked again, raising a brow.

Harry nodded as Louis slipped into the bed and shuffled to the left side with his back against the cold wall. Sheet pulled up to his waist and laying on his stomach with his cheek smashed into his pillow, Louis watched Harry dig out his phone and press the device to his ear.

“Niall? Hey, it’s me,” Harry said, a hand running through his curls. “Shut up!”

It was a playful shut up, but Harry’s cheeks dusted with crimson, and Louis assumed that Niall was teasing him about something sex-related.

“I can walk just fine,” he hissed into the phone, and Louis buried a chuckle in his pillow even as he forced himself to not think too hard about what Niall implied right now. They were friends going to sleep, Louis couldn’t daydreaming about things like that with the boy sleeping so close to him. “I’m just calling to tell you to drink water.”

With warmth curling in his chest and his lips curling up fondly, Louis watched as Harry pulled one foot up in front of him on the chair and rested his chin on his knee as he listened to whatever Niall was saying on the other line.

“Stop,” Harry blushed, avoiding Louis’ eyes and turning around to hide his crimson face. “I’m gonna hang up now. What? Yes, I love you too. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

The phone was placed on the desk and Harry met Louis’ eyes sheepishly.

“Niall, um, he just—”

“I think I can guess how the other half of that conversation went,” Louis said with a snort.

Harry flushed, but snickered, getting up and moving to undress himself for the night. First went his socks, then his belt. Louis clenched his fists tightly around his blankets as he watched Harry slowly unbutton his polka-dotted shirt before letting it drop to the floor, leaving him shirtless. Finally, he popped the button on his jeans and shimmied out of them with some difficulty, so that he only wore his underwear.

Harry’s torso was hairless, save for a downy line of brown hair just visible above his boxer briefs and the hint of soft hair beneath his arms. His nipples were darker than his lips, and even more puffy, standing out from his chiseled pecs.

Harry was quick to turn off the light and slide beneath the covers once he was exposed; so quick, in fact, that Louis barely got a glance at his long and muscled legs. Still, a glance was enough. His entire body felt like it was on fire from that glance.

They laid on their backs, shoulders touching, staring up at the ceiling.The room was fully encased in darkness, small slivers of moonlight peering through the windows. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Harry repeated.

Louis didn't close his eyes but continued to stare up at the ceiling. The air in the room seemed to grow thicker in the darkness. Harry shifted a few inches closer before rolling toward the center of the bed, and Louis’ heart pounded. He turned onto his side, inching over like a caterpillar, until they met in the middle.

They stopped when there was only about a few centimeters of empty space between their bodies, and Louis' heart pounded.

He laid awake for a long time, long enough that it felt as if hours had passed, though he wasn’t sure. He could’ve easily checked the time on his phone, perched on the nightstand, but Louis couldn’t bring himself to move. He was still on his side, facing Harry. He was positioned on his back, and Louis strained to see better against the darkness.

He let out a sigh of relief when he noticed that Harry wasn’t sleeping either, he was simply staring up at the ceiling.

He could barely make out Harry’s serene features through the shadows, facing upward toward the ceiling. From what he could see through the darkness, there were four tattoos on Harry’s upper body, and Louis wanted to touch them all. He wanted him closer; he wanted to feel his soft skin on his.

Louis’ heart stammered and his stomach clenched as he reached across the small space between them, his fingers slipping slowly through the dark. He tentatively grazed his fingertips over Harry’s arm, trailing up to his right collarbone, where he grazed his fingertips over a tattoo. From what he could see through the darkness, it was a beautiful bird. Louis ran his fingers over his chest, feeling the bulk of hard muscles and Harry breathed out, watching Louis through the darkness.

Louis felt him shifting closer until they were a mere inch or two from each other. Harry turned on the mattress to face him, green eyes locking onto blue ones in the dark, and Louis’ breathing grew fast and shallow as their noses brushed.

“Louis?”

The breathy sound of his name sent tingles rippling down his spine and pooling at the base of his back in a near painful knot of tension. "Yeah?" He breathed.

“What are we doing?” Harry whispered through the stillness of the room, warmth minty breath fanning over Louis’ face.

The silence that followed seemed almost loud, and Louis’ stomach rolled at the thought that he might have ruined everything, but then Louis shifted closer until they were a mere inch or two from each other.

The warmth of their combined body heat quickly devoured the hair’s length between them. Louis took in shallow breaths as their noses brushed, fingertips tentatively grazing over Harry’s cheek. It felt like electricity sparked in the dark, fueled by the energy flowing between their buzzing bodies as their noses bumped again.

“We haven’t talked,” Harry said.

Louis could feel Harry’s minty breath in hot puffs against his face. He shrugged, eyes shifting between intense green eyes and pink heart-shaped lips. “No need to,” Louis whispered through the darkness. “I think we both know what we want.”

"Yeah," he breathed, nudging his nose against Louis’ again. “I’d like to bite that lip.”

Louis couldn't help the raspy moan that escaped him, licking his lips as the words reached his ears. The air was thick and ripe with their silence as they simply stared at one another, taking each other in for a moment. The pull between them was almost magnetic, and neither said a word. Both young men shot off of their respective sides of the room to collide in the middle.

Hands landed anywhere they could, _everywhere_ they could. Louis’ fingers dug into Harry’s curls as Harry gripped tightly at the smaller man’s hips. The kiss was hot and rough, desperate and hungry, tongues slipping together. Louis melted into him in a hard shudder, their bodies molding together beneath the sheets as pleasure rippled through him at that first heated press of lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	21. Sharing Passion

The knot of tension at the base of Louis’ spine exploded at the first heated touch of lips. Rolling waves of pleasure billowed up his spine, causing his back to arch and lurch forward. He released a deep moan, the sound vibrating its way up his throat, as adrenaline crept down his legs.

Invisible, inexplicable heat, like the shock of an electrical fire or the remnants of a lightning storm in humidity, jolted between Louis’ ears, his mouth pried open by Harry’s wet, confident tongue.

Their lips broke apart for a split second, Harry’s mouth pressing a searing kiss to his lips before he could inhale fully. Another tiny lightning storm blitzed Louis’ brain, the storm building each time Harry sucked or bit at his lips, his strong arms pulling Louis as close to himself as he possibly could.

Harry groaned into him, a throaty groan that demanded more from him, his mouth on Louis’. His palm was hot and slick, sliding over Louis’ curves. He splayed his fingers over his hip before slipping them down into the dip of Louis’ side and around to his back, pulling him even closer. Louis’ breath hitched in his throat as Harry brought his lower lip into his mouth and rolled it between his teeth, Louis’ back arching when he soothed the spot, sucking gently before taking Louis’ lips once again until he was breathless.

Harry’s exploration encouraged Louis, and he shot his hands forward, eager to feel more of the curly-haired boy. They touched one another, fingers like a flame against wax flesh, melting their bodies together. Slick hands roamed over shoulders, hips and ribcages, and over the thin material covering Louis’ quivering stomach.

Breath hitching roughly in his throat, Louis felt the tip of Harry’s tongue flick gently at his bottom lip before sliding across its full length. He pulled back just a breath, his hand coming up to cup around the back of Harry’s neck. Louis smiled as he pressed his lips on Harry's again and his grip dug into his hip. Louis didn’t hesitate another second, letting his tongue slip out and into Harry’s mouth.

Both of them moaned deeply as their tongues touched, their grip on each other growing tighter by the second. Their kisses deepened and turned faster and harder. Louis nearly came, his fingernails digging into Harry’s back when Harry darted his tongue slowly across the roof of Louis’ mouth—in and out, over and over, in a way that made Louis instantly imagine Harry's mouth traveling downwards.

His eyes trembled to remain open, his teeth clashing with Harry's and his nose sucking in air, until his eyes fell shut. Waves of heat crept down his legs, and a whimper echoed from Harry as Louis flipped him onto his back, straddling him. Hands braced against the mattress above Harry’s head, he sucked Harry's bottom lip into his mouth and gasped when Harry gripped his waist and rocked his hips up.

 _Fuck, Harry was definitely hard_. He’d felt it when he was facing him, but like this, with Harry laying under him and moving his hips, the feeling overwhelmed him.

“Fuck,” Louis hissed when Harry pressed scorching kisses to his lips.

He was hard too, and he couldn't help how he angled his hips to meet Harry’s, needing friction and loving the way it had Harry groaning into his mouth.

Louis’ pelvis pressed firmly against Harry’s with every forward thrust of Harry’s hips, the friction driving them mad. Their breathing became ragged, staggered, and shallow as Louis rose his hips to meet Harry’s, craving the pressure and sweet release.

 _God, he’d thought about this moment_. He’d gotten off to the fantasy of Harry’s moans so many times in the past few weeks, and even to the Harry dreams he’d gotten a few months back. The thought of their hands on each other, bodies pressed together, tongues twisting and stroking alone was enough to get him off.

Harry’s hands followed the path from Louis’ hips to his waist, fingers tracing over the goose-pimpled flesh of his arms until he reached the material of his shirt. Harry hovered there for a moment, the ache building at the base of Louis’ stomach becoming nearly unbearable with very forward thrust of his hips. His lips slipped from Louis’, and he held the other man’s intense gaze as he caught onto the edges of the white shirt and slid the material over the smaller boy’s head. Harry held Louis’ gaze a moment longer before throwing the shirt across the room to take in the sight.

His eyes tracked over the entirety of Louis’ torso, seeking out every detail and absorbing each slowly. He moved slowly, his fingertips following the trail down the soft skin of Louis’ arms with feather-light whispers of his fingers.

Louis’ breath expelled in a rushing sigh that quickly evolved into a guttural moan as they collided roughly, melting into a heated kiss that was wet and hard and made no further room for slow exploration.

Getting a hand between them, Louis pressed his palm against the bulge of Harry’s boxers. Louis was overwhelmed, not knowing which he liked more; knowing just how turned on Harry was against his hand, the choked moan he let out against Louis’ mouth, or the full body shiver that ran through Harry as he touched him. In that moment, he didn't care which one it was. He didn’t hesitate to knead against Harry’s clothed erection, doing what he liked to do to himself when he was rubbing himself through his pants before he really started to touch himself.

“Oh fuck,” Harry groaned, hips rising to meet Louis’ hand.

They broke apart, just enough to look into each other’s eyes in the darkness. Green met blue in the dark. Harry was breathing heavily through his nose and out through his mouth, his warm and minty breath fanning over Louis’ face. Green eyes were dark with pleasure, lips swollen and parted on a gasp. Louis dipped down and kissed him, their tongues sliding together, muffling their sounds of pleasure as Harry rocked his hips up to meet Louis' palm.

“Louis,” Harry panted. Fingers ghosted over Louis’ sides, up the exposed flesh of his torso and neck, and then grazed across a heated cheek. His breath caught in his throat as Louis’ hips moved up to meet his, a moan escaping his lips. “Do you—do you like me?”

Louis took a deep breath through his nose and out through his mouth, completely blissed out and overwhelmed at being in this situation at all. Everything seemed cloudy, and he felt like he might burn alive at any moment, especially with the heat of Harry’s body underneath him.

“I think that’s obvious,” he said, letting out a soft laugh as he pressed his hips down to meet Harry’s.

Fingers running through strands of hair and over flushed cheeks, Harry smiled fondly, smiling against Louis’ lips as he planted another tender kiss there.

A soft breath slipping through his lips. “You _really_ like me?”

Those familiar flutters returned to Louis’ stomach as a slow smile slipped across his lips and he nodded. “I _really_ do.”

“Okay,” Harry mimicked Louis’ nod, slowly moving Louis from atop him and biting his bottom lip as Louis focused his weight onto his thighs, straddling Harry and stopping him from moving. “I should probably get going.”

“Wait, what?” Louis frowned in confusion. “Where are you—”

“To the library,” Harry looked up and looked at Louis through the dark.

“Why?”

“Because I feel like if I stay, I might eat you alive or something.”

One of Louis’ eyebrows shot up as another wave of heat curled through him and pulsed between his legs. “Oh God, that sounds _so_ appealing,” he groaned, pressing a kiss to Harry’s lips.

“Louis, _stop_ ,” Harry groaned. “My whole body feels like it’s gonna explode, but I’m trying to be respectful here. I’m taking it slow, and all that.”

“Harry, we’re both adults. I’m sure we can behave.”

Harry narrowed his eyes in the dark, smirking deviously. “Nope,” he smirked. “I don’t think you can control that dirty mouth of yours.”

“ _Dirty_ mouth?” Louis gasped, arching a brow. “I’ll let you know that I brush my teeth two times a day, Harold.”

“Mhm. Dirty mouth, as in hot,” Harry said, a twinkle in his eyes as he gripped Louis’ thighs. A whimper echoed from Louis as Harry flipped him onto his back, straddling him as if in a choreographed movie scene and moving to the edge of the bed, ducking down to feel around on the floor for his shirt. “So, I’m going, because I’m trying to take it slow and you’re not making it easy.”

With every word from Harry’s mouth, Louis’ confidence only grew. The smaller boy crawled over to Harry, hands traveling over the warm skin of his front before pressing his lips to Harry’s neck, hot breath running the length of Harry’s neck, and when his teeth bit at the shell of his ear, Harry’s entire body jolted and he moaned.

“You can still stay, you know?” Louis tilted Harry’s chin to stare into his eyes, smiling mischievously at him before moving to close the distance between them, connecting their lips and running his tongue the length of Harry’s bottom lip.

Harry moved from Louis’ kiss, slipping on his shirt. “You’re making it harder than it should be,” Harry teased in a chuckle, poking at Louis’ stomach before becoming serious. “Wait, is that supposed to be a hint?”

“A hint?”

“Yeah, I mean, is that your way of saying you _don’t_ want to take this slow?” Harry asked, furrowing his brows in thought. “Because I mean, I don’t mind sex early on. But when I’m really invested, and I really am, I like to take things slow. Unless—Did you just want this to be about sex?”

“Oh,” Louis whispered, his heart clenching at the tremble in Harry’s voice. He inched his body closer and shook his head slowly. “God, no.”

The green-eyed boy let out a sigh of relief that had a bright smile blooming across both of their faces. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss at Louis’ forehead. “Good,” he smiled, groaning as he stood and shuffled a little farther from the bed, his eyes never leaving Louis. “Then, I need to go.”

“Really?” Louis teased, another wave of heat rippling through his body and burning him. He clenched his thighs tightly to alleviate the throbbing as he watched Harry search the room for his clothes. “You’re _really_ going to leave after what you started?”

“After what _you_ started,” Harry rolled his eyes in the dark. “I guess I’m just old-fashioned like that.”

Louis poked out his tongue and pat the empty spot next to his. “Niall’s probably having sex with Barbara,” he remarked. “You can either stay here and sleep peacefully, or hear them all night. Your choice.”

“If you insist,” he drawled out, smirking with a glimmer in his green eyes.

Harry nodded, a vast amount of pink appearing on his cheeks as he shuffled over to the bed. As Harry’s shirt went over his head and to the floor, he could feel Louis’ gaze on his front.

“Isn’t it gonna be a little tight?” Harry worried, sliding under the covers and his shoulder brushing against Louis’.

“As long as you don’t knee me in the balls, we’ll be fine,” Louis chuckled.

“I’ll kick your balls if I want,” Harry burst into laughter, his rambunctious laughter echoing through the small room.

Louis had to cup a hand over Harry’s mouth in order to keep him from laughing too loudly and getting a noise complaint.

“You’re such an idiot, I'm gonna get a noise complaint,” Louis shushed, feeling Harry’s shoulder shake next to him. “My RA gets really strict about sleeping hours sometimes. I don’t want to get written up.”

“I’ll try,” Harry nodded as he laughed into his hand before taking a breath before grinning at him and kissing him again. “I’m a lovable one, right?”

Louis pressed soft kisses to Harry’s lips. “Yeah, yeah,” he answered. “Now, go to sleep.”

“A little warning, my bedhead is scary,” Harry said.

Louis’ lips stretched into a small smile as his cheeks burned brightly. The image of Harry’s wild bedhead made those little butterflies that sometimes lived in his stomach fly madly around.

“Mine can get pretty crazy too,” Louis said.

Hesitantly draping an arm over Harry’s waist, Louis scooted closer, silky strands of curly hair tickled his nose as the smell of coconut smelling shampoo floated up to his nostrils. Harry squirmed in his arms with a quiet sigh, humming softly and nuzzling backwards as Louis finally tightened his hold around his waist. He settled with his ass nestled against Louis’ groin and Louis’ chin dug into the crook of Harry’s neck and their bodies fit together.

They were silent for a long beat. Their breaths synced up, Louis’ chests touching Harry’ back for each inhale and exhale. The room was quiet; no one was walking up and down the halls or having sex in their rooms. No one was shouting from the common room, where there would usually be people watching a football game.

The silence was welcomed, but somehow only served to make Louis hyper-aware of Harry’s presence in the room. It was definitely a tight fit with the two of them crammed together, even if Louis had a bigger bed than most students, but Louis was glad that Harry had stayed.

They laid there, wrapped around one another, slowly breathing until they both drifted off to sleep.

. . .

Louis woke to Harry’s soft hands brushing over his shoulder and down his side. A large hand slidding up the front of his stomach, smoothing his palm over his stomach. He thumbed over Louis’ navel and nuzzled his nose behind his ear, pressing a kiss there. He pushed Harry’s hand away with a muffled giggle, and Harry lightly kissed his neck. _Somehow he’d ended up being little spoon along the night_.

Louis laughed quietly, the sound ragged from sleep. “Good morning,” he murmured.

“Good morning,” Harry hummed, his own voice low and raspy as Louis turned to come face to face with Harry.

Louis’ vision was blurry from sleep, so he quickly rubbed at his eyes and then blinked. When Harry came into focus again, he noticed Harry wrapped in the white sheets, green eyes glimmering in the streaks of early morning sunlight spilling through the window.

“You see,” Harry whispered. “My bedhead is horrible.”

The natural curl of his hair caused it to flip up just behind his ears and stuck out wildly from his head. The headful of dark kinky curls were soft to the touch as Louis ran a hand through tangled strands. Louis didn’t say a word. He simply continued to stare at the green-eyed boy, smiling fondly as he moved to play with his curls. He passed a hand through the mess, a curl wrapping around his little finger. 

He pointed to Harry’s hair. “It isn’t _that_ bad.”

Harry grinned, ducking his head. “I brushed it.”

“Cheater,” Louis laughed, stretching his arms over his head, groaning with the stretch.

Harry chuckled, bending to grab his clothes from the floor. Thankfully his shirt was only slightly wrinkled. Both boys jumped out of their skin when Louis’ phone blasted its familiar alarm, set up an hour early before Louis’ Theatre class. Louis cursed, draping an arm over his eyes as he watched Harry slip from the bed.

“I should head out soon, too,” Harry said and Louis’ ears perked up.

“Already?”

“I have homework,” Harry said. “It need to be done before class tomorrow, and finals are coming up soon.”

“Oh, okay,” Louis said, his words muffled from the pillow. “Makes sense.”

They readied themselves quickly, Harry in the same clothes from the night before but otherwise fresh. He knotted his hair in a tight bun and watched Louis slip into a pair of Adidas sweatpants and a black shirt. He admired him from across the room until they were ready to go out. Louis smiled and they stopped at they stopped at the front door, watching the cold winter air outside for a moment.

“Thank you for inviting me over.”

“That was the least I could do,” Louis shook his head in answer. “I had to protect you from hearing the monstrosity in Niall’s room.”

“I didn’t want to have nightmares for the rest of my life,” Harry smiled, adjusting his hat on top of his head before waving awkwardly. “Alright, I’m gonna head to the library. I’ll see you later?”

“I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” Harry nodded before turning to go. He turned back just before he stepped outside, grinning. “Oh, and Louis?”

“Yeah?”

“You should invite me over more often,” he winked as a wide smile stretched between his crimson cheeks, and then slipped out of the dorm building.

. . .

“So?” Maia demanded as they exited their Theatre class, elbowing Louis in the side through his winter coat before she shrugged hers, collecting her things and showing them into her bag.

They might have just gotten a considerable amount of homework for the upcoming exams, but Louis’ mood was too good to be brought down. He had a great time the night before, he’d gotten his coffee, arrived ten minutes early to class _and_ he’d gotten really positive feedback on his most recent performance.

Even the girl tugging at his sleeve while he tried to walk wasn’t getting to him. Though he grumbled just the same, not that it was going to make her to stop, but he groaned at her comments.

“ _So_?” Maia asked again, flicking the pom pom on the top of her hat.

“So?” Louis rolled his eyes, swatting her hand away from his coat.

“Why are you in such a good mood, Tomlinson?” Maia half whined, shoving through the door of the building ahead of him and turning around to stare at him imploringly.

“I can’t be happy just because I want to be?” Louis asked, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he was greeted with the cold once again.

“You’re never happy for nothing,” Maia blinked at him like he was stupid before gasping. “Did you—Did you get laid?”

Louis stopped in his tracks, the image of last night appearing to the front of his mind. He quickly ducked his head down, staring at the ground as he walked, avoiding Maia’s eyes.

“Oh my God!” Maia exclaimed, her grip tightening on Louis’ arm. “You did!”

“Feel free to stop shrieking in my ear any time, Maia,” he said, face scrunching up at her squealing. “What makes you think I even had sex?”

Maia sighed at him and shot him another look. “My sweet little Louis,” she complained, intertwining her arm with his. “I know these things, I've been around a while, my child. You should tell me those things! Am I not your friend, anymore? Did another bisexual replace me? Do I know them? I _probably_ do, I know every lesbian on campus.”

Louis snorted at her train of thought, his stomach twisting with nerves. “First of all, I’m older than you by two months,” he chuckled as they walked to the cafeteria. “Secondly, how do you know every lesbian on campus?”

Maia winked, licking her lips. “When the _supposedly_ straight girls wanted to experiment back in first year, I would be the one they came too. After a while, you start to have a list of names.”

“You player,” he teased, earning a punch in the arm that he barely felt through his coat. “How does Elisa feel about that?”

“That was _before_ I met Elisa,” Maia clarified, a fond smile on her lips as she thought of her girlfriend, before changing the subject. “So, what happened? Oh wait, lemme guess. You guys did the do on every surface in your dorm, and she left exhausted. Am I right?”

Jaw practically smacking into his chest, Louis gaped at his friend. Louis’ entire body feeling like it caught fire in that moment. They hadn’t, but he’d surely imagined it happening. The image of Harry laying on every surface of his room was appealing, and he flushed at the image, before feeling a hand slap his back.

Maia barreled over with laughter at Louis’ reaction. “Your face, Lou! Your face is killing me!”

Snapping out of his trance, Louis reached and smacked the side of Maia’s head softly. “You are an ass.”

“Yeah, but was I right?” Maia asked. “Did you get have sex with her?”

“Well...We didn’t _exactly_ have sex,” Louis hesitantly said. “And...it wasn’t a girl. It was...a guy.”

That was the first time he’d corrected anyone on the topic of his sexuality. His heart was beating in his chest at the fact that he’d just said it out loud. No one knew that he attracted to men, and now...he’d told someone. It was freeing and scary, and Louis wasn’t sure if he could even meet Maia’s eyes to see her reaction.

Even so, when a few moments passed and she hadn’t said anything, Louis couldn’t help himself from glancing at her. Somehow, she could meet his eyes just fine. He caught the expression of surprise on her face before she moved to smack him on the shoulder with a gloved hand.  
  
“You need to tell me those things!” She exclaimed before resuming her walking. “So, are you guys dating?”

When Louis had thought Maia would be relaxed about the whole thing after he’d come out and considered telling her, he’d been right. He let out a relieved laugh at her continual complaints and rapid fire questions, looking down to stop the snow from beating his face.

“I don’t know,” Louis told her, nerves rising at the thought. “This whole thing is kinda new to me. So could you not mention it to anyone, please?”

He winced at his own request. He hated being so paranoid and secretive, but he wasn’t ready for his sexuality to be common knowledge. It had barely been any time since he’d figured it out, and he definitely needed to tell his friends before anyone else found out. Maia was one of them, but he felt like shit having to tell Maia to keep it a secret.

“No problem,” she said, miming turning a key in front of her lips and tossing it over her shoulder. “That would be a very shitty thing to do.”

Somebody knew. Somebody knew and they weren’t freaked out or anything.

That hadn’t been so bad.

It was a small step, but it was something he’d be able to cling to when the worries of telling his friends and family popped up. It could be done. He could do it. He had and he would. Just one step at a time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	22. The Sweetest Scheme

 

“You did what?” Zayn exclaimed, and Louis winced as it echoed through the phone.

“Zayn, I’m not going to repeat myself,” Louis said, glancing up and around the lobby nervously.

Despite knowing that no one could hear them, Louis still felt as if every ear in the entire universe was currently tuned in to his very private admission of very heated make out session with Harry.

“Louis!” Zayn blurted and Louis’ hand shot out to hold the phone as far away from his ear as possible.

“Please stop screaming in my ear, Zayn,” Louis sighed, fingers drumming on the table.

“I won’t stop!” He shouted, squealing like a thirteen-year-old girl. “One of my best friends almost got laid, and by a guy! Now, I need details. When I say I need details, I mean details along the lines of trashy-romance-novel details. Catch my drift?”

“You won’t get any details out of me,” Louis said, clearing his throat. “What we did is private.”

Zayn sighed heavily. “I'm demoting you. You no longer hold the position of best friend, because best friends share everything with each other.”

“I can't be demoted,” Louis teased said. “Who are you gonna give your blue gummy bears to, now?”

“I’ll give them to Niall, since you’re not my best friend, anymore,” Zayn laughed over the line.

“You know he eats everything.”

“I know,” Zayn chuckled over the line before changing the subject. “So you're not going to tell me anything?"

“Nothing,” Louis shrugged.

“I don't know if you realize this, but everything in your entire life has been leading up to this moment,” Zayn explained. “You’re a baby gay without any experience, and I don't know if you know this, but I'm extremely bisexual. My life with men is straight out of an Oscar Wilde novel. I can give you tips!”

“You won't get any details out of me, and you know it.”

“Not even a little bit?” Zayn argued. “Are you at least going to tell me if it was good?"

"Fine, but that’s all you get," Louis said.

“Well?”

"It was amazing."

Zayn giggled like a little girl. "I’m so happy for you!"

Louis winced at the high-pitched sound Zayn made, holding the device between his shoulder and face as he unlocked the door to his dorm and plopped down onto the bed. "My poor ears have been through enough."

“Sorry I’m freaking out, but I’m drowning in excitement! It actually worked! Liam’s never gonna believe it!" Zayn quickly smacked a hand over his mouth, realizing what he'd said, but it was too late to take it back.

The call took on a high, pinging frequency that rang in both of their ears. They could hear each other’s breaths, and Louis could swear he could smell Zayn’s breath, but it felt as if two strangers accidentally woke up on top of each other. An uncomfortable, stifling silence blanketed them, Louis’ jaw twitching and his teeth grinding behind his lips, sweat beading on his brow.

“What did you just say?” Louis murmured through the line.

“Nothing,” Zayn dismissed, and even though Louis couldn’t see him, he imagined that the man must have waved a hand. “It’s not impo—”

“Zayn.”

“It’s nothing—”

"Zayn, what actually _worked_?" He asked, quiet and low.

Louis’ bottom lip twitched, his brows pinched so tight his forehead wrinkled as Zayn answered. “I didn’t mean anything by it, I swear.”

“Right now, Zayn,” Louis repeated calmly, shaking his head as he shrugged off his coat. “You’re going to tell me right now.”

“But, you’ll—” Zayn said, his voice dissipation over the line like smoke. “It’s not important, right now.”

“Zayn,” Louis coaxed. “What did you mean, mate?”

“It’s just—” Zayn sucked a quick breath, words tumbled from his lips. “It’s not important. Forget about it.”

"Zayn," Louis hissed, and the other boy let out a heavy sigh through the phone. “What _worked_?”

There was no distracting Louis or getting him to drop the issue. He was deadest on finding what Zayn had meant. “It’s,” Zayn started, swallowing again. “Just keep in mind that what I am about to tell you led to this wonderful feelings you’re feeling right now.”

Louis’ nostrils flared. “What did you do?”

"The dares," Zayn confessed in one rushed exhalation. “It was all Liam’s idea! I just proposed the idea, that’s it!”

"The dares?" Louis hissed, raising a brow. "What do you mean ‘ _the dares_ ’?"

"Uh, well, how much time do you have?" Zayn asked.

"I’m in my dorm," he said. "Meet me here and explain yourself. I’d call Liam, but he doesn’t know about the whole Harry thing so you’re the only one explaining."

"Louis, I can’t," Zayn’s voice echoed through the line and Louis’ lips curled. “I have to work soon, you know.”

This was not the entire truth. Zayn didn’t work on weekends, and the team at the publishing house was more than capable of handling his responsibilities in his absence. "You don’t work on Saturdays," Louis’ voice drawled over Zayn's phone.

"Fine," Zayn knew it was pointless to argue or deny anything. "But I haven't been awake that long, so my creativity is lacking."

“How quick can you come over?” His tone of voice made it obvious that his words were more of a command than a request.

"Uh, well, let's see," Zayn began but was quickly cut off by a loud sigh. He could hear Louis’ anger in that sigh.

Louis wasn’t the type of person to hash things out over the phone. He liked to be face to face, if for no other reason than that he could be much more intimidating in person—with his authoritative way of walking, quick wits and his death glares.

"Zayn Malik! Don’t test me. I don’t know what you guys did, but I can guess that I won’t like it. You better come with a perfect explanation for whatever you've done."

Zayn snorted with laughter even though he could tell Louis was angry. Still, Zayn couldn't help pushing his buttons sometimes. "What are you going to do to me, Louis? Disinvite me from Christmas party this year?"

"Worse," Zayn could hear Louis clicking his tongue. "I’ll tell Sophie you were obsessing over her since first year.”

"Shit. I'll be over in around twenty minutes."

"Good choice."

. . .

Harry was surprised to discover Niall’s absence when he finally tore herself away from Louis’ dorm building, Louis’ intoxicating scent, his soft hands, and perfect mouth, and returned to his dorm that morning. Then he remembered that Niall switched from evening classes to the early morning time-slots. He liked going out on too much to spend evenings trapped in three-hour lectures that did nothing but bore him to tears.

Harry grumbled, disappointed. He needed someone to vent to but decided to get ready for the day. After a quick shower, he threw on some fresh clothes, grabbed his books, and headed out into the freezing outdoors. However, when he reached the auditorium where the lecture was held, he found nothing more than a stark, white piece of printer paper taped to the door and marked with a bold-faced notice that his class was canceled.

"Really?" Harry groaned, he’d walked all the way in the freezing cold for this class. _Great_.

He pulled out his phone and checked to see if he’d gotten an email notification of the cancellation and had simply overlooked it, but there was nothing—his inbox was empty.

"What the fuck?" He glared at the notice. "This is what emails are for!"

He trudged back to his dorm and collapsed onto his bed. He had a good four hours before his shift at the coffee shop, so he closed her eyes and tried to force his brain to quiet long enough for him to get a good nap in. Only about thirty minutes passed, though, before the door burst open and Niall popped into the room, kicking the door closed behind himself so that it slammed, loud enough to wake Harry. He jerked up with a snort, wiping at his mouth.

"Oh, sorry mate,” Niall laughed, tossing a red-and-white paper bag onto Harry's bed. "Didn't know you came home."

"What's that?" Harry asked, reaching for the bag.

"Stopped by the McDonalds. Got fifteen of those burritos you like. I already ate like six of them."

Harry chuckled and rubbed at his eyes. Despite having already eaten, his stomach rumbled at the mere thought of breakfast burritos. They were his favorite. "Thanks," he pulled one of the burritos from the bag, unwrapped it, and took a huge bite. "How is it possible that we eat as much as we do and yet neither of us weighs more than 150 pounds?"

"Haven't got a bastard clue, but I'm not complaining."

"Neither am I," Harry cracked up.

He was quite proud of his figure. He’d worked hard for it after all—running and working out as often as possible, and he knew he attracted quite a bit of attention because of it. He didn't care much for the gawking, though, unless of course it was a certain brunette doing the gawking. The thought of Louis had Harry choking in his effort to swallow too quickly so he could speak, which caught Niall’s attention.

"You alright?"

"I’m fine,” Harry lied, waving a dismissive hand to Niall. “Just thinking.”

Niall grinned as he settled more comfortably atop his bed. “That sounds juicy. About what?”

Harry bit his bottom lip to conceal a smile and the words to slip out of his mouth. He was dying to tell him. “Private,” he replied.

“So, you won’t tell me?”

“I won’t tell you,” Harry grinned.

“Not even a hint?”

“Not even a hint.”

Niall huffed, falling onto his bed with his arms outstretched and Harry grinned, avoiding his blue eyes and moving to eat the rest of his food. He thought about telling him for a second, wanting to break the silence between them.

“Niall, are you sleeping?”

“No. I’m thinking.”

“About what?”

The blonde’s head popped up, blue eyes twinkling in mischief. “Private,” he teased and Harry chuckled a pillow across the room with a laugh.

. . .

"Explain yourself," Louis stared his best friend down from his bed, watching as Zayn took a sip of beer from the desk chair.

He ran a hand through his dark hair, sighing as he nodded and resigned to spilling his little secret. "It's really not that bad, Lou. Like I said, I’m partly responsible for the feelings you've got going on, right now. So, keep that in mind before I start."

"Okay," Louis sat back in his bed, resting his elbows on his knees, and steepling his fingers just under his chin.

Zayn rolled his eyes and launched into the story. "Okay, so the smoothie dare was completely natural. I didn't have anything planned. I had just met Harry at that point."

Louis nodded, signaling for him to continue. Both he and Louis smiled at the memory despite the fact that one was mad at the other.

“Then at the party, Harry admitted that he had a crush on you and you got flustered whenever it or Harry were mentioned. That never happens, and Harry was pretty openly into you from the beginning. It was so obvious,” Zayn explained, eyes dropping to Louis’ heaving chest. “So we dared you to sit on Har—”

"What was obvious?" Louis interjected.

"The chemistry between you two,” Zayn sighed, gesturing with his hands. "It still surprises me that you were completely oblivious to it."

"I wasn’t oblivious to Harry liking me," Louis rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he huffed. “I knew he did.”

"I never saw you act with anyone the way you did with Harry before, considering we didn’t know him very well, so that said something. The way you talked to him, about him and even your body language said you guys had chemistry,” Zayn shrugged. “Anyway, you two always looked like a couple, and people probably thought you were. Liam and I just kick started the process of it.”

Louis tried to keep his expression plain, but he couldn't help himself. A blush crept up his cheeks as he remembered the girl at the club who’d thought Harry and Louis had been dating, and he instantly scrunched up his face. A smile tugged at his lips, slowly growing the longer Zayn went on. Had the attraction between Harry and him truly been that obvious from the beginning? _How did he miss it?_

"So, it was obvious that you liked him, _at least a little_ , and Liam was afraid that nothing would happen if we didn't play cupid. So, we were doing it for you because we’re such good friends. You can't _really_ blame us for wanting you to find love, right?”

Though Louis’ anger quickly leaked away, he did his best to stay stern as he moved his eyes back to his best friend and pursed his lips. "What do you mean when you say you _played_ cupid?"

"Nothing big," Zayn swore, drawing a cross on his heart. "I came up with the idea of giving you guys dares to make you realize that you weren’t so straight and that you had feelings for one very single and gay Harry.”

"You what?" Louis couldn't even believe what he was hearing.

"I know! It’s fucked up, and I'm sorry,” Zayn gulped. “In my defense, I never said we should do the dares, I brought it up after the party when we were drunk and Liam picked me up on it. He said that even if it wouldn’t end up in you guys being together, it would make some pretty funny stories for later. If it’s any consolation, it was pretty entertaining to see you blush."

" _Zayn!_ " Louis reached for one of the pillows on his bed and chucked it at the boy. "I can't believe you! You always preach about how we shouldn’t label and assume people’s sexuality, and then you do that and assumed my sexuality! That’s so fucked up.”

“I know, it’s my last time _ever_ assuming someone’s sexuality!” Zayn exclaimed, passing a hand through his hair. “But to be fair, I have a pretty good gaydar, and—”

“Do you have any idea how embarrassing those dares were for me?"

"Not _that_ embarrassing," Zayn mumbled. "Sure, we gave you a few dares, but you guys did all the rest for us. I mean, you two already looked like a couple and you both like each other now. So it’s—It’s not a big deal, right?”

"How would that have any effect on my relationship with Harry?"

"It brought you two closer," Zayn apologetically smiled. "I knew you were somewhat attracted to Harry, I mean, you would stare at him and pretend like you didn’t when he looked back at you."

"I was that obvious?"

Zayn nodded, a smirk stamped onto his lips. "The boner also gave you away, but still," Zayn's soft laughter grew louder as he watched Louis' cheeks turn red. "You were acting like a little school girl with a crush."

ouis' blush spread as he ducked his head, avoiding Zayn's amber eyes. He snatched at his beer and took a long sip, the cold liquid an instant relief. "In my defence, I was highly drunk that night at the party. I'm sure you recall the ten shots and three beers I drank. _Nine_."

"Oh I remember," Zayn turned a wicked grin on his best friend. "I remember you taking all nine of those shots, dancing with a random girl and staring straight at Harry. The boner was obvious, mate."

The pink tint painting Louis' cheeks deepened into a rich crimson, and he cleared his throat roughly as he glanced around the room. He sighed and pressed his forehead into his palm. "That was an _unfortunate_ experience."

“I’ve always wondered if you're hung, and I got the confirmation that night,” Zayn teased, tilting his head to the side. “You're a nice size when you're hard, and you're surprisingly thick on top of that.”

"Can we stop talking about my dick, please?" He practically chugged down the remainder of his beer, eager to be done with this ridiculous discussion and bring the topic back to the sweetest of schemes.

“What about balls? Can we talk balls? It's _technically_ not your dick," Zayn leaned back onto the desk chair, laughing. "I feel like you have little balls. Like two _little_ blueberries.”

“They do not resemble blueberries. They're balls, Zayn.”

“I don't know, man,” Zayn teased, stretching his arms up, propping his hands behind his head, grinning. “You look like you do.”

"Can we please, please, _please_ stop talking about my cock? That’s, like, the most awkward conversation I've ever had.”

"Fine, my point was—"

"Oh, you had a point?"

Zayn smiled at him, kicking Louis' leg with his foot. "My _point_ was that you were acting like a little school girl with a crush, and I was at least ninety-seven percent sure that the dares would work. It was obvious that you are at least a little gay. I wanted to help you figure out that you're not so straight by yourself, and the dares were perfect. If nothing would happen between you two, it would at least set you up for a good lay, and—"

Louis waved a hand for Zayn to stop. He heard all he needed to hear. He couldn’t believe that Zayn and Liam had planned this elaborate and genius plan for no other purpose than to bring them closer together, to give Louis a shot at love. As angry as Louis wanted to be, he had to admit that he found his friends’ actions endearing. In fact, it was undoubtedly the sweetest scheme Louis had ever heard of and the plan had actually worked. The two young men found their way to one another, Zayn and Liam’s dares pushing them together while Louis denied who he was.

"Please don't be mad at me, Louis. I know we shouldn't have gone behind your back, but I know how you are. If I outright mentioned the possibility of you and Harry, you would’ve dismissed it because he’s a guy and you thought you were straight. I didn't want you to give up on the idea before you even gave it a chance. I just wanted you to be happy."

Louis sighed as he shook his head and looked up to meet Zayn's eyes. They stared at one another for a long time, Zayn's eyes cautiously mirthful despite his worry that Louis was actually upset with him. Louis held his serious expression a bit longer just to toy with him before he finally dropped the act and let a smile spread across his lips.

Zayn mimicked the expression and Louis tilted back his head. "You’re such a pain in the ass, Zayn."

"But I’m _your_ pain in the ass," he teased, flipping him off. "Right?"

"Right."

“Okay, so you're not mad at me?"

"Not as mad as I thought," Louis sighed, frustrated at himself for not being more angry. "You only wanted the best for me, and it worked. I mean, things got heated."

"I'm a genius, I know," Zayn said, grinning. "I still don't get how you had him in your bed, you were making out, you were both apparently groping each other, and then you just stopped?"

"There's a thing called taking it slow, Zayn. Some people move quickly, some don't."

"Yeah, but—"

Louis waved a dismissive hand. "I'm not saying it won't happen," Louis clucked his tongue as he threw him a playful glare. "But I'm actually glad we stopped, because I—"

"You what?" Zayn asked, raising a brow. “You have feelings for him?”

Louis swallowed and sighed. "I like him, more than I thought I would."

Zayn grinned and resisted the urge to clap his hands. He truly felt like cupid; a badass and entirely successful cupid. "And I know he cares about you, too."

“How do you know that?”

"Because he stopped in the middle of a make-out session that could've led to hot sex," Zayn made a show of waving her finger over Louis’ face and body. “I’d say it's clear that he’s invested in at least seeing what could possibly develop between you two."

Louis gnawed softly at the corner of his bottom lip. He barely knew Harry, and yet he found himself thinking about him all the time. This was the most hopeful, the most thrilled, that he had been in quite a while.

When he nodded, Zayn practically jumped for joy. "Okay, so we have to plan a date."

“Date?” Louis whispered, eyes widening.

“Yeah,” Zayn grinned. “It’s that thing where you take out someone you like—”

“I know what a date it,” he grumbled, nerves prickling his skin. “I just didn’t even think about it. What the hell am I supposed to do with Harry on a date?"

Zayn watched Louis’ eyes move steadily back and forth in front of him, panic brewing in their blue depths. “Calm down,” he said, snapping his fingers at Louis. “It’s fine, it’s _all_ fine. It’s just a date.”

“ _Just a date_ ,” Louis mocked, his knee bouncing rapidly. “A date with someone who has nothing in common with me! How are we even interested in each other? Zayn, I don’t know how to plan a date with him. I don’t even know if he wants to go on a date with me.”

“Now you're just being pessimistic,” Zayn huffed, smirking. “You know for a fact that Harry likes you, right?

“Right,” Louis croaked, clearing his throat.

“That was the poorest self-confidence I’ve ever seen,” Zayn chuckled. “I can't believe you’re scared to ask him on a date. Nothing scares Louis Tomlinson.”

“ _Right_ ,” Louis tried again, a little more firmly this time.

“That’s better,” Zayn smiled at him and opened the notepad app on his phone, moving to sit next to Louis on the bed. He poised his fingers over the keyboard once he opened a new note. “Now, let’s plan this date.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	23. The Perfect Date

When Monday morning dawned, Louis knew that he didn’t want to wait any longer. He’d spent the entirety of the day before going over and over what he wanted to say, though he still hadn’t settled on any particular wording. He was not about to spend another day beating himself up over not being direct about what he wanted. If Harry didn’t want to go on a date with him, then he’d deal with it.

At least he would have given it a shot.

Louis knew Harry had a class at eight-thirty on Monday mornings, he’d had heard him complain about it multiple Sunday evenings over supper. So at eight, Louis got up, dressed and made his way down to Niall and Harry’s building.

He’d considered waiting outside Harry’s room, but that seemed like the kind of thing a crazy person would do. And he wasn’t about to knock, Niall would obviously know that something was up, and Louis still wasn’t ready to let the others know.

So, Louis waited in the small lounge area instead. He looked down at his phone multiple times.

_Eight o’Five._

Twenty more minutes and the class would start. Students filed past, and Louis was surprised to see that Harry hadn’t left yet. His knee bounced rapidly as he waited, fingers drumming against his thighs before he looked back down at his phone.

_Eight o’Ten._

He frowned. If there’s something he knew Harry hated, was the lack of punctuality. He should be leaving by now. His watch read 8:10. He drumed his fingers on the arm of the seat as people chatted about their day and walking off towards their classes.

Then it was 8:15 and Louis noticed a flow of curls protruding from a tight knit hat, and Harry stepped off the elevator. He had his backpack on, coat zipped up, and white scarf covering half his face. He looked pretty sleepy, and he didn’t even notice Louis as he made for the front door.

“Harry,” he called, voice scratchy from lack of sleep, and watched Harry stutter to a halt just as his hand made contact with the door knob.

Head turning, he blinked as Louis made his way over to him — seeming like his sleep-addled brain was trying to process the situation. It was probably not every Monday morning he was talked to before he could even get outside.

“Can I walk with you to class?” Louis asked, and Harry nodded, slow and then fast, as he suddenly seemed to register that Louis was standing in front of him.

“Yeah,” he cleared his throat, green eyes wide. “Yeah! Of course!”

Following Harry outside, Louis winced at the chill of the air against his cheeks. He reached up and tugged his beanie down further over his ears before glancing over at Harry, who quickly glanced away when he’d been caught — cheeks pink from the cold or from embarrassment, Louis couldn’t say for sure.

Actually, he couldn’t say much of anything. Now that it was just him and Harry, only a few students passing them now and again on their way to class or the cafeteria and definitely not paying them any mind, he didn’t know how to start.

Harry swallowed noisily beside him, their boots scuffing along on the pavement and seeming to make even more sound with the obvious lack of conversation. Louis took a breath, gearing himself up but before he could say anything, Harry interjected.

“Did you know that people call pigeons rats with wings?” Harry asked with a snicker to fill in the silence settling between them. “And seagulls are sea rats.”

Louis had heard that before, but he liked how entertained Harry was by it.

“Imagine an actual rat with wings,” Harry said, hands moving animatedly as he talked. “Imagine the tail just flapping in the wind as it flies around!”

Louis snorted, chuckling at Harry’s train of thought rather than the image itself, though that was undeniably unique in its own right.

“That would be fucking weird,” Louis agreed, grinning at Harry’s enthusiasm.

As much as he would like to hear more of Harry’s theories about flying rodents, he had a something he wanted to ask the taller boy. This exact scenario had played out many times in Louis’ mind, but this time there was a knot of nerves in his stomach because there was something he wanted to do.

“So, I was thinking,” Louis went on, boots scuffing over the snow covered pavement and filling the spaces between his words with the scrap and crunch of them against the sidewalk. “They’re playing _Deadpool 2_ in town, and I was wondering if you would maybe wanna go watch it with me, tomorrow?”

Louis wasn’t sure if he was trying to be smooth with the phrasing, given the circumstance, or if it was just a cowardly alternative to saying what he really meant. But with Harry actually pulling his scarf down to gape at him before nodding enthusiastically, he supposed it didn’t really matter.

Louis knew that Harry liked him. He knew that. It was the furthest thing from a secret. Harry had even said so himself when he’d stopped Louis back in the haze of heated kisses and lingering touches. But that didn’t mean that a burst of adrenaline didn't shoot down to his fingertips when he asked. Because this was him being proactive and taking a step and showing Harry that he wanted spend time with him — just him.

He wasn’t flat out saying it was a date, but it was implied.

“Oh!” Eyes blown wide, brows rising in shock and mouth hanging open, and Harry stopped in his tracks. Louis bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if he’d said the wrong thing. “Yeah! That—that sounds great! Is anyone else, um, coming? I mean, not that—”

“No,” Louis cut him off before Harry could ramble about all the reasons that he was asking that weren't the actual reasons. “No one else is coming.”

“Does this,” Harry started, gaze bouncing back and forth between Louis’ face and the direction in which they were walking, a flush spreading across the bridge of his nose as he seemed to trying to keep himself from smiling too widely at that. “Do you mean—Are you asking me out on a date?”

“Yeah,” Louis told him with a nod. He could feel the smile tugging at his lips and the happiness radiating off Harry like heat — there was a bounce in his step as they neared the building his class was in and the boy seemed to glow. “I’d like to take you on a date.”

"That sounds great," Harry let out a little disbelieving giggle as they slowed to a stop outside the entrance.

"Great," Louis said, surprised by the relief flowing through him at Harry's response even though he already knew what the answer would be. "I can come pick you up at yours around six, and we'll go eat somewhere together before the movie? You can pick where.”

“Sounds good,” Harry grinned before pointing toward the door of the building. “I have to go in, but I’ll see you later?”

Louis nodded, admiring the way the morning sun shone against Harry’s curls and internally rolling his eyes at himself for something to do other than focusing on the way Harry kept biting at his lower lip. But he could feel the soft smile on his own face.

“Yeah,” Louis told him, reaching out and fiddling with the end of Harry’s scarf. “I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” Harry nodded, a little breathlessly, eyes still shining with happy incredulity and his lips stretched into a wide smile. “Okay, yeah. I’ll see you later.”

Louis nodded, feeling the way his lips and eyes were curving in response, his stomach twisting and heart pounding against his ribcage. He could hear it in his ears and he could feel it in his throat.

After an awkward wave, Harry disappeared into the building with a wide smile thrown over his shoulder at the last second before the doors swung shut, and Louis wondered how he was supposed to get through his classes with the knowledge that they were going to go on a date on Tuesday.

They were going on a date. They were going to be alone.

Taking a deep breath of the cold, morning air, Louis watched his breath curl into mist in front of him. It was new and intimidating, but he could feel the smile tugging at the corners of his lips even as his heart hammered against his ribs with anticipation.

It was with a fond chuckle that he realized Harry was probably going through and feeling the same things Louis was, and he chuckled. The butterflies in his stomach were flying, fluttering against his insides, filling him with a giddiness he’d never felt before.

It felt nice.

He was Louis Tomlinson, and he could do anything.

. . .

Louis fiddled with the last button of his shirt before huffing and shrugging it off and throwing it to the side. That didn’t look like him. He glanced down at his phone, his palms sweaty as he gripped the device tightly between his hands. He didn't know why he was so nervous. They were just going to eat and watch a movie.

It was already five, and he’d spent the last hour trying to make himself look presentable to go out in public. He ended up in a dark grey sweater that was only a little baggy on him and worked fine as long as he pushed the sleeves up to keep them from covering his hands. Pants were another matter, though, and he spent twenty minutes cursing as he shimmied into the tight jeans—a thing he got nothing but utmost praises for showing off his best asset—before he cuffed them at the bottom.

He headed to the bathroom to fuss with his hair for a bit; leaving it slightly curled around the edges and lay gently against his skin. Next was a round of shaving his face, brushing his teeth before he was ready, giving himself an appreciative once-over in the mirror.

With a quick glance at his phone, Louis shrugged on his coat and headed out to Niall and Harry’s building. He took a deep breath as he made his way over, calming himself as he watched the clear sidewalks and roads. He sat in the lobby of the building for a few minutes, killing time, until he decided it was long enough and fished out his phone, pressing the device to his ear as a smile split his face.

"Hello?" Harry’s voice echoed through the phone as soon as he answered.

"Hey," Louis said politely. "I'm in the lobby."

There was a pause on the other end, and Louis could picture the look on Harry's face. He imagined Harry had a shit-eating grin on his face, and it was a look Louis had seen many times. He heard some mumbling, an Irish accent and then the door closing.

"I'll be right down," Harry said finally, and the call clicked off.

A few minutes later, the elevator doors opened and Harry stepped out and Louis’ breath caught so forcefully in his throat that he nearly choked.

His heart hammered away as his eyes tracked the length of Harry’s body. The green-eyed boy was practically painted into dark skinny jeans, a simple soft cotton shirt that somehow looked like a royal gown, and black boots with a shorter heel than Louis was accustomed to seeing him wear.

It was obvious that Harry had gone for an effortlessly hot look, while Louis had gone more the route of a classic sexy look, and it almost made him want to laugh. They’d both dressed to impress. Harry was stunning, and Louis felt incredibly smug that he was the only one who would get to kiss him if the date went according to plan.

"Hi," Harry said, smile widening as he reached Louis.

“You look great," Louis said as they stared at each other for a moment, both men unsure of what to do. "I mean, really. Wow."

Harry blushed, smirking. "Thank you. So do you."

"Did you decide where you'd like to go?" Louis asked, raising a brow.

"Yeah, I did," Harry nodded proudly, and as they turned together to make their way down the street.

Glancing around to make sure none of their friends were nearby as they climbed in the backseat of a cab was funny, a little like they were secret agents or something equally ridiculous. Louis had told Liam he’d too much work to do to go to dinner since his essay was due the next day. It _was_ due the next day, but Louis had finished it up earlier on Monday afternoon. Harry had told Niall that he had to meet up for a group project in the library that night, so he’d just grab dinner by himself. Zayn, on the other hand, had promised not to tell a single soul.

It had Louis feeling guilty that they were lying, but he was working towards telling the others. But in the meantime, Harry was being incredibly understanding and Louis was very grateful.

In their short cab ride, Louis learned that Harry loved mushrooms but hated them on pizza, that he was completely serious about _Love Actually_ being his favorite movie, that he liked to bake things when he was happy. He had a sister and mum that he would call every day, and that he had more than 20,000 songs in his computer, half of which were by artists Louis had never heard of. After Harry mentioned five artists that he claimed were his “ _favourites_ ” and Louis didn’t know a single one, he tilted his head in confusion. There were so many things he needed to learn.

"I hope you like Italian food," Harry said as he opened the cab door for Louis, who paid the driver before letting Louis step out.

"I love Italian food," Louis said as he closed the door, the both of them walking to the restaurant.

They passed tourists, shoppers and a billion well dressed people on their way to expensive things before waling into the restaurant, the smell of garlic bread immediately assaulting their nostrils. Once they were seated, Louis glanced around the restaurant. The little Italian restaurant they were in wasn’t fancy or anything, but it was certainly a step up from the pizza place they’d been to before their last movie.

“I don’t know what I want,” Harry admitted, flipping the pages in the menu forward and then back again. “I mean, I do. But everything look so good!”

Louis chuckled, flashing a grin. “Never heard of some of these.”

Harry had picked a little restaurant with a menu that was half in Italian and art on the walls that looked like they’d been pulled up from _Google_. Louis teased Harry mercilessly for picking somewhere so obviously intended to impress him, but it was terribly endearing.

“What do you usually get?” Louis asked, blue eyes finding Harry’s over the menu they were flipping through.

“I haven’t been here a ton of times,” Harry admitted, cheeks flushing. “But I’ve gotten the chicken parmesan and the gnocchi. The chicken is really good. They’re both good. But the gnocchi is incredible!”

Louis nodded, flipping the page of the menu back and forth, reading over the descriptions of some dishes. “They both sound good!” Louis agreed, looking up at Harry with a smile.

The boy was looking at him like he’d wounded him by giving praise to the two dishes and not actually helping him decide what to order.

“We can order both and share,” Louis suggested, and instantly cringed.

Was that too couple-y to do one their first date? It wasn’t as though everyone around them would know it was a date based on them sharing a meal, but Harry was nodding enthusiastically, closing the menu with a snap and a sigh of relief.

The fact that Harry had been so overwhelmed by what to order had Louis’ lips quirking upward, his heart giving a little thump to remind him that they were on a date and that his restless fingers against the condensation of his water glass was probably the manifestation of his awareness of that, too.

After they’d ordered, ending up going with the two meals to share, the final grain of awareness that this was a date seemed to settle firmly into Louis’s brain, and he wiggled in his seat, snickering when he caught Harry’s eye. Louis chuckled as Harry did the same, shifting in his seat before shooting a sheepish grin at the older boy.

"We're on an actual date," Harry supplied in a stage whisper. "Still kinda can't believe it."

Louis felt his lips pulling up in a smile, able to fully relate to that feeling.

"I'm trying to believe it!" Harry assured him, as though Louis might have been worried that he was just going to float around in disbelief forever. Though considering that's pretty much what he was doing at the moment too, he couldn’t blame him.

"Me too," Louis admitted, and green eyes creased with a smile. “If I pinch myself, do you think I’ll wake up?”

“Try it,” Harry taunted, smile broadening as Louis glanced around and pinched the delicate skin of his wrist.

Louis winced, shaking his head and flashing up a smile at Harry. “Not a dream.”

The pair chuckled for a moment, both letting the moment sink in as the waiter brought their food. "So, uh," Harry started, pushing his fork over two inches only to move it right back. "How are you, uh, doing? Like...you know. With everything."

"Better," Louis nodded, taking a breath of garlic-filled air.

He was glad the curly-haired boy understood that it was still a struggle for him — that just because he’d come out to himself, it was still hard and that he still had things to overcome. But at the same time, Louis worried that Harry was living in fear that he would just change his mind about everything since he’d fought so hard against his feelings to begin with.

"Telling people is intimidating as fuck," Louis admitted, chuckling as an elderly couple visibly huffed at his choice of words. "I think it might be getting less scary? At least Zayn already know, and Maia isn’t horrified by it. So, then it's just Liam and Niall that’s left, and I know they're not gonna be disgusted or anything. Just surprised, I guess?"

"How about your family?" Harry asked, gnawing on his bottom lip. "How do you think they’ll react?”

Louis shrugged, twirling his fork absentmindedly. Telling his family would be stressful in a whole different way than telling his friends. It was something that was extremely nerve racking, because Louis didn’t know how they would react. He hadn’t thought about it because he didn’t have to deal with it yet.

"I definitely haven't told them yet. I will eventually,” Louis shrugged again. “Don’t know when, but eventually.”

"Will they..." Harry trailed off, immediately stopping himself and changing his words. "I mean, when I told my parents, I figured they wouldn’t be accepting of it but they were okay with it. Do you think your parents will be like that?"

"I hope," Louis offered, letting out a nervous laugh. “My parents definitely don’t have a problem with gay people in general. They’re okay with people being gay, but I’m wondering if they’ll be okay with it if it’s me.”

"Why wouldn’t they be?" Harry asked.

“They’re reasonably open minded,” Louis explained. “I mean, it’s always a different story when it's someone in your family, you know? They could be super accepting of LGBT people, if it’s someone they just pass by on the streets but if it’s me, it’ll be a completely different reaction.”

Harry nodded, taking a sip of his water as he listened to Louis.

“I know my parents have no clue, so it’s gonna be a huge shock to them,” he explained. “Even if it’s not a bad shock, it’s also not gonna be a good shock. It’s gonna be a complete shit storm, and I’m scared shitless of what they’ll say.”

“You might think they won’t be okay with it, but that’s just what you think.”

“What do you mean?”

"Before I came out, I thought all sorts of things. When I look back, it seems irrational to think they wouldn’t accept me,” Harry commiserated. "But, they’re your parents, they should love you for who you are. Sure, they weren’t expecting it, even though I thought it was obvious, but they didn’t freak out like I thought they would. It’s just your brain playing tricks on you.”

“How do you do that?” Louis marvelled.

Harry tilted his head, frowning in confusion as he rose a brow. “Do what?”

"Talk and make me feel like everything’s gonna be alright,” Louis explained. “You just—you always know what to say.”

Harry licked his lips and swallowed thickly. "Maybe I just know what to say,” he shrugged, scratching the back of his head. "Maybe because when I look at you, it sometimes feels like I’m back at square one. It feels like I’m in your shoes, and I’m telling you all the things I wish I knew after living through that.”

Louis nodded, feeling his heart race and thump beneath his ribs. Coming out was scary, but Harry did have a point. He’d lived through the experience, and he was sharing whatever knowledge he could onto Louis. Coming out was a seemingly small part of his life, yet he’d survived through it. Life was too short to dwell of it. His train of thought was cut short when their meal was brought out, and Louis’ eyes widened, taking in their food.

"Oh my _god_ ," Louis moaned after he’d sampled the gnocchi, cheek bulging a little as he tried to talk with food still in his mouth.

"Told you it was good," Harry chuckled, helping himself to a bite of chicken.

“I want this gnocchi to become a person so I can take it to Las Vegas and marry it,” Louis exclaimed, taking a bite of the gnocchi and chewing vigorously.

Harry grinned at Louis’ enjoyment, spearing a piece of gnocchi with his fork. “Not if I eat all of it since it's my favorite."

The squawk Louis let out as Harry jokingly started pulling the dish closer to himself had both of them looking around to see how much attention that had garnered. Louis snickered at Harry's sheepish face, pushing the gnocchi back so it sat between them again.

They ate simple—chicken parmesan and gnocchi shared among the two of them. Louis cracked a joke about how Harry looking like he was eating escargot in a fancy restaurant and was pleasantly surprised when Harry teased that Louis looked like he’d never ate before in his entire life.

Once finished, Harry insisted on buying dessert. They were both full, but dessert — two hot brownies, topped by two large scoops of plain old vanilla ice cream, drowned by hot fudge sauce — was too good not to try, so the two boys lingered over dessert, taking their time to enjoy every spoonful.

"I love ice cream!" Harry cheered halfway through their dessert, the corner of his lips covered in hot fudge or remnants of brownies.

Watching Harry enthuse over the food was almost better than eating it.

It was better, but only barely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	24. Stay

The cold had Louis burying his face in his scarf, hands shoved deep in his pockets, as thy walked through the streets. Neither of them wanted to go back to campus and neither of them were ready for the date to end. so they'd opted for a stroll after the movie. The sun had disappeared hours before and left nothing but the bitter chill of winter and sparkling lights.

The tips of Louis’ ears were starting to sting with the cold, but the way Harry was nearly skipping along beside him, enthusiastically describing the events that had happened in _Deadpool 2_ , had it all feeling worth it.

They wander into the streets hand-in-hand, simply enjoying each other’s company. They swung their hands between them and talked about everything from primary school to their mums to football to reality television. It felt good to be just the two of them, talking and walking hand-in-hand. 

However, Louis’ relief was shortly lived as he spotted a girl with her jacket open to reveal a sweatshirt with their university's insignia on it as she walked by with a young man, undoubtedly her boyfriend.

"Wouldn’t it be my luck if the guys all decided to come into town for dinner tonight," Louis joked.

"I could just hide," Harry offered with his playful grin, unknowingly bringing to light Louis’ guilt and worry.

Harry crouched, hands on Louis’ shoulders for balance.

"No, this won't work," he decided, standing back up. "You’re too small."

“I’m not fucking small," Louis complained, swatting in Harry’s direction and watching as the taller boy moved away with a mischievous giggle. “I’m a growing boy.”

“You’re pretty small,” Harry mischievously added, stepping to the side of the sidewalk and holding his arms up in an imitation of branches. “Or I could be a tree. No one could tell the difference.”

“Absolutely no difference,” Louis snorted.

Harry laughed happily, arms dropping as he fell back into step with Louis. Harry’s strong features were emphasized by the artificial glow of the lights as he stood to his feet. The street lamp traced over the slope of Harry's nose, catching on his eyelashes, and shining off his freshly licked lips.

Louis wished he could stop and get a hand around the back of Harry’s neck again, pulling his own scarf down and pressing a kiss to those lips, but not there. Not on the street with people passing by them and cars idling at a stop sign.

They walked for half an hour, trading stories of all the times they wanted to do or say something to each other but never did. It was incredibly freeing to finally get all of these old things off his chest, to turn them into a thing to laugh about with Harry.

In the end, there was reason for Harry to become a tree. After walking around for a bit longer, until Louis’ toes had started going numb in his boots, they’d called for a cab in front of the movie theater and had gotten a ride back to campus.

Harry had insisted on walking Louis back to his dorm, and Louis could feel his pulse spike as a large hand was pressed to the small of his back over his coat. Their date was over, but not quite. He was just praying that no one else came in and needed to get on the elevator.

Harry was fidgeting next to him, taking his gloves off and shoving them in his pockets and Louis assumed they were both thinking the same thing. The elevator chugged on its way down to them, and Louis felt Harry lean into his side, their winter coats brushing.

Finally arriving on the ground floor, the elevator doors opened and they stepped on, Louis unzipping his coat as he walked.

No one else was behind them.

Harry pressed the number to Louis’ floor, and the doors closed behind them, so achingly slowly. A tender silence developed between them as they continued to stare at one another’s reflection in the elevator doors. Louis’ gaze very obviously raked slowly up and down Harry's body, and Harry pulled Louis onto his body, backing himself up until they slammed into the back of the metal wall.

They both moaned softly as Harry’s back touched the metal wall, little whimpers escaping their throats as they met in a kiss, just as fiery as the first. Fingers itched against moist palms before finding their way up arms and slender necks and twisting into hair.

There was no time to ease into it, time ticking down with every inch the elevator ascended.

Louis slid his tongue along Harry’s bottom lip, both of them moaning deeply as their tongues touched, their grip growing tighter by the second. Their fingertips were like a flame against wax flesh, melting their bodies together. Biting Harry’s bottom lip, Louis swallowed the choked gasp Harry let out as his fingers ran through his curly hair.

“You’re so hot,” Harry whispered as he ran his hands from Louis’ hips and cupped them over the most prominent part of his body. Louis moaned into Harry’s mouth, a deep groan bubbling from the back of his throat as he ground his hips onto Harry’s. “Your ass.”

Louis smiled into the kiss as he slid his tongue along Harry’s bottom lip, both of them moaning deeply as their tongues touched, their grip growing tighter by the second. Their fingertips were like a flame against wax flesh, melting their bodies together.

Biting Harry’s bottom lip, Louis swallowed the choked gasp Harry let out as his fingers ran through his curly hair.

Louis devoured Harry’s words before the sentence could ever be finished. They both moaned softly as Harry’s back touched the metal wall, little whimpers escaping their throats as they met in a kiss, just as fiery as the first. Fingers itched against moist palms before finding their way up arms and slender necks and twisting into hair.

There was no time to ease into it, time ticking down with every inch the elevator ascended.

Their lips slid together in perfect harmony as they touched each other, hands sliding and touching everywhere. Their hands explored and each heated press of their mouths encouraged them to explore further. Louis reveled in the heat of the moment.

They both startled at the ding as they arrived at Louis’ floor.

Louis stepped back from where he'd been holding Harry against the wall, his head was swimming from the kiss and he simply stared at the hall before he had to lunge for the open door button as the doors started to close.

When they parted, a shy smile played at Harry's lips. "I’ll walk you to your door."

Louis smirked, nodding as they both left the elevator. Harry laughed as they slowly walked to their destination. They didn’t want the dare to end just yet, but Louis had to remind himself that they both had classes the next day.

"Sorry about the restaurant," Harry said, passing a hand through his hair. "I wanted to take you somewhere nice, but um, I've never actually ate there before. I remembered that Gemma liked it when she came to London once."

He offered Louis an apologetic smile, and Louis laughed and shook his head. "That’s fine. The food was delicious.”

"It was," Harry enthusiastically agreed as they stopped at Louis’ door. He took a step forward, reaching up to slide a hand to the side of Louis' face. "Since there’s no one, is it all right if I kiss you?"

"Such a gentleman," Louis wiggled his eyebrows, wandering closer. "You don’t need to ask."

Harry smiled and pressed their lips together, right in the middle of the empty hall with the slight buzzing sounds of the lights illuminating the hall. It was chaste but somehow just as intoxicating as all the others.

"I wish I didn’t have to go," Harry said, close and soft.

"You _could_ stay."

"Yeah?" Harry asked, taking a step forward. Green eyes shifted back and forth between Louis’ steadily darkening eyes and pink lips. "And what would we do?"

When he took another step forward, Louis’ breath caught tightly in his throat. Without another word, his hands shot out and latched onto the front of Harry's shirt. He pulled Harry against him and molded their mouths together, his back pressing firmly into the door.

Harry shuddered as Louis’ tongue slipped through his lips and teased at his, he groaned as he pulled back just enough to part the kiss. Their breathing had already spiraled out of control, both panting hotly against each other's lips.

"That's why I have to go," Harry teased.

"That’s why you should stay."

"I want to," he said against Louis’ lips. "But I don’t have sex on the first date."

"You don’t?" Louis asked, mouth falling agape.

"I don’t," Harry repeated, smirking. “The second date, though.”

Louis laughed, the sound raspy as it floated in the air between them. "And when will that be?"

"Soon. Definitely soon,” Harry said, eyes shining hopefully, and Louis smiled through his want.

"I’d like that," Louis agreed, cheeks flushing.

Their hands slipped down each other’s arms before fingers laced together. "Yeah?” Harry laughed. “Good, because I don't think I'll be able to stay away for more than a couple days."

Louis snickered, eyes shifting between the inside of the dorm and Harry, who simply chuckled. He really just wanted to drag Harry inside and press him against the back of his door, he wanted to feel him move against his body and he licked his lips as he racked his eyes up and down Harry’s body.

He felt like he was suffocating in the small space between them, overwhelmed by their make out session in the elevator. Harry’s body pressing against him, his lip caught between Harry’s teeth, moans rumbling low in their chests as tongues slipped together. A fire was lit under his skin, and he had to take care of it. Harry chuckled, apparently also considering the option for the last twenty seconds.

"I guess I should go before Niall gets worried," Harry said, voice was rough and needy. “He thinks I’m with a study group and it’s already past eleven.”

“Shit, you’re right,” Louis nodded, gaze forcefully leaving Harry's mouth.

Harry laughed softly. "I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch?" He asked, eyes darting between Louis’ eyes and lips.

He pecked Louis' lips once more before stepping back and taking a deep breath through his nose. "Yeah," Louis nodded, knuckles brushing against the back of Harry’s hand as his lips quirked. “Thanks for the date."

"Thank you for inviting me."

Both young men lingered in front of his door, Louis doing his best to ignore the insistent pulsing in his groin, sighing softly in relief when Harry made his move to leave. The taller boy pressed a gentle kiss to Louis’ lips before wandering to the elevator.

Once Harry was out of sight, he retreated back into the room and pressed his back to the door. The date had been fun. It was with a smile that Louis was glad no one was around to see that he acknowledged that they could have plenty more nights just like that one.

He threw his coat and shoes to the floor of his room and made a beeline for his bed, pulling his pants down and shrugging them off. He licked his palm twice and shoved his hand down to grab ahold of himself, his head dropping on his pillow with a groan at the touch, desperate for it.

Breathing shallowly, he lets his his hand speed up. He thought of Harry under him, the feel of his soft against his and that face looking up at him in pleasure. All the kissing and touching was starting to become too much, and Louis imagined more. He imagined green eyes staring into his, hands traveling under his shirt, moving over his exposed flesh.

Louis’ eyes clenched tighter, his hand flying fast over his throbbing cock, sweat prickling his temples. He arched his lower back and moaned a touch louder, his chest heaving. He felt the familiar coil at the bottom of his stomach and dug his teeth into his bottom lip, muffling a high pitched moan as he came, his hips jutting unevenly. His expression bordered on pain, his eyes squeezing tighter as he jerked himself through his climax.

The muscles between his shoulder blades ached, his bicep slightly sore. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, listening to the quietness of the dorm room.

He laid there for a few moments that might as well been hours, coming down from his orgasm as he breathed the stale air. He finally mustered the energy to go clean himself up, deciding that staying laying in bed covered in come was not the best way to go to sleep.

He got up, walking towards his drawers and fishing a pair of boxer briefs and throwing his sheets in the laundry basket. Louis’ nostrils flared, his brain connecting the heady, slightly too sharp scent of his sweat. As soon as he cleaned himself, he dropped back onto the bed with a defeated whimper.

_What was Harry Styles doing to him?_

. . .

Blowing a breath out of his nose, Zayn glanced behind himself at the professor in question. “He has a wife!” Zayn hissed, gripping onto the plastic cafeteria chair like maybe he could melt into it and not have to go.

“So hopefully he won't respond and make everything even more awkward,” Liam said, and Zayn pouted in response.

Harry was watching everything like he was at a tennis match, and Louis was just grateful that it wasn’t his dare. Though that likely wouldn’t happen since flirting wasn’t exactly Louis’ specialty. If someone was going to flirt with a professor, the hope would be that the professor would realize they were getting hit on, and Zayn was the perfect person to do it.

“So,” Liam went on, rubbing his hands together. “For 7 points, I dare you to flirt with that prof.”

“He’s my Literature teacher, Liam!” Zayn exclaimed, face draining of all blood.

“Fine, 8 points,” Liam sighed, looking around the table. “Unless anyone else wants to take it?”

When the table was engulfed in complete silence, Zayn’s face scrunched up and he cursed under his breath. Zayn sighed, laughing nervously. “Okay, okay,” he agreed. “I’ll do it.”

“Yeah!” Liam cheered quietly as Niall did a little celebratory dance.

“You got this,” Harry encouraged, patting Zayn on the back as he got up from the table.

With one more grimace in their direction, Zayn was maneuvering between the tables of students enjoying their lunch and towards the lone professor eating a sandwich at a table near the back of the cafeteria.

The man was at least forty five, wore an obviously expensive suit jacket and shoes that Louis figured some poor reptile had to have died for, and wore a wedding ring. His hair sat unnaturally on top of his head. The color didn't quite match his eyebrows or short sideburns, and the front of his hair swooped dramatically to the left side. Louis couldn’t stop staring at it.

He was cringing behind the phone as he filmed Zayn casually sliding into the chair next to the man. They were too far away to hear what he was saying, but the way his lips curved as his head tilted, it was obvious even from across the cafeteria that Zayn was flirting.

Zayn laughed at something the man said, chin resting in his palm as he leaned in.

“Look at him go,” Liam snorted.

Louis sipped his pop as he watched, seeing Harry with a french fry halfway to his mouth that he seemed to have forgotten about with Zayn’s performance.

Zayn smiled, placing a hand on the professor's arm, Niall hooted and Harry’s knees hit the underside of the table as he hunched over and giggled. It was obvious as Zayn’s palm skated down his bicep that the professor had realized that this was no innocent conversation, gathering his things hastily and bidding Zayn goodbye.

They were all muffling laughter into their food as Zayn made his way back to their table, laughing silently through his obvious embarrassment.

“That was incredible!” Niall exclaimed as soon as Zayn was close enough that telling him so wouldn’t cause a scene. “You are a god!”

Zayn took a small bow even as he grimaced and giggled in mortification. “You guys are the worst.”

“That was...impressive,” Louis told him, still laughing in disbelief, offered a high five over the table.

“Oh man, Zayn,” Liam laughed, smacking his knee under the table. “That was great!”

“You know, it’s probably your turn next,” Zayn told him with a quirk of his brows as he sat down to finally finish off his lunch.

The drastic change from happy amusement to disappointment and horror was comical with Liam’s eyes widening as his mouth dropped open and his lips went slack. Louis snorted into his burger.

“I’m already brainstorming a dare for you,” Zayn promised, cracking his knuckles theatrically and then wincing when one of his finger’s joint popped painfully.

Liam’s laughter was nervous as he absent-mindedly dipped a soggy fry into a pool of ketchup.

After Zayn’s dare, Louis couldn’t blame him.

. . .

“How many points?” Liam wanted to know, pulling his t-shirt over his head and throwing it to the floor before looking over to the bath full of ice.

The bath’s water had been a touch too cold against Louis’ bare arms as he’d poured in the ice, so he imagined Liam must have been pretty chilly as he stepped out of his jeans and touched the water with the tip of his toes, immediately jumping away from the ice-bath and shrieking.

Currently, they were all gathered in Louis’ small bathroom, crammed around the small bath. But in a moment, Liam would be laying in the ice until he’d answer one question correctly and then he could get out of the bath. It was simple in Louis’ mind, but then again, he wasn’t the one doing it.

“I’d give it a five,” Zayn replied, shrugging.

“But isn’t my dick gonna freeze off?” Liam countered, getting a laugh out of Harry. “I think an eight is good.”

All eyes turned to Zayn, everyone waiting for him to offer something definitive. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. They’d been arguing about points for the last ten minutes. “How about six?”

“Seven!”

“Six.”

“Six and a half,” Liam argued, arms crossed in front of him, probably more due to the chill in the air than modesty. The young man stood in his underwear, waiting for the go ahead.

“Six and a half, it is,” Zayn nodded with a grin, eyes twinkling with mischief.

Zayn didn’t appear thrilled with that, but he didn't argue — knowing that was the highest point he was gonna get for this dare.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Niall told him with a laugh, and Liam’s face scrunched up as he noticed the camera.

After giving them all one last look, the boy turned towards the white bath, letting out a hiss as his feet collided with the water.

“It’s fucking cold!” He yelped, though no one was really listening. _He’d been whining for the past half-hour_. He took deep breaths and slipped under the water, brown eyes widening and mouth falling agape in shock. He surprised everyone by dunking his entire body in it, his face emerging from the water, lips visibly trembling. “ _Fuck_! This was a terrible idea!”

The visual was immediately funny, having all of them hunched over and trying to keep from making too much of a ruckus with their laughter. This was one of those dares that would actually get them in trouble if they were caught.

“Zayn!” Liam screamed. “Go!”

“Sorry,” Zayn laughed, turning to the list of questions on his phone as Louis chuckled behind his phone. “First question: How many toes does a dog have?”

“Four?”

Zayn smirked, shaking his head. “Eighteen.”

“Fuck!” Liam yelled, and the boys erupted into another fit of laughter.

“Liam, you idiot, I'm gonna get a noise complaint,” Louis reprimanded, shushing him and feeling Harry’s shoulder shake with laughter next to him. “My RA gets really strict about quiet hours.”

“I hope your RA fucking hears me. You guys are the fucking worst.”

Niall nearly fell off the counter as he was laughing so hard, and Harry was a shaking mass as he bent over and cackled against the floor and Zayn nearly chocked on his beer.

“Stop laughing and ask the question!” Liam yelled, shivering in the ice bath. “How dare you laugh while I lose the ability to have children!”

“You’re not going to lose the ability to have children,” Louis snorted as Harry wheezed. “Now, next question.”

After a few minutes of questions being asked and Liam getting them wrong, Louis had grown to be sympathetic towards Liam. He felt sorry that Liam had stayed in the ice bath for three minutes without any hope to get out, and he shook his head as he asked an easy question: What is Louis’ birthday?

“December 24, 1991!” Liam exclaimed, quickly jumping out of the freezing bathtub and jumping in place impatiently. “Towel!”

Zayn dutifully held out the fluffy towel before frowning theatrically and pulling the item back. “I didn’t hear a please,” he taunted, smirking at how impatient Liam looked. Though, the bath had been cold and he’d been almost naked, so it was understandable.

“Zayn!” Liam exclaimed, one hand shielding himself and the other reaching out. “For fuck’s sake!”

Cackling, Zayn handed the towel over and snorted as Liam made a string of incoherent sounds as he patted himself dry and wrapped the towel around himself.

“You’re lucky you thought of it first,” Liam remarked, grumbling under his breath. “I was gonna dare you to do it.”

“Good thing you were drunk and didn’t remember saying that,” Zayn teased, eyes on Liam as he turned and put on a dry pair of underwear Niall had passed over along with his clothes. “You’re being so dramatic, Liam. It doesn’t even look that hard.”

“So Zayn basically volunteered to do this next,” Harry put in when Liam was stepping into his jeans.

“Not sure if I can recommend it,” Liam told him, fumbling with his shirt to get it facing the right way and right side out. “But it was certainly an experience. By all means, be my guest.”

“As entertaining as that would be, I’ll say no.”

“Why not?” Liam teased. “You said it wasn’t that hard.”

“Liam,” Zayn said, throwing an arm around his friend’s shoulders. “If you wanted me naked, all you have to do is ask.”

“Shut up,” Liam said, shoving a cackling Zayn off of him and groaning. “That’s not how I meant—”

“Mmhmm, sure sure,” Niall taunted, gratified with his roommate's loud laughter behind him and Louis snickering.

Any evening that ended with Liam flapping his arms and insisting he didn’t want to sleep with Zayn was a good one. Add him having to make a fool of himself, and it was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	25. One of Those Days

“When are you gonna trust me with Guinness again?” Niall whined when Liam pointedly passed the bottle over to Louis without asking if he wanted any.

“Never,” Liam informed him with a smile. “You still owe me a new rug.”

Niall slumped over in defeat, nose scrunched as he seemed to recall that specific detail. They were all gathered in Liam’s room as was the case on most Saturday nights. It was refreshing to be able to just sit back with a beer and enjoy the rhythm of the banter of his friends.

“Whose turn is it to get dared?” Zayn asked, pouring Vodka into a plastic cup.

“Not me!” Louis announced proudly.

As though they could’ve forgotten the fact that he’d gone to class sporting a long neon orange wig for an entire class, with Zayn tagging along to film him. Louis’ cheeks had been tinted crimson as students giggled at him while he’d practiced his lines in _Romeo & Juliet_, he’d even seen his professor fume as he ran his lines with Maia effortlessly. He knew he wanted to fire Louis on the spot, but he couldn’t because Louis hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Niall hasn't done anything in awhile,” Zayn observed, having attempted opera on the quad earlier in the week.

“Harry hasn't either,” Louis reminded them, a little tipsy already from taking vodka shots. “The tree was a week ago. We all did a dare since then!”

“Traitor,” Harry complained through his laughter as Niall slung an arm around his neck in a show of solidarity, perhaps.

“Okay, how about this,” Liam suggested, tossing back the vodka he’d gotten his hands on.

Zayn had already flopped down on the bed, cackling loudly at Liam’s proposition. He was too high and drunk to notice Louis’ nerves spiking.

“So,” Liam went on, rubbing his hands together. “Because Niall and Harry haven’t done any dares recently, I dare the two of them to make out.”

It would have been absolutely hilarious to Louis if he didn’t have any feelings for Harry, and if they’d done the dare earlier during the year. Because now that he’d accepted his feelings, he could already feel the heaviness in the pit of his stomach. It wasn’t as though he wished that they’d have dared him to kiss Harry instead, because that was still terrifying and about twenty levels of complicated, but he hated that someone else was going to be kissing Harry. _He wanted to be the only one kissing Harry._

This thing with Harry, whatever it was, had been such a reprieve from the loneliness Louis often felt. It had been a patch for the dark, gaping hole inside, the part of him that felt unlovable. It was exciting, refreshing, and riddled with hope. His whole body was a pin cushion, pricked over and over by the thought of someone else kissing Harry. That thought had him sick to his stomach, but that was something to deal with at a later time. Because right now, Harry and Niall were about to make out, and Louis was powerless to stop it from happening. Louis couldn’t demand that they stop the dare as though Harry was his boyfriend, because he _wasn’t_.

They weren’t official, and they weren’t exclusive.

Even if he did know where they stood, and even if he knew that Harry wanted to be with him, no one else knew that they had a thing. No one, aside from Zayn, even knew that Louis was gay.

No matter which way he looked at it, there was nothing he could do.

And even if Harry could read his mind and know that Louis didn’t want him to go through with the dare, what could he say to stop it? Nothing valid unless he announced that he and Louis had kissed and had a thing going between them.

There was no way around it.

When he looked up from the spot on the floor he’d been glaring at, green eyes were looking at him intently. There was anxiousness floating in his eyes, maybe he’d ran through everything that Louis just thought about, and realized that there was no way out of the dare.

Louis nodded to himself, grabbing a new can of beer and drowning himself in its contents, staring at the bottom like it contained the secrets to the universe and avoiding piercing green eyes.

“You guys don’t even know what you asked for!” Niall was saying, crawling onto Harry’s lap. “You’re gonna get a show, let me tell you! I’m not gay, but I do anything for points. It’s not like we’re gonna be afraid to go for it. Right, Haz?”

“Y —yeah,” Harry agreed, a nervous tremble present in his voice, though Louis stared at the bubbly liquid in his cup instead of looking at the pair.

“You don’t hafta have stage fright,” Niall comforted, his vowels loose with the alcohol he’d consumed. “It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve kissed.”

“Whoa, wait!” Zayn exclaimed in surprise as Louis felt his stomach sink even further. “You guys kissed?”

“One time!” Harry defended immediately, his tone desperate. _Louis took some comfort in that._

“Doesn’t mean we’ve never kissed, though,” Niall said, waggling his finger at Zayn.

“It was just one time,” Harry rushed to say. “At the beginning of the school year. We don’t—it was just one time.”

Louis could feel Harry’s eyes on the side of his face, but he tipped his head back and winced at the beer burning its way down his throat.

“It was for science,” Niall happily announced, seeming satisfied with his explanation. “Never kissed a guy before and Harry was fit.”

“How long?” Harry asked to change the subject, gnawing onto his bottom lip.

“Five minutes?” Liam suggested, and Niall exploded with giggles.

“That’s a long time to watch people make out for!” Zayn informed through his laughter. “How about one minute?”

Louis let out a sigh of releif as his eyes met Zayn’s, he was grateful when the rest of the boys mumbled in approval. Tipping his can back to try to get any drops he’d missed, Louis shut his eyes. Mostly so he could continue to avoid looking at Harry, because he didn’t trust his face not to spell everything out for the whole room to see.

“Ready?” Liam asked, and Louis eyed the vodka bottle where it was sitting a foot away from him on the floor.

“Wait!” Niall squawked.

Even though Louis wasn’t looking, it was impossible not to notice that the Irishman was currently straddling Harry’s thighs. Louis wanted to run. He wanted to get as far away from that room as possible, wanted to pretend like that dare had never come out of Liam’s mouth. Maybe he could go home and sleep and wake up to realize that it was all a dream. Louis didn't care, as long as he didn't have to live in this one moment, this one moment that made him feel sick with dread.

“Ready!” Niall chirped, and against his better judgment, Louis looked over when Zayn pressed record from beside him.

Niall was going for it, his hands holding onto Harry’s broad shoulders as his head tipped to the side as though he was trying to give Louis the best possible view of the way he was nipping at Harry’s lower lip. Harry’s hands ghosted on Niall’s hips, but he opened his mouth on a gasp when Niall swiped his tongue at his bottom lip. He only realized he was staring when he could almost hear the gasp that escaped Harry’s parted lips as a series of heated kisses were pressed to his plump lips, and he could almost feel the grind of Niall’s hips against Harry’s thigh as he leaned impossibly closer.

Louis looked away, tears built up in his eyes. He wanted to be mad, but there was no one to be mad at. Except himself, maybe. He was taking another shot when Zayn called time, and Louis could at least take solace in the fact that Niall was finally climbing off of Harry’s fucking lap. _Fucking finally_.

Still, he made sure the vodka wasn’t to far. He had a feeling he was going to need a few more shots to squash down the unease in his chest.

. . .

"It goes like...so I puttt my hands up...play me favourtie songs-ya know?"

"What?" Liam asked, looking clueless as to what Louis was talking about. Which, objectively, made sense considering the amount of various alcohol Louis had drank. “That’s the name?”

"Nooooooooo," Louis waved his hand. "Not tha name. That’s how it goesss, Paynoo."

"What's it about?" Liam pressed, squinting at him like he was trying to solve a very difficult riddle.

"Issa Miley Circus song. But you don't hafta be a girl tooo listen to it. You can be a human orrrrrrrrrrrr a cum-towel."

"A what?" Liam laughed, leaning forward to stare at him. "Why would a cum-towel be listening to music?"

"Why not?!" Louis demanded before collapsing against the side of Liam’s desk in a fit of laughter. _A towel listening to music_. He was so fucking funny. A fucking cum-towel. That was fucking hilarious. 

“You’re so drunk,” Liam clapped his hands together as he laughed, voice even louder than Louis’ chuckles in his own ears. Both boys were beyond drunk.

“It’s getting late. I should probably be heading out,” Zayn started, clearing his throat as he stood before pointing to Louis. “Hey, Lou! Didn’t you say you had stuff to get done tomorrow, too? Wanna head out now?”

Louis squinted up at Zayn as he stood over him, the ceiling light creating a kind of halo effect around his head, which made his hair look incredibly soft to the touch, but even with the way his vision was swimming, Louis could tell that Zayn was giving him a look that had to mean _we’re leaving now whether you want to or not._

If he’d been adamant about staying, maybe he would have tried to argue, but leaving sounded just fine. Laying down sounded _extraordinary_ in that moment. But then there was the fact that he’d been avoiding looking at both Harry and Niall so his mind would stop replaying their kiss. It wouldn’t work with walking with Harry, so he accepted Zayn’s offer.

“M’kay,” he agreed, letting Zayn haul him up by an arm as the floor shifted underneath him.

“See you guys later,” Zayn said as he steered Louis toward the door.

And shit he was drunker than he’d thought. There was just something about standing up that really drove the point home. Louis grunted and flapped an arm in response to the goodbyes from everyone else, avoiding Harry’s wave. Once the door was closed behind them, Zayn was tutting at him and stabilizing him as he walked.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Zayn asked, pressing the down button for the elevator while keeping ahold of Louis’s elbow with his other hand.

“Nothin’ to talk about,” Louis muttered, following the boy into the elevator. Louis knew that Zayn was going to insist on walking him back. There was no point in arguing.

“Nothing?” Zayn asked, and Louis gritted his teeth because he could tell he knew Louis was full of shit, but he really didn’t want to talk about it. Zayn had come down from his high and was considerably less drunk that Louis, just enough to think and form coherent sentences.

“It’s nothing,” Louis insisted, not liking just how sharply that came out, but not wanting to backpedal either.

Zayn hummed as they stepped out of the elevator, making their way around a group of probably also inebriated girls to get to the exit. It was cold out, Louis knew, but he was drunk enough that it wasn’t really registering. Zayn, on the other hand, was hissing at the temperature and rubbing his own arms.

“You don’ave to walk me there,” Louis tried, but Zayn waved him off and started rambling about how awkward it would have to be to call Louis’ mother when he hit his head on the sidewalk and died because he hadn’t made sure he got home okay.

Forming words with a tongue that didn’t feel like cooperating was exhausting, so Louis didn’t bother to argue.

“Drink water,” Zayn instructed when they made it to Louis’s door — he was still standing by as Louis dug his keys out of his pocket and leaned against the door frame to get the key in the hole.

He cursed under his breath, trying again. _He’d almost got it. If only the fucking key hole would stop moving around!_

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it with me,” Zayn added, casually like he hadn’t been gearing up for this the whole walk back.

He knew Zayn better than that. Louis grunted in response, finally getting his key in and successfully turning it to unlock his door. “Yeeeeesssss,” Louis sighed as he latched onto the door handle and turned it, breathing in the scent of desperation and loneliness emanating from the crack of his door.

He was pulled from his task, though, when Zayn pat him on the shoulder. "Are you listening to me?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis waved a dissmissive hand and opening his door further. “We talkkk about—talk abouttt—”

“I’m not the one you need to talk to,” Zayn shook his head, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door frame. “You need to talk to Harry about it. It’s good to talk about your feelings, Lou.”

_Mother fucking son of a bitch._

“Fuck off,” Louis drawled, frowning and flipping off Zayn. The boy was smiling slightly at Louis’ outburst, and that made the blood boil in Louis’ veins. “Howwww d’ya even know whats good for me?”

“You’re drunker than me, so I know what’s good for you,” Zayn rose his brows as he approached the smaller young man, stifling a laugh. “It’s the right thing to do.”

“Yeeeeer not the boss of me,” Louis slurred, frowning and crossing his arms over his chest in protest. “Fuck off.”

Then Zayn was patting him amiably on the shoulder and reminding him to keep some painkillers by the bed, drink water and a garbage can too, just in case — before he walking away. Louis pushed into his room and squeezed his eyes shut, a wave of dizziness distracting him momentarily from that fact that Zayn had completely seen through him and managed to get the last word in despite Louis’ attempts to avoid the topic completely.

He flopped down on his bed — shoes kicked off, clothes thrown across the floor, and ceiling fan seeming to spin even though it wasn’t turned on — Louis knew that Zayn was right. Because when he closed his eyes all he could see was Niall’s lips pressed to Harry’s, and all he wanted was for Harry’s lips to be only for him.

 _Fuck_ , he was a motherfucking asshole.

And _that_ was his last coherent thought before he let sleep swallow him whole.

. . .

As much as Louis wanted to do something on Sunday to rectify the fact that he had no clue where he and Harry stood, he was busy making friends with his toilet and trying not to let his head explode despite not being able to keep down any painkillers or any water.

Thank God Zayn had stopped him from staying and drinking some more.

Nonetheless, Louis was in no state to be having important conversations from his bathroom.Instead he was left to his fitful naps and attempts at studying the most of his notes.

_[14: 24 - Harry] Hey Louis. I think you might have left your scarf at Liam’s last night._

Louis frowned, glancing across the room and searching for the item in question, his scarf was missing. Dropping back onto his desk chair, Louis tapped out a quick response.

_[14: 26 - Louis] Sweet, any chance I could come get it from you?_

It was interesting how Louis seemed to slip into another world while responding to the curly-haired boy. His eyes were fixed on his phone screen, a small smile stretching his lips, and his teeth gently biting at his bottom lip in anticipation of a reply.

He felt like a teenager again, having just gotten a text message from his ultimate crush.

 _[14: 26 - Harry] I could bring it over?_  
_[14: 26 - Harry] I mean if you’re not busy_  
_[14: 26 - Harry] Are you home right now?_

The clicking sounds of the phone keys were the only sounds in the room as Louis typed out his message.

 _[14: 27 - Louis] I’m not busy_  
_[14: 27 - Louis] I’m home_

 _[14: 27 - Harry] So, could I come bring it now then?_  
_[14: 27 - Harry] I'm bored as hell and have nothing else to do. Might as well do something, right?_

_[14: 27 - Louis] Sounds good!_

Louis grinned unconsciously at the quick reply, closing his phone and moving to tidy up his room before the curly-haired boy would come over.

It was only about four minutes before someone knocked on the door, and Louis had a feeling he knew who it was before the person even spoke. The knock had sent a bolt of adrenaline down to Louis’ toes. This was it. This was when it became real.

Opening the door, Louis was greeted by Harry wearing a lopsided smile on his face. He was breathing quickly, like he’d hurried to get there, and that had Louis smiling through his nerves as Harry stepped in. Green eyes traced down Louis’ body—taking in fluffy brown hair, baggy gray V-neck, and his black sweatpants, which perfectly accented his thighs and calves.

Laughter bloomed in Harry’s chest as he realized that Louis’ feet were protected by only bright orange fuzzy socks and slip-on sandals.

"Hey," Harry breathed, stepping into Louis’ space before he even registered what was happening and throwing an arm around him for a quick hug.

 _Hugging was a thing_ , Louis had to remind himself. He got his arms to work before Harry pulled back with a sheepish giggle, looking around like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“You look comfy," Harry teased.

Louis frowned, following Harry’s gaze down to his feet and laughing as he wriggled his toes around inside his socks. "Oh yeah, my feet get really cold during winter."

"Mine too."

"Well, you need some fuzzy socks then."

Harry smiled. "Maybe I do," he said before holding up the scarf for Louis to take.

"So, uh, thanks a lot for doing this," Louis said as he held the scarf and threw it onto his bed. "Thanks for coming all the way over here to bring me this; that’s really nice of you."

Harry just nodded, smile still firmly in place, as he tangled his fingers together in front of him. "I didn’t have anything to do, so it wasn’t any trouble at all."

“Cool.”

A long silence fell between them as they stood together in the warm air, nothing but the sounds of the artificial lights echoing around them. The moment dragged until it was almost awkward, both of them just shuffling in place, until Louis looked up at the exact same time that Harry did, and their eyes locked together.

Stomach flipping, Harry quickly cleared his throat. “So, um—”

"You didn’t only come here to give me my scarf, did you?” Louis asked, a small smile tugging at his lips and rising an eyebrow.

“I didn’t,” Harry admitted, running a hand through his hair as he let out a chuckle. “I wanted to talk to you, actually.”

Louis nodded, palms suddenly growing clammy. Gesturing to his bed, which he’d specifically made, Louis waited until Harry had taken off his coat. They settled on the bed, a fair distance from one another, and an awkward silence developed between them—one young man unsure of how to begin and the other still completely wary of whatever was coming.

There was so much to say, in a lot of ways. But Louis didn’t know where to start. He wanted to say that he didn’t like seeing someone else kiss him, but that would be too straight forward. He took a deep breath, preparing himself to talk but Harry beat him to it.

“I didn’t want to make out with him,” Harry blurted out, seeming immediately embarrassed for asking and nearly collapsing as he giggled.

It was like a weight lifted from Louis’ shoulders and he let out a relieved sigh. Harry had been worrying about it, too. They were on the same page with that, at least.

“I didn’t want you to, either,” Louis told him, honestly in just as much disbelief as it appeared Harry was in. He was trying not to smile with the knowledge that Harry hadn’t wanted to go through with the dare.

Harry’s eyebrows jumped, green eyes round as he watched Louis intently. “You didn’t?”

Louis shook his head, allowing his lips to quirk in a smile as Harry’s face was taken over by a grin. “No, and I was thinking,” he went on, confidence boosted by just how pleased Harry seemed to be that he hadn’t wanted him to kiss Niall. “Maybe we don’t kiss anyone else from now on? I like you too much for you to kiss other guys.”

"That’s fine by me,” Harry beamed, eyes flickering up to meet Louis’. “How long did you like me?”

"Hard to pinpoint when I was trying to pretend like I didn't," Louis confessed, wincing a bit at how that sounded. "I mean, I don’t know exactly _when_ I started liking you. Definitely after we watched It, but maybe before that. I was too busy lying to myself to realize.”

Harry's features looked like they were fighting amongst themselves to make multiple different expressions, though that was hardly unusual. Harry's brows frowned, mouth open, and lips parted to speak but Louis stopped him.

“Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong," Louis warned, Harry huffed out a laugh, lips curving and mouth closing. "When did _you_ start liking me?”

"I liked you before we saw  _It_ ," Harry said when his face had settled into a focused earnestness tinged with a little self consciousness. "But I figured it out when I came home after I met you for the first time, and Niall gave me a warning about not getting my hopes up because you were _straight_.”

“Niall must still think you shouldn’t get your hopes up,” Louis remarked, feeling bad that they had to pretend that nothing had changed between them. But at the same time, Louis wasn’t ready to face the outside world with this new reality he was only now becoming comfortable with. “Is it—I’m sorry I’m making you keep this a secret. It’s just—I’m not ready to tell them.”

Huffing out a breath, Louis could feel his eyebrows pulling down in a frown. It was super shitty of him to make Harry hide something like this from his roommate, and the last thing he wanted was for Harry to feel like Louis was ashamed of him.

"I know," Harry breathed, and it made Louis ache in a thousand different ways. "I get it. Coming out is intimidating. Everyone you know —well, almost everyone you know—thinks you’re straight, and it’s scary to think of them finding out something else. You're nervous about how they’ll react, yeah? It’s really hard. I get it.”

It was a relief to know that his fear made sense, and it was a bigger relief that Harry understood. Louis straightened, and exhaled deeply. He cleared his throat and nodded firmly.

“Yeah,” Louis nodded. "I don't usually do emotions, I don’t open up to people easily, and I’m nervous about their reactions. I want to tell them, it's just hard for me to do."

"So, maybe we don't try to rush anything," Harry said. "Maybe we just do whatever feels right."

A nod and a soft smile was all Harry received, and Louis saw no disappointment in the young man's eyes, only understanding. He closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to Harry's.

The kiss was soft, tender, and almost hesitant at first. It was everything Louis had always thought a kiss should be—powerful yet gentle, deep yet light, and emotional. Fingers tangled themselves gently into hair, brushed over cheeks, necks, and down backs. Chests pressed together, hearts thumping rhythmically beneath their ribcages.

This time, they knew where they stood. They both knew that this was more than just a silly crush, an experiment or a desperate gesture to illustrate the truth.

This was Harry’s fingers gently cupping the back of Louis’ neck. This was smiling into the kiss and warm breath against lips as they parted and came back together again. This was knees brushing, and the muscles in Harry’s shoulder flexing under Louis’ hand. It was racing hearts, quiet gasps, and the winter sun sinking fast enough that it was nearly dark before the kiss was even over.

 _That_ was a beginning Louis never thought he’d have. But he was ready now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


	26. No More Waiting

“It’s getting pretty cold out,” Niall remarked, twirling his spaghetti around on his fork and dragging it across the watery sauce on his plate. “We could dare someone to stand outside with their dick out for a certain amount of time, and that would do it. Goodbye, Mr. Dick.”

“That _would_ work,” Liam allowed, nose scrunched at the thought. “But do we _really_ need to have a dick freezing dare?”

“Yes!” Niall exclaimed, hands slamming onto the table as if to solidify his point. “I’ve put so much thought into it!”

“Do I even wanna know why?” Louis asked, quirking a brow and watching as Niall flapped around as though it were obvious.

“It needs to be done!” Niall insisted, wiggling his eyebrows. “It’s a personal challenge!”

“I have a lot of questions, but I feel like I shouldn’t ask,” Louis said with a sigh. “Like _why_ it’s a personal challenge. Why you want someone to stand outside naked, or why you want someone’s dick to freeze.”

Niall’s lips parted to answer and Louis held up a hand, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t even wanna know,” Louis emphasized, smirking as he took a sip of his drink and catching a snickering Harry’s eye.

“What about dry ice?” Niall asked, tilting his head to the side for a moment.

“What about it?” Zayn asked, already appearing alarmed, even without context.

“Dick freezing,” Niall supplied through his mouthful of pasta as though it should have been obvious.

“The only thing that could make that worse is dry ice,” Liam interjected, furrowing his brows and pointing his fork at the blond. “Absolutely not.”

“I think Niall liked streaking too much,” Harry offered, distracting Niall from defending his dry ice ideas to Zayn.

Louis snorted and Niall gaped, table rattling when Harry smacked his hand down on it as he cackled.

It was the first time they were hanging out since he’d asked the curly-haired boy out. It was the first time the pair hung out together—well, it was the first time they’d be hanging out since Harry had come to his room and they’d kissed for quite some time before the green-eyed boy had to go do his homework. Louis had homework too, but he hadn’t been able to use that as a reason for Harry to leave. It was good Harry had said it, since Louis would’ve been happy staying cuddled up to Harry in his bed.

Louis had caught Harry’s gaze on him countless times since they’d all met up for dinner, each time sending a rush of adrenaline to his head that rippled down his spine to the tips of his fingers and to the tip of his toes. It was strange to look at Harry and know that they were dating—to know that they’d kissed and would kiss again. It was strange to know that they had their own little secret that no one knew about, but that was fine because they knew. When he’d steal a glance across the table, Louis would catch giddy excitement dancing in green eyes accompanied by a flutter in his chest.

Everything was different, and Louis was okay with that.

Once finished their diner, Harry insisted on buying everyone ice cream as a dessert. Liam wanted chocolate, Zayn wanted mint pistachio, Niall asked for chocolate and vanilla swirl with cookie crunch, and Louis asked for plain old vanilla, which earned a teasing smile from Harry as he stood from the table.

“I love ice cream!” Niall cheered halfway through his cold snack; his cheeks, chin, and nose already covered in chocolate.

“We can tell,” Harry chuckled at his roommate, pink tongue darting out to lick an equally pink soft serve ice cream cone. Taking painfully slow licks and deliberately long licks of his ice cream, green eyes meeting blue across the table for a moment before Louis averted his eyes. 

“Louis?” Zayn said, and Harry blinked, looking over to where the boy was staring at him expectantly.

“Huh?”

Zayn huffed, offended that the blue-eyed hadn’t been paying attention. Louis threw a sideways glance at Harry, heart-shaped lips closing around the tip of his pink ice cream, and he forced himself to meet brown eyes instead. He shouldn’t think of dirty things when he’s out with friends, but Harry was making it so damn hard.

“I said it's your turn to be dared, right?”

That sounded embarrassing, but Louis’ first thought was that the boys were gonna dare him to perform fellatio on his ice cream cone, but he was probably the only one thinking about that. _Wishful thinking_ , he thought while blue eyes racked Harry’s body quickly.

“I guess,” he replied, shrugging non-noncommittally.

Zayn's eyes positively glimmered as he exchanged a look with Liam. “How do you feel about visiting a professor during their office hours?” Liam asked, tilting his head as a smirk appeared on his face.

“You guys want me to go see one of my profs?” He asked, eyes shifting between the pair. “How is that a d—”

“A professor you _don't_ have,” Liam clarified, grinning wickedly. “Who teaches a class you've never taken.”

Louis leaned back in his chair,stretching his arms over his head. It would be embarrassing, but that was the kind of thing he was expecting and could complete without flinching.

“How many points?”

“Six.”

“I’ll do it,” he nodded, unable to stop the way his eyes focused back to Harry as he licked his lips. 

He would annihilate that dare, just as soon as he got his mind out of the gutter.

. . .

Stepping out of the taxi, Louis shivered from the chill in the air. Winter in full swing, bringing temperatures that dipped bellow freezing, and Louis was glad he’d worn a scarf and a hat since they’d be outside most of the evening.

“I love the city in the winter!” Harry exclaimed, his fingers intertwined with Louis and smiling like he didn’t have a care in the world. “It’s so beautiful.”

“It’s so cold,” Louis complained, pulling his hat over his ears and shifting closer to Harry, so close they stumbled over each others’ feet and nearly fell.

Harry let out a joyous laugh and gripped Louis’ arm, preventing him from falling. “You love it,” he teased, poking out his tongue.

“Why couldn’t I live somewhere where it’s warm year-round?” Louis grumbled as they walked down the empty street, watching the multicolored Christmas lights twinkling around them.

“Then you would’ve missed oversized sweaters, beanies and your three cups of coffee a days,” Harry teased. “And my ridiculously adorable wintertime smile.”

Louis pursed his lips in thought. “Maybe just that last one.”

“What about the others?”

“I could give those up.”

“Who are you?” The green-eyed boy laughed. “What did you do with Louis?”

“Fuck off,” Louis chuckled, moving to push Harry, who swiftly dodged the hands coming in his direction.

He looked beautiful in that moment, walking backwards a few feet away from Louis, snowflakes falling and sticking to his hair and eyelashes. He was biting back a smile, green eyes positively shining with mirth as he made his way back to Louis, bending down to press a cold kiss to his cheek.

“You’d really sacrifice all your faves for me?” Harry asked, intertwining their hands as they kept walking.

“For warm weather,” Louis corrected, smiling at Harry’s reaction. “Yes.”

“Warm weather is better than me?”

“Right now it is. My toes are numb, and my ass is freezing through my jeans.”

“A good rub should warm you right up, right?” Harry snorted, winking.

“You’d rub my ass?” Louis gasped dramatically.

“Absolutely,” he laughed, his laughter lingering in the chill. “See? The cold has its advantages.”

“I guess it does.”

“The air is so crisp and nice,” Harry said, taking a deep inhale through his nose. “The snow is so pretty.”

“Watch out for the ice,” Louis warned, steering the taller boy to the right to avoid a patch of dark ice that had settled atop the sidewalk.

“Just admit you love the city in the winter.”

“It’s cold, but it’s nice I guess.”

“I think you mean it’s _beautiful_.”

“So you’ve said,” Louis poked at Harry’s side with his elbow. “Where’s this gallery we’re going to again?”

“Not much further,” Harry shrugged, fishing out his phone and staring at the directions. “In a few blocks.”

“Who has an art show in winter?”

“Artist who understand how magical winter is, Lou.”

“Magical?” Louis repeated, rolling his eyes and quickly dodging a punch Harry aimed to his arm.

“The phrase magical wonderland exists for a reason, you know?”

“Coined by an artist,” Louis shrugged, grinning. “I just think it’s the coldest and ugliest season ever.”

“Narnia was a winter wonderland!” Harry informed, pocking out his tongue. “That place was amazing.”

“Weren’t the children eaten by a lion or something?”

Harry snorted through his nose, passing a hand through his hair. “Attacked by a witch,” he corrected.

“Like that makes it any better,” Louis chuckled.

Shifting, Harry slid both arms around his boyfriend’s waist and place one of Louis’ arms around his shoulders. It made for an awkward walk, but Louis didn’t care. What were the chances of seeing the boys in town on a Friday night? The air smelled crisp and Harry smelled like fruits, his body keeping him warm.

“You love winter,” Harry muttered against Louis’ ear, the other boy’s warm breath tickling his ear and making him shiver at the closeness. “I know you do.”

It was true. Despite all his complaints and despite the fact that he would never admit it, Louis loved winter. He loved it for all the reasons Harry named and a thousand more. Mostly, he loved the way it seemed to light everything up, the way it lit the normally dark streets and the illuminating the fresh snow. When he’d been little, Louis had thought the world would light up for the month leading up to his birthday, and it showed in the way he’d smiled and laughed. He couldn’t get enough of it.

Louis chuckled and reached up to twirl a strand of Harry’s hair. “It’s cold, curly.”

When Harry finally stumbled to a stop, Louis jolted and blinked away the foggy cloud of his mind. Harry smiled at him, pointing towards the door of a beautifully lit building with large glass windows that peered into a massive space. It was filled with art and packed with people.

“We’re here.”

Louis didn’t bother reading the words stamped across the banner on the building, he simply let Harry lead him through the door and into the warmth with a fond smile stamped on his lips. An old man greeted them at the door, checking their coats before letting them in. Louis collected their torn tickets and stuffed them into the pockets of his pants before following an eager Harry.

The flow of traffic in the gallery seemed to be moving counterclockwise, so the two boys moved to the right and took in the first piece they encountered — a painting of an alien in a cookie jar.

“How cool is that?” Harry asked, pointing towards the green glob of paint slathered across the canvas. “An alien probing a jar of cookies.”

Louis let out a loud laugh, quickly covering his mouth with his hand. They ducked their heads and glanced quickly around. “I don’t think that’s what that is, love.”

“What else would it be?”

“Literally anything else.”

“What if it _is_ what it is?”

“Then I have to be honest—It has character.”

“I kind of want it,” Harry chuckled. “It’s so ugly that I kind of want it even more.”

Louis leaned forward, seeing the price and wincing. “That painting is ten thousand dollars, Harry. Give them back rubs if you need to.”

. . .

Louis didn’t ask if Harry wanted to go home with him, and Harry didn't ask if he could. It was apparently a silent yet mutual understanding that neither wanted the date to be over, so instead of walking off towards his own dorm, Harry followed Louis as he headed home.

When Louis pulled the door shut behind them, the two young men stood staring at one another. That painfully familiar electricity sparked between them again, and Louis cleared his throat, letting his gaze fall away from Harry's intense one.

“Do you want something to drink?” He asked, moving past Harry and heading toward the small fridge.

“Sure,” Harry agreed, shrugging and following. “I'll take some tea or something if you've got it.”

Louis rummaged through the content of the fridge, frowning in concentration. There was a stack of labeled meals, three different cartons of milk, two eggs in and four eggs in another carton, a half eaten block of cheddar hastily wrapped in foil, and a carton of orange juice.

“Orange juice?” He asked, closing the fridge.

“Yeah, thanks.”

Louis went about readying a glass, filling it to the brim with orange juice and pulling a beer out of the fridge. He turned to see Harry leaning up against his desk, intense green eyes watching his every move. They looked at one another, and looked away flustered, completely affected by only a glance.

Louis handed the juice to Harry, their fingers brushing in the exchange and causing a shiver to ripple down Harry's spine. Retreating until his back nudged the counter on the opposite side of the room, Louis stared at the man across from him as both took long sips of their drinks.

“I didn’t know you played,” Harry remarked, setting his glass on the desk and motioning to the keyboard laying on his desk.

Louis’ entire body felt like a coiled snake, tense and practically vibrating with energy as he watched Harry’s tongue slip across his bottom lip to capture a bit of escaped moisture.

“I do,” he answered, wandering closer and watching the elegant white and black keys.

“How long have you been playing?”

“About eleven years now,” he answered. “My mum loves the piano and I took it up one day as a Mother’s Day gift. She cried.”

“Wow,” Harry smiled. “You must be good. Must be hard.”

“Yeah, it took me a while to get the fingering down, but I eventually got it.”

Their eyes locked and, in that moment, a strange form of tension filled the space between them. Electricity practically crackled in the air as they took unconscious steps toward one another, the only obstacle between them the desk chair between them. Louis’ entire body was vibrating with energy. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew he wanted to do something. His body seemed less concerned with planning than his mind as he leaned towards the keyboard. It was as if the tiny blue flecks in Harry's emerald eyes were beckoning him, and he followed.

A single word slithered across heart-shaped lips before Harry could stop it. “Could you play something for me?”

Louis sucked in a sharp breath, blinking and refocusing his gaze on the keyboard, finding green eyes too captivating to chance looking at again. He hadn’t finished composing Harry’s song for his birthday, but he figured that was a sign that it was good enough.

“You don’t have to,” Harry stammered, fidgeting with the sleeve of his purple sweater. “I just—If you want.”

“I want to,” Louis answered, cheeks flushed a little at his tone, but before Harry could notice, he stepped around him.

Latching onto Harry’s hand, Louis led the boy to his bed and dropped down onto it. They settled on his bed, a fair distance from one another, and a silence developed between them as Louis wiped his sweating hands onto the fabric of his jeans and pulled the keyboard onto his lap from his desk.

They glanced at one another a final time before blue eyes dropped to the white and black keys, slender fingers positioning themselves, and began to play the melody.

He’d recorded multiple versions, but figured that playing it live would probably have more impact. The melody had become familiar after changing it and perfecting it for hours. Louis was proud of it, pleased as he played through the transitions he’d struggled with for weeks and finally gotten right on his 64th try.

Plucking at the final key, Louis took a steadying breath before his eyes flashed up to meet with Harry’s face. The boy had his eyes closed, swaying gently from side to side along to the music Louis had been playing.

Harry seemed mesmerized by it all, in fact, that he didn't even notice that Louis had stopped playing.

“Wow,” Louis teased, reaching over to poke at Harry's knee. “Silence, huh? Must've been really bad.”

Jolting, the curly-haired boy blinked rapidly and blushed when he noticed blue eyes on him. Louis’ fingers were still, settled neatly atop the keyboard that was no longer producing a gentle melody, and a teasing smile played at Louis’ lips.

“It was beautiful,” he whispered, gaze never fully rising to meet Louis'. “Sorry, I got lost in the music. Was it Bach?”

Cheeks flushing a beautiful shade of pink, Louis ducked his head a bit and shrugged as if to dismiss the compliment. “It’s an original,” he explained, feeling the flush creeping up his neck and keeping him from looking up to meet Harry’s eyes. “I wrote it for you, actually.”

“Y—You really wrote that for me?” Harry asked, eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“Yeah,” Louis confirmed, hand scratching at the back of his neck.

“Wow,” Harry breathed, cheeks flushing crimson. Louis wondered for a moment if they’d ever finish this conversation without both of them blushing. “Even if it wasn't for me, it was beautiful. I can’t believe you thought of me and—”

“Stop,” Louis complained with a self conscious chuckle as he reached out to shove Harry’s shoulder. “I like to play.”

“I could tell. You seemed peaceful.”

“There's something about playing that really relaxes me,” Louis nodded and patted the keyboard. “It's like everything in my head just gets really quiet, and all I hear is the music, you know?”

Not waiting for an answer, Louis popped off the couch and carried the keyboard over to his desk. He settled it back in its rightful place and walked back over to the bed.

They’d both shuffled forward as Louis spoke, and now they were close—the proximity made Louis’ nerves prickle. Harry looked like he wanted to keep stroking the smaller boy’s ego, but his eyes kept getting stuck on Louis’ lips. And that was a way to make the compliments stop. Not to mention Louis had wanted to kiss those lips multiple times throughout their date.

Before either of them could say anything else, Louis reached up and got a hand around the back of Harry’s neck, pulling him down and kissing whatever Harry had been about to say off his lips.

Louis' fingers lightly scratched the back of Harry's neck, making him moan into the kiss. When his lips parted, Louis was instantly there, pressing his tongue inside. Harry tilted his head further to the left and felt the sensuality of the kiss wash over him with each caress. Moving forward so his foot knocked into Louis', Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Louis' middle and pulled him flush against him, fingers tapping out almost a nervous rhythm until Louis moved to straddle him. The hem of his t-shirt lifted with the movement and one of Harry's hands slid underneath to grip his bare hip, making Louis shudder.

There was nothing to put a stop to this kiss, and nothing to keep them from moving beyond that.

In the past, they had been in a similar spot, alone in Louis' room at night with nothing but the hum and pop of the heater to interrupt them. But Louis had been nervous at that first heated press of lips, not feeling ready for anything beyond the meeting of tongues and kneading of Harry's hands on his waist.

Now, Louis just wanted. Harry's little gasp into his mouth when he gently left a trail of scorching kisses on the side of his neck was enough to make arousal roll over his skin and make him dizzy.

Harry followed the path from Louis' waist to his hips, down to the jean-clad swells of his ass and felt Louis gasp as it pulled the air from the depths of his lungs. He hovered there a moment, an ache building at the base of Louis' spine that was nearly unbearable as he splayed his fingers over the rough pattern, making Louis buck his hips in response.

Louis' lips slipped from Harry's to take a breath, and green eyes blinked questioningly. Louis was still a little nervous to take the next step since he'd never done any of this with a guy before, but he and Harry had all the same parts, so he couldn't be too out of his element. It was hard to care about anything but getting the heat of Harry's mouth back on his own.

Fingers digging hard into Louis' hips, Harry let out a groan as Louis got settled in his lap. "Scoot up," Louis said after pulling away with a wet smack from Harry's mouth.

Harry was staring at him in confusion, eyes dark and glassy, and lips puffy and slick. "What?" Harry asked, deep voice sending a series of shivers down his spine.

Louis shivered, forcing himself not to lean in again just yet. "Keep moving up the bed," he explained, his own voice rough and deep with want. "Scoot up."

Obligingly, Harry slid up the bed, Louis crawling over him. As soon as Harry's head made contact with the pillow, they simultaneously dove into one another, lips smacking together roughly. It was fast and hot and messy—teeth, tongues and noses clashing as they tried desperately to get closer to one another. Harry's hands wasted no time in exploring the warm skin below Louis' shirt, fingertips making patterns over heated skin. They both moaned at the sensation and pressed harder still.

Harry rolled his hips upwards and snaked his hand between them. Harry's hand pressed against him, Louis moaned loudly as his back bowed forward, and the raw, throaty chuckle that escaped the young man who was wrapped partially around her was heated enough to evoke yet another. 

Swiftly, Harry popped the button on Louis' jeans loose. As soon as the button popped open and Harry's fingers pushed at a zipper that easily gave, Louis was practically itching to get out of his jeans. He pushed desperately at the tight material while trying to keep his lips locked onto Harry's, sucking at the young man's bottom lip like his life depended on it.

Louis suddenly pulled back, just an inch, and locked eyes with a very flushed Harry. "Haven't done this before," he forced out, flushing in embarrassment. "With a guy. I've never—"

Harry gazed at him with dilated pupils, his lips slightly parted. Louis' head swam dizzily at the sight, his senses overloading. Harry's hand eased up on the pressure, leaving Louis groaning at the lack of touch. 

"Is  _this_ okay?" Harry asked in return, drawing so close that Louis could feel the static on his skin, brows furrowing in concern.

"Yeah," Louis huffed out, involuntarily rocking his hips down into Harry's hand, cheeks burning at the flicker of smugness that crossed Harry's face at his impatience. "I just want you."

"Are you sure?" Harry asked, drawing so close that Louis could feel the static on his skin. "You sure you don't wanna wai—"

Louis almost didn't recognize his own voice as his words came out in a strangled whisper, ragged and raw from the thought alone. "Yeah," he breathed into Harry's hair, the thick curly strands slipping across his lips. "No more waiting." 

This was the moment, the culmination of heated gazes and timid touches, of wet kisses and ghosting touching, of waiting and wanting, of distance and closeness and the timid yet eager steps in between. This was the moment when the rolling wave of desire that had been building between them finally crashed, melting down into fingertips that sought to discover new worlds in trembling bodies and moans.

"You're right," Harry uttered breathlessly, his breathing had already gone ragged. "I think we've waited long enough."

Their arms became a tangled mess as they each struggled to fulfil the same needy objective—the removal of all clothes. Within seconds, they moved to work together, both pulling at the hem of Louis' shirt and nearly ripping it off him as they yanked it over his head to reveal his bare chest. Louis figured it wasn't fair that he was the only one removed of clothes, and caught onto the edges of Harry's sweater before letting it drop, seeking out every detail and absorbing each slowly. Louis' fingers then found their way to the waistband of Harry's skinnies, and Harry became visibly agitated in the wait. He smacked Louis' hands out of the way and made quick work of kicking off his jeans. 

Slender fingers slipped up Harry's thighs, teasing close to his throbbing erection before backing away again. His entire body felt like it was on fire just from touching Harry and the man wasn't even touching him in return. Louis didn't think he'd ever been so turned on in his life.

When he finally sucked in a breath and splayed his fingers over the fabric covering Harry's erection, Harry cried out beneath him and his hand shot out over Louis' hand, urging him to stay right here, to press harder and to never stop.

"Oh fuck," Harry moaned as Louis started kneading against his clothed erection, hips rising to meet Louis' hand.  

A guttural moan rumbled up from Harry's chest and slithered across his lips as his hips bucked up and ground into Louis' hand. That one sound drove Louis over the edge. Without waiting any further, Louis' hand slipped beneath the waistband of his boxer briefs, dipping down and kissing him eagerly—not able to get enough. Their tongues slid together, muffling their sounds of pleasure between them.

Harry moaned as Louis' hand wrapped around his length. " _Fuck_ , don't stop."

Louis nearly came from hearing that word slip across his lips, the young man's voice so deep and ragged, strained by his arousal. He had no intentions of stopping. He brought his hand up to his mouth, licking his palm twice to slicken his strokes before wrapping his hand around Harry's erection. The small room quickly filled with moans and the sound of Louis' slick fist pumping around Harry's cock and thumping down onto the base with a wet slapping sound. Under this was the soft creaking of the bed springs as the young man rose his hips up and thrust them to meet Louis' hands, but the best sound by far was the deep moans of pleasure coming out of Harry's lips. His name became a mantra on his lips as the young man panted it with each pump of Louis' hand.

Louis wanted to tease him further, but he also needed some relief. When a hand dug roughly into his hair and the other on his back a moment later and pressed their lips together roughly, Louis knew he couldn't wait any longer. He diverted his attention to leaving feverish kisses and nibbles as Harry's neck, feeling hands griping at his shoulders as Harry's body tensed and froze beneath him, the volume of his cry making it clear the man had just come dangerously close to orgasm already.

Louis pumped, hand curling and with a particular twist of his wrist on the tip of his cock that had Harry practically jumping off the bed, the man threw his head back against the pillow and with a few hard bucks of his hips he came all over his stomach. Louis watched the several spurts on his skin, splashing up high enough to land on his throat, and he felt the tip of his tongue sticking out to wet his lips.

After a moment, Harry's grip on Louis' shoulders loosened, and then his hand fell away to the mattress as his body went limp with the last, dying embers of his explosive climax. His thighs fell open, the sound of ragged breathing and gentle whimpers echoing around the small room, and Louis placed a kiss to Harry's sweaty forehead.

Louis smiled when Harry opened his eyes, staring up at the boy. "Again?" He begged, warm breath fanning over Louis' face.

He hummed, the sound vibrating against Harry's lips. "Abso-fucking-lutely."

His own body was trembling with the need for pressure and release, but they'd get there eventually. Harry grabbed at Louis' hair and yanked the man's face down to meet his, they kissed hungrily, hands shooting up to dig into Louis' hair  when the boy's slick hand latched around him again and started pumping at an antagonistically slow pace before adding more pressure, causing Harry's body to rocket upward as the man clung to Louis' head as he moaned.

Then, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. 

It wasn't like he could have used that extra time to do something to prevent it. He was in slow motion, too. He was  _frozen._ The sound of a bang on the door came at the same time as someone calling his name from the hall.

"Louis?" Niall had knocked on Louis' door several times but received no answer, so he'd finally checked the knob and saw that it gave easily. "Your door's unlocked, so I'm coming inside."

Before Louis could even react beyond shock, he heard the sound of the doorknob rattling. And then, the door burst open and Niall popped into the room, kicking the door closed behind himself so that it slammed closed.

"Do you know where Harr— _Holy shit_!"

Louis had turned his head toward the door, flattened on top of Harry as he glared over his shoulder, the room moving in slow motion. There stood Niall, and as soon as he saw him, Louis stiffened and felt an icy finger run down his spine. 

The Irishman stared at them for a moment, his face morphing to complete and utter shock when he noticed them — Louis on top of Harry, his hand still between them with Harry moaning beneath him — both his and Harry's faces face were heavily flushed and lips were most likely swollen from kissing. Louis' heart pounded in his throat and his hands shook, his insides flopping upside down.

"Holy shit!" Niall hissed, swiping a hand down the front of his face, loud voice ringing jarringly in the small room. "Oh my god.  _Fuck._  Sorry, I didn't—"

Louis wanted to say something.  _It wasn't what it looks like?_  No, because it was exactly what it looked like. If he was deeply honest with himself, he didn't want to deny it. He didn't want to deny Harry anymore but he just— _fuck_. He didn't want the boys to learn about them—along with one of Louis' most terrifying secrets—to happen like this.

He felt like there had been ice water poured down the back of his neck, and the cold had spread to numb all his limbs. He couldn't fucking move, and his heart sank to the pit of his stomach. The worse part? Niall stood, appearing just as frozen and staring at them in shock so intensely that it threw off Louis' balance.

"Get the fuck out of my room!" Louis shouted, holding the blankets tightly over them. "You hear me? Get out!"

"Shit, sorry," Niall blurted out, turning on his heels and speeding out of the room, the door slamming shut behind himself. "I didn't didn't see anything!"

Even with the blonde gone, it took Louis a moment to compose himself enough to even turn his head away from the closed door, and when he did, his heart rose to his throat. Harry was staring at him, wide green eyes staring at him in shock, mouth agape and he could feel the heat in his cheeks, entirely mortified at having been caught by none other than his roommate. 

Slowly, Louis manoeuvred himself off Harry's body, standing up from the bed before he sucked in a deep breath and began to pace the short length of his room. He passed his shaking hands over his face, dragging his face along as he thought of Niall's shocked eyes and expression. That wasn't how he wanted him to find out.

Harry hesitantly sat up, scooting to the edge of the bed and throwing aside the covers and looked up at Louis in concern as he paced. "Fuck," Harry muttered as he watched Louis pace around his room, feeling a ball of emotion rising to his throat. 

" _Shit_ ," Louis said, facing the green-eyed boy again and agitatedly running his fingers through his hair. He felt helpless.  _What was he even supposed to do?_  He clenched his jaw and blinked rapidly to hold back the tears as pain blasted through his body. "Did you see his face?"

Harry nodded, lips pulled down.

Louis breathed heavily, his face felt like it was on fire. What the hell had just happened back there? "Oh God," he whispered as he ran a hand through his hair, feeling sick at the thought. "What if he's  _horrified_? Do you think he heard us?"

As soon as the words slithered across his lips, he let out a staggered breath, closing his eyes and sucking in fresh air through his nose, his stomach stirring and flipping. He wanted to deny the claim, but he knew that it was true. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to crawl in a hole and die. He couldn't stare into Niall's eyes ever again, and he probably couldn't either. It was one thing to be seen and another to hear moans and cries of pleasure, and Niall had witnessed both. He cringed at the thought, it was positively out of the question.

"He wouldn't be," Harry shook his head, brows furrowing. "He's not disgusted by people being gay. He wouldn't be—"

"He's gonna tell the others, isn't he?" Louis asked, and Harry deflated on the spot.

He knew that Harry wasn't worried about the boys' reaction, but of course, he'd already come out months ago. Louis, however, didn't. He'd wanted to tell the news himself, and now that had been taken away. He wished he hadn't been so adamant about no one knowing.  _It wasn't like anyone would have had a bad reaction_ , he thought.  _Zayn and Harry had both come out and the boys were okay with it_. He'd probably have had a good reaction, and now he wasn't gonna get to see it.

" _Stupid!_ " Louis smacked his palm against his forehead, feeling pain blasting through his forehead and face, dropping down next to Harry on the bed. "I'm so fucking stupid!"

"I'm sorry," Harry exhaled, biting his bottom lip.

Louis blinked at him. "Why are you sorry?"

"Because it's my fault."

"It isn't," Louis insisted. 

"It kinda is," Harry let out a humorless laugh. "I didn't tell him where I was, and when I was coming back. He got worried, and came here looking for me. I'm sorry, Lou."

Shrugging his shoulders, Louis leaned his head in his hands, letting his legs relax so his thigh was flush with Harry's. He wasn't the best with initiating physical contact, but the warmth was a comfort.  

"No one is gonna be horrified," Harry told him, turning to make eye contact—gaze imploring like he was begging Louis to believe him. "Zayn and I are out and the boys never treated us any different. They're not gonna treat you differently either."

Logically, that made sense. Louis knew that none of them were homophobic, but it was different when they'd known him as being straight and not known he was gay until now. It was  _different_.

They were gonna have to find out at some point. This might not have been ideal or anything close to it, but at least the weight of everyone finding out wasn't going to be hanging over his shoulders for much longer. 

"You're right," Louis nodded. They weren't going to be disgusted. They weren't.

Harry smiled, hesitating a little but leaning forward and pressing a light kiss to Louis' lips. After all of that, Louis wasn't really in the mood for getting back to what they'd been up to before they'd been interrupted, and it didn't seem like Harry was either.

It wasn't like he was gonna tell Harry to leave. It was still nice to just hang out.

Louis played a couple pieces he'd written, and let Harry fiddle with the keyboard. When Harry headed out a couple of hours later, Louis pulled him in for a kiss. It was chaste and somehow just as intoxicating as all the others.

"Thank you for the date," Harry wrapped his arms fully around Louis, breathing in deeply. 

Nodding against the heat of Harry's neck, Louis returned the embrace. "Thank  _you_  for coming."

When he pulled back, Harry pressed a gentle kiss to Louis' lips and then another to his forehead. He then slipped out the door and out into the cold.

The next day, Louis would have to deal with the consequences of Niall finding out his little secret. Worry simmered underneath his skin, but he allowed himself to ignore it for the moment.

Harry was right. It would be  _fine_. At least, Louis really fucking hoped it would be fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Happy holidays everybody!!
> 
> As always, I'll post new chapters whenever I feel like it.
> 
> If you want to stalk me on social media:  
> twitter - @smilleyNicky  
> tumblr - ijugu  
> Comments & feedback is always welcome.


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